The Withered Tree Always Welcomes Spring chapter 35

Chen Xian glanced at the spot next to Shen Jixue, feeling an immense pressure from the tragic boy at this moment. He wasn’t sure how much Shen Jixue had heard, and the unknown made his heart wrench.

The sofa sank slightly beside him, and Shen Jixue reached out to feel for Chen Xian’s hand. Once he touched Chen Xian’s backhand and confirmed he was beside him, he slowly spoke.

“I just can’t sleep. Stay with me for a while.”

Most people who couldn’t sleep would watch TV to pass the time, but TV was just decoration to Shen Jixue. He always sat silently, lost in his lonely world. If he wasn’t careful, he seemed to disappear.

“I didn’t go out for too long this time.” Chen Xian thought his lies were getting smooth enough, but he didn’t realize how guilty his tone was. Even though Shen Jixue couldn’t see him, he still couldn’t meet Shen Jixue’s eyes. His eyes scanned the living room restlessly, finally managing to squeeze out, “Are you hungry? Should I make something to eat?”

Shen Jixue shook his head. “Not hungry.”

Shen Jixue’s indifferent attitude made Chen Xian even more uncertain. He wanted to ask but didn’t dare. He felt like he was sitting on pins and needles.

“Chen Xian.”

Shen Jixue’s voice was gentle, but it made Chen Xian uncomfortable, like a startled bird. “Uh? What is it?”

“Why are you so nervous?” Shen Jixue lightly patted Chen Xian’s backhand and calmly said, “Did I ever tell you how I got my name?”

The topic jumped so suddenly that Chen Xian didn’t react. He responded blankly, thinking why Shen Jixue suddenly brought this up. “No, does it have a special meaning?”

Shen Jixue blinked twice. Under his long eyelashes, shadows obscured his emotions, making it hard to read his eyes.

“The meaning of the name Jixue is that my father hoped I would have qualities of depth and tranquility, with a peaceful mentality to face joy and sorrow calmly.”

Just from this name, one could see how much Shen Liang, as a father, loved Shen Jixue. Chen Xian’s mood grew heavier, unsure how to confess to Shen Jixue.

“But…” Shen Jixue elongated the tone, turned his head to smile faintly in Chen Xian’s direction, a hint of cunning in his smile. “The reason my dad chose this name was because he thought it sounded good.”

Chen Xian didn’t understand why Shen Jixue made a special point to explain, nor did he understand why he was laughing.

Shen Jixue laughed for a while, didn’t hear Chen Xian’s response, gradually suppressed his smile, and when he spoke again, his voice became noticeably heavier.

“My name wasn’t given by my father; he begged a teacher who was volunteering in the village to help choose it.”

Squeezing his wrist tighter, Chen Xian felt that something was amiss, but he couldn’t quite put his finger on it. It seemed like he was on the brink of understanding the reason for Shen Jixue’s peculiarity.

“Because… my father couldn’t read…”

With a loud “boom,” Chen Xian felt thunderstruck. No wonder… ever since he had told Shen Jixue that his father would write him letters, he had found his reactions odd. Initially unable to understand why, now it all seemed clear.

“Xiao Shen… I…”

Chen Xian wanted to explain, but all that came out was Shen Jixue’s name. Feeling lost, he saw a glistening tear drop from Shen Jixue’s eye and “plop” onto the back of his hand.

“Chen Xian…” Shen Jixue’s voice choked with moisture, struggling to hold back tears, he asked hoarsely, “Has something happened to my dad?”

A deep tremor passed from Shen Jixue’s palm to Chen Xian’s wrist. He had intended to wait until Shen Jixue was feeling better before being honest with him, and now he regretted it deeply; his attempt to be clever had backfired.

What could he say to comfort Shen Jixue? Nothing seemed adequate; he even hesitated to answer Shen Jixue directly.

He gripped Shen Jixue’s hand back, trying to offer him some strength. “I’m sorry, Xiao Shen…”

Hearing Chen Xian’s apology, Shen Jixue, who had been holding back his emotions, almost instantly broke down in inconsolable grief.

Ever since Chen Xian had mentioned that his father might write to him, Shen Jixue had feared that something might have happened to his father. He had imagined various accidents: paralysis, coma—anything but death. As long as Chen Xian didn’t confirm it, he could still deceive himself. But now, facing reality, he couldn’t deceive himself anymore.

“My father… something happened to him… he’s gone, isn’t he…” Shen Jixue trembled all over, crying so hard he was almost breathless, nearly fainting several times.

Chen Xian held him close, patting his back gently. “Xiao Shen…”

How could he comfort Shen Jixue? Never before had he faced such a difficult situation; even when he divorced Jiang Ying, he had handled everything calmly.

“Why… why did this happen?”

Shen Jixue struggled fiercely, and Chen Xian held him tightly, afraid he might hurt himself.

“Why isn’t it me who’s gone?”

Chen Xian gripped Shen Jixue’s cheeks, forcing him to look up. “How can you say such things? Your father wouldn’t want to hear that.”

Chen Xian wasn’t afraid of Shen Jixue crying and screaming; he was most afraid that Shen Jixue would lose hope like this. Once someone loses hope, they could easily spiral into extremes.

He held Shen Jixue’s face in his hands. “If you want to cry, cry, but you can’t lose hope.”

Shen Jixue closed his eyes in pain, tears sliding down his cheeks and dripping into Chen Xian’s palm.

Chen Xian hugged him tightly. Shen Jixue rested his forehead on his shoulder, clutching his waist tightly, his muffled sobs ringing in Chen Xian’s ear.

“I’m sorry, I promised to help you find your father, but I failed.”

Shen Jixue knew that regardless of Chen Xian’s actions, without him, he might never have known about his father’s death.

“I wrote the letters myself; I lied to you.” Chen Xian didn’t try to justify himself too much. Regardless of his intentions, he had indeed deceived Shen Jixue.

Shen Jixue trembled, his breathing uneven. He had known all along that Chen Xian wrote the letters, but occasionally he wondered if his father could write, the content would probably be similar. He had to thank Chen Xian; even though he deceived him, he had fulfilled an impossible dream for him.

“It was an accident; your father was hit by a car. It was a blind spot in the surveillance, and there were no witnesses, so…”

Shen Jixue hated himself, hated the hit-and-run driver. “My father went out to work for… my eyes… it’s all because of me… I caused my father’s death… Chen Xian… it’s all my fault…”

“It’s not your fault. It’s not because of you, Xiao Shen. I know you’re heartbroken, but you can’t shoulder the blame. This was an accident; no one wanted this. Even if blame must be placed, it should be on the driver who hit him.”

Shen Jixue shook his head desperately. “It’s because… my father went out to work for my eye treatment… I burdened my father…”

“How can you think like that?” Chen Xian held Shen Jixue’s arms firmly, making him sit up straight, speaking earnestly, “Do you understand your father? You should know him better than I do. Would he blame you? Would he think it’s your fault? He only wanted you to live well, to cure your eyes, return to school, finish university, and live a stable life. That’s the only way to fulfill his expectations.”

Shen Jixue closed his eyes, trying to escape in this manner.

Chen Xian knew Shen Jixue hadn’t really listened to him. “I know you’re hurting right now, feeling guilty, but you can’t give up on yourself. When I was going through my divorce, didn’t you encourage me? There are no insurmountable obstacles in life, Xiao Shen. You’re still young; there are many possibilities ahead of you.”

Shen Jixue silently shed tears, and Chen Xian reached out to wipe them away from his face.

“A real man shouldn’t avoid facing things, especially something like this. Your father’s affairs depend on you.”

These words touched Shen Jixue deeply. Finally, he gathered the strength to open his eyes. Chen Xian spoke gently, “You might have guessed by now, but I didn’t go on the ship these past few days. Instead, with Wu Bie, I went to your hometown and brought your uncle and aunt here. I was worried that as a young boy, you wouldn’t be able to handle your father’s affairs.”

“I can do it.” Shen Jixue’s voice was nasal but resolute.

“If you think you can handle it yourself, that’s even better. I’ll be with you. Whatever you decide, just let me know, and I’ll help you.”

Shen Jixue took a deep breath, trying to calm himself. “Thank you… Chen Xian.”

“Don’t be so polite with me.” Chen Xian took a tissue from the table and wiped Shen Jixue’s tears. “Your father gave you this name not just because it sounds good. He must have wanted you to have a peaceful mindset, to face joy and sorrow calmly and rationally.”