Proactively Attracted chapter 42

I Want to Hold Your Hand

“I’m sorry, I…”

Lu Xingjia was completely stunned. He instinctively took a step back, his mind in chaos, flooded with countless thoughts.

Did he hear what I just said?

Did he find out that I like him?

Can he accept this kind of feeling?

This kind of same-sex affection that defies the norm?

Lu Xingjia was filled with deep regret. Why had he been so impulsive?

Even if he were going to confess, it should’ve been done step by step: first testing whether Qin Mudong could accept same-sex relationships, then gradually revealing his feelings, giving him enough time to think it through. Not like now—like a lit firecracker, exploding all at once, with no way to go back.

He couldn’t risk their relationship on this.

“I…”

Lu Xingjia racked his brain, trying to come up with an excuse to gloss over what he’d said, but those dark eyes never looked away from him, making it impossible to think.

Qin Mudong’s eyes were extremely black—several shades darker than most people’s—as if they were pools of pure ink, undiluted, rippling gently.

Lu Xingjia rarely made direct eye contact with him. Even when their gazes met, he would instinctively look away. Those eyes felt like an abyss, ready to draw in his soul.

But now, it was as if he were frozen in place. He couldn’t look away.

Seriousness, surprise, ecstasy, disbelief…

For the first time, Lu Xingjia realized that a person’s eyes could hold so many emotions all at once. And even more feelings surged within them—so intense and complex he couldn’t even comprehend.

Qin Mudong stood up and slowly walked toward him. Lu Xingjia reflexively stepped back until his waist hit the table.

There was a noticeable height difference between them. Qin Mudong leaned down, almost like he was pulling Lu Xingjia into his arms.

The sudden closeness, the skin-to-skin contact, and the unwavering gaze—all of it made Lu Xingjia’s rational mind collapse in an instant.

He felt dizzy, his head spinning. Suddenly, it didn’t seem so hopeless. Maybe all those moments before weren’t just his imagination—maybe Qin Mudong liked him too.

“I like you.”

As if confirming his thoughts, Qin Mudong spoke.

He grasped Lu Xingjia’s wrist with one hand, and rested the other on his shoulder, his grip so strong that Lu Xingjia winced from the pain.

He wanted to kiss him. To hold him. To drive everyone else away.

He didn’t want to be just one of Lu Xingjia’s many friends.
He wanted to be his only one.

Qin Mudong took a deep breath, his chest rising and falling violently. The long-suppressed desire finally broke free from its cage, threatening to devour the boy in front of him whole.

But he couldn’t. He was afraid of scaring his star away.

So with a hoarse voice, he forced himself to say:
“We—we learned in biology class that some people develop feelings for the same sex. Not the kind of liking between friends—but wanting to kiss them, to hold them, to…”

Qin Mudong suddenly went silent.

The boy, backed up against the desk and almost half-sitting on it, looked up and gently placed a kiss on the corner of his lips.

“I know. It’s that kind of like.”
Ripples shimmered in Lu Xingjia’s eyes, spreading out in waves and he whispered the last part, his voice soft and sweet in the air, as if wrapped in the kiss:
“…Because I feel the same.”

Qin Mudong shut his eyes, turned his head, and bit down hard on his lips.

Their kiss was clumsy and uncoordinated—more like nibbling than kissing.

Teeth scraped across soft lips, their noses bumped into each other, and their actions were driven purely by instinct and longing for closeness.

“Jia Jia, I like you.”

“I like you.”

“I like you.”

Qin Mudong repeated it almost every second.

The muddled words got swallowed between kisses and breaths, barely audible, but he stubbornly insisted on saying them, again and again.

His lips were both cool and scorching hot. Every place they touched burned like fire, but they couldn’t stop.

Lu Xingjia trembled, his fingertips numb to the point of losing sensation.

He was now fully seated on the desk, one arm loosely wrapped around Qin Mudong’s waist, his fingers clutching the hem of Qin Mudong’s school jacket tightly.

The blue curtains fluttered in the evening breeze, and in the lab filled with equipment, even their shadows overlapped.

Qin Mudong held Lu Xingjia tightly in his arms and refused to let go for a long, long time.

No one knew how much time passed until the school bell rang, signaling the gate would soon close.

Lu Xingjia, face still flushed, tugged on Qin Mudong’s jacket:
“Should we… go home?”

“Mm.”

Qin Mudong responded, but made no move to leave.

Lu Xingjia blushed even harder and gave him a light push, half laughing:
“If we don’t go now, the teachers are going to yell at us.”

“Mm.” Qin Mudong replied again, still burying his head in Lu Xingjia’s shoulder.

“I like you,” he murmured suddenly, his voice quieter this time,
“…my Xingxing.”

Lu Xingjia was stunned. “What did you just call me?”

“Xingxing (Star).”

The second syllable was said softly, with a strangely captivating lilt in Qin Mudong’s voice.

He finally let go of Lu Xingjia’s hand, then looked into his eyes with his deep black ones. “You are my star.”

Lu Xingjia’s heart skipped several beats. He let out a soft “mm,” and nervously turned his gaze away.

He didn’t know why, but hearing that nickname made his whole body go soft.

…..

The effects of the previous night were still lingering. Even the next day in the lab, Lu Xingjia felt dazed and a little lightheaded, not daring to look Qin Mudong in the eyes.

Well, it wasn’t exactly that he didn’t dare—he just couldn’t help sneaking glances at Qin Mudong beside him, and every time their eyes met, he’d quickly look away.

Like two elementary school kids in love, but both found it amusing.

They’d spent too long tangled up the night before. Even though they used the excuse of being competition students, by the time they reached the school gate, they still got a scolding from the security guard.

But Lu Xingjia was still basking in the joy from earlier. He didn’t take the scolding to heart at all, and was all smiles. Even Qin Mudong, who was usually icy cold, seemed softer—his eyes slightly lowered as if he hadn’t heard a thing.

As the guard opened the gate, Lu Xingjia smiled and said, “Goodbye!”

The guard paused, then sighed, “Alright, ride safely. Don’t stay out this late again, it’s not safe.”

“Got it!” Lu Xingjia nodded quickly and grinned. “Thank you, sir!”

The school gate receded into the distance, and the lights grew dimmer.

Suddenly, everything fell quiet. The two of them rode their bikes side by side, and neither said a word.

But their pace matched perfectly, even their pedaling was in sync.

The night breeze rustled the leaves, which drifted gently down. Cars on the nearby road occasionally honked, but aside from that, there was silence.

The road home seemed long, but also incredibly short—as if they had only taken a few steps and had already arrived.

“Um…” As they neared the point where they had to part ways, Lu Xingjia couldn’t help but ask, “So… does this mean we’re together now?”

He stared at the spinning bike wheels and the little pebbles on the asphalt rolling backward beneath them.

Then he heard Qin Mudong say, “Yeah.”

His deep voice was especially clear in the still night. “You’re mine… and I’m yours too.”

And just like that, Lu Xingjia’s heart was thrown into chaos again.

“Sorry, sorry!” A sudden voice interrupted Lu Xingjia’s thoughts. Their lab teacher walked into the classroom, apologizing profusely. “I’m really sorry, there was a district teaching conference yesterday that ran late into the evening. You must’ve been waiting a long time, right?”

They had waited quite a while, but it was a special circumstance—easy enough to understand.

Lu Xingjia quickly reacted and smiled. “It’s alright, teacher.”

The teacher apologized several more times, which made Lu Xingjia feel a little awkward, but luckily Miao Qian arrived just in time. The teacher checked the time and began the lesson.

“This is an oscilloscope. First, let’s connect the power…”

Same instruments, same procedures, but the teacher’s explanation style was completely different from Qin Mudong’s.

The teacher was more rational, strictly following the textbook, emphasizing safety and proper steps, and repeatedly reminding them not to tamper with the instruments carelessly.

Qin Mudong, on the other hand, was more intuitive. Once he understood how the instrument worked, he’d explore various experiments based on his own logic and curiosity to observe what would happen.

There was no right or wrong—no method was necessarily better. But after getting used to Qin Mudong’s style, Lu Xingjia found it a little hard to adjust to the teacher’s pace.

Luckily, after assessing everyone’s progress from the day before, the teacher focused more on guiding Miao Qian hands-on, while Lu Xingjia only needed to observe.

Their pace was a bit slow, and Lu Xingjia’s mind wandered.

His gaze landed on Qin Mudong, who was adjusting another oscilloscope. Those long fingers carefully turned the tiny knobs—focused and meticulous.

The waveform on the screen pulsed steadily, and Lu Xingjia felt his own heartbeat going even faster than it.

That was his boyfriend now.

That realization made him involuntarily break into a grin.

“What’s wrong?” Qin Mudong suddenly asked, as if he had eyes on the back of his head.

Lu Xingjia jumped, shaking his head quickly. “Nothing…”

“The instrument’s warmed up,”

Qin Mudong stopped what he was doing and shifted slightly to the side. “Wanna do it together?”

Lu Xingjia nodded. His face turned slightly red as he grabbed a round stool and sat down beside Qin Mudong.

Once you understood the operation, the oscilloscope experiment wasn’t hard. You just needed to connect different circuits and record the data.

Now it was Lu Xingjia’s turn to work, while Qin Mudong watched him.

His intense gaze fell openly on Lu Xingjia, unwavering and intent.

Lu Xingjia felt a little self-conscious. His fingers slipped, accidentally turning the knob the wrong way.

He quickly reached to correct it, just as another slender hand landed on the back of his.

That hand was a little cool, but Lu Xingjia felt like he’d been burned, and quickly pulled his hand away.

He didn’t know where to put it, so he just awkwardly let it hang by his side.

Qin Mudong glanced at him briefly. Then, with one hand, he corrected the dial, and with the other, reached under the table and took Lu Xingjia’s hand in his own.

This time, Lu Xingjia realized—his palm was burning hot.

Not far away, the teacher was still explaining to Miao Qian. Miao Qian nodded occasionally, her soft, girlish voice audible at close range.

Slow and gentle, sometimes asking questions, sometimes thanking the teacher, accompanied by their quiet discussion.

Afraid they’d be discovered, Lu Xingjia awkwardly tried to pull his hand back. “There are still people around…”

Qin Mudong tightened his grip on his fingers and suddenly smiled. “I want to hold your hand.”

So open and direct—yet full of hidden affection.

…Totally unfair.

Lu Xingjia’s cheeks turned red. He averted his gaze from Qin Mudong and stared hard at the instrument.

He secretly thought, Are all study gods this good? Even learning how to date so quickly.

“Do the experiment,” Lu Xingjia stopped struggling and mumbled a reminder.

Qin Mudong chuckled softly and completed the remaining steps with one hand.

Under the not-so-tall lab bench, the two boys’ hands were tightly clasped.

…..

Author’s note:

Here’s some sweet fluff for everyone!!!