Last Love chapter 18

Before leaving the Japanese restaurant, Zhuo Yuan suddenly remembered something. He took out a thick folder from his briefcase and handed it to Wen Ke. “Oh right, this…,” he paused, explaining, “I took your app proposal to the company for evaluation by the project team. They felt it wasn’t quite feasible, so I brought it back for now.”

Wen Ke took it, flipping open the familiar brown folder. The first page displayed his own design, unlike typical reports, designed as the splash screen for a mobile app, with the app’s name, “Last Love,” centered.

In the transparent document bag on the folder’s side, there was a USB drive containing the files he had copied. Despite preparing a PDF, he printed a hard copy for Zhuo Yuan’s convenience. It seemed almost untouched.

After looking at the folder for a while, he raised his head and glanced lightly at Zhuo Yuan. “Zhuo Yuan, you never actually had the project team review it, did you?”

“What are you saying?” Zhuo Yuan hesitated for a moment, then crossed his arms defensively, showing a displeased expression.

Wen Ke didn’t answer Zhuo Yuan’s question. Instead, he stood up. “I won’t eat lunch. I have an appointment.”

He didn’t even say “goodbye,” just calmly peeled off a yellow sticky note from the folder and stuck it on the menu in front of Zhuo Yuan. Then, without looking back, he walked out of the private room.

Zhuo Yuan stared blankly at Wen Ke’s retreating figure. It was only then that he remembered to reach out and pick up the sticky note in front of him. On it was Wen Ke’s delicate and beautiful handwriting:

Zhuo Yuan, I’m not sure about the content on pages eight and eighteen of the PDF. Before handing it to the project team, please go through it for me. P.S. You’ve had stomach problems these days, drink mild hot beverages, and remember to take your medicine.

Suddenly, Zhuo Yuan realized—

When Wen Ke gave him the folder, he had reminded him several times to review it before submitting it to the project team because it was his first time proposing an app. He was afraid of making any mistakes.

No wonder when Wen Ke opened the folder and glanced at it, he could tell that Zhuo Yuan hadn’t passed it on to the project team. The sticky notes on the first page hadn’t even been removed.

Zhuo Yuan’s heart tightened, feeling for the first time that his methods and tricks seemed a bit exposed in front of Wen Ke.

After leaving the Japanese restaurant, Wen Ke sent a message to Han Jiangque. Since Zhuo Yuan claimed that Han Jiangque had caused trouble, he was somewhat worried and hurriedly asked if Han Jiangque was okay.

Han Jiangque replied quickly: I’m fine, Wen Ke. I want to see you.

Holding the phone for a long time, Wen Ke felt his fingers go numb. He still didn’t reply.

He felt nervous and awkward.

He could be calm in front of Zhuo Yuan, but even if Han Jiangque sent just a few words through a message, his heart would be drawn into an inexplicable battlefield.

Han Jiangque was too straightforward. Even through a simple message, Wen Ke could almost see the focused gaze of those pitch-black eyes.

In his presence, there was almost no room for the ambiguous haze that adults left for each other, making it impossible to mediate.

As he hesitated, Han Jiangque sent two more consecutive messages:

Are you still living in Hailan Pavilion?

Wen Ke, I have something to tell you.

The phone buzzed, and Wen Ke could almost feel the opponent’s persistence and anxiety at this moment. Unable to resist, he wondered, what did Han Jiangque want to say?

The afternoon sunlight bathed him, and for a moment, he felt a bit dazed.

After a long time, he finally slowly typed out a reply: I’ve moved out. I’m currently living in Sega.

…

Wen Ke wasn’t just making excuses to Zhuo Yuan. In the afternoon, he did make an appointment with Xu Jiale to unpack the Sega apartment. During this period of weakened pheromone sensitivity, Xu Jiale would temporarily stay with him.

He bought this Sega apartment at a very reasonable price many years ago, and with the recent prosperity in the area, the property value had risen by thirty to forty percent. Originally, he planned to raise the rent and re-lease it, but unexpectedly, he ended up using it himself.

He hired a domestic service company for a thorough cleaning. After the service personnel left, he and Xu Jiale went through his belongings together.

The work wasn’t too heavy, but it was still quite tiring.

Aside from clothes and some daily necessities, Wen Ke didn’t bring much when moving, and it was fortunate that he had renovated this sega house before. The furnishings and everything else were new, so there was no sense of crowding.

However, there were quite a few documents and books. Xu Jiale helped him organize them on the bookshelf and casually asked, “How’s that dating app proposal of yours going?”

“Well, I’ve been working on it sporadically, but now it …..”

Wen Ke felt a bit embarrassed, shrugged, and left it vague. He had bothered Xu Jiale quite a bit while gathering information and preparing.

Xu Jiale didn’t press for details and casually said, “It’s okay. Life is full of setbacks; one more won’t make a difference.”

Wen Ke couldn’t help but smile at that.

By evening, after finishing the cleanup, Xu Jiale collapsed onto the freshly changed bed sheet in the guest bedroom. He said, “Hurry up and treat me to dinner, Wen Ke. You’ve been exploiting me all day.”

“Alright.” Wen Ke nodded and asked, “Takeout or dine out?”

“Takeout, I’m lazy.”

Perhaps the weather was cooperating with Xu Jiale’s laziness, as it started pouring rain at that moment. So, Wen Ke ordered a large amount of barbecue and a case of chilled beer. The two sat in the newly tidied dining room and had their meal together.

Xu Jiale opened a can for Wen Ke as well. Normally, Wen Ke hardly drank alcohol, but today, he suddenly felt like having a little.

“To… To Bei Dao.” Xu Jiale clinked his canned drink against Wen Ke’s and thought for a moment before lazily saying, “Because he wrote the famous lines: ‘At that time, we had dreams about literature, love, and traveling through the world. Now, drinking late at night, when our glasses touch, it’s the sound of shattered dreams.'”

It was truly a strange and disheartening toast.

But for some reason, Wen Ke felt like laughing and responded, “To Bei Dao.”

He didn’t have the courage to finish the whole drink and only had half a can.

Xu Jiale had always been a peculiar person.

Handsome and well-bred, he should have been the most confident and outstanding Alpha. However, he was genuinely despondent and lazy.

Wen Ke remembered in high school when everyone was tasked with writing a thematic essay titled “My Dream.” Xu Jiale wrote: “I don’t want to earn a lot of money or have much power. I have no dreams and don’t like planning for life.”

In that era of ambitious aspirations, Xu Jiale was an oddity but amusing.

Even now, Xu Jiale still had a few often-quoted sentences. One was: “I hope my dad hasn’t spent all the money my grandpa left, so I won’t have to work hard.”

The second was: “Don’t fight, let others win.” This statement even had an English version: Don’t fight, let others win.

Wen Ke always thought Xu Jiale was quite amusing.

Over the years, every time he thought of Xu Jiale, no matter how sad he felt, he would find himself wanting to laugh a bit.

After laughing, he felt a bit mature because, as he grew older, he began to feel that Xu Jiale seemed to have his own rationale.

But it couldn’t be said whether it was fate favoring him or if Xu Jiale was just exceptionally intelligent. Later on, he went to the United States to study anthropology, earning a doctorate, specializing in the emotional connections between AOs.

He got married to a beautiful Omega from his undergraduate class, and everything went smoothly until a few years later when they divorced due to incompatible emotions, leading to a legal battle for custody of their child.

During that time, Wen Ke had a few phone calls with him, and Xu Jiale remained as despondent as ever. Thus, the divorce seemed like a trivial matter in his despondent life.

However, the divorce might have had some impact on Xu Jiale. He paused his plans to work as a teaching assistant at his alma mater and chose to return to China for a while.

But because everyone was now an adult, sometimes they learned not to delve too deeply into each other’s pains.

Like Wen Ke’s divorce, he only casually informed Xu Jiale, and he never went into the meticulous details.

The heavy rain outside battered the floor-to-ceiling windows, making a loud pattering sound. However, the room remained warm, filled with the intermingling scents of barbecue and beer, inducing a slightly drowsy feeling.

Xu Jiale lit a cigarette, long and thin. He said it was a women’s cigarette, so it was milder.

Wen Ke asked, “Did you use to smoke women’s cigarettes abroad?”

“Yeah.” Xu Jiale shrugged nonchalantly.

Suddenly, Wen Ke also took out a cigarette from the pack. “Let me try one too.”

Xu Jiale raised an eyebrow and extended his hand to light Wen Ke’s cigarette.

It was genuinely mild, but Wen Ke choked on it after taking a puff.

“Xu Jiale, I’m thinking of having my glands removed.”

He squinted, half-jokingly.

Xu Jiale’s expression remained unchanged, and he asked, “Why?”

“Because…” Wen Ke looked somewhat lost, staring at the chandelier above, “I don’t want to be an Omega anymore.”

“Why?” Xu Jiale asked again.

“Because I don’t want to be marked,” Wen Ke murmured, “and I don’t want to go into heat. I just wish I didn’t have to go into heat ever again.”

He repeated the last few words repeatedly, like a drunken murmur.

“Is going into heat that bad?” Xu Jiale asked, “Wen Ke, I study this. Theoretically, if an Alpha’s peak orgasmic pleasure is a 7, then an Omega’s potential peak is a 10. Of the sexes, only an Omega in heat can experience the most extreme pleasure. Do you think that’s bad?”

“You don’t understand…” Amidst the swirling smoke, Wen Ke’s eyes reddened slightly, “Xu Jiale, you don’t understand. Going into heat in front of Zhuo Yuan was terrifying…”

He curled up in the chair, burying his red face between his raised knees. His voice sounded choked, almost like a sob: “It was needing someone, relying on someone, but when he looked at me, his eyes… his eyes seemed to find me laughable—like he was looking at a clown. Then he would ask me, ‘Wen Ke, do you want it so badly? You look so pitiful. Beg me.’ It was too shameful, clearly feeling insulted, but still having to beg him because my physiological needs had control over me, like drowning. If you don’t struggle, you’ll die…”

Wen Ke forcefully stubbed the cigarette in the ashtray.

He had never told anyone these things before. The most lethal blow from that marriage, the most hidden pain, he had kept the roughest gravel locked within his flesh, like a tightly closed clam. But today, he couldn’t hold it in any longer.

“I don’t have any scent, Xu Jiale…”

He looked at the man across from him with red eyes. “I’m so inadequate. During my heat, I would stick to Zhuo Yuan, but he was not attracted at all. He constantly asked me, ‘Why don’t you have any scent?’ I didn’t know how to answer. I could only touch him, but it was embarrassing. During heat, realizing that in the eyes of an alpha, I’m not attractive at all, not cute at all. Only lewd, only lewd. It’s too embarrassing… Xu Jiale, for six years, I lost my confidence. I’d rather take suppressants. I don’t want to face the gaze of an Alpha during my heat period. I really feel like I don’t want to be an Omega anymore. It’s too powerless. Faced with this physiological need, Omega is always the eternal weak.”

“I understand,” Xu Jiale leaned forward. Under the light, his light brown eyes were gentle, with a hint of subtle sadness. “Wen Ke, I understand. Do you know why Jin Chu and I divorced?”

“I don’t know.” Wen Ke shook his head.

“An Omega’s desires are concentrated during the heat period, but it’s difficult to arouse them otherwise. This is a physiological characteristic, and I’m well aware of that. I didn’t think there was anything wrong with it. Our compatibility was close to ninety percent, a perfect match, and our relationship in bed was always harmonious. But one day, after Jin Chu went through the heat period, he suddenly told me he felt very empty.”

“I was a bit surprised and asked him why. He said making love felt like it was only because of the heat, aside from the physiological need, he didn’t want to be intimate with me. Then he asked me if needing me for high reproductive compatibility rather than wanting me in his heart meant that we didn’t really have love?”

Xu Jiale remained calm. “Wen Ke, at that moment, I felt very sad. It was like the first time I experienced sadness in my life. I always knew I loved Jin Chu because Alphas don’t go through heat periods, and I always desired him; that judgment was clear. But that was the first time I realized that an Omega could lose their judgment on feelings because the heat was a basic need. After a long time, he couldn’t distinguish between physiological needs and emotional needs. And I couldn’t do anything.”

“So, later, he insisted on divorcing me. You know, Jin Chu is a very special person. Once he makes a decision, it’s rare for him to change it. I lost him because of some reasons even I couldn’t control.”

Xu Jiale said this casually, as if shrugging off the weight. “You see, Alphas also have strange difficulties. Everyone does.”

“Being human… is actually quite pitiful.”