Try Again chapter 35

Think About It

While waiting for the elevator downstairs, Ji Minglun felt a tap on his shoulder, and a slightly hoarse voice called from behind, “Back already?”

He didn’t need to look back to know it was his neighbor, Su Yan.

Deng Yi’s words still echoed in his ears. He didn’t feel like talking, so he simply responded with a soft “Mm.”

Seeing that he didn’t turn around, Su Yan walked over to his side and studied him for a moment. “Did you get tanned, or did someone annoy you?”

Glancing at Su Yan’s face, Ji Minglun said, “I got tanned.”

Su Yan stifled a laugh and waved the red gift bag he was holding. “Want some sushi? Ji Qian just brought it over. The sea urchin is really fresh.”

The elevator door opened, and a few neighbors stepped out. Ji Minglun pressed the door open button, letting Su Yan in first before saying, “I’m a bit tired. I’ll pass.”

Su Yan leaned against the elevator wall while Ji Minglun stood with his back to him. The elevator ascended quickly and opened on the 28th floor. Su Yan followed him out. As Ji Minglun turned left, Su Yan asked again, “Did something go wrong on your trip?”

Ji Minglun paused, not particularly wanting to see Su Yan’s face at the moment, but the question reminded him of something else.

Letting go of his suitcase, he turned around and said, “I want to ask you something personal. If you don’t want to answer, just pretend I never asked.”

Su Yan nodded. “Go ahead.”

“When did you first realize your sexual orientation?”

After thinking for a moment, Su Yan replied, “I can’t remember exactly, but I’ve never been interested in girls. They don’t do anything for me.”

Ji Minglun nodded and, as he turned away, Su Yan asked, “What’s up with you today? You’re acting weird.”

With his left hand back in his pocket, Ji Minglun dragged his suitcase towards his door. “Nothing, I’m just tired and want to sleep.”

Once inside, he left his suitcase by the entryway and went to the kitchen to drink two glasses of water. The feeling of dryness in his throat subsided, but his exhaustion only grew stronger.

He took a shower, came out, and didn’t even check his phone on the table. He went straight to bed.

He wasn’t really tired, just inexplicably weary and unwilling to move. His mind was foggy, and he fell asleep without realizing it. But the sleep wasn’t restful, and soon he was jolted awake by a nightmare.

In the dream, Jiang Lin and Deng Feng were sitting by the sea at dusk. Their hands, resting beside them, quietly entwined. Deng Feng whispered something to Jiang Lin, who turned to look at him. Then, from an angle no one else could see, they leaned in to kiss.

When Ji Minglun opened his eyes, he sat up in bed, grabbing a tissue from the bedside table to wipe the sweat from his neck. Moonlight filtered through the floor-to-ceiling windows, and the only sound in the room was the faint hum of the air conditioner.

Staring at that beam of silver-white light, he remembered how Jiang Lin had smiled gently at Deng Feng in his dreams.

Even though it was just a dream, could it be possible that, somewhere unknown to him, Jiang Lin also smiled at Deng Feng like that? Could it be that, without his knowledge, Jiang Lin and Deng Feng had already developed feelings for each other? Deng Feng was a cautious person, and Jiang Lin was reserved. If they didn’t want to make their relationship public, they might very well have kept it hidden from him as well.

Running his hand through his bangs, Deng Yi’s words escaped uncontrollably.

When he first heard it, he didn’t want to believe it and even considered immediately calling Jiang Lin to ask for clarification.

But the moment he dialed the number, he suddenly hung up.

How was he supposed to ask?

Should he ask Jiang Lin if he had gotten together with Deng Feng? Or ask if all the compromises and kindnesses Jiang Lin had shown since coming back were just for the sake of being friends again?

Or should he ask when his sexual orientation had changed?

Back then, when he confessed to Jiang Lin, he had done so with a sense of gambling, but also because he felt Jiang Lin relied on him and that he held a special place in Jiang Lin’s heart.

Could something have happened in Los Angeles that made Jiang Lin develop feelings for the same sex? And because he could understand Jiang Lin’s feelings at the time, he came back to apologize and make amends. But he misunderstood the gesture, selfishly fantasizing once more that he had a chance with Jiang Lin, thinking the bracelet was a birthday gift Jiang Lin had owed him.

He also hoped that the bracelet being in Deng Feng’s possession was just a misunderstanding. But what if it wasn’t?

Was he supposed to smile and bless them?

A dull ache began in his temples. He stood up, went to the living room, and grabbed his phone. As soon as he unlocked it, he saw that Jiang Lin had called twice and sent two WeChat messages.

[Did you get home?]

[Did you fall asleep because you were too tired?]

The second message had been sent over half an hour ago. Staring at Jiang Lin’s profile picture, he eventually pressed the lock button, went to the fridge, grabbed a few beers, sat on the balcony drinking, and then went back to sleep until he was awakened by the sound of the doorbell.

When he walked into the living room, he glanced at the clock on the wall. It was already noon. When he saw who was standing outside through the peephole, his fingers, gripping the doorknob, tightened, then relaxed.

He wasn’t ready to face Jiang Lin. If he opened the door now, he wouldn’t even know what expression to put on.

…

The doorbell rang for a while, but no one answered. Jiang Lin called Ji Minglun, but the phone rang until it cut off, with no answer. Frowning, he started to worry about him.

Ji Minglun had been in a low mood all day yesterday. After returning, he hadn’t contacted him, and even the calls and WeChat messages he sent had vanished into the void. This morning, when he called Deng Feng, Deng Feng said he hadn’t been in touch with Ji Minglun, but he had dropped him off at the building last night, so Ji Minglun was probably just too tired and still sleeping.

Deng Feng then asked why he was looking for Ji Minglun. Anxious, Jiang Lin made up a lie, saying he had accidentally left something in Ji Minglun’s backpack.

Deng Feng asked what it was, and offered to retrieve it for him if it was urgent. He said it wasn’t necessary and that he could get it next time. Deng Feng then asked how he had rested the previous night and suggested he take a couple of days off if he was feeling tired before coming back to the café.

After thanking Deng Feng for his concern, Jiang Lin put down the phone and went to Ji Minglun’s place. Unfortunately, he waited outside for a long time, but Ji Minglun didn’t open the door. Thinking he might be at the café, he headed over to “Chaka.”

At this time of day, “Chaka” had just opened not long ago, and only Zhu Zhu was there preparing orders. Seeing him, Zhu Zhu asked about any fun things that had happened during their trip.

He helped clean while chatting idly with Zhu Zhu, occasionally glancing at the door. At five in the afternoon, Deng Feng arrived at the café, surprised to see him there.

He explained that he had come to the area to shop and, seeing only Zhu Zhu in the café, decided to come in. It was rush hour by then, so Deng Feng changed into an apron and started helping out. By the time they closed that evening, Ji Minglun still hadn’t shown up, but at 8:30 PM, Ji Minglun texted him back, saying he’d had a lot to catch up on since returning and had spent the entire day at school.

Jiang Lin replied: [Have you finished up yet? Do you have time for a late-night snack?]

Holding his phone and waiting for a long time, Ji Minglun still didn’t reply. Unable to hold back any longer, Jiang Lin called him after getting back to his car.

The first time, no one answered. After a few minutes, he tried again, and Ji Minglun picked up. There was a lot of background noise, and he could hear something repeatedly hitting the ground with a “thump, thump” sound—probably in a gym.

Breathing heavily, Ji Minglun answered while saying something to his teammates. Jiang Lin figured he was busy and asked, “Are you held up tonight?”

“Hmm, there’s still a lot to do at school. I’m really busy.”

Perhaps because of the intense exercise, Ji Minglun’s voice was noticeably hoarse. After explaining, he spoke again to someone playing basketball. Hearing the impatience in his voice, Jiang Lin realized he’d probably answered in the middle of the game and said, “Alright, you get back to it.”

He paused for a moment, about to ask if they could have dinner tomorrow, but before he could speak, Ji Minglun cut him off with a quick “Okay” and then the call ended.

Jiang Lin put down his phone, staring at the screen that had returned to the call log, feeling uneasy.

Why was Ji Minglun suddenly becoming distant?

Or was he overthinking it?

….

After a night’s sleep, Jiang Lin went to the café as usual the next day.

The entire day passed, and he still didn’t see Ji Minglun. At dinner, he couldn’t help but ask Zhu Zhu why Ji Minglun hadn’t come by recently. Chewing on a rib, Zhu Zhu said it wasn’t unusual. Ji Minglun sometimes didn’t come by for a week. The fact that he’d been coming so often last month had actually been the strangest thing.

Taking a bite of rice, Jiang Lin knew that Ji Minglun had come frequently last month because of him. Perhaps after being away for a few days, Ji Minglun really had a lot of things to catch up on.

Jiang Lin tried to reassure himself, but a sense of unease lingered. Over the past couple of days, Ji Minglun’s replies to his messages had been slow, and there was always a coldness in his words.

Even if he had been too busy to reply during the day, why were his messages at night always so brief, with only one or two words?

He opened the shopping app and saw that the bracelet he had ordered from overseas had already passed through customs and would arrive in five or six days. He had planned to express his feelings to Ji Minglun while celebrating his birthday, and had already chosen a cake and reserved a private room at a Western restaurant with the best view of the Twin Towers.

Everything was arranged, but now with Ji Minglun acting like this, he was feeling uncertain.

Would his confession not only fail to bring them together but also ruin their friendship?

That night, he kept waking up from restless dreams that he couldn’t clearly remember. When he went to the café at noon, he was distracted. In the afternoon, Deng Yi came by and after greeting Zhu Zhu and Xiao Xu, she gave them an invitation.

He was busy with orders and didn’t notice when Deng Yi arrived or left. It wasn’t until later when he overheard Zhu Zhu and Xiao Xu talking about the birthday party the day after tomorrow that he realized Deng Yi was having a birthday soon.

Seeing his lack of reaction, Zhu Zhu asked if he had received the invitation beforehand, as Deng Yi hadn’t given him one. He wasn’t interested and just brushed it off.

In the evening, near closing time, Deng Feng came to the café, wearing a white shirt and casual trousers he wouldn’t usually wear, his hair carefully styled, looking radiant.

Smelling the cedarwood cologne on Deng Feng, Zhu Zhu teased him about having a date. Deng Feng walked straight to Jiang Lin and asked if he had time to go somewhere with him, as there was something he wanted to say.

Jiang Lin, planning to visit Ji Minglun’s apartment after work, declined, but Deng Feng insisted it would only take about ten minutes, so Jiang Lin agreed.

Outside, Deng Feng told him to get into his car. As Jiang Lin asked what was going on, Deng Feng looked across at a row of stores and took a silver bracelet from his pocket.

“This is the bracelet you liked during the trip. You didn’t buy it at the time, so I did.”

Under the dim light from the nearby stores, Jiang Lin saw the bracelet and exclaimed, “No wonder they told me it was out of stock when I went back. So you bought it.”

Deng Feng handed him the bracelet. “It’s yours. Take it.”

Jiang Lin hesitated and pushed it back, saying, “I don’t need it. I bought one already.”

“You bought another one?” Deng Feng repeated, then smiled helplessly. “What a coincidence. But since I already bought it, it’d be a shame to throw it away if you don’t accept it.”

Jiang Lin hadn’t expected such an awkward situation and tried to explain, “It wasn’t that I couldn’t afford it at the time. Thanks for the gesture, but next time don’t do this. I’ll take the bracelet, but let me transfer you the money.”

Jiang Lin took the bracelet and tried to transfer the money to Deng Feng, but Deng Feng refused twice. Seeing Jiang Lin still didn’t get his meaning, Deng Feng sighed and gently reminded him, “You know my sexual orientation, right?”

Deng Feng’s orientation wasn’t a secret at the café, and Jiang Lin was aware, but he had always been focused on Ji Minglun and never thought there would be any issue interacting with other men. He hadn’t paid it any mind until now, when Deng Feng looked straight at him, and even in the dim light, he could see the emotions Deng Feng was no longer hiding.

Raising an eyebrow, Deng Feng said, “This is the first time I’ve been this nervous about giving a gift.”

If Jiang Lin had been unsure before, Deng Feng’s last words made things unmistakably clear. Shocked that Deng Feng had feelings for him, Jiang Lin quickly shoved the bracelet back into Deng Feng’s hand, opened the car door, and said, “I have something to do, I’m leaving.”

“Jiang Lin!” Deng Feng called after him, seeing him hurry away. He quickly got out of the car to chase him, explaining, “I won’t force you. I just wanted to let you know how I feel. If you think now isn’t the right time, we can still be friends. I just don’t want this to make you avoid me.”

Jiang Lin stood there, his mind a mess, staring at the short distance between them. He heard Deng Feng say, “I’ve been hesitating for a while, too. At first, I wasn’t sure about your orientation, but after observing you, I thought maybe you could accept it. I wanted to try, and since you’re going back to Los Angeles in a few weeks, I didn’t want to leave things unresolved.”

Jiang Lin still couldn’t say a word, his fists clenched tightly at his sides, his shoulders visibly trembling. Deng Feng understood he needed time to think and stepped back, saying, “You can go now. But I hope you seriously consider what I said.”

Jiang Lin got into his car without looking back. He leaned against the steering wheel for a long time, trying to calm down.

Everything had happened so suddenly, and he hadn’t been able to outright reject Deng Feng. But how could this be? How could Deng Feng develop feelings for him and even buy the bracelet he had planned to give Ji Minglun? Even though he had ordered the same bracelet through overseas shopping, in this situation, giving it to Ji Minglun now would only cause unnecessary misunderstandings.

Frustrated, Jiang Lin opened the shopping app, intending to return the bracelet and choose another. But midway through the process, he remembered Ji Minglun’s recent cold attitude toward him.

Could it be that Ji Minglun saw the bracelet at the café and heard from Deng Feng that he was interested in him? Was that why he had been distant lately?

With this possibility in mind, Jiang Lin forgot about returning the bracelet and immediately drove to Ji Minglun’s apartment. Not seeing Ji Minglun’s car in the garage, he went upstairs and rang the doorbell for a long time with no answer. His calls went straight to voicemail.

He sat in the hallway until midnight, then returned to his car to wait, dozing off twice, only to be awakened by the sound of engines nearby, but none belonged to Ji Minglun.

..

By noon the next day, Ji Minglun’s phone was still off, and he hadn’t responded to WeChat. Now Jiang Lin was panicking. Ji Minglun had never disappeared like this without letting him know. He must have heard something from Deng Feng and misunderstood about the bracelet.

In the afternoon, he reluctantly went to the café, but even by closing time, he still hadn’t seen Ji Minglun, and Deng Feng hadn’t come either. After work, he waited downstairs at Ji Minglun’s place. By the time the sun rose the next morning, he was so dizzy that he felt nauseous. Realizing he couldn’t go on like this, he decided to find Deng Feng for answers. Then, he saw Zhu Zhu in the café’s WeChat group, saying she’d be a bit late to the hotel and @mentioned Deng Yi.

These past few days, his mind had been entirely on Ji Minglun, and he had completely forgotten that that day was Deng Yi’s birthday. Given Ji Minglun and Deng Yi’s relationship, he should be attending the event. He hurriedly called Zhu Zhu, got the details of the party, and went home to shower and rest before heading to Fantawild Adventure Park in the afternoon.