I Want to Try
“You’re mine.”
“Mine.”
With every kiss, Qin Mudong repeated it like a mantra—stubborn and leaving no room for refusal.
Pressed against the cold wall, Lu Xingjia felt the heat of the body in front of him. The kisses were intense and overwhelming, leaving him with no strength to fight back.
He felt like a helpless little boat drifting in a stormy sea, tossed by waves he couldn’t control.
The faint taste of blood lingered in his mouth. His fingers clutched tightly at Qin Mudong’s school jacket as his chest rose and fell rapidly.
Who knew how long had passed before Qin Mudong finally let go.
A cool thumb brushed against Lu Xingjia’s now-swollen lips, stinging from the rough kisses.
They were probably broken.
Panting, Lu Xingjia looked up, his eyes slightly red at the corners.
When his gaze met Qin Mudong’s, he immediately sensed his unease.
Qin Mudong’s actions had been forceful, even rough—pressing his shoulders so hard they ached, as if trying to fuse them into one body.
But his fingers trembled. The way he gently touched Lu Xingjia’s lips was almost reverent, like he was handling a precious treasure.
“Xingxing…”
Qin Mudong’s voice was hoarse as he called out. His Adam’s apple bobbed, and his dark eyes looked deep and lost, as if he didn’t know what to say.
So Lu Xingjia took a step forward and hugged him.
The moment their bodies touched, Qin Mudong visibly stiffened.
But then, slowly, he loosened his grip on Lu Xingjia and wrapped his arms around him in return.
This time, it was gentle.
At some point, they began kissing again.
This time, it was a real kiss.
A warm tongue gently swept over Lu Xingjia’s split lip, lingering between his teeth. The metallic taste faded, replaced by a tingling sensation that shot straight to his head—his scalp and even his toes felt numb.
When they finally stopped, Lu Xingjia’s legs were jelly. He buried his face into Qin Mudong’s chest and mumbled, “What’s wrong?”
Qin Mudong pressed his lips together, silent.
“You’re upset,” Lu Xingjia said with certainty.
After a moment of silence, Qin Mudong muttered, “…You and Miao Qian looked like you were enjoying your chat.”
That awkward conversation? Enjoyable?
Lu Xingjia blinked, a mix of amusement and frustration in his chest. “Do you even know what we were talking about?”
“She said she wants to go to the same university as you,” Qin Mudong paused for a moment and said in a low voice, “She likes you.”
He had actually come back a while ago and had been standing nearby, listening to the two of them talk for quite some time—yet Lu Xingjia never noticed.
His Xingxing had always been that slow to catch on, completely unaware that so many people were secretly eyeing him.
Wanting to go to the same university equals liking someone?
Lu Xingjia wondered, Do all academic geniuses draw such strange conclusions?
But he also understood—Qin Mudong was jealous because he didn’t feel secure enough.
Lu Xingjia poked his head out from Qin Mudong’s embrace, tilted his face up, and looked into his eyes from a close distance: “But I don’t want that.”
He smiled with his eyes curved like crescents. “I want to be with you.”
In those beautiful amber eyes, there was only one reflection—Qin Mudong’s. It was an open and sincere gaze, clear enough to see the bottom.
Qin Mudong slowly closed his eyes, and the frustration in his heart quietly melted away.
After a moment, he softly said again, “You’re mine.”
“Mhm,” Lu Xingjia responded easily, like he was soothing a jealous big cat, “I’m yours—and you’re mine too.”
After more cuddling and affection, Qin Mudong’s jealousy finally dissipated. As the two walked out of the stairwell, they ran into Qiu Ruifeng and Ji Angran coming their way.
“Jia Jia,” Qiu Ruifeng waved enthusiastically and walked over in big strides, “We were just about to look for you! We can go now!”
His eyes flicked toward Lu Xingjia and immediately noticed something off. “Eh? What happened to your lips? They look swollen.”
Lu Xingjia awkwardly pressed his puffy lips together. “Ma-maybe I got bitten by a mosquito…”
“It’s almost October—what mosquitoes?”
“…How should I know?” Lu Xingjia muttered under his breath, turning his face away in embarrassment.
Qiu Ruifeng only grew more curious, grinning mischievously as he reached out. “Did you do something naughty behind our backs? Come on, let me see.”
Qin Mudong furrowed his brow slightly and stepped forward without a word, positioning himself between them. He said calmly, “Due to human activity, global warming is now widespread. October temperatures average around ten degrees Celsius, which is suitable for mosquito survival.”
Qiu Ruifeng was instantly silenced—though completely baffled.
Usually, when he teased Lu Xingjia, Qin Mudong would act indifferent. He couldn’t figure out why he suddenly jumped in like that today.
Lu Xingjia was stunned for a second, then quickly caught on. “Exactly! Just because you haven’t seen any doesn’t mean they’re not there.”
He followed up with a couple of casual comments and smoothly changed the topic. “So, what experiments did you guys draw? How did it go?”
“Not bad,” Qiu Ruifeng still felt something was off and kept glancing at him, but eventually gave up. “I got the focal length measurement.”
Ji Angran chimed in at just the right time: “I got the discharge method for measuring electrolytic capacitors. I think I did okay… but who knows how many points I’ll actually get.”
“No rush, no rush. The results will be out in a couple of days anyway,” Qiu Ruifeng’s tone softened unconsciously when he spoke to Ji Angran. “The exam’s over—don’t think about it too much.”
“…Okay.” Ji Angran lowered his eyes and gave a small nod.
“Let’s go!” Qiu Ruifeng slung an arm around Ji Angran’s shoulder and said grandly, “We finally finished the exam. Dinner’s on me tonight!”
He turned his head to glance at Lu Xingjia. “You coming?”
Lu Xingjia nodded and agreed.
Just nearby was a snack street. After checking in with their teacher, the four of them walked off together, chatting and laughing as they went.
Compared to the place Lu Xingjia and Qin Mudong had gone to before, this street was obviously much more crowded—probably because it was right next to a school. Most of the people there looked like students.
The narrow street was bustling with laughter and energy. Teenagers ran around, chasing and teasing each other.
Not wanting to squeeze into the crowd, the four of them picked a Sha County eatery near the entrance of the street and sat down.
The owner was a very friendly uncle. Each of them ordered their own dish, then added two baskets of dumplings to share. Soon enough, both the noodles and dumplings arrived.
The owner seemed kind and generous with the portions. Lu Xingjia ordered spicy noodles. The freshly cooked noodles were drained and topped with a generous serving of minced meat and peanuts in a savory sauce. The chewy, springy noodles were finished with a big spoonful of authentic Sichuan-Chongqing chili oil—absolutely full of flavor.
After mixing the noodles well, Lu Xingjia took a big slurp, his eyes narrowing in satisfaction: “Delicious!”
It was so tasty he immediately picked up his bowl and, like it was a precious treasure, held it out to Qin Mudong. “This is really good—do you want to try some?”
Qin Mudong looked down at the noodles dripping with sauce. Lu Xingjia paused, suddenly realizing he’d already stirred them up—the presentation wasn’t exactly appetizing anymore.
He smiled sheepishly and began pulling the bowl back. “Never mind, I already ate from it—”
Before he could finish, Qin Mudong had already picked up his chopsticks.
“It’s good,” he said softly after a bite.
Lu Xingjia blushed. “You’re using my chopsticks…”
“Mhm,” Qin Mudong replied calmly, and naturally reached over to the utensil rack for another pair. “Do you want to switch?”
“No, I don’t mind.” Lu Xingjia shook his head, then unconsciously bit the end of his chopsticks. Realizing what he was doing, he quickly looked down, face flushed, nearly burying his head in his bowl.
Qiu Ruifeng and Ji Angran, sitting to the side, exchanged shocked glances.
What happened to the “serious germaphobe”?
What happened to “never using anything touched by others”?
Top student, your persona is falling apart!
But the two involved acted like nothing had happened. Despite their internal complaints, the others couldn’t say a word on the surface.
The small incident quickly passed, and the four of them continued chatting while eating. The table was small, their steaming bowls huddled close together, creating a lively and harmonious atmosphere.
Just as the mood was at its peak, a female voice suddenly rang out nearby: “Mudong?”
Lu Xingjia looked up instinctively and saw Pu Shulan standing not far away on the street, with a tall, strapping young man about their age beside her.
Pu Shulan seemed surprised to see them here. She hesitated for a second before pulling the boy along and walking over. “What a coincidence, you’re here too.”
Lu Xingjia didn’t know what to say for a moment. Qin Mudong only gave the two a faint glance, clearly not intending to acknowledge them.
Pu Shulan stood there awkwardly, then complained to the boy beside her: “Why aren’t you saying anything to your brother?”
The boy ignored her, still staring down at his phone, as if he hadn’t heard.
Qiu Ruifeng couldn’t stand the silence and took the initiative to speak: “Auntie, you are…?”
“Oh,” Pu Shulan responded as if suddenly realizing, “Hello, I’m Mudong’s mother. This is Mudong’s younger brother.”
She forced a smile. “You’re Mudong’s classmates, right? What brings you here to eat?”
Not knowing the backstory, and meeting Qin Mudong’s mother for the first time, Qiu Ruifeng responded enthusiastically: “Auntie, didn’t you know? We’re here today for a physics experiment exam!”
Pu Shulan asked, “Oh? Is it the one for the physics competition?”
“Yeah…”
After a few sentences, Qiu Ruifeng gradually realized that the atmosphere was off. Among the six people present, only he and Pu Shulan were talking. His voice got quieter and eventually trailed off.
Another awkward silence passed. Then, as if suddenly remembering something, Pu Shulan smiled faintly, looking somewhat forlorn. “I see… well, you guys go ahead and eat. I won’t bother you.”
She then paid for the group’s meal and quickly left. After her figure disappeared at the end of the road, Qiu Ruifeng whispered to Ji Angran, “What’s going on?”
Ji Angran shook his head.
Though he had gone to middle school with Qin Mudong, he didn’t know much about him—just that his parents were divorced. He had no further details.
Lu Xingjia coughed twice and tried to lighten the mood with a smile: “Let’s keep eating.”
Qiu Ruifeng caught on quickly and echoed, “Yeah, let’s eat, before the noodles go cold!”
The four continued eating in silence, tacitly choosing not to bring up what had just happened.
After the meal, they split up and headed home.
Since Ji Angran lived far away, Qiu Ruifeng insisted on escorting him for safety, while Lu Xingjia and Qin Mudong took the bus together.
As dusk deepened, the bus filled up during rush hour. The two stood side by side in the swaying vehicle, not speaking a word.
After they got off and started walking home, the streets quiet and dim, Qin Mudong suddenly spoke: “What do you think she wants?”
He didn’t name “she,” but Lu Xingjia understood instantly who he meant.
“…I don’t know,” Lu Xingjia said after a pause, honestly.
In his past life, he’d completely lost contact with Qin Mudong after high school and knew very little about his family, so he really couldn’t guess Pu Shulan’s intentions.
Qin Mudong asked again, “Then do you think I should…”
Lu Xingjia suddenly stopped and turned to face him.
The streetlights were sparse, and the world around them dim. Lu Xingjia looked directly at Qin Mudong. His amber eyes sparkled brighter than the stars in the sky.
“It’s what you think,” he corrected gently. “I told you before, no matter what you choose, I’ll stand by you. So, all you have to do is follow your heart.”
Under the yellow glow of the streetlight, Qin Mudong looked down at their shadows. After a long silence, he murmured, “I… I want to try.”
He thought he had already given up hope, yet he couldn’t deny that after seeing Pu Shulan’s change, some quiet ripple stirred within his calm heart.
Even if he didn’t know whether the road ahead led to light or to a quagmire.
Deep in his memory, he still carried the imprint of his mother’s irreplaceable gentleness.
He had once studied diligently, pushed himself so hard, all for a single word of praise from her. He had seen her many times caress another boy’s head with a smile, saying, “My son is the best.”
He too had longed—more than once—for even a fraction of that tenderness.
Even now, he couldn’t let go completely.
In his pitch-black eyes, hope and yearning lay bare.
Lu Xingjia’s heart ached for him, so much so that he couldn’t bring himself to voice his doubts about Pu Shulan.
“…Okay.” After a long while, Lu Xingjia sighed and made up his mind. “Then let’s give it a try.”
As long as he wanted it, he would stand beside him.
He couldn’t stop him from craving love—he could only pray silently, again and again:
Please, let it be sincere this time. Please, don’t hurt him again.
Author’s Note:
If I say too much, it’ll be a spoiler—but I promise, the good people will have good endings, and the bad ones will get what they deserve.