The Withered Tree Always Welcomes Spring chapter 52

Chen Xian was conflicted. He didn’t know what to do, whether to clarify things with Shen Jixue or continue pretending to be unaware.

If he clarified things, it would only lead to awkwardness. How would they get along in the future? Shen Jixue was sensitive. If not handled well, it could hurt his self-esteem.

If he didn’t clarify things, he would have to continue pretending to know nothing. Chen Xian admitted he was a coward, a failed adult. When faced with such situations, his instinct was to avoid them.

He comforted himself that Shen Jixue might just be curious, a fleeting impulse of adolescence. He needn’t pay too much attention; it would pass with time. Once he found a reason for Shen Jixue, Chen Xian felt justified in playing dumb.

But he underestimated human curiosity. Shen Jixue’s curiosity grew stronger, often secretly holding his hand, calling out his name, kissing, and caressing him, and in moments of passion, Shen Jixue would secretly satisfy himself beside him.

Desire overcame fear. Shen Jixue lost all sense of restraint, not caring if Chen Xian would wake up.

Chen Xian thought his inaction would make Shen Jixue lose interest over time. Unexpectedly, it was like tacit permission.

Young people’s energy was frighteningly abundant. Chen Xian would silently endure until Shen Jixue finished. He would lie there until his body stiffened and his limbs went numb.

Chen Xian had never felt such torment. He had to watch as Shen Jixue clumsily clean up. Not seeing was troublesome too; Shen Jixue had no experience in such things, and didn’t clean up properly. Chen Xian had to wait until he was completely asleep to turn on the light and clean up the mess.

Shen Jixue was comfortable, completely disregarding anyone else’s feelings. It was maddening.

Fortunately, establishing a private ship company kept Chen Xian and Wu Bie busy from dawn till dusk with social engagements, giving him some breathing room.

That night, Chen Xian returned with a scent of alcohol.

All the windows upstairs and downstairs were dark, with only a few rooms lit, including his own.

Chen Xian knew it was Shen Jixue waiting for him. No matter how late, Shen Jixue would wait for him to come home.

The alcohol stimulated Chen Xian’s sensitive nerves. In the quiet of the night, he felt his heart swell with warmth. He didn’t have grand ambitions and didn’t want much—just to come home after a long day’s work and have a light on waiting for him.

In his previous marriage, Chen Xian had given a lot. His modest wish was actually fulfilled by Shen Jixue. It felt strange. If only Shen Jixue weren’t a boy, if only Shen Jixue were a bit older…

A gust of cold wind jolted Chen Xian awake. He shook his head vigorously. How could he think that way?

He killed the thought in its cradle, took a deep breath, and plunged into the dark corridor.

He opened the door to find Shen Jixue sitting on the sofa, hugging his knees. The TV volume was low, probably not paying attention. Hearing the door open, he immediately turned his head.

“Chen Xian?”

Chen Xian was caught off guard by Shen Jixue’s delighted reaction. He was an ordinary person, a simple man, unable to shine elsewhere. Being needed by Shen Jixue satisfied his vanity. No matter how many times he saw Shen Jixue waiting for him, he always felt gratified.

“Why aren’t you asleep? Didn’t I call to tell you not to wait for me?”

Shen Jixue didn’t answer. How could he explain to Chen Xian that he couldn’t sleep peacefully without him home?

“Go to your room. I’m going to take a shower.”

After coaxing Shen Jixue into the bedroom, Chen Xian grabbed a change of clothes and took a quick shower. The shower cleared his head a bit, not sobering up but amplifying his senses.

When he returned to the bedroom, Shen Jixue was already lying down. Chen Xian stood at the door for a moment. Shen Jixue didn’t move, likely already asleep, probably too tired from waiting.

He hesitated about whether to sleep in the next room. Thinking that Shen Jixue was already asleep, he decided to just bear with it for tonight. If he needed to talk to Shen Jixue about sleeping in separate rooms, he would give him a heads-up in advance to prevent him from overthinking.

After lying down, Chen Xian suddenly realized that his body had already grown accustomed to lying in the same bed as Shen Jixue. With the weather getting colder, people couldn’t help but gravitate towards sources of warmth. The warmth of two people together made it less cold.

He turned to look at the peacefully sleeping Shen Jixue beside him. If things didn’t escalate, their current situation was still manageable. As long as nothing was explicitly stated, there was still room to maneuver.

Chen Xian’s hand hovered in midair as he resisted the urge to touch Shen Jixue’s forehead. After a long moment, he lowered his arm, turned over, and lay with his back to Shen Jixue.

He didn’t know how much time had passed, but his consciousness gradually became muddled. His sleep was restless, without dreams, just a persistent feeling of heaviness on his body and difficulty breathing. He constantly tried to open his eyes but felt like he was experiencing sleep paralysis, unable to wake up.

When the suffocating sensation nearly overwhelmed him, Chen Xian struggled awake, hearing Shen Jixue’s irregular breathing. Shen Jixue’s hand had also grasped his own.

The touch of Shen Jixue’s palm made Chen Xian tense up. Influenced by the alcohol, Chen Xian blurted out Shen Jixue’s name without thinking, “Xiao Shen.”

In the darkness, Shen Jixue’s hurried breaths abruptly stopped as if choked off. Time seemed to stand still, the silence was terrifying.

Chen Xian regretted it a little. He hadn’t fully sobered up, which led him to recklessly expose Shen Jixue. He turned to look at the faint shadow beside him, vaguely seeing Shen Jixue trembling slightly.

Chen Xian… is awake…

Shen Jixue’s body stiffened, unable to move. Chen Xian’s voice was like a bucket of cold water, catching him completely off guard.

When did Chen Xian wake up?

“Xiao Shen, you…” Chen Xian was trying to find the right words, attempting to salvage the awkward situation, “I know you feel very insecure and rely on me a lot right now, but I’m just an ordinary person with no special qualities. If you saw what I looked like, you’d definitely be disappointed. I’m not as good-looking as you think, not compared to you. You… you might just be feeling lonely…”

A clap of thunder seemed to explode in Shen Jixue’s ears. Chen Xian was not just awake; he had known his feelings for a long time. Since when? Every time Shen Jixue lost control in front of him? He knew all along, didn’t he? He just pretended not to know.

“Xiao Shen?” Not hearing Shen Jixue’s response, Chen Xian was worried and was about to get up when Shen Jixue stopped him.

“Don’t turn on the light,” Shen Jixue almost pleaded, gritting his teeth, “Please, Chen Xian…”

There was no moment more humiliating than now. Shen Jixue didn’t want Chen Xian to see him like this. He knew he was disgraceful and would repel Chen Xian, but he couldn’t control himself or his feelings for Chen Xian.

“You knew,” his voice trembled, “It’s disgusting, isn’t it? Chen Xian, you hate me now, don’t you?”

Previously, Chen Xian didn’t want to expose Shen Jixue because he feared he would overthink. He didn’t feel disgusted; he just found it unbelievable.

“Xiao Shen, I know you’re very curious. You haven’t interacted with many people and spend all your time with me… It’s easy to have misconceptions… To think that you… might…”

“It’s not like that,” Shen Jixue hugged his arms tighter, his back firmly against Chen Xian’s, “It’s not curiosity. I know exactly what I’m feeling. I just like you.”

Chen Xian had never been confessed to before. His previous marriage was more of a mutually convenient arrangement. He didn’t know how to respond to such intense and straightforward feelings, and he forgot what he was supposed to say.

“You don’t even know what I look like….”

“I’m curious about your appearance, but I’m curious about everything about you. I just want to know more. Your looks don’t matter to me at all.”

Chen Xian felt a throb in his temples. He was clumsy with words, unable to express himself, “Even if you don’t care what I look like, I’m a man… You can’t like a man in his thirties, you just…”

If it weren’t for his help, if they were just strangers passing by on the street, Shen Jixue wouldn’t even look at him twice. Chen Xian knew his own mediocrity.

“But I just do,” Shen Jixue heard Chen Xian’s insecurity, “I don’t know how you see yourself, but I think you’re great, better than anyone i’ve met.”

Chen Xian was dumbfounded. No one had ever said such things to him. He stammered, not even sure what he was saying, “You… just think I helped you and see me as… a good person, but there are plenty of good people in this world…”

There might be many good people, but only Chen Xian took him in, cared for him, wrote letters pretending to be his father, handled his father’s funeral, and rescued him from the flood. He didn’t know when he started liking Chen Xian, but he could distinguish between gratitude and affection.

“Do you hate me now? Do you feel disgusted being liked by a man?”

Hearing the hurt in Shen Jixue’s voice, Chen Xian felt helpless, “That’s not what I mean, I…”

After a moment of silence, Shen Jixue choked up, sounding aggrieved, “You keep avoiding it. I may not have liked anyone before, but I can tell what I feel for you, Chen Xian. Please don’t hate me.”

Chen Xian felt his throat tighten. This wasn’t about hatred or not. He wanted to respond to Shen Jixue, but the words wouldn’t come out.