Try Again chapter 22

Still There is Love and Desire

The night concealed not only Jiang Lin’s nervous expression but also hid his flushed cheeks and earlobes. Seizing the opportunity while Ji Minglun couldn’t see clearly, he secretly raised his eyes, hoping to hear Ji Minglun’s consent.

The curtains by the floor-to-ceiling window were drawn, and the sound of the wind and rain outside was much less than last night. After a brief moment of unclear vision, the notebook screen lit up again, illuminating both of their faces. Jiang Lin immediately lowered his head, but he was still seen by Ji Minglun, who noticed the eager expectation in his eyes.

Staring at Ji Minglun’s feet, Jiang Lin waited for a while but didn’t receive a response, making it clear that this proposal made Ji Minglun uneasy.

Supporting himself on the floor, he picked up the plate and beer can, walked around Ji Minglun, and headed outside.

In the kitchen, he dumped the cheesecake that had only been touched twice into the trash, turned on the faucet to rinse the plate. His emotions plummeted with the water flow, soon becoming so painful that even breathing felt like a burn. Yet he had to maintain a façade of indifference. After cleaning up, he leaned against the sink for a moment, and when he was about to wash up, he noticed Ji Minglun taking the pillows and blanket from the sofa into the next bedroom.

He froze in place, watching as Ji Minglun pulled the pillow from the bed to the outer side, placed his own pillow inside, and shook out the blanket to spread it nicely.

After entering the bathroom and closing the door, Jiang Lin leaned against the door and took a long time to regain his composure.

His emotions felt like a roller coaster, soaring from the depths to the heights. While brushing his teeth, he glanced at his reflection in the mirror. Even after washing his face, the smile wouldn’t fade away, so he had to linger for a while before coming out.

Ji Minglun had already turned off the lights and lay down, leaving a small bedside lamp on for him.

He put his phone on silent and quietly closed the door. He didn’t even know why he was being so careful; Ji Minglun had his eyes closed, but he definitely wouldn’t fall asleep that quickly.

Standing in front of the carpet, he took off his slippers next to Ji Minglun’s and walked barefoot across the carpet to the bed. As he had done in the past, he first turned off the bedside lamp, then stepped over Ji Minglun and lay down on the inside.

Ji Minglun lay flat, covered with a thin air conditioning blanket, completely still. After Jiang Lin lay down, Ji Minglun didn’t react, as if he was truly asleep.

Guessing that Ji Minglun might be doing this to avoid awkwardness and discomfort, Jiang Lin’s mood dropped again. Listening to the soft sound of rain outside the window, he realized that the typhoon would probably pass by morning, and then Ji Minglun would have to leave.

Although they still had interactions at the café, thinking about these two days and nights together made him reluctant to part, even giving rise to the absurd thought of not wanting the typhoon to end.

After lying in bed for over an hour, Jiang Lin kept listening to Ji Minglun’s breathing. From a normal rhythm to gradually becoming elongated, and then to a slight snore. Guessing that Ji Minglun had likely fallen asleep, Jiang Lin finally turned over to face him, secretly observing Ji Minglun’s sleeping face.

They had grown up together, having shared a bed countless times since kindergarten. He had seen Ji Minglun’s sleeping face countless times, yet none had made him gaze so intently and for so long as tonight.

Moonlight slowly flowed across the floor by the window, while his gaze lingered on the familiar features of the person before him. Though they were as familiar as could be, the different state of mind brought entirely different feelings.

If he had had the awareness he has now a year ago, perhaps on the night Ji Minglun confessed, they would have lost control.

Unfortunately, he had ultimately missed that opportunity. Now Ji Minglun had moved on, and even while sharing a bed, there was no reaction from him. Ji Minglun even pretended to sleep to avoid unnecessary contact.

His fingers, resting beside him, moved slightly. Just a few inches away was Ji Minglun’s hand. He stared at Ji Minglun’s profile, quietly reaching out his hand. He first pressed his thumb against Ji Minglun’s pinky, then stretched his index finger over to hook the end of Ji Minglun’s pinky.

This minuscule action was done with great caution, fearing that Ji Minglun would wake up and pull away.

However, the person being held really was asleep, completely unaware even when Jiang Lin held his entire hand. It wasn’t until Jiang Lin could no longer resist sleep that their intertwined hands slowly loosened.

A night of drizzling rain passed, and the next morning, Ji Minglun woke up naturally.

The day before, he hadn’t slept well all night. Last night, even with Jiang Lin beside him, he forced himself to stop overthinking and focused on falling asleep. Unexpectedly, he really fell asleep. However, looking at how he woke up, his feelings became complicated.

Though it wasn’t winter, Jiang Lin had rolled into his embrace, one leg draped over his thigh, and the parts of him that reacted were pressed tightly against him, giving plenty of room for imagination.

Turning to look at that face resting on his shoulder, he really felt an urge to pin Jiang Lin down and kiss him again, wanting to abandon all restraint and make Jiang Lin aware of his feelings, letting him know where to draw the line and maintain distance.

Unfortunately, despite his thoughts, the kiss from a year ago still lingered with repercussions. Now, just thinking about it still caused him pain, though it was different from the pain then; now it was a throbbing ache.

The right hand, which wasn’t restrained, reached down, gently lifted Jiang Lin’s left leg, and set it down. As Ji Minglun got up, he couldn’t help but glance at Jiang Lin’s private area.

The last time he saw Jiang Lin without any clothes was back in middle school; he didn’t even know what Jiang Lin looked like now.

Realizing that he was indulging in thoughts he shouldn’t have, Ji Minglun felt like slapping himself. He carefully got out of bed, quickly walked out of the bedroom, closed the door, and entered the bathroom.

After splashing cold water on his face a few times, he looked at his somewhat disheveled reflection in the mirror, thought better of it, took off his pajama pants, and stood under the shower.

Unable to vent his desires at Jiang Lin’s house, he could only use the cold water to douse the flames. Unfortunately, the impulse that had been stirred up over the past two mornings wasn’t so easily extinguished. It wasn’t until the cold water gave him goosebumps that he finally calmed down, sneezing as he turned off the water.

When he stepped out, a figure by the door suddenly came into view.

He didn’t know when Jiang Lin had gotten up or how long he had been standing there. For a moment, Ji Minglun felt guilty, but luckily, he hadn’t done anything.

Jiang Lin asked, “Why are you showering as soon as you wake up?”

“I was sweating.”

Ji Minglun casually made up an excuse, bypassing Jiang Lin to head into the kitchen for a glass of water. After finishing a cup of hot water, he finally heard the sound of the bathroom door closing.

Letting out a sigh of relief, Ji Minglun walked to the living room and glanced at the wall clock.

It was already past nine o’clock. The tips of the phoenix tree swayed in the wind, but the rain had stopped.

He went to the balcony to collect the nearly dry underwear and found a T-shirt and sweatpants he had left here in the wardrobe. After changing, he grabbed his phone and wallet, walked to the bathroom door, and said, “I’m leaving now.”

As soon as he finished speaking, the closed door swung open. Jiang Lin, with an electric toothbrush still in his mouth, had toothpaste foam around his upper lip.

Ji Minglun said, “You don’t have to see me off; just keep brushing.”

After spitting out the toothpaste foam in the sink, Jiang Lin rinsed his mouth and came out, asking, “Why are you leaving without breakfast?”

“Hmm, I have something to do. If I don’t leave now, I’ll be late.”

As he slipped his heels into his sneakers, Ji Minglun straightened up to open the door. Jiang Lin then said, “Minglun, thank you for the past few days.”

Holding the doorknob, Ji Minglun turned back and gave him a slight smile: “I’m off.”

Without waiting for Jiang Lin to say goodbye, Ji Minglun stepped out of the house. Jiang Lin leaned against the door frame, watching him walk down the stairs, not looking up as he turned the corner and left.

Striding back to the car, Ji Minglun buckled his seatbelt and started the engine, driving away almost without stopping. It wasn’t until he turned out of the community gate that he glanced in the rearview mirror, resting his head against the headrest with a sigh of relief.

He hadn’t expected to stay so long when he came, nor did he think his relationship with Jiang Lin could ease to such an extent. Most importantly, he had overestimated himself.

On the way back, he finished the remaining few cigarettes. Approaching the community, he saw someone walking on the sidewalk carrying three heavy bags, so he drove over, lowered the window, and asked, “Why are you carrying so much by yourself?”

Seeing it was him, Su Yan, with a glum face, replied, “Hurry and give me a ride; the driver from earlier stalled at the corner, and it’s really going to kill me.”

Ji Minglun unlocked the car door. Su Yan stuffed the bags into the back seat and hopped into the passenger seat, shaking his hands.

Noticing Su Yan’s slender fingers were red and swollen from the pressure, Ji Minglun thought of Jiang Lin’s hands and wondered if the repeated eczema flare-ups would cause any issues.

“You came back this early; you weren’t home last night?”

Su Yan’s question interrupted Ji Minglun’s thoughts, and he drove forward, “Yeah, I was at a friend’s place last night.”

Su Yan tilted his head to look at him. Seeing his serious expression, he realized it wasn’t what he had thought. Buckling his seatbelt, he said, “Stop at the express cabinet; I need to pick up a package.”

Remembering he had a package to pick up too, Ji Minglun sent Su Yan the pickup code. After Su Yan retrieved it, he discovered it was the bracelet he had sent back for repair.

The package was marked with the brand’s logo, and Su Yan asked, “What’s this?”

Placing the package behind the center console, Ji Minglun lowered the handbrake and drove into the parking garage, “The clasp on my old bracelet broke, so I sent it in for repair.”

“Is it the one your sister gave you?”

That question reminded Ji Minglun of when he first met Su Yan. Su Yan had only talked to him because he liked this bracelet.

The bracelet was a birthday gift from Jiang Lin two years ago, and he hadn’t taken it off since. Later, when Jiang Lin went to Los Angeles, he coincidentally encountered Su Yan, who bore a resemblance to Jiang Lin in both looks and temperament. At that time, Su Yan had immediately noticed his bracelet and asked where he bought it. Not wanting to mention Jiang Lin, he lied and said it was a gift from his sister.

“Yeah.”

Without further explanation on the matter, Ji Minglun parked the car in the garage and helped Su Yan bring the supermarket bags upstairs. While in the elevator, he asked why Ji Qian didn’t accompany Su Yan to the supermarket. Su Yan said Ji Qian had worked overtime all night yesterday, wanting him to get some more sleep.

That made Ji Minglun recall how he had spent time with Jiang Lin in a similar way.

Back then, they were just good friends, but the line between good friends and lovers was always blurred, often just a step forward or a step back.

After placing the bags at Su Yan’s door, Ji Minglun turned to enter his own apartment. As he took off his shoes in the entrance, he opened the right-side cabinet above and retrieved a black drawstring bag.

Untying the drawstring, he found two pairs of cartoon-patterned slippers inside, one with a black base featuring a Labrador and the other a brown base with a Corgi.

These were the slippers Jiang Lin had used before he went to Los Angeles. The black ones were his, and he remembered there were several dog patterns when they bought them. Jiang Lin chose the Labrador, saying it resembled him: friendly and clingy.

After placing the slippers back inside, Ji Minglun walked to the coffee table and opened the package. The repaired bracelet lay quietly on the black velvet cloth, its clasp replaced. It looked the same as before, but only he knew that this bracelet was different from how it once was.

Just like his relationship with Jiang Lin, even if they slowly mended it, there would still be secrets that cannot be revealed—

He still has love and desire for his best friend.