Try Again chapter 17
Help Me Out
Even after getting into the car, Jiang Lin still hadn’t fully processed everything.
When Ji Minglun said the dreamcatcher was gone, he immediately wanted to go downstairs to look for it. But then Ji Minglun’s words reminded him that it had long outlived its relevance, just like Ji Minglun’s feelings for him, which had gradually faded over the year he’d been gone.
Even though he nearly blurted out his feelings, when he met Ji Minglun’s calm and emotionless gaze, he realized—what if Ji Minglun no longer loved him? If he confessed, would the outcome be like before, where they wouldn’t even be able to remain friends?
Letting go of this relationship was something he had predicted from the start, but when it was confirmed, it felt like a hand was gripping his heart, squeezing with every beat, making it hard to breathe. He could barely hold it together.
After leaning back on the headrest for a long time, Jiang Lin finally found the strength to drive back home.
After leaving the underground parking lot, the wind on the ground was stronger than the night before, rustling the landscape plants in the green belt. As he drove past the Yanwu Bridge area, the view opened up. The thick clouds on the horizon were visibly rolling due to the typhoon, and the sea was constantly stirred by the wind. Despite the beauty of the seascape, he felt no relaxation at all.
When he got home, he headed to the bathroom to shower. As he squeezed out the shampoo, the scent of that person enveloped him again. But this time, he could no longer feel the secret fluttering in his heart or the sensation of being embraced.
The smell, like poison, seeped into his lungs with each breath, making his chest ache and reminding him of the scenes from this morning.
Even though Ji Minglun approached him with a reconciliatory attitude, it made him even more uncomfortable. In fact, he would rather Ji Minglun resist him and avoid him like before, rather than hear him say, like a final judgment, that he had let go and moved on.
He had to go to work at [Chaka] in the afternoon, but after the shower, he felt no energy at all, so he messaged Deng Feng to ask for a day off. Lying on his bed, he turned off his phone, hid his head under the pillow, and drifted into a hazy sleep.
He woke up once in the evening. The sunset that day hadn’t been affected by the typhoon, its brilliant light pierced through the floor-to-ceiling curtains, casting a soft and charming orange-red glow over the room.
This bright sunset stirred up an old memory. In his third year of high school, he and Ji Minglun had sneaked off to Wuyi Mountain for a night about a month before the college entrance exams.
It was Ji Minglun’s idea to go see the sunrise. He didn’t have any special feelings toward sunrises or sunsets, but Ji Minglun had worn him down with his persistence. He also mentioned that the destination was a hill behind a temple, and if they could see the sunrise, they could make a wish to pass the exam.
Both of their grades were good enough that they didn’t have to worry about the exam, but after a year of intense studying, he was indeed feeling fatigued, so he agreed to the weekend trip.
At the time, Ji Minglun had just turned 18. He borrowed a car from a friend and drove them to Wuyi Mountain. They found a hotel near the scenic area and stayed there for the night. At 3:30 a.m. the next day, Ji Minglun dragged him out to chase the sunrise.
He was so sleepy that he could barely keep his eyes open, yet he still managed to fall asleep in the car as it bumped along the winding mountain roads. When they finally arrived, they realized the place wasn’t developed for tourism at all. Apart from two dim street lamps near the parking area, the surrounding mountains were pitch black, and only the beam from Ji Minglun’s flashlight illuminated their path.
Half-awake, he was coaxed out of the car by Ji Minglun, following him up the winding mountain trail. The mountains were silent under the night sky, and apart from their voices, there wasn’t a soul in sight. At first, he felt uneasy, but after walking for about ten minutes up the mountain, he looked up at the vast sky and suddenly realized the significance of the trip.
Whether or not they would see the sunrise, at least the starry sky before them did not disappoint him.
Ji Minglun stood beside him, gazing upward as well. What he said at that moment, he couldn’t remember, but he did recall that after they climbed to the top and waited for the sunrise, Ji Minglun put his arm around his shoulder and smiled, asking if it had been worth it.
Looking at the sun scattering golden rays across the other side of the mountain, and at the Nine-Bend Stream that snaked through the valley below like a jade ribbon, he smiled and said it was absolutely worth it. Ji Minglun laughed with him. In the end, they didn’t make any wishes, only realizing it when they reached the entrance of Baiyun Temple on their way back.
Time tends to cover old memories in dust, but this one remained vivid, because he had recalled it not long ago.
Before returning to Xiamen, he had once gone to Baiyun Temple alone to watch the sunrise. For five consecutive mornings, he waited, and on the last day, he finally saw the radiant dawn. Silently, he made a wish in his heart.
He wished there was still time.
He wished he still had a chance.
Staring at the sunlight for too long, his vision blurred. He closed his eyes again and slept until 10 p.m.
After turning on his phone, he leaned against the headboard and opened WeChat. There was a message from Deng Feng confirming his morning leave, the middle school class prefect confirming the location of their reunion, and some other trivial messages. As for the one person he had pinned to the top, there was only silence.
He went to the kitchen to warm up some milk, but his stomach started to ache as he drank it. He remembered that he had only eaten breakfast that day, so he cooked some instant noodles to fill up. As he sat down to eat, he received a message from Lu Zhe about a sale at the duty-free mall.
“Tomorrow I’m going to the duty-free shop in Kowloon. Let me know if you need anything, and I’ll get it for you.”
He wasn’t in the mood for it now, so he replied, “No thanks.”
Lu Zhe then asked, “How are things these days? Any progress with him?”
Jiang Lin had originally wanted to process his negative emotions alone, but just one sentence of concern from Lu Zhe brought all those feelings rushing back. Before he could stop it, his emotions hit rock bottom.
The fragrant bowl of instant noodles suddenly lost all its appeal. He pushed it to the middle of the table and, after a pause, replied: “It’s probably over.”
After sending the message, he took the pot back to the kitchen, intending to throw the noodles away and wash the dishes, but then Lu Zhe called.
Wiping the water off his hands, he brought the phone to his ear and heard Lu Zhe ask, “What happened? Weren’t things fine just a few days ago?”
Leaning against the cold wall tiles, he looked at the row of cupboards across from him, which had faded from white to beige. After a moment of silence, he said, “Nothing really happened. Today, he told me he doesn’t want to talk about the past anymore and that he’d like to continue being friends.”
“Did he say this all of a sudden?” Lu Zhe asked in confusion. “What’s happened over the past few days? Tell me, and I’ll help you figure it out.”
Jiang Lin sat back down by the sofa in the living room and began recounting the recent events involving Ji Minglun. When he mentioned the part where he couldn’t stop hiccuping, Lu Zhe felt something was off, but he held back his comments. After hearing about last night’s conversation, Lu Zhe said confidently, “Lin, don’t you think he’s still being very accommodating to you? Even if his attitude isn’t the best, he’s basically agreeing to everything you say.”
Jiang Lin stared at the few English books on the coffee table, his left hand, which rested on his thigh, clutching the fabric of his pajama pants tightly.
He didn’t respond, so Lu Zhe continued, “And about that dreamcatcher—he kept it hanging for more than a year after you left without taking it down. But now that he’s decided to just be friends with you, he threw it away?”
“Have you considered that maybe he’s only doing this because he’s letting go of his emotional baggage? The fact that he’s willing to stay friends means you still have a chance.”
After Lu Zhe finished speaking, Jiang Lin fell into an even longer silence.
He leaned back into the sofa, the curtain brushing past his head, blocking most of the light from the room. He stared at the gloomy sky outside. The clothes hanging from the window of the upstairs neighbor’s apartment swayed in the strong wind, much like his own current sense of helplessness.
“Lin?” Lu Zhe called his name.
Jiang Lin pushed the curtain aside with his hand, letting the light brighten the room again. “I’m listening.”
“We talked about this before you came back—this isn’t going to be easy. Now that you’ve taken this step, unless he personally rejects you, or completely cuts ties like you did with him before, it’s not over.”
With a sigh in his heart, Jiang Lin said, “I know. Let me think about it some more.”
“Alright,” Lu Zhe replied straightforwardly. “Don’t overthink it. The more you worry about feelings, the harder it becomes to move forward. Don’t forget, I’m an example of that.”
Jiang Lin nodded, not wanting to affect Lu Zhe’s mood with his own. He changed the subject, and after chatting a bit more, Lu Zhe ended the call. Jiang Lin lay back down on the sofa. The world returned to silence as he pondered Lu Zhe’s analysis and recalled all of Ji Minglun’s behaviors since he returned to the country. The cloud of doubt hanging over his heart slowly started to lift.
Maybe Lu Zhe was right. Ji Minglun had just let go of his internal conflict. Even if he didn’t have romantic feelings anymore, that didn’t mean he had no feelings for him at all.
The next morning, Jiang Lin woke up and, as usual, checked if Ji Minglun had sent any messages. Instead, he saw a notification from Deng Feng: there would be a typhoon in the next two days, so the café would be closed, and Deng Feng reminded him to stay safe.
Jiang Lin replied with a “Got it,” then lingered on Ji Minglun’s profile picture for a moment before getting out of bed and pulling open the curtains.
The typhoon wouldn’t make landfall until after midnight, but it was already raining outside. Heavy clouds filled the sky, oppressive to look at.
He hadn’t contacted Ji Minglun since coming back yesterday, nor had Ji Minglun reached out to him, which was normal for them. After a night’s rest, he had come to some realizations.
Ji Minglun may appear indifferent, but when something serious happens, he still shows up. That meant Jiang Lin still had a chance. Whether things worked out or not in the end, at least he wouldn’t have regrets.
While getting ready, he heard the TV announcer advising typhoon precautions. Realizing he had almost no food at home, he drove to a nearby supermarket. Halfway through his shopping, Deng Feng called.
Deng Feng asked if he was home, saying that the cakes and other perishables at the café wouldn’t last for three days. Instead of wasting them, they wanted to share them with the staff.
Upon learning that Jiang Lin was out, Deng Feng offered to drop some off, but Jiang Lin politely declined. Deng Feng also noticed his voice sounded off and asked if he had a cold. Jiang Lin replied that his throat was just uncomfortable, and Deng Feng reminded him to stay warm during the storm and take medicine if he got sick.
Jiang Lin thanked him and continued shopping, eventually carrying two large bags of food back home.
He had a simple lunch of bread and milk. The rest of the afternoon was spent working on his thesis at the computer. Though his thoughts occasionally drifted to Ji Minglun, he kept reminding himself not to let it affect his studies. As evening fell, the wind outside intensified, and hunger made it hard to focus. He got up, headed to the kitchen, and started preparing hot pot with the ingredients he had bought earlier.
After turning the electric stove to its highest setting, just as he picked up the hot pot base, there was a sudden “pop,” and the room went dark. The stove also stopped working.
He immediately realized there was a power outage. Looking out the window, he saw that all the lights in the building across from him were still on. He opened his door to check the hallway light, and it was only his apartment that had lost power.
Using his phone’s flashlight, he opened the fuse box. A row of dusty switches came into view, but after trying several times to reset the main switch, nothing worked. He had no choice but to call an electrician. Unfortunately, no one was willing to come out in the current weather. They all told him to wait until after the typhoon passed.
Having lived in Xiamen all his life, Jiang Lin knew a typhoon usually lasted at least two to three days after making landfall. He could cook with gas, but what about his computer? His thesis?
Staring at the phoenix tree swaying in the storm below, he hesitated for a moment before sending Ji Minglun a WeChat message.
“Minglun, my power’s out. I tried calling an electrician, but they said no one can come out in this weather. Are you free right now? Could you come help me take a look?”