Reservoir Dogs chapter 43

Self-Bound

After getting out of Liang Hanqing’s car, Xiao Zhou lingered outside the office building for a while but didn’t go in. Instead, he took a taxi to a nearby mall.

The mall was stocked with fresh fish, meat, fruits, and vegetables. He pushed a shopping cart around twice, but it remained empty. It was a workday, so the mall wasn’t very crowded. The shelves were filled with a dazzling array of goods, overwhelming him. The names of various items crowded his mind, but he felt a sense of calm.

He walked and thought at the same time. Jiang Chengyuan disliked all foods with strong flavors: he didn’t like cilantro, scallions, ate little pork, preferred minimal oil and salt, insisted on seasonal ingredients, and had a refined yet picky palate.

During this period, Xiao Zhou gradually figured out Jiang Chengyuan’s preferences and tastes. Even if he made a mistake, Jiang Chengyuan wouldn’t get angry; he simply wouldn’t touch what he disliked. He was tolerant but stubborn, a contradiction in terms.

As he reached the fresh produce section, Xiao Zhou started picking out fish. Steamed, braised, or in soup, Jiang Chengyuan had no objections to fish.

Xiao Zhou bought a crucian carp fish, then picked tofu and ginger. Slices of ginger and scallions were necessary but could be removed later.

Someone at the scene helped with gutting the fish: stunning it with the back of a knife, removing scales and guts. There was a strong smell of blood and fishiness, but fortunately, the fish was unconscious before enduring the ordeal.

While waiting to check out, Xiao Zhou began to think again. He realized Jiang Chengyuan was Wu Yichang’s apprentice and Liang Hanqing’s senior brother; there was a hidden connection among them. Wu Yichang lived modestly, Liang Hanqing was upright and steadfast—they got along well, Jiang Chengyuan, on the other hand, was a variation, like a bizarre ornament in a piano piece, splendid yet sinister. Reflecting on this, Xiao Zhou was surprised but not entirely taken aback.

At dinner, he couldn’t help but glance at Jiang Chengyuan’s fingers, noticing no traces of a ring ever being worn.

Jiang Chengyuan scooped a spoonful of crucian carp soup, its creamy fragrance enticing. After a taste, he seemed to enjoy it and took a small bowl before asking, “You’ve been watching me all evening.”

Xiao Zhou averted his gaze, picking at the rice in his bowl with chopsticks. “Did it make you uncomfortable?”

“Not really,” Jiang Chengyuan replied. “If you want to watch me, you can do so openly. No need to be sneaky about it.”

His teasing tone made Xiao Zhou tighten his fingers, ignoring the banter. “Sun Xu mentioned you were engaged before.”

Setting his spoon down, Jiang Chengyuan nodded. “That’s right.”

Hearing his confirmation, Xiao Zhou felt oddly uneasy.

“So Sun Xu was gossiping behind my back?” Jiang Chengyuan leaned forward, placing his soup bowl in front of Xiao Zhou. “Have some.”

Xiao Zhou stared at the offered bowl for a moment before hesitantly accepting it. Their fingers touched briefly—Xiao Zhou felt the warmth of the bowl, yet Jiang Chengyuan’s touch was cool. “So what happened?”

Resting his hand on his cheek, Jiang Chengyuan casually replied, “What happened? Why get engaged in the first place? Why didn’t it work out? The usual reasons. Circumstances changed, and we weren’t suitable for each other.”

Xiao Zhou kept his eyes on him, expecting more, but Jiang Chengyuan seemed unwilling to elaborate. “Why ask all this?”

Xiao Zhou lowered his head to sip the soup. “It’s what others are saying. There were a lot of rumors at the office today.”

“What kind of rumors?”

Xiao Zhou frowned, finding it hard to voice. “Just… those things…”

Jiang Chengyuan chuckled softly. “Rumors? I thought they were facts.”

Suddenly, Xiao Zhou felt the fishy smell in the soup hadn’t quite dissipated, making it unpleasant to swallow.

“Are you upset?” Jiang Chengyuan asked.

Xiao Zhou raised his eyes from the bowl, his gaze mocking. “What do I care? I just think you might run into some trouble.”

“There’s no trouble,” Jiang Chengyuan said calmly. “I found you, didn’t I? You’re here to solve my problems.” He paused for a moment, his gaze softened by the warm yellow light. “You’re my omega. Sooner or later, everyone will know that.” His tone was confident and authoritative.

The words “my” and “omega” hit Xiao Zhou like a punch to the gut.

Coming out of the kitchen after cleaning up, Xiao Zhou found Jiang Chengyuan looking through the books Liang Hanqing had given him.

Seeing Xiao Zhou, Jiang Chengyuan raised the books. “Are you planning to take the college entrance exam?”

Xiao Zhou nodded.

Jiang Chengyuan put the books back on the coffee table, chatting casually. “You were in university before, right? What did you study?”

“Architectural design.”

“That’s a field that requires going to construction sites. Considering a change in major?”

Xiao Zhou shook his head. “I like this field. No plans to switch.”

“What about schools? Have you decided?”

Xiao Zhou hesitated for a moment. “Not yet.”

“Not going back to your old one?”

“Forget it. If I can avoid it, I will.” When he got into trouble, there was a lot of talk, tarnishing his reputation. He didn’t want to go back and face pity, fear, and strange looks again, even though the students had changed, the faculty remained the same.

When Jiang Chengyuan brought up the matter, Xiao Zhou felt uncomfortable. He walked over to tidy up the books on the coffee table. Their weight made his heart sink.

With this kind of mood, even when he was being intimate with Jiang Chengyuan, he couldn’t muster much enthusiasm, and what he had initially been eager to do now seemed like going through the motions. Jiang Chengyuan also sensed his lack of engagement. In the dim light, he nibbled his earlobe and said, “Focus.”

He could only vaguely embrace Jiang Chengyuan’s back, his body half suspended, relying on their intertwined limbs for support. He felt the firm muscles, protruding bones, sweaty skin, hot and sticky sensing the vivid warmth and presence. His vision blurred, feeling tossed up and then heavily thrown down on the bed.

He closed his eyes when told, kissed when told, positioned as instructed. He was obedient, gradually finding pleasure in this process, not resisting this intimacy. His pheromones had long been submissive to Jiang Chengyuan, their highly fused scents invoking a tender lingering gentleness, summoning instincts and softening all the sharp edges in his body. He even found himself liking the faint taste of tobacco in their kisses, the lowered voice calling his name, soothing like an electric current flowing from his ear to his tailbone.

He looked at Jiang Chengyuan’s distinct facial features, as if gazing at a perfect lover, the compelling beauty almost tangible. This universally appealing handsomeness seemed untouched by time’s ravages, the kind that would attract endless gazes on the street, enough to send shivers down anyone’s spine with just one glance.

If not for those coincidences, their lives would never have intersected.

He envisioned himself finishing university ordinarily, finding a stable job, joining a design institute or state-owned enterprise, maybe having a couple of romances with betas or omegas, then settling down to marriage, a child, buying a house with a small garden, a white fence, keeping two dogs who’d wag their tails and bring slippers when he came home.

He didn’t have grand aspirations for the future, though he once harbored ambitions. He admired Frank Lloyd Wright, wanting to see his designs come to life, to create enduring architecture, to hear pride in his parents’ voices when they spoke of him, to travel the world, to climb the highest mountains. But more often, he’d settle for the quiet flow of everyday life, wanting his family to be happy and safe. He wouldn’t have met Jiang Chengyuan, at most just one of the many passersby who glanced back at him. His life would have been like most others— not elite, but lively with a touch of fireworks.

But now, those assumptions were completely distant from him.

He closed his eyes, his arms passing under Jiang Chengyuan’s armpits, holding the man tighter, his chest pressing close. He felt like he was sinking, occasionally allowing himself to grasp at a piece of driftwood to catch his breath and avoid drowning.

Afterward, he felt drained, his body sprawled, tinged with a ripe crimson.

Lying on his side, arms around his waist, Jiang Chengyuan leaned against his back, pulling him close, nuzzling his neck with his nose, lightly tracing his facial contours with his fingers. “You’re nearing your heat period; your pheromones are getting stronger.”

Xiao Zhou, on the verge of sleep, was disturbed again by Jiang Chengyuan’s playful hands. He reluctantly turned his head away, not cooperating.

He heard Jiang Chengyuan’s question but hadn’t kept track of the time, though he realized it was about time. He found it strange to count the days, a peculiar feeling in his heart.

When not in heat, they didn’t do much, and Xiao Zhou could maintain his sanity. But when the time came, it was different; his body was completely out of control. Perhaps Jiang Chengyuan preferred it this way, unlike usual, when he was stiff like a dead fish. He could be dissected, emptied out completely, he was confused, manipulated into any shape without the ridiculous insistence he had when sober, simultaneously pleasurable and painful, almost tearing him apart.

Jiang Chengyuan only wanted an omega; as for the real, trivial, ordinary self beneath that omega identity, it didn’t matter.

This realization made Xiao Zhou’s breath catch suddenly. He opened his eyes, pushed away Jiang Chengyuan’s hand, climbed out of bed, and walked barefoot onto the icy floor, his brows furrowed tightly. “I’m going to wash up,” he said, hobbling off to the shower.

Standing in the shower, he turned on only cold water, letting it hit him head-on, shivering all over, extinguishing the body’s original strong desires, and clearing his mind further. He exhaled deeply, his forehead against the cold tiles, gradually getting used to the cold water’s temperature, without the initial stabbing pain.

He quickly rubbed on some body wash, rinsed off in the cold water. Foam still lingered on his body when the glass door suddenly slid open, a hand reached in, recoiled at the cold water, and then turned on the hot water for him.

“Why are you using cold water?” Without explanation, Jiang Chengyuan entered, wiping away the foam on his face.

The water that came down was suddenly hot enough to be a little scalding, making Xiao Zhou shiver uncomfortably.

“I like using cold water.”

“Not this cold, you’ll catch a cold.” Jiang Chengyuan adjusted the hot water slightly, pulled him into his arms, chest against his back, warmth transmitting through their skin. Both stood under the stream of water, the shower head originally generous with water but now cramped with two.

Jiang Chengyuan probably didn’t really intend to shower; he encircled Xiao Zhou from behind, rubbed his cheek against his hair, his hands gently wandering indiscreetly over his waist and abdomen. Xiao Zhou couldn’t help but respond physically.

Their bodies were like this, though Xiao Zhou’s heart resisted. Sadly, this was their only familiar way of communicating. Xiao Zhou clenched his fists, looked down for a moment, then said, “Actually, your pheromones have stabilized enough already.”

Jiang Chengyuan’s hand rested on his groin, and he paused, “Hmm?” There was a hint of questioning in his tone.

Xiao Zhou said, “Can’t we stop doing this all the time?”

Jiang Chengyuan’s voice turned cold, “Are you disgusted with me?”

Xiao Zhou didn’t speak, just struggled a bit, took a step back, and left his embrace. As he struggled, he realized that Jiang Chengyuan wasn’t exerting much force, just a superficial hold that allowed him to break free effortlessly. What he thought was control turned out to be self-imposed restraint.

Turning around to face him, separated by the shower’s water stream, droplets scattered sporadically. Jiang Chengyuan withdrew his hand, crossed his arms, scanned him, and smirked mockingly, “You say one thing, but you don’t seem to mean it?”

Xiao Zhou didn’t conceal anything, raised his hand to wipe away the droplets hanging from his eyelashes, and calmly said, “These are just physiological reactions, inevitable when stimulated.”

Jiang Chengyuan’s smile faded, “Are you not understanding your situation? I’ve never forced you.”

“Can’t we only do it when pheromones dictate?” Xiao Zhou’s voice turned somber. “Animals have instincts, but humans desire it out of emotion. I don’t want to blur these lines.”

“Emotions?” Jiang Chengyuan’s mouth twitched. “Why bring that up all of a sudden?”

Xiao Zhou’s voice drifted, “Because it’s becoming unbearable.”

Jiang Chengyuan’s expression momentarily contorted, uncomfortable with this topic. However, he found himself exposed without anything to cover up, stiffening briefly before composing himself. “I thought you could adapt. Have you met someone else? But you should know, since accepting this role, you’ve forfeited the right to love. You traded it for freedom and now repay it in another way.”

“Even prisoners have terms and conditions,” Xiao Zhou retorted. “Do I have no room for negotiation?”

Jiang Chengyuan frowned deeply, staring intensely. “My tolerance is limited. You think you can do whatever you want?”

“Are you so angry just because I don’t want to be with you?” Xiao Zhou smirked coldly. “Are you that desperate for an omega? Or has your pride been wounded because you can’t find someone willing to willingly share your bed?”

“Xiao Zhou!” Jiang Chengyuan shouted sharply.

Xiao Zhou shuddered reflexively and then stiffened his neck, meeting his gaze squarely. “They say you called off the engagement because something happened to your fiancée’s family, treating marriage as a joke, never serious. Of course, you wouldn’t understand what I mean!”

At the mention of past events, Jiang Chengyuan’s eyes briefly froze, then turned cold. “You seem to know a lot. Yes, I broke off the engagement because my prospective father-in-law got into trouble and was imprisoned. To clear my name and avoid trouble, I couldn’t continue. I’m cold-blooded, selfish, and uncontrollable,” he stepped forward, gripping Xiao Zhou’s neck to pull him close, “Didn’t you know this from the start? I’ve never hidden it. Are you regretting only now? Isn’t it too late?”

The intense gaze was chilling, filled with indiscernible emotions. Xiao Zhou’s breath caught, gripping Jiang Chengyuan’s hand on his neck with surprising strength. His voice hoarse, he could barely speak, his face reddening from lack of oxygen.

Just when he thought he might suffocate, Jiang Chengyuan finally released his grip, stepped back, his expression changing from coldness to annoyance. This bizarre dispute had exhausted his warmth and patience. “Do as you please. If you can’t bear it, you have other options. Think it over, and we’ll talk when you’re ready.”

Jiang Chengyuan stepped out of the shower, casually wrapping a towel around himself.

“There’s one more thing,” Xiao Zhou suddenly said.

Jiang Chengyuan paused his departure.

“What you said at the table just now is wrong. I’m not yours.” His voice was fragmented by the sound of water, but still sharp.

Jiang Chengyuan turned, his face serious, looking at him with an unreadable expression, deep eyes.

Xiao Zhou tilted his head, wet hair sticking to his forehead, water flowing down, forming countless streams on his face. Some streams traced tears across his cheeks. He reiterated, voice low and hoarse, “I’m not yours.”

The splashing water continued relentlessly, the air thick with tension.

Jiang Chengyuan stood still for a moment, his face tense with anger. Xiao Zhou stood firm, resisting the urge to flinch or retreat, sensing Jiang Chengyuan was nearing his limit.

When Jiang Chengyuan walked up to him again, Xiao Zhou instinctively assumed a defensive posture, muscles tense. But instead of touching him, Jiang Chengyuan reached out and turned off the hot water, leaving only the chilling cold water to pour down.

Desire extinguished in an instant.

As Jiang Chengyuan watched Xiao Zhou stand under the cold water for a while, he turned and walked away without a word, the chill of the cold water clinging to him.

Once alone, Xiao Zhou lowered his head, covering his eyes, his heart pounding violently.

He didn’t know how he dared to say such things. He had no right to say these things from the beginning. He never liked these physical relationships, unable to adapt to being dominated and possessed by another person due to the divisive decision of alpha genetics. He had only endured because it was something he had to get used to.

But since everything can’t be changed anymore, what’s the point of resisting now? To mess everything up?

Xiao Zhou slowly squatted down, curling his body under the cold water, his bones shivering, forehead against his knees.

He thought about his care and deliberate attempts to please Jiang Chengyuan. Amidst deep-rooted resistance, he began to feel other emotions. Kisses and hugs no longer disgusted him, and he even liked the sense of security and stability they brought. Softened by Jiang Chengyuan’s casual warmth, he became addicted involuntarily, regardless of what that warmth might signify.

He was like a child in a candy house, mesmerized by the array of sweets, oblivious to the approaching danger.

He would seek Jiang Chengyuan’s help, willing to be protected, adapting to Jiang Chengyuan’s refined ways of life, work and money. He was cared for too well, given too much from the start, making him timid. The balance was already lost, and he involuntarily began to see Jiang Chengyuan in a positive light. He had a handsome face, wrote beautifully, spoke elegantly, and had exceptional professional skills. Because of his academic setbacks, he admired Jiang Chengyuan’s knowledge, higher social status, and respect, as if Jiang Chengyuan had fulfilled his dream.

Even though Liang Hanqing told him about those past events, it did not shake his impression of Jiang Chengyuan in the slightest. 

Compared to enduring the anger caused by rejecting Jiang Chengyuan, Xiao Zhou found himself more unpredictable in this situation.

He didn’t know if this subtle emotional flutter was already pathological, an illusion caused by affection during sex, or a despair clutching a piece of driftwood in the vast sea of suffering, or simply because of Jiang Chengyuan himself?”