You Started It
Qin Mudong said he had an abnormal possessiveness toward him.
He wanted to tie him up, lock him away. He wanted him to be his little bunny—his alone. He wanted to make him cry.
He said it all.
He laid bare all his filthy thoughts, one by one, before Lu Xingjia.
By the end, Qin Mudong didn’t even dare to touch him, afraid that Lu Xingjia really would run. But his fingers clutched the hem of his clothes, holding on tightly, unwilling to let go.
“Xingxing, I…”
His voice rasped. He wanted to explain, but found he had no words. In the end, he just shut his eyes in despair.
“I’m a freak,” he finally concluded.
No one wants to describe themselves like that in front of the one they love. But Qin Mudong couldn’t find any other words.
After speaking, silence fell again. Qin Mudong’s pale fingers trembled slightly as he waited silently for the final judgment.
The night was filled with the chirps of insects, rustling leaves in the wind, the school bell ringing cheerfully and fading away—but Lu Xingjia said nothing.
All the warmth in Qin Mudong’s blood slowly drained away. His heart felt heavy, like sinking into thick, bottomless mud—falling deeper, with no light in sight.
Weightlessness. Suffocation. His vision was dark, his throat clogged, his body suspended in air without grounding.
He figured—yeah. He couldn’t accept it. No one could accept a freak like this.
Forcing himself, as if dragging a drowning man away from the shore, he began to release his fingers one by one from Lu Xingjia’s shirt.
“I’m sorry, I—”
Just as he was drowning in despair, Lu Xingjia finally spoke:
“So… this is the kind of thing you like?”
His voice was soft and gentle, with a fuzzy, lingering tail like a plush little animal. Qin Mudong suddenly looked up, only to see that his face had turned red—completely red.
Lu Xingjia licked his lips and tentatively said a few keywords:
“Roleplay? Captivity? Bondage? And… sadism?”
It took Lu Xingjia a moment to recover from the massive shock. Once the initial tension faded, only shyness remained.
Even if he lived his life over again, he wouldn’t have imagined that what Qin Mudong meant by “different” would be something like this.
In this era, perhaps such things were considered taboo. But with the development of the internet in later years, these kinds of preferences were no longer unusual—just a matter of personal taste or intimacy. Lu Xingjia hadn’t deeply explored such topics, but he had heard about them.
He thought, If this is what Qin Mudong likes… maybe I’m not entirely opposed to it.
Lu Xingjia cleared his throat twice. His cheeks were burning red. But not wanting Qin Mudong to misunderstand him again, he forced himself to overcome his shame and speak up:
“Um… if you like that… we could… we could try it sometime. But only after we graduate. And, also, I’m a little scared of pain, so…”
Having been single his entire life and only falling in love this once—even though he wasn’t a child anymore—Lu Xingjia still felt incredibly shy talking about such things, especially since they were both still in high school.
The more he spoke, the softer his voice got, until the last part was almost inaudible.
Qin Mudong was even more embarrassed than he was.
The boy, usually cold and aloof, had a faint pink blush dusting his face. His cold fingers quickly grabbed Lu Xingjia’s hand.
“I won’t! Xingxing, I don’t want to hurt you! Don’t be scared. Please don’t be afraid of me!”
His tone was urgent, even pleading.
Even during his darkest, most twisted thoughts—even when he believed he’d never have Lu Xingjia—he had never wanted to hurt him.
He only wanted to lock him away, hide him, mark him, brand him—nothing more.
How could he bear to hurt him? He was his most precious star.
Lu Xingjia paused, finally understanding the depth of his fear and insecurity. Gently, he asked:
“Is that why you kept your distance? Because you were afraid I wouldn’t be able to accept it… and would leave you?”
“…Yeah.”
“And that time in the second semester of sophomore year…?”
“That too,” Qin Mudong admitted softly.
Lu Xingjia’s nose tingled. After learning the truth, all he felt was heartache.
His Gege—his Mudong—was so good, so restrained, so selfless.
How could he ever be afraid of someone so gentle? How could he ever leave him?
Lu Xingjia’s voice softened, nasal from holding back tears:
“It’s okay. I’m not scared.”
He sniffled, then deliberately lightened his tone:
“So, the first two things I mentioned—are those the ones you like? What about a bunny tail? And handcuffs? I think there are custom ones online. When the time comes, we could—”
“Xingxing!” Qin Mudong’s Adam’s apple bobbed. The joy and pain in his eyes clashed violently.
He gritted his teeth and stared blankly at Lu Xingjia, his voice thick with emotion:
“Can you really accept it? You don’t think I’m a freak? You’re not afraid I’ll hurt you?”
Lu Xingjia smiled and looked straight into his eyes.
“Would you hurt me?”
Their gazes met, and Lu Xingjia’s was calm and open. The amber of his eyes reflected the warm glow of the streetlight, crystal clear—and there was only one person in his eyes.
Qin Mudong’s heart was racing, pounding hard in his chest.
Fresh, warm blood surged back into what had felt like a lifeless heart.
After a moment, Qin Mudong whispered:
“I wouldn’t.”
He lowered his head and kissed Lu Xingjia’s lips, his teeth grazing lightly over the soft skin, as if he wanted to devour him whole.
“Xingxing, you’re the one who provoked me first. You won’t be able to escape now.”
Lu Xingjia blushed as he hugged him tightly, doing his best to return the kiss.
Everything he wanted to say was wrapped in the tenderness of that kiss.
He never intended to run.
When the kiss finally ended, Lu Xingjia’s lips curled into a smile. His eyes curved like crescents, and his face was still lit up with his usual sunny warmth.
“Actually, it’s really not a big deal,” Lu Xingjia said, smiling.
“A lot of people have little quirks that make them different from others. Some have foot fetishes, some are into objects—it’s nothing to be ashamed of.”
“I’m into you,” Qin Mudong said hoarsely, his eyes half-closed before slowly opening again. He pulled Lu Xingjia into his arms once more.
“I only like you.”
Lu Xingjia blushed again, completely defenseless against Qin Mudong’s straightforward affection.
The cold, silent lakeside suddenly seemed to warm. The two of them held each other tightly, drawing warmth from one another’s bodies.
They stayed like that for a long time. Then Lu Xingjia seemed to think of something, and buried his face in Qin Mudong’s chest. In a soft mumble, he added:
“But… we have to wait until after graduation, okay? We’re still too young right now.”
“Mm,” Qin Mudong responded in a low voice.
“I won’t touch you before we graduate.”
Lu Xingjia choked on a cough, still thinking that two high schoolers discussing this kind of topic felt a bit inappropriate. Blushing, he gave a soft “okay” and tried to change the subject:
“By the way… is there anything else you haven’t told me? You can tell me everything.”
“I love you,” Qin Mudong suddenly said.
“I’ve never told you this before—but I love you.”
Lu Xingjia’s face turned even redder. He stammered a reply, then asked quietly, “A-And anything else? Like, did I do something that made you upset?”
Qin Mudong hesitated, his eyes darkening slightly. “Can I really say anything?”
Lu Xingjia nodded. “Yeah. It’s totally normal for two people in a relationship to run into problems. Only if we talk about it can we fix them together. Like this time—if you hadn’t said anything, I’d have had no idea why you suddenly started ignoring me.”
Qin Mudong stayed silent for a long while before he muttered, “You were getting too close to Qiu Ruifeng. I didn’t like it.”
Lu Xingjia was momentarily speechless. “Me and him… we’re just friends.”
“…Mm.”
“I only went to him because you suddenly distanced yourself from me. I didn’t know what to do, so I asked him for advice.”
“…Mm.”
“I only like you.”
“…”
Qin Mudong couldn’t help but bite down gently at Lu Xingjia’s collarbone, leaving a flushed red mark. In a muffled voice, he said, “I love you.”
“I love you too.”
Lu Xingjia let out a soft sigh, made up his mind about something, and took the initiative to tiptoe up and kiss him lightly on the lips.
…..
The next night after school, Lu Xingjia didn’t leave. Instead, he waited under the school building specifically for Qiu Ruifeng. Standing next to him was Qin Mudong, his brow tightly furrowed.
Qin Mudong said reluctantly, “I don’t want to see him.”
Even if he wasn’t that jealous anymore, he still didn’t want anything to do with Qiu Ruifeng.
“Just this once,” Lu Xingjia tugged on his sleeve with a coaxing tone. “I need to talk to him.”
In front of Lu Xingjia, Qin Mudong had no principles whatsoever. A few words, and he gave in.
He squeezed Lu Xingjia’s fair fingers with mild displeasure but didn’t say anything more.
After just a few moments, Qiu Ruifeng came down the stairs. Lu Xingjia quickly waved and called out, “Qiu Ruifeng! Over here!”
Compared to Qin Mudong’s hostility, Qiu Ruifeng was totally bewildered. He walked over, scratching his head. “What’s up?”
Yesterday, Lu Xingjia had come to him upset about fighting with Qin Mudong. And today, the two of them showed up together?
And… Qin Mudong’s gaze felt kind of weird. It made him uncomfortable.
Qiu Ruifeng forced those strange feelings down and raised an eyebrow with a teasing smile. “You two made up?”
“Mm,” Lu Xingjia nodded, but it was clearly not what he wanted to say.
Unlike his usual demeanor, his face was serious and solemn as he looked at Qiu Ruifeng and said, “There’s something I want to tell you.”
Qiu Ruifeng was taken aback and quickly dropped his casual attitude. “What is it?”
Lu Xingjia took a deep breath and deliberately took hold of Qin Mudong’s hand, interlocking their fingers.
“I just wanted to introduce you,” Lu Xingjia smiled suddenly, then said clearly and firmly, “This is my boyfriend.”
For a moment, the other two were stunned. Shock flashed through Qin Mudong’s eyes, and Qiu Ruifeng completely froze on the spot. After a long beat, he stammered, “B-boyfriend?”
“Yeah, my boyfriend. My partner,” Lu Xingjia nodded, and seeing that Qiu Ruifeng still hadn’t quite gotten it, he added, “Who you like doesn’t have to depend on gender. Why can’t two boys be in a relationship?”
Qiu Ruifeng’s heart skipped twice violently as if something had suddenly clicked.
The tightly wrapped cocoon inside him began to tremble—something inside was about to emerge.
Just then, footsteps echoed from the stairwell, and Ji Angran’s figure appeared at the corner.
Seeing Qiu Ruifeng’s shocked expression, Lu Xingjia had an idea. “If you don’t believe me, you can ask Xiao Ran.”
“Ask me what?”
Right as he said that, Ji Angran walked over to them. Noticing the strange looks on their faces, he asked curiously.
“Xiao Ran! Long time no see!” Lu Xingjia smiled playfully, not explaining. “It’s nothing—Qiu Ruifeng said he had something he wanted to ask you in private. I’ll let him tell you what it is.”
He decided to leave the two alone, so after saying that, he took Qin Mudong’s hand and walked toward the school gate, then said,
“You two chat. We’ll go first. Talk again next time!”
As they walked away, their hands were still openly interlocked.
Ji Angran immediately noticed their tightly held hands. He blinked and asked Qiu Ruifeng, “They’re…?”
“They’re…” Qiu Ruifeng hesitated, unsure if he should say it.
Under the dim lights of the school building, Ji Angran’s skin looked very pale, with a hint of baby fat on his face. His round eyes widened in surprise, and his light-colored lips pressed into a line. With just one glance, Qiu Ruifeng felt his mouth go dry.
His heart had never beat this fast.
“They’re… dating,” he finally said.
Qiu Ruifeng’s voice was dry, hoarse. “Jia Jia asked me to ask you—can boys be in a relationship with each other?”
Ji Angran’s heart was pounding like a drum. After a while, he asked back, “W-What do you think?”
“I…”
Qiu Ruifeng paused, but he wasn’t the type to beat around the bush. He shut his eyes tight and confessed in one breath, “I think I kind of like you.”
“Like… I don’t know if it’s that kind of like, but I think you’re really good-looking. You have a great personality. When I’m with you, my heart races. I can’t help but look at you. I even want to… to kiss you.”
In that instant, Ji Angran’s whole world lit up.
Even though it was nighttime and the lighting was dim, his surroundings suddenly seemed brighter than a spring noon.
He had grown up under his parents’ strict guidance, always walking the predetermined path and never doing anything out of line.
Until one day, he realized he might have a crush on his deskmate.
He secretly went to the library to look up all kinds of information and learned that being gay wasn’t a disease. But even then, he had never dared to imagine that his feelings would be reciprocated.
Tears blurred his vision, and for the first time, Ji Angran realized how incredibly joyful it was to have a wish come true.
“Hey, hey—why are you crying?!”
Qiu Ruifeng panicked, fumbling to wipe his tears away. “I take it back! I don’t like you anymore, okay? Just don’t cry, please don’t cry!”
As the tears rolled down his cheeks, Ji Angran couldn’t help but laugh again. He wrapped his arms around Qiu Ruifeng’s neck and kissed him on the corner of his mouth.
“You can’t not like me,”
His cheeks and eyes were both red, and his voice was soft, yet his tone was firm. “Because I like you.”
Author’s Note:
It’s really almost over!