Let Me Meet You chapter 13
Clay Buddha
“Li Xuan!” Sheng Min froze, instinctively wanting to go after him. The traffic light turned green at that moment, and the car behind him honked impatiently.
With no choice, Sheng Min pressed the gas and drove through the intersection before stopping. He quickly got out of the car, but Li Xuan’s figure was already gone. It was as if he had really melted into the rain.
Dark clouds loomed above, and this spot near the subway station was crowded. Sheng Min looked around in the crowd. People carrying umbrellas passed him in waves, and he almost got knocked over. He instinctively didn’t want to be recognized, but then remembered he was currently in Li Xuan’s body. Shaking his head, he muttered “It’s okay” to himself and continued in the direction where Li Xuan had disappeared.
Li Xuan was standing in a small alley across the street. After watching Sheng Min walk away, he emerged, put on a mask, and went to a nearby convenience store to buy a pack of cigarettes.
Sheng Min probably didn’t smoke. Li Xuan returned to the alley, sat down at someone’s doorway, and lit a cigarette. On the first inhale, he coughed violently, unused to it.
After a while, he stopped, but the narrow alley seemed to echo his coughing, and the spicy feeling lingered in his throat. Without hesitation, he put the cigarette back in his mouth.
He wasn’t addicted, but he smoked that one cigarette quickly. The ash fell to the ground, soon dampened by the rain. Li Xuan lit another, took out his phone, opened his bank app, and transferred all his money to a city orphanage.
Sheng Min was right: he wasn’t after the money, so he hadn’t planned to keep it.
But did he really want to push someone to death? Even Li Xuan wasn’t sure. People like Zhao Yi didn’t die easily. Cowardly, but a scoundrel. He’d seen many people like that before… He truly wanted him to pay with his life, but he also knew it was difficult to achieve. No matter what he’d intended to do when he looked for Zhao Yi’s address, Sheng Min had disrupted everything in the end.
Leaning against the door, Li Xuan sighed. Sheng Min didn’t know it, but this was probably the end of it. What good was an IOU? Zhao Yi was a scoundrel, not an idiot. He was scared today, but without being pushed all the way, he’d drag his payments indefinitely. As long as they didn’t report him, in the future, getting a single penny from him would be nearly impossible…
No, Li Xuan thought. Sheng Min actually did know that. That’s why he offered to cover it himself.
Because he pitied the little girl.
Li Xuan chuckled coldly, blowing a smoke ring.
The white smoke drifted out, spreading toward the weathered, moss-covered wall across from him. It was raining, and insects crawled out, washed to the ground, and struggled in vain.
Watching the insects on the ground, Li Xuan remembered his own experience with loan sharks. Yet, he had never felt sorry for himself. Probably because he didn’t have time to think about it—how old was he then? Fourteen or fifteen? And how was it resolved?
He shook his head, noticing that the cigarette in his hand was almost burning his fingers. He wasn’t keeping track of how many he had smoked.
He took another drag, letting the harsh feeling seep into his lungs. He rarely thought about the past, so he didn’t know why he had told Sheng Min those things.
When he’d said them, there was no emotion at all.
So why did he say it?
Li Xuan frowned. Unable to make sense of it, he gave up thinking.
He flicked the cigarette butt toward a nearby trash can, the ember tracing a neat arc through the air. When he reached for another, he realized the pack was empty.
The dark sky wasn’t only because of the rain; it was already evening.
Li Xuan came to his senses, hearing someone calling their family in for dinner, with the smell of food drifting in the air. The rain had become a light drizzle, with only a faint mist blowing in the wind.
He checked his watch and realized he’d been sitting there, almost in a trance, for over two hours.
He’d really lost himself in anger. Two hours could’ve been spent on so many things. Would Sheng Min try to take his own life again? Li Xuan thought it unlikely, but who could say for sure? Someone like him, who just wanted to live, couldn’t understand someone like Sheng Min, who only seemed to want to die.
He thought about Sheng Min and still felt a flicker of anger, but after two hours in the wind, he had calmed down somewhat. Thinking it over carefully, he realized there was little reason behind his outburst at Sheng Min that afternoon. He was doing what he believed was right, and so was Sheng Min—they just had different perspectives. As for Sheng Min accidentally stepping on his sore spot, that wasn’t really Sheng Min’s fault, and he wasn’t the type to vent his anger on others.
With these thoughts, Li Xuan still felt a little irritated, but despite his inner turmoil, he knew that, considering Sheng Min’s past suicidal tendencies, finding him now was more urgent.
Li Xuan wiped the rainwater off his hands and stood up, pondering where to start looking. However, when he lifted his head, he realized he didn’t need to go anywhere.
Sheng Min stood a short distance ahead, holding a black umbrella.
Raindrops collected on the stone slabs underfoot, flowing into the cracks with weeds and disappearing quickly. Under the dim streetlight, they looked at each other quietly from about three or four meters apart.
How strange. Li Xuan thought, in less than a day, the sense of displacement he had felt upon seeing his own face was gone.
He now clearly understood that the person in front of him was Sheng Min.
But who was Sheng Min, really? He didn’t actually know.
They were silent for a long time until a black cat meowed as it leapt over a mottled wall. The rain gradually grew heavier. Sheng Min approached and held the umbrella to share it with him.
“Are you still angry?” he asked softly.
“We’re not close.”
Meaning it wasn’t worth being angry. Sheng Min made a small sound, pressed his lips together, and said, “I just went to the hospital.”
Only then did Li Xuan notice that the bag he was holding indeed had a hospital logo on it.
“I couldn’t find you at first, and you weren’t at my place either. I didn’t know where to look, so when I passed by the hospital, I went in for a checkup and got some medication,” Sheng Min said softly. “But when I got back, you still weren’t there, so I thought you might be lost and came out again…”
He paused, not mentioning how long he had looked or how he’d eventually found Li Xuan. He only said, “I didn’t even know there was an alley here.”
Under the faint light around them, Li Xuan could vaguely make out the medicine boxes in the plastic bag. He carefully read the labels: paroxetine, sertraline…
He then heard Sheng Min say, “I’m really sorry about today… Before we switch back, I’ll definitely stay alive and won’t interfere with your plans. Don’t worry.”
“Didn’t you say you didn’t want to go to the hospital?” Li Xuan ignored the apology.
Sheng Min pressed his lips together. “I’ll go.”
Li Xuan was silent for a moment, then gave a slight smile and leaned closer to Sheng Min. “Are you pitying me again?”
“No.” Sheng Min denied it.
“I don’t need it.”
“I know.”
Li Xuan’s Adam’s apple moved as he spoke. “I only said those things to embarrass you.”
Of course, he didn’t actually think that. There was no real connection between these two things, and they both knew that. But he still wanted to say it.
“Oh.” Sheng Min was momentarily taken aback, looked at him for two seconds, then scratched his head. “Then… that really is a bit awkward for me.”
Li Xuan hadn’t expected him to respond like that, feeling both amused and exasperated. He looked at Sheng Min, watching the rain soak his shoulder until his light-green coat was darkened to moss-green. Sheng Min, under his prolonged gaze, became somewhat dazed, lowering his eyes to avoid it. Suddenly, Li Xuan laughed. He gently adjusted the umbrella. “Can you stand in the rain?”
“What?” Sheng Min didn’t understand.
“Aren’t you supposed to be a bodhisattva?” Li Xuan said, “So keen on helping others but barely holding on yourself. I figured you must be made of clay. Can’t stand the rain, right?”
His tone was calm, without a hint of mockery. Sheng Min didn’t know how to respond, his Adam’s apple moving slightly. The first thought that flashed through his mind was that, since Li Xuan was quick-tempered and unpredictable, he was probably like a (Yaksha) night demon in comparison.
Sheng Min lowered his eyes, seeing Li Xuan’s blurry face reflected in the rainwater pooled on the ground.
But there was no yaksha that looked this good, he thought, a little absentmindedly.
Then he couldn’t help wondering, what kind of environment had shaped Li Xuan’s personality?
He didn’t ask either question. After a moment of silence, he finally said, “I went to the hospital, and the doctor said the problem isn’t too serious. I also feel like I’m getting a bit better, so I should be able to manage not wanting to die for the time being… Really, I’m not just saying that to comfort you.”
“Probably hormones,” Li Xuan said. “You switched to my body, so your hormone levels changed.”
Sheng Min frowned slightly. “Will I affect you, then?”
“No,” Li Xuan said indifferently. “My willpower is strong.”
Sheng Min didn’t know why, but he found this amusing and a small smile crept into his eyes. Worried Li Xuan might get annoyed, he quickly suppressed it. “Give me your phone number. When I tried to find you just now, I realized I didn’t have it.”
Li Xuan smiled, took out his phone, and exchanged numbers with him.
“Should we head back?” The light from the phone screen cut a faint line through the darkness of the alley.
“Let’s go.” Li Xuan put away his phone and, recalling something, added in a formal tone, “I know the way.”
Sheng Min raised his eyebrows in surprise, then, realizing what he meant, pressed his lips together, nodding. “Alright. Got it.”