Proactively Attracted chapter 58

Us Together

After He Xi’s words landed, the atmosphere turned awkward for a couple of seconds.

Qin Mudong clearly noticed something was off. His brows furrowed tightly, and he looked up at He Xi. “Auntie—”

“Mom!” Lu Xingjia’s scalp tightened. He quickly cut her off, jumping in first and complaining in protest, “We’re still young, just high schoolers! Talking about having someone we like?”

He knew what Qin Mudong was about to do, but now clearly wasn’t the time to come clean.

Even though both of them already understood the meaning of love, even though they’d both decided they wouldn’t let go of the person next to them—through He Xi’s eyes, they were still just high school students. Kids who hadn’t grown up yet.

At this age, even a typical heterosexual romance would be discouraged by parents—let alone the fact that they liked someone of the same gender, which still wasn’t widely accepted by society. Every step had to be taken cautiously.

Lu Xingjia nudged Qin Mudong in the side with his elbow, signaling him not to worry and to let him handle it.

“What’s wrong with high schoolers?” Of course, He Xi didn’t want to drop the subject that easily. She continued, “When I was in high school, I even had a crush on the class president from the next class!”

“Huh???”

To ease the awkwardness, Xiang Yizhi, who had been focused on the dumpling filling, suddenly looked up, taking on the role of the mood-lifter, and pretended to be annoyed. “Why didn’t you ever tell me about this?”

“You never asked me,” He Xi gave him a side glance, then softened her tone to explain, “It was years ago. I didn’t even really know him. I just thought he looked handsome when he ran laps in the morning and ended up having a crush.”

“Well, that’s acceptable,” Xiang Yizhi nodded in satisfaction and smoothly shifted the topic back, saying to the two young men beside them, “Actually, you guys aren’t that young anymore. It’s totally normal to like someone. Nothing to be embarrassed about.”

He Xi nodded in agreement, “Yeah, before we knew it, you both have grown up.”

Seeing their reaction and hearing the warm tone in their voices, Lu Xingjia relaxed a little.

He had originally feared He Xi would blow up after finding out and wouldn’t allow them to continue seeing each other. But now, it seemed the situation was much better than he had imagined.

So, Lu Xingjia became a bit braver and admitted, “Mom, actually, I think it’s quite normal to have someone you like. But since we’re still in high school, we’re not mentally mature yet, and the college entrance exam is just a few months away. We should prioritize our studies.”

He didn’t know how much He Xi had discovered, so he said this to draw a line—letting her know that the two of them weren’t fooling around and that they had self-discipline.

“What about the future?” He Xi couldn’t help but ask further, “Have you thought about the future?”

Lu Xingjia paused for a second and replied, “I’ve thought about it. That’s exactly why I have to work hard and live my life well.”

Qin Mudong added at the right moment, “Auntie, me too. I’ll work hard to protect the person I love.”

It sounded more like a promise than just a statement.

Xiang Yizhi chimed in again to ease the atmosphere, smiling, “Not bad, not bad. Working hard for the one you love—very responsible. Uncle gives you both a thumbs-up!”

After several rounds of this cryptic back-and-forth, He Xi let out a soft sigh and didn’t pursue the topic further.

Coincidentally, the last dumpling wrapper was also done. She walked to the sink and carefully washed the flour off her fingers.

“I know you’re both responsible kids,” she said, as if speaking to Lu Xingjia, but also like she was convincing herself. “Mom knows.”

Lu Xingjia suddenly felt his nose sting. He couldn’t hold back and called out, “Mom.”

He Xi paused and looked up at him, her expression still gentle. “What is it?”

“Nothing,” Lu Xingjia blinked hard, forcing the tears back, “Just suddenly felt you’re really great.”

He was grateful that he had a mother like He Xi. Maybe she still couldn’t fully understand them, but she was doing her best to respect them.

He Xi must have done a lot of research and endured a lot of emotional turmoil before finally choosing this approach that wouldn’t hurt them.

“You’re only realizing how great I am now?” He Xi teased with a smile.

“You’ve always been great. Really, really great,” Lu Xingjia said earnestly.

He Xi was a little embarrassed by the praise, mumbled a few words, and changed the topic, telling him to hurry up and finish wrapping the dumplings.

Lu Xingjia chuckled and didn’t say more. He bowed his head and focused on the dumplings. After He Xi finished washing her hands, she also joined the dumpling-wrapping team.

With the combined effort of the four of them, the dumplings were wrapped quickly.

By 8 p.m., the dumplings were successfully cooked. He Xi had also prepared several other dishes. The four of them sat around the coffee table, watching TV while eating dinner.

The Spring Festival Gala had become less and less entertaining over the years—nothing new or exciting.

Due to everyone’s lack of experience, the dumpling wrappers couldn’t hold the filling well, and many fell apart during cooking.

But sitting together, chatting as they ate, the four really did feel like a family.

After the New Year countdown, there was a subtle understanding among them all.

Mindful of this awkward, unspoken-yet-not-hidden relationship, Qin Mudong didn’t stay long. After helping He Xi clean up the dishes, he said he was heading home.

He Xi made a show of asking him to stay, but she seemed to breathe a quiet sigh of relief and instructed Lu Xingjia to see him out. Lu Xingjia put on his coat, and the two of them stepped outside.

On the night of the first day of the Lunar New Year—a time for family reunions—the streets were unusually quiet.

They walked in silence, neither of them speaking.

Unknowingly, they reached the entrance of the neighborhood.

A cold gust of wind suddenly blew by, and Lu Xingjia instinctively wrapped his coat tighter.

“Cold?” Qin Mudong frowned slightly and began to take off his jacket.

“It’s fine,” Lu Xingjia quickly shook his head and stopped him. “I’m heading right back home anyway.”

He stuck his hands into his pockets and finally brought up the topic they’d both been avoiding.

“My mom… seems to have found out about us.”

Qin Mudong gave a low “mm” in response, his eyes lowered, deep in thought.

Not wanting him to overthink, Lu Xingjia purposely smiled and reassured him, “Don’t worry. My mom has always respected my choices. If we take it slow, I think she’ll come around.”

“Mm,” Qin Mudong replied softly, then suddenly said, “I’ll work hard.”

Lu Xingjia was stunned for a second, not quite catching his meaning. “Work hard at what?”

“To earn your mother’s approval.” Qin Mudong looked at him seriously, his tone solemn. “Xingxing, what I said in front of your mom tonight wasn’t just lip service. I’ll do my best to protect you. I really will.”

Despite the seriousness of the moment, Lu Xingjia couldn’t help but smile. Suddenly, this earnest and slightly anxious Qin Mudong seemed very cute.

Not like in his previous life—emotionless and distant—but more real, more present.

“Okay,” Lu Xingjia smiled, his eyes glittering like stars. “Let’s work hard together.”

……

In the days that followed, He Xi and Lu Xingjia maintained a kind of unspoken understanding.

Qin Mudong continued to tutor Lu Xingjia as usual. He Xi still made all kinds of homemade snacks for Lu Xingjia to bring over. Everything seemed just like before—except she never brought up their close relationship again, nor did she tease them about it.

Lu Xingjia knew she was still coming to terms with it, so he didn’t press the issue. He simply let his steadily improving grades speak for him—to show her he had boundaries, to show her she didn’t need to worry.

Time flew by, and soon it was March. As planned, Qin Mudong joined the second phase of the national training camp.

This second phase was much stricter than the first. Even Qin Mudong barely had time to breathe. Their phone calls, once daily, became once every three days, and then once a week.

Things weren’t any easier for Lu Xingjia either. One exam followed another, and there were school events like the “100 Days to National College Entrance Exam” oath ceremony—keeping everyone on edge around the clock.

Amidst mountains of homework and endless tests, Lu Xingjia’s memories of high school began to overlap with his current reality.

It had been like this in his past life too: piles of test papers, days counted by deadlines. Life was reduced to studying and exams, and the pressure felt like an inescapable shroud over everyone.

Fortunately, besides the National College Entrance Exam, Lu Xingjia had something else to look forward to.

Qin Mudong was coming back.

Though the second phase of training lasted only a month, it felt longer than anything before.

Finally, the end was in sight. Figuring that Qin Mudong must’ve gotten his phone back, Lu Xingjia sent him a message:

[What time are you getting back? Let’s have dinner together tonight.]

Then, after thinking a bit, he added a cute emoticon:
🥰

Satisfied, Lu Xingjia hit “send” just as the homeroom teacher burst into the classroom.

“Quiet down, everyone!”

Startled, Lu Xingjia quickly shoved his phone into his drawer. Luckily, the teacher didn’t look his way but went straight to the podium.

“The date for the school physicals has been set. It’ll be this Friday…”

Physicals.

At that word, Lu Xingjia’s heart gave a sudden jolt.

In his past life, this was when rumors about Qin Mudong began circulating through the school.

It was also around this time that Lu Xingjia saw him for the very last time.

On the day of the physicals, there was no evening self-study. Lu Xingjia was biking home when a tall boy stepped into his path.

The boy’s back looked oddly familiar. As he passed, Lu Xingjia instinctively turned his head—just in time to meet his eyes.

Those pitch-black eyes were utterly devoid of emotion, like a black hole sucking in all light and color.

Even with the sun still shining in the sky—even in the vibrant springtime—Lu Xingjia felt a piercing chill straight to his core.

He could hardly believe the person standing in front of him was Qin Mudong—the same gentle “Mudong Ge” who used to explain everything so patiently when they were kids.

Lu Xingjia quickly stopped his bike, wanting to say a few words, but Qin Mudong turned into a nearby path and disappeared without a trace.

All that was left for Lu Xingjia was that proud and aloof back, and those pitch-black eyes like voids.

From that moment on, that final glance became etched in Lu Xingjia’s mind, and even after being reborn, it still haunted his nightmares.

Every time he woke up drenched in cold sweat, Lu Xingjia would frantically fumble for his phone, his fingers trembling as he lit up the screen, repeatedly checking the time, confirming whether everything was real—whether he had truly been reborn.

Sometimes, he would wish that his previous life had only been a dream, and that everything now was how the world was always meant to be. But those memories were too vivid, painfully clear, constantly reminding him that maybe this current happiness was the actual dream—a dream that could vanish at any moment.

And once he woke up, everything would be gone.

Was Qin Mudong really okay?

Lu Xingjia suddenly became anxious.

He secretly pulled his phone from the drawer and checked their text and call history over and over, but the panic didn’t subside—it only got worse.

Was the current Qin Mudong really real? Or just a figment of his imagination?

Why wasn’t he replying?

Why still wasn’t he replying?

Lu Xingjia was almost lighting up his screen every two seconds, praying—but still, no message from Qin Mudong came.

During the entire evening self-study session, Lu Xingjia was distracted and restless. As soon as the bell rang, he bolted out of the classroom and, without a second thought, called Qin Mudong.

Bzzz—Bzzz—

Why isn’t he answering?!

Just when Lu Xingjia was on the verge of tears, Qin Mudong’s voice rang out from not far away, carrying that same gentle and dreamlike warmth, “Xingxing, I’m back.”

Lu Xingjia instantly looked up, no longer caring about anything else. He grabbed Qin Mudong’s hand and dashed down the stairs, running into the grove before tightly hugging him.

…Finally, something felt real.

“Xingxing?” Qin Mudong looked down in confusion, but before he could say anything, Lu Xingjia kissed him.

Biting, licking, clinging—like a soaked, trembling little animal.

Qin Mudong froze for a moment, then wrapped his arms around him, letting him kiss, gently responding in return.

Lips and tongues entwined, breaths mingled. Who knew how long it lasted—until Lu Xingjia was completely out of breath and finally pulled away, panting heavily, but still unwilling to let go, burying his face in Qin Mudong’s chest, arms tightly around his waist.

“…Xingxing?” After a while, once Lu Xingjia’s breathing steadied, Qin Mudong gently ruffled his hair and asked, “What’s wrong? Are you feeling unwell?”

Lu Xingjia’s voice was muffled. It took a long time before he finally spoke.

“I-I think I had a dream,” his lips quivered, the images from memory still screaming in his head, “I was in another world. I didn’t study physics competitions, we weren’t together, not even friends… There was nothing. I just watched you from afar, watched you get into the competition class, win a gold medal, become a young physicist… and then… you took your own life. I couldn’t do anything. I was useless…”

The more Lu Xingjia spoke, the more afraid he became. Scenes from the previous life surged like a tidal wave.

He desperately clung to Qin Mudong’s clothes, but his body kept shaking.

The happier he was now, the more terrified he felt—that at any moment, he’d be pulled back into that cold world without Qin Mudong, forever uneasy, never at peace.

“Xingxing.”

“Xingxing.”

“My Xingxing.”

Qin Mudong called out helplessly, one call after another, “Don’t be scared, don’t be scared.”

This was the scene Lu Xingjia never dared even to dream of in his past life. Surrounded by the familiar scent, with his head against Qin Mudong’s chest, he choked out, “Don’t go, don’t leave me.”

His expression was so panicked, like a lost little animal.

Qin Mudong was stunned, and he suddenly realized that Lu Xingjia wasn’t as cheerful and optimistic as he seemed. He also got scared, felt insecure, and needed comfort—needed someone to rely on.

So he clumsily tried to comfort him the way Lu Xingjia used to do:

“I won’t go. I won’t leave you.”

“I’m your boyfriend. I’m not going anywhere.”

“Your boyfriend is right here. I won’t leave.”

“Xingxing. I won’t leave you.”

“But in the dream, you did leave me…”

Lu Xingjia rarely argued, but his eyes were red and he insisted.

“Xingxing, that was a dream.”

Lu Xingjia couldn’t help but ask, “What if… it wasn’t a dream? What if that was real too?”

Qin Mudong asked, “You mean the ‘parallel universe’ theory?”

Lu Xingjia nodded and shook his head, unsure how to explain something as complex as reincarnation.

“It was too real,” Lu Xingjia shut his eyes in pain, “That dream was too real. I watched you from far away, did nothing, even thought you hated me. It wasn’t until you died that I understood what you had gone through.”

His body was still trembling. Qin Mudong lowered his head and gently kissed him again and again.

“Xingxing,” he whispered softly, “It’s okay. Even if that was real—it’s okay. I’m too lucky in this life anyway. Maybe it takes a few lifetimes’ worth of luck to make up for it.”

“No!” Lu Xingjia couldn’t help but cry out and interrupt him, kissing him frantically. “You deserve all of this. You’re so good, so, so good.”

Qin Mudong held him in his arms, comforting him like a child. Lu Xingjia bawled loudly, finally releasing the anxiety that had been bottled up for so long. As his tears fell, his worries evaporated with them.

Eventually, with red eyes, he muttered, “Are you really not afraid that all of this might be fake? Or, like you said, that this is just one of many parallel universes, and in other worlds, you’re still suffering eternal pain?”

Qin Mudong hesitated for a moment, then suddenly smiled and kissed his reddened eyelids. “Then I’m still lucky. If parallel universes really exist, then all the hardship I went through in other timelines must have been so I could meet you in this one.”

“Xingxing,” Qin Mudong cupped Lu Xingjia’s cheeks and pressed their foreheads together. “Let’s live well for the versions of us in those other timelines who were left with regrets. In this life, I won’t commit suicide.”

Lu Xingjia’s eyes welled up again — this time, with tears of relief.

If the great wheel of fate can’t be stopped by human effort, then at least they could live the present to the fullest.

“Okay,” Lu Xingjia said in a trembling voice, “Okay, we’ll do it together.”

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