What Are Your Tastes? chapter 52
I’d be wronging myself
The duck noodle shop was close to the cultural and creative district. Since Zhou Yanchuan hadn’t parked, he drove Lu Yunchu there, parked at his studio, and walked to the shop.
It had been a while since they last met, but the owner, Mr. Lu, still recognized Lu Yunchu as the friend Zhou Yanchuan had brought before and greeted him warmly.
Lu Yunchu felt a bit embarrassed, having said he’d come again but hadn’t until now.
The weather wasn’t good, so they couldn’t sit outside, but there weren’t many customers either. They found a spot inside in a corner.
“Old Lu, how’s your son’s shop doing?” Zhou Yanchuan asked, knowing that his son had opened a shop next to the theater.
“Doing well,” the old man chuckled, “there’s a lot of foot traffic there!”
“I see your place is doing well too. If you spruce it up a bit, it could be even busier.”
The shop was a bit run-down; the owner had moved in half a year ago and hadn’t renovated it.
“No need to fuss,” he waved his hand, “at my age, what’s the point of fixing it up? I’m tempted to sell the shop and enjoy my retirement!”
“You wouldn’t bear to sell it.”
“Hey,” the owner’s gaze fell on the quiet Lu Yunchu, “I meant to say last time, Xiao Zhou, your friend is really handsome.”
Lu Yunchu blushed at his words, and Zhou Yanchuan felt a bit uneasy, glancing at Lu Yunchu.
“Alright, I’ll get your food quickly,” the owner muttered, “you young people eat too late; it’s a bad habit that needs to change.”
They laughed, watching him quickly disappear behind the counter.
They ordered almost the same as last time, plus an extra portion of braised duck wings.
The shop wasn’t too busy. The sound of the gentle rain accompanied them, and the warmth of the food countered the pervasive chill.
Maybe when the rain stopped, it would start to warm up.
Before they had started eating, Zhou Yanchuan’s phone rang. The screen showed an unsaved number, but he recognized the digits a bit and frowned slightly.
The familiarity came from the previous night. He had missed a call from an unknown number and, upon checking, realized he had dialed it a few days earlier. It was the day he met Liu Qingru’s daughter, who had used his phone.
So, it should be Liu Qingru calling now.
“Hello.”
He was mentally prepared to answer Liu Qingru’s call, but it was a child’s voice on the other end: “Uncle Zhou!”
“You’re… Lingling, right?” From Liu’s mother, he had learned Liu Qingru’s daughter’s nickname.
“Yes, it’s me!” Her liveliness was no less than when they met at McDonald’s, “Uncle Zhou, I heard from Mom that you knew each other before?”
“Hello,” Zhou Yanchuan wasn’t quite sure if this call was made by accident or if it was prompted by Liu Qingru, “Is your mom there?”
“Yes, Uncle, hold on a moment.”
After some noise, the phone was handed to Liu Qingru.
“Yanchuan, I’m sorry, my daughter just randomly pressed the buttons and called you.”
“Qingru,” Zhou Yanchuan ignored her explanation, “Did you call me yesterday?”
She fell silent, and after a moment, she quietly replied, “Yanchuan, can I talk to you again? If you feel it’s unnecessary then—”
“Okay,” Zhou Yanchuan closed his eyes, “Let’s have a proper talk.”
The table in the small restaurant was also small, and Zhou Yanchuan and Lu Yunchu were very close. Lu Yunchu roughly heard the content of his call, and before he decided whether to ask, Zhou Yanchuan took the initiative to tell him, “Liu Qingru… My ex-girlfriend. She contacted me again. I plan to make things clear with her.”
At the claypot soup shop, he unconsciously revealed his thoughts to Lu Yunchu, but this time he did it intentionally.
He thought, if there was an appropriate time in the future to express his feelings, he should first let Lu Yunchu believe that he had ended his past.
However, today, Lu Yunchu did not tease him. He just tilted his head slightly and smiled faintly, “Hurry up and eat.”
Zhou Yanchuan and Liu Qingru agreed to meet at a café. She might not know that her mother had looked for him, and Zhou Yanchuan didn’t intend to tell her.
Their third meeting in ten years, Liu Qingru’s demeanor was similar to the previous two times, hesitant, sad, and helpless.
Zhou Yanchuan was much calmer, and he had long prepared what he wanted to tell her, but he needed to confirm Liu Qingru’s own thoughts.
“Yanchuan, I’m sorry, I lied to you.”
His brow furrowed slightly. The memories from ten years ago were too faint; what Liu Qingru had said to him, and which words were insincere… his mind was momentarily confused.
The conversation paused slightly. He tried to recall, and only then did he manage to bring up a vague memory.
Was it the last meeting?
When Liu Qingru told him about her decision to marry another man, Zhou Yanchuan asked two questions: “Is he good to you?”
“Yes, very good.”
“Are you happy?”
“Happy,” she said, “I think I really fell in love with him.”
At that time, Zhou Yanchuan had suspected that Liu Qingru said this on purpose to make him give up, but believing her words made him feel less sad.
Feelings can be cultivated, and if she had to repay that man through marriage, Zhou Yanchuan would rather see her truly fall in love with him and live a loving life.
“I told you I was happy,” today, sitting opposite him, she still didn’t dare to look him in the eye, “But I wasn’t happy for a single day. I wronged you and him. My marriage… was a mistake from the beginning.”
Liu Qingru avoided his gaze, her hands repeatedly clenching and unclenching on the table. Zhou Yanchuan watched her intently and seemed to sigh with understanding.
“Qingru,” he said seriously, “you shouldn’t have made a choice out of grievance.”
He couldn’t bear to be too blunt. Making choices out of grievance was merely self-pity, unfair to someone who was sincerely invested.
Her husband didn’t force her to marry. Zhou Yanchuan had worked harder, wanting to repay that man as soon as possible, but Liu Qingru chose the most direct path herself, cutting off the future they might have had.
“Can you never forgive me?” she asked hesitantly.
“This isn’t about forgiveness. I never blamed you,” Zhou Yanchuan said, “but if I chose you out of old feelings today, I’d be wronging myself.”
Liu Qingru looked up blankly, as if she didn’t understand his words.
Zhou Yanchuan believed her pain and regret were genuine, but he hadn’t caused them.
He had his own selfish desires and wanted to freely choose the life he loved. Why should he take on someone else’s mistakes?
“My feelings for you are gone and can’t come back, and I’ve met someone I like.” Though he wasn’t sure if Lu Yunchu could like him back, if he ignored his current feelings, he would regret it in the future, just like Liu Qingru today.
“You have someone you like…” Liu Qingru’s focus was on these words. “But why? I heard you never married, and you still live in Blue Bay, the house we wanted to buy. How can you have moved on…”
Zhou Yanchuan felt she still didn’t understand his point. Whether there was Lu Yunchu or not, his decision wouldn’t change. He lived in that house because he was used to it, and he hadn’t married because he hadn’t met the right person yet.
He agreed to the meeting to help Liu Qingru move on, but it seemed ineffective.
He was powerless and didn’t want to struggle anymore. When someone is stubborn, more explanations might make them less able to understand.
“Let’s end it here,” he said, “I won’t block your number, but I have my own life. I don’t want to be disturbed anymore.”
The implication was clear, he wouldn’t block her as long as she didn’t contact him again.
“Take care.”
Zhou Yanchuan knew Liu Qingru cried when he turned away, but he still left, drawing a final line under everything.
Feelings are so self-centered, so unreasonable. When they were together, even a slight frown from her would attract his concerned gaze.
Now there was nothing. Watching her cry, Zhou Yanchuan felt only a trace of awkwardness.
Was he too cold-hearted?
It was only now that he truly understood why he could so effortlessly embrace Lu Yunchu that night.
Because caring means accepting the other’s sorrow and pain as well.