Pheromone Deficiency Syndrome chapter 43

Settling Down

Gu Jinyi took a few days to settle down on Roselle Star. His villa on Roselle Star was only a street away from Lande Academy, and many staff members of Lande Academy lived nearby. Qu Xi also had a small apartment here and could visit frequently.

He didn’t rush to send Chu Xiaonian to kindergarten. Changing environments frequently and integrating into a new group would bring pressure to children. Fortunately, there was a couple of retired professors nearby who had nothing to do after retirement and focused on accompanying their grandchildren at home. They were very willing to add Chu Xiaonian to their teaching, so Gu Jinyi occasionally sent Chu Xiaonian over.

But the rest of the time, Chu Xiaonian stayed by his side, and Qu Xi after her class, would also come over and bring new toys for Chu Xiaonian.

Qu Xi’s reaction to Xie Huaizhou’s matter was even more intense than he had expected. After smashing a cup, she turned around and was about to fly the aircraft to find Xie Huaizhou to settle the score.

Fortunately, Gu Jinyi stopped her.

Although he was the one involved, he spent a whole day consoling Qu Xi.

He told Qu Xi, “I don’t hate him. Fu Chen made me suffer, making me unable to let go for six years. But when he was Xie Huaizhou, everything he gave me was good.”

He was someone who always remembered the good things others did for him.

For everything Xie Huaizhou had done for him, retrieving his mother’s belongings, helping him manage the Gu family and the Chu family, even during the sensitive alpha period, he didn’t hurt him. He remembered it all.

Qu Xi, with red eyes, glared at him. “So, just because of these good things, you’re going to forgive him for almost killing you in the sanatorium, for abandoning you for six years?”

Gu Jinyi also fell silent for a moment as he looked at the newly bought Chao Ye orchid on the shelf.

Actually, everyone would protect the person they were close to. Qu Xi was so angry because she truly cared about him and regarded him as a friend, so she was speechless with hatred for his six years of solitude.

But he knew in his heart that matters of the heart were never as clear-cut as business transactions.

If he had loved Xie Huaizhou a little less, hadn’t exhausted himself in that sanatorium, if he had let go earlier and left after a month, perhaps he and Xie Huaizhou wouldn’t have had these six bloody years.

Perhaps their reunion on G6 star would lead to a different ending.

So who should he blame? Should he blame Xie Huaizhou for not wanting him, or himself for loving him too much?

He gently held Qu Xi’s wrist and said softly, “I’m not forgiving him.”

He blinked, and the wall behind him was gray-blue, with large clusters of jade white flowers next to it, their petals thick and their fragrance faintly filling the living room.

“I just don’t know how to hate him,” he said. “I left him not to punish him, nor because I don’t love him, but because I don’t know how to face him. I feel uncomfortable when I see him, but I don’t want to torment each other. I just want to leave him and give myself some breathing room. If one day I stop feeling sad, maybe I’ll go find him. But if I can’t let go, then maybe we won’t have an ending.”

He said it very calmly, but it took Qu Xi a while to digest these words.

With one hand on her stomach, she drank up the honey water that Gu Jinyi had handed her, but still felt a burning sensation in her stomach.

She and Gu Jinyi were never on the same page in terms of their approach to life, their methods, and their personalities were completely different.

She could never understand Gu Jinyi’s soft-heartedness, but she liked it.

She closed her eyes and remembered the night before Chu Miyun was going to marry Gu Jinyi, when she and Chu Miyun sat on the balcony chatting.

At that time, she really wanted to match Chu Miyun and Gu Jinyi together, stubbornly thinking that two good people should be together.

But Chu Miyun touched her stomach and said to her, “Everyone has their own destined path, which cannot be forced. If I were to be with Jinyi, we would have a calm and good life, but we couldn’t give each other the love we want. He can’t, and neither can I.”

Her chest heaved, and she had never been in love, still not understanding what love was, exactly, even after all this time.

After a long while, she put the empty cup back on the table.

“Up to you,” her face showed a moment of defeat, “anyway, you won’t listen to what I say. And what you say, I can’t understand.”

She never mentioned Xie Huaizhou again.

But while waiting for dinner to be served, she took all the Alphas she knew from her contacts and showed them to Gu Jinyi.

She said earnestly to Gu Jinyi, “You can’t forget your old love because your new one isn’t good enough. Anyway, you’re not with Xie Huaizhou now. Date a few more people, maybe you’ll find someone suitable.”

Gu Jinyi laughed, but didn’t want to upset her on this matter, so he went along with her.

Qu Xi felt a little bit of the anger in her chest subside.

She stayed for dinner at Gu Jinyi’s house and didn’t leave until almost ten o’clock.

Gu Jinyi had already put Chu Xiaonian to bed, and the robot was guarding the room. Whenever there was any activity, he would be notified.

He saw Qu Xi off at the door, watched her walk back to the apartment building, but didn’t immediately go back himself. Instead, he strolled along the narrow path by the river for a while.

He remembered the last time he came to Roselle Star, when Xie Huaizhou walked with him along these narrow alleys.

The lights on both sides of the road were dim, the sound of water was gurgling, and Xie Huaizhou kissed him in the alley.

Living on Roselle Star had this downside, it always made him think of Xie Huaizhou in some unintentional place.

He walked under the quiet moonlight and brought out his identity crystal card.

He glanced at the marriage status column, and it still read: married.

Just now, he accompanied Qu Xi to look at those alpha photos, just to appease her, just like he did with Chu Miyun, who wanted to be a matchmaker for him back then.

He returned the ring to Xie Huaizhou, but didn’t divorce him.

Xie Huaizhou didn’t ask either.

It seemed like both of them had forgotten that they were married to each other, keeping this fragile thread intact, maintaining their only connection.

They were still in-name only partners.

Just not together, not sharing the same bed, nor saying “I love you”.

He stared at the crystal card for a while, then hid the information page again.

But a few seconds later, Ipad received a message.

From Xie Huaizhou.

Since he moved to Roselle Star, he had received messages from Xie Huaizhou every day, restrained and formal, only one message a day.

He didn’t allow Xie Huaizhou to come see him, and Xie Huaizhou complied.

But he didn’t say Xie Huaizhou couldn’t send him messages, so Xie Huaizhou always greeted him in the evening.

Xie Huaizhou didn’t dare to send too much, afraid of making him angry, nor did he dare to beg him to come back, only talking about trivial matters.

He had never replied, and Xie Huaizhou didn’t care. It was like talking to himself, like showing him a diary. Every day, he pretended they hadn’t drifted apart.

But Gu Jinyi never opened this message.

He closed the page of his Ipad and went home.

…

Xie Huaizhou waited for more than an hour without receiving a reply, but he wasn’t surprised.

All the messages he sent out these days had fallen on deaf ears.

Just like those years when he left, Gu Jinyi never got a word from him.

Instead, it was Xie Ke beside him, looking at the dim Ipad, then at the empty wine bottles next to his cousin, his eyes were tangled and reluctant.

He had been running to Xie Huaizhou these days, at first fearing that Xie Huaizhou would do something extreme, but later wanting to accompany him.

This big house of the Xie family, which was now only occupied by his cousin, didn’t seem weird to him. After all, his cousin never liked liveliness, only solitude.

But after Gu Jinyi and Chu Xiaonian came and went, this house became briefly lively, with a gentle and kind omega, a sweet and soft child, children’s drawings on the wall, and an ever-changing children’s playground.

Now, this house was empty again, and he suddenly realized that it was like an overly luxurious cage, trapping Xie Huaizhou here.

This made him feel sorry for him.

His cousin, although born into great wealth and possessing boundless power, couldn’t be said to be lucky.

His birth mother died early, and he himself had been schemed against by his biological father, narrowly escaping death several times, and now he couldn’t even obtain the love of his partner.

He tentatively asked Xie Huaizhou, “Why don’t I send a message to him and ask?” 

Gu Jinyi was usually so good-natured. He wouldn’t ignore him, would he?

However, Xie Huaizhou vetoed his idea.

“Don’t go and cause trouble for him.” 

Xie Ke could only shut up, but after sitting for a while, he still felt uncomfortable as if there were nails on the chair, making him restless.

He muttered to Xie Huaizhou, “Then what are you two going to do? What if he really doesn’t come back? You’ll just wait?”

Xie Huaizhou took a sip of his drink, his voice calm. “He will come back.”

Xie Ke was not entirely convinced. “But what if he doesn’t? You can’t just wait around.”

But before he could finish speaking, he received a cold glare from Xie Huaizhou.

Xie Huaizhou repeated himself.

“He will come back.”

He couldn’t bear to imagine the possibility of Gu Jinyi not returning. He couldn’t accept it, just like he couldn’t accept the fact four years ago that Gu Jinyi would marry someone else.

Xie Ke felt a chill down his spine from being glared at, so he obediently closed his mouth.

He didn’t know what else to do, just nervously watching Xie Huaizhou drink alcohol like he was drinking water.

Xie Huaizhou gazed at the moonlight outside the window, seeming intoxicated yet sober. He remembered four years ago when he went to G6 Star, like a casual visitor, parking the hoover car under a tree and looking in the direction of the hospital.

He could clearly see, not far away, Gu Jinyi walking hand in hand with Chu Miyun under the sunlight.

They were there that day for medical checkups. Chu Miyun was having a prenatal check-up, while Gu Jinyi was having a routine postoperative examination.

It was a beautiful day, the sun was gentle, the wind was light, Gu Jinyi’s complexion was a bit pale, but he still smiled as he listened to Chu Miyun speak.

They looked especially compatible.

And he could only pretend to be a casual visitor, watching his former lover pass by.

And beside him was a wedding invitation, with Gu Jinyi’s name written under the groom’s column.

Now, between him and Gu Jinyi, there was no Chu Miyun, no hidden secrets.

But why did their relationship seem to remain unchanged, just like four years ago?

He suddenly laughed, laughed at his own pretentiousness, laughed at his own foolish arrogance.

He was clearly more afraid than Xie Ke that Gu Jinyi wouldn’t come back, yet he still forced everyone to cover up this fact.