Give You My Heart
By the time they got back from the train station, it was already dark. Lu Xingjia had forgotten about his earlier plan to invite Qin Mudong home for dinner.
Qin Mudong would have to attend national team training next week, so Lu Xingjia had hoped to spend some intimate time with him these days. But not only was there no closeness, Qin Mudong was rarely seen at all.
When asked, Qin Mudong just said he was busy preparing materials. Lu Xingjia had classes and couldn’t follow him around all day, so he had no choice but to accept it.
But seriously—preparing materials meant no kisses or hugs either?
Lu Xingjia couldn’t make sense of it.
One or two days was fine, but when it stretched to three or four, he started getting anxious.
It felt like Qin Mudong was avoiding him again.
The half-year cold war last time still haunted Lu Xingjia. He didn’t know what was wrong this time, but he knew he couldn’t just sit back and wait.
Direct confrontation wasn’t working. Indirect probing didn’t help either. After thinking it over, Lu Xingjia decided to seek help from someone close.
That evening after class, Qin Mudong texted him again, saying he had something to do and couldn’t walk home with him. Lu Xingjia replied “Got it” with disappointment and packed up his bag as usual.
But this time, instead of heading downstairs, he marched upstairs.
In this life, Lu Xingjia was much more cheerful than in his previous one and could chat easily with anyone. But when it came to people he truly trusted, besides Qin Mudong, there was only Qiu Ruifeng.
Despite Qiu Ruifeng’s usual goofy and unreliable demeanor, he was actually extremely loyal and would never betray a friend. Plus, his thought process was often different from most people’s—he could offer unexpected and useful advice.
In just a few strides, Lu Xingjia reached the classroom door of Qiu Ruifeng’s new class.
Qiu Ruifeng and Ji Angran had done well in the national competition. Although they weren’t granted direct admission, they could now get into a university as long as they met the basic undergraduate score requirement. After the competition, they returned to regular classes—but unfortunately, none of the three ended up in the same class.
Qiu Ruifeng was sitting by the window. He turned and was surprised to see Lu Xingjia. “Jia Jia?”
He raised his eyebrows jokingly, “Why are you here? Missed me?”
Since the competition, Qiu Ruifeng and Ji Angran had clearly grown closer. Ji Angran even switched to being a day student, so they saw each other daily.
Lu Xingjia had recently been spending most of his time with Qin Mudong, so it had been a while since he last saw Qiu Ruifeng.
Feeling frustrated and restless, Lu Xingjia didn’t banter as usual. He simply asked, “Are you free? Want to walk home together tonight?”
That definitely meant something was up. Qiu Ruifeng immediately dropped the joking tone and nodded. “I was meeting Xiao Ran downstairs anyway. Let’s all go together.”
Lu Xingjia nodded and waited for him to pack up before they walked down the stairs together.
As the number of students around gradually dwindled, Qiu Ruifeng asked, “What’s up? You needed something from me?”
“Yeah,” Lu Xingjia carefully chose his words. “It’s like… if you have a really close friend, and they suddenly start avoiding you—no, not exactly avoiding, they still talk to you normally, but when it comes to a certain topic, they’re very resistant.”
His description was vague, but Qiu Ruifeng hit the nail on the head: “You had a fight with Qin-ge?”
“…”
After a brief silence, Lu Xingjia sighed and admitted, “Sort of.”
He looked both helpless and a little aggrieved. “During the exams, he helped me a lot. My mom and I both wanted to invite him over for dinner. After I brought it up, he seemed unwilling. And ever since then, he’s been saying he’s busy preparing stuff for the national team and hasn’t really come to see me.”
Qiu Ruifeng frowned in confusion after hearing this: “He’s ignoring you just because he doesn’t want to go to your house for dinner?”
“I don’t know,” Lu Xingjia shook his head. “I just feel like he’s hiding something from me, but he won’t tell me when I ask.”
“Hmm…”
Qiu Ruifeng thought for a moment. He’d never encountered this kind of situation before. “How about you ask him again? Be more direct?”
“I did. He just said we’re not fighting, he’s just busy lately.”
“Hint at it subtly?”
“I’ve basically smashed him with hints!”
“Then just corner him and demand answers!”
“…”
Lu Xingjia shot him a look and saw him even doing an exaggerated “kabedon” gesture. Helplessly, he said, “Do you think that would work?”
Qiu Ruifeng scratched his head in defeat. “I can’t think of any other way. Qin-ge’s heart is like a needle at the bottom of the ocean—impossible to figure out.”
If even someone like Qiu Ruifeng, who was usually full of wild ideas, couldn’t come up with anything useful, Lu Xingjia was even more at a loss. He could only sigh in frustration. “It’s fine. Thanks anyway. I’ll think of something else.”
Qiu Ruifeng hesitated, then patted him on the shoulder. “I’m sure it’ll be fine. Qin-ge usually gets along great with you. Maybe he’ll come around in a few days.”
Lu Xingjia wasn’t as optimistic.
Others might not understand Qin Mudong, but he did. Qin Mudong was the type to bottle everything up and build high walls to isolate himself from the world.
That must be so exhausting.
Lu Xingjia was helpless… and heartbroken.
Ji Angran hadn’t arrived yet, so the two of them waited at the school building entrance, chatting idly. Lu Xingjia’s mind drifted off. His eyes happened to glance into the distance—and suddenly caught a familiar figure.
“Qin Mudong?!” He couldn’t help but exclaim.
Qiu Ruifeng turned his head. “Where?”
That tall figure flashed by, blending into the swaying tree shadows, then quickly disappeared into the dim evening.
Startled, Lu Xingjia quickly said to Qiu Ruifeng behind him, “I’m going after him!” And without thinking, he dashed off.
“Hey—!” Qiu Ruifeng reached out to stop him, but Ji Angran had just come down the stairs. “What happened?”
In those few seconds, Lu Xingjia was already gone, leaving only a fleeting shadow behind.
Qiu Ruifeng dropped his hand and scratched his head. “Nothing. Jia Jia said he was going to walk with us, but suddenly ran off.”
“Did something happen?” Ji Angran walked over, slightly frowning.
The lights in the school building were dim and hazy. Qiu Ruifeng was about to explain, but as he glanced at Ji Angran, his heart inexplicably skipped a beat.
Lately, whenever they spent time together, he couldn’t stop staring at Ji Angran.
Ji Angran’s lips looked really soft—like jelly. Clear and glossy. He wanted to… kiss them.
Qiu Ruifeng’s Adam’s apple bobbed.
Seeing that he wasn’t speaking, Ji Angran stepped closer and asked again, “Did something happen?”
“N-no, nothing,” Qiu Ruifeng snapped back to reality and avoided his gaze. “He went to find Qin-ge. Let’s go.”
A strange feeling flickered in his heart. He didn’t know why that thought had just popped into his head.
Two guys kissing… that’s way too weird!!!
Ji Angran seemed like he wanted to ask more but ultimately said nothing, walking out the school gates with Qiu Ruifeng.
……
Elsewhere, Lu Xingjia was quickly closing the gap between him and the shadow slipping through the night.
“Qin Mudong!” he called out.
The figure didn’t turn around and instead turned a corner, heading toward the school’s small garden.
Lu Xingjia followed, continuing to call, “Qin Mudong!”
He ran too fast and coughed twice, his voice echoing in the quiet campus.
This time, the figure paused—finally coming to a stop.
It really was Qin Mudong.
Ahead was a small pond. The moonlight rippled across the water. Qin Mudong stood still, his tall silhouette like a statue.
Lu Xingjia stopped behind him, catching his breath before asking, “When did you get here? Why didn’t you tell me?”
Qin Mudong’s hand clenched tightly at his side, his fingernails digging painfully into his palm.
He didn’t speak.
Lu Xingjia took a few steps forward and stood in front of him, trying to see his expression. “What’s wrong? Did something happen? Why did you run when you saw me?”
His voice was filled with urgency and concern.
Qin Mudong turned his gaze away, avoiding Lu Xingjia’s burning eyes, and lowered his lashes.
Behind the curtain of his eyelashes, his dark eyes had turned almost to molten magma—roiling, surging—with a fiery heat hidden inside, wrapped on the outside by a layer of stone and mud.
“Mudong Ge,” Lu Xingjia stubbornly grabbed his arm and took the initiative to bury himself in his embrace, whispering, “If something’s wrong, just tell me, okay?”
“Don’t bottle it up by yourself.”
“I’m your boyfriend, you know.”
No one could resist such tenderness.
His alluring scent lingered in the air, and Qin Mudong kissed him fiercely.
His tongue pressed against the roof of Lu Xingjia’s mouth, his hands clamping tightly on his shoulders—the kiss crashed down like a storm, leaving Lu Xingjia no chance to defend himself.
What could he even say? Qin Mudong was tortured by the thought. He didn’t know how to explain any of it.
Should he tell Lu Xingjia he was a freak?
He had always hidden his true self, too afraid of scaring Lu Xingjia away.
Afraid he wouldn’t be able to accept it—would run away from him.
Over the past while, he had imagined countless outcomes of coming clean, and every one only made the dark desires in his heart grow stronger.
Reason and desire were locked in a constant battle. He was afraid of losing Lu Xingjia, afraid of hurting him by accident. He feared driving things to a point of no return—so once again, he chose to avoid him.
But this time, it was different than before. Now, they were together.
Lu Xingjia would cling to him. His clear, open eyes filled with concern. He would bluntly ask him why.
And every time their eyes met, those bright, spring-like eyes made Qin Mudong feel completely exposed.
He was a despicable person. Even though he always found excuses not to walk home with Lu Xingjia, he still followed him from a distance every day, accompanying him on the journey to and from school.
Until today, when Lu Xingjia didn’t come out for a long time.
He went onto campus to look for him. The first thing he saw was Lu Xingjia laughing and chatting with Qiu Ruifeng under the teaching building.
At that moment, the muddy desire inside him peaked.
Then, Lu Xingjia spotted him.
The taste of blood spread through their mouths as Qin Mudong kissed him recklessly, licking and sucking wildly. And then—he suddenly noticed—beneath that violent kiss, Lu Xingjia was panting like a small, helpless animal, but he was still doing his best to respond.
His warm tongue gently licked over Qin Mudong’s lips, soft and obedient. Lu Xingjia’s arms were tightly wrapped around his waist, refusing to let go even now.
Qin Mudong’s eyes flew open, then slowly closed again. When he looked up once more, his movements had grown gentler.
He cupped the side of Lu Xingjia’s face, carefully licking the faint traces of blood from his lips. His fingers trembled uncontrollably.
Lu Xingjia blinked his eyes open and finally met his gaze.
He let out a soft sigh and leaned toward Qin Mudong’s ear, speaking tenderly:
“Can you tell me what’s really wrong? You can tell your boyfriend, right?”
Their eyes locked. Time seemed to come to a halt.
Sparrows chirped in the trees, lights still glowed in the distant school building, and somewhere, a cat meowed.
But the loudest thing was the beating of their hearts—pounding against their chests.
After a long, long time, Qin Mudong pulled Lu Xingjia into his shoulder and slowly closed his eyes.
His voice was hoarse—so hoarse that if one listened closely, they’d realize his entire body was shaking.
“Xingxing,” every word Qin Mudong spoke was with great difficulty, “I think… I might be… different from other people.”
He thought—then let me tear off every layer of disguise.
Let me dig out my heart and give it to him, letting him decide my fate.