Seventh Year Of Separation chapter 59
Don’t want him to go through the same pain
This was the third time Gu Jiahe had come to Li Zhao’s home.
The last time was during their freshman year, when he accompanied Li Zhao back for that awkward lunch.
The apartment seemed to have been redecorated, with furnishings different from what he remembered. The dining table in the living room was now walnut, and there was a larger TV.
But this time, the aunt who cooked was not there. The house was empty.
When Song Ling left, she left a crack in the balcony window, letting in a bit of cold air.
Gu Jiahe found a pair of slippers to wear, then turned to Li Zhao and said, “Go rest.”
“No need,” Li Zhao shook his head.
“I’m telling you to go, so go,” Gu Jiahe’s tone was unusually serious.
Li Zhao hesitated for a moment, then complied, going back to his room and leaving the door slightly open.
Gu Jiahe rummaged through the fridge, found some ingredients, and packed them into two lunchboxes.
By the time he entered Li Zhao’s bedroom, Li Zhao was already asleep, still fully clothed.
Gu Jiahe helped him out of his coat, then lay down gently beside him, wrapping his arms around him and running his fingers through his hair.
In the quiet bedroom, there was no sound except for Li Zhao’s breathing. For Gu Jiahe, this was the only peaceful moment he had experienced in days.
When Li Zhao woke up, the sky outside the window was already dark. Gu Jiahe had been awake earlier, but he hadn’t disturbed Li Zhao, letting him sleep.
The first thing Li Zhao did upon waking up was check his phone for messages.
But there were no missed calls, and Song Ling hadn’t sent any new messages either.
Gu Jiahe was already dressed and ready. When he heard Li Zhao stirring, he turned to him and asked, “Ready to go?”
Li Zhao nodded and got up, putting on his coat.
Gu Jiahe packed the prepared food into his backpack, and the two of them ventured out into the night again.
This time, when they returned to the hospital, Li Zhao didn’t insist on driving himself. Gu Jiahe took the opportunity to sit in the driver’s seat and drove smoothly into the hospital parking lot.
On the ward floor, Song Ling was sitting silently.
Gu Jiahe took out the packed food from his backpack and handed it to Song Ling. “Auntie, have some food if you’re hungry. I just heated it up.”
Song Ling looked up at him, her eyes seeming to soften, and then she got up to make room for him.
But Gu Jiahe shook his head. “You sit, Auntie.”
“No, I’ve been sitting all day. You rest,” Song Ling insisted.
Gu Jiahe could sense a change in Song Ling’s attitude towards him. Perhaps it was the torment of the past few days in the hospital; people were social animals after all.
After speaking with Song Ling, Gu Jiahe realized that Li Zhao was nowhere to be found.
On the second floor of the Pingcheng Hospital, there was a huge terrace. After searching around, Gu Jiahe finally found it.
Li Zhao was sitting alone on a deserted bench, with the dark night sky hanging over his head.
Gu Jiahe didn’t say anything, just sat down beside him.
There was silence between them for a while.
Suddenly, Li Zhao spoke first, but only said three words, “I’m to blame.”
Gu Jiahe turned to look at him. “What?”
“I should have taken him to see another specialist. When he said he wanted to go home as he was feeling fine, I let him go.”
Li Zhao paused for a second, then continued, “If I had taken him to see another doctor, maybe things wouldn’t have turned out like this…”
“It’s all my fault. All my fault.”
His voice trembled as he spoke.
Gu Jiahe wanted to reach out and pat his shoulder but hesitated. In the end, he just clasped his own hands and looked ahead, saying, “Ge.”
Gu Jiahe continued, “I’ve blamed myself too.”
Li Zhao suddenly turned to look at him.
Gu Jiahe chuckled softly, then continued, “Over the past ten years, I’ve blamed myself countless times. Why didn’t I talk to my mom a little more on May 1st at noon?”
“Why didn’t I make sure she took her medicine properly? Why didn’t I spend more time with her when she was unhappy?”
“I blamed myself for being incompetent, for being cowardly. Sometimes I even feel like I pushed her towards death.”
“Sometimes I wake up from nightmares.”
“…So, I understand how you feel.”
Gu Jiahe paused for a moment, then looked into Li Zhao’s eyes. “But what I want to tell you is that sometimes, fate just likes to play tricks on us. It doesn’t let everything go smoothly for you. The responsibility is not yours, nor anyone else’s.”
“I don’t want to tell you to accept it; I know it’s a process. Do what you can and accept what fate brings, that’s all we can do.”
“If you’re sad, you can talk to me. Maybe that will make you feel better. Can you do that?”
Li Zhao didn’t reply. He looked into Gu Jiahe’s eyes in the darkness.
There was a bright star in the sky, reflected in Gu Jiahe’s eyes, shining a little light.
Li Zhao and Gu Jiahe stayed at the hospital for another night before sending Song Ling home to get some good rest.
Gu Jiahe didn’t intentionally engage him in conversation, but Li Zhao occasionally said a word or two, and he would respond.
Sometimes they talked about Li Guoyi, sometimes about their childhood. Li Zhao’s words didn’t always make logical sense, as if he was piecing together fragments of boredom in his troubled mind.
Around two or three in the morning, Li Zhao fell asleep on the bench.
Gu Jiahe rested Li Zhao’s head on his own knees and gently touched the corner of his eye.
He had seen the carefree 18-year-old Li Zhao and the fragile, self-blaming 29-year-old Li Zhao. A life that was always smooth sailing didn’t exist; fate would whip indiscriminately at anyone who thought their life was peaceful and happy, reminding them to always be on guard and never sleep soundly.
Staying in the hospital, it felt like they had lost their sense of time.
Li Zhao couldn’t remember how many documents he had signed or how many times he had visited the doctor’s office. It seemed like they had done a lot, but they hadn’t received any valuable news.
Only the sunrise reminded him that it was a new day.
The next morning, Li Zhao’s phone rang.
He picked it up and saw it was from the doctor. He gestured to Gu Jiahe, “It’s the doctor.”
Li Zhao immediately answered the call. The doctor didn’t say anything else, just asked him to come to the doctor’s office as soon as possible. Li Zhao hurriedly agreed.
Gu Jiahe nudged him, “Go quickly.”
Li Zhao walked out of the terrace with his phone and headed to the doctor’s office.
Gu Jiahe dusted off his pants and followed behind him.
Li Zhao stood in front of the office door, took a deep breath, seemingly preparing himself mentally for something.
Then he pushed open the door in front of him.
The doctor was sitting in front of the screen, turned to look at the two of them, and slowly began, “There’s new information about the patient.”
Li Zhao felt his heart racing, his lips tightly closed, and his hands tightly gripping his pants legs, as if awaiting judgment from God.
The doctor continued, “From the current observation, his lung infection has improved a lot. If it continues like this today, he can be transferred to a regular ward tomorrow.”
The doctor took off his glasses and wiped them. Seeing Li Zhao looking lost, he quickly patted his shoulder, “The ECMO wasn’t in vain. Your father has a strong will to live.”
Gu Jiahe’s eyes immediately lit up, and he grabbed Li Zhao’s hand.
The doctor added cautiously, “But that doesn’t mean everything is completely fine now. We still need to continue monitoring.”
Li Zhao was stunned and didn’t reply, but Gu Jiahe nodded repeatedly, “Okay, doctor, we’ll continue to wait for updates.”
The doctor’s office faced south, with the huge glass windows closed, but sunlight streamed in from a distance, casting onto the floor tiles at their feet.
It wasn’t until the two of them walked out of the office that Li Zhao came back to his senses, his face showing a mix of emotions, tears and smiles.
Gu Jiahe rubbed his face, “You look terrible. Smile.”
But Li Zhao only felt his eyes heat up, unable to move from his spot.
Gu Jiahe, who had been tense for many days, finally relaxed a bit. Soon, Li Zhao went to the nurse’s station to sign some documents, leaving Gu Jiahe wandering downstairs alone.
Smoking was prohibited throughout the hospital, so Gu Jiahe walked to the east side of the hospital’s perimeter wall and lit a cigarette, facing the morning breeze.
But just as he was halfway through, he heard someone calling him from behind, “Xiao Gu?”
Gu Jiahe quickly turned around and found that Song Ling had come at some point.
He hurriedly extinguished the cigarette, threw the butt into the trash can, and dusted off the smell from his body, “Sorry, Auntie.”
Song Ling smiled rarely, shook her head at his nervous appearance, and said, “It’s okay.”
Outside the hospital’s perimeter wall was a municipal park, with two benches nearby.
Song Ling found a seat and gestured for Gu Jiahe to come over.
Gu Jiahe felt a little awkward. This was the first time in many days that he had been alone with Song Ling.
Gu Jiahe spoke first, “The doctor told us this morning that he can be transferred to a regular ward tomorrow.”
Song Ling smiled and nodded, “I know. Li Zhao just called me.”
After that, the two fell into silence again.
Until half a minute later.
“Xiao Gu,” Song Ling called him.
Gu Jiahe replied, “Hmm?”
Song Ling said, “These few days, there hasn’t been a good opportunity for me to talk to you.”
Gu Jiahe took a deep breath, “Go ahead.”
Song Ling said straightforwardly, “I won’t beat around the bush with you. You’re a smart kid. Actually, that year when Li Zhao brought you home, I vaguely guessed his intentions. You also know, Li Zhao wears his heart on his sleeve.”
Gu Jiahe smiled bitterly. He thought he had concealed it well at the time.
“I’ve reflected with his father too. Were we too busy during his senior year, neglecting to take care of him, which led him down this path.”
Gu Jiahe’s heart skipped a beat, detecting a hint of negativity in her words.
Seeing Gu Jiahe’s expression change, Song Ling’s tone softened a bit, “It’s not that we think this path is wrong or anything, just… it’s too hard. It’s too hard for an ordinary kid…”
Gu Jiahe suddenly looked up at her. Song Ling’s face unexpectedly showed a trace of pity.
“I don’t know if Li Zhao has told you, but even now, his father and I still can’t fully accept it. Please forgive our old-fashioned ways. We need time.”
“I understand.” Gu Jiahe nodded lightly.
“But during these days here, I’m not blind. I can see how hard you’re working. Actually, you don’t need to put in so much effort. It’s too tiring and unfair to you.”
Even though she was saying something simple, Gu Jiahe felt his eyes stinging and his heart aching.
He remained silent for a few seconds, shook his head first, then replied, “No.”
Song Ling looked puzzled, “What?”
Gu Jiahe continued after taking a deep breath, “I’m not doing it to gain anything. Nor am I trying to impress anyone.”
Song Ling didn’t understand his meaning, “Then what are you…”
Gu Jiahe took another deep breath and said, “Because I lost my mother too early. I just don’t want him to go through the same pain I went through.”
After hearing this, Song Ling tightened the fingers holding her handbag and looked at him, “Child…”