Lack of love chapter 50
Can’t Bear It Anymore (Li Qi x Lian Sijiao)
Extra 14
During the last week before going abroad, Lian Sijiao closed his business and was busy with moving and packing.
Although there weren’t many things in the studio, many of them were arranged by him personally. It had only been a short two months, but he felt a bit reluctant to leave.
When Li Qi finished work, he still habitually went to the studio. He saw Lian Sijiao staring blankly at the things on the table, looking like he wanted to organize them but didn’t want to. Li Qi knew that Lian Sijiao had always been sentimental, whether it was towards people or things. He always liked to pretend not to care.
After thinking for a moment, Li Qi said, “Let me handle it for you.”
In the past, Li Qi always took care of these things because if he entrusted them to Lian Sijiao, he would probably retrieve the items halfway through, making it all a waste of effort. However, only Li Qi and his close friends knew about this. Li Qi even deliberately bought many small things for Lian Sijiao in the past because he found Lian Sijiao’s contrasting behavior somewhat endearing. As a result, those things naturally stayed and even if they got dirty, Lian Sijiao refused to throw them away, causing Li Qi a headache for a while.
Lian Sijiao looked at him somewhat surprised and after thinking for a moment, he said, “Sure.”
He had originally planned to organize everything that day and probably wouldn’t come to the studio anymore. After considering for a while, he decided to speak up, “Then I’ll leave the key to you. Starting from tomorrow, I probably won’t come here anymore.”
Li Qi stared at him without saying a word, as if expecting something. Call him despicable, but he had already figured out Lian Sijiao’s soft-hearted nature, which is why he shamelessly came to him. However, Lian Sijiao’s soft-heartedness wouldn’t be expressed in the wrong places, otherwise he wouldn’t have had this opportunity, so Li Qi believed that Lian Sijiao did have feelings for him.
Sure enough, Lian Sijiao couldn’t resist that kind of gaze and said, “Thank you for accompanying me during this period. I want to treat you to a meal, so…”
So, he didn’t continue his words.
Li Qi understood, Lian Sijiao was inviting him to his home and would personally cook. He had been trying so hard for this opportunity, so he replied, “I’ll go.”
Lian Sijiao noticed the joy in his tone and couldn’t help but pause. It seemed like it had been a long time since he had seen Li Qi this happy, and he smiled along, “Then tomorrow night, are you free?”
How could Li Qi refuse? “Yes.”
Lian Sijiao told him the address and asked him to come over after work tomorrow night.
The next morning, Lian Sijiao went to the nearby market to buy ingredients. It had been a long time since he had done something like this, doing something for someone. He couldn’t say he had no expectations, but he was still nervous. His home was like his most private place, not easily shown to others, but he made an exception for Li Qi, more than once.
He carried two bags of food back home and started to make soup, while waiting, he began tidying up the house. It wasn’t that he was usually messy, but there were some things he didn’t want Li Qi to see. However, he realized that no matter how he hid them, he couldn’t hide them completely, so he simply gave up.
At around four o’clock in the afternoon, he planned to start cooking. The aroma of the soup filled the kitchen. It had been a long time since he had personally cooked, but he hadn’t forgotten those life skills.
Close to five o’clock, the doorbell rang. Lian Sijiao was only halfway through his preparations, so he quickly washed his hands and went to open the door. As expected, it was Li Qi, who also brought his favorite dessert.
“Why are you here so early?” Lian Sijiao didn’t feel nervous anymore. He was worried that his dishes would burn, so he put the things in the fridge and hurried back to the kitchen.
Li Qi watched him put on an apron and busily work in the kitchen. He casually looked around the house and was stunned.
More than half of the things in the house were gifts Li Qi had given to Lian Sijiao in the past. They weren’t valuable items, mostly souvenirs and the like. Some were deliberately stacked in the depths of the cabinets, but Li Qi, with his sharp eyes, spotted them.
Li Qi had always been popular, so he often bought local specialties as gifts when he traveled. Since he bought them, he would naturally bring a gift for Lian Sijiao as well. However, sometimes he couldn’t figure out what Lian Sijiao liked, so he just bought everything. He saw a palm-sized ceramic fortune cat on the bookshelf, which was the first thing he bought for Lian Sijiao. It didn’t hold any special meaning, as if it was just a momentary impulse. The fortune cat’s hand had been chipped during the move, but Lian Sijiao still placed it in the most prominent position.
Li Qi turned his gaze to the kitchen and suddenly had the impulse to hug and kiss him. But he clenched his fist and restrained himself.
At times like these, he must not be impatient, otherwise, it would ruin everything.
Lian Sijiao turned off the stove and realized that he had left Li Qi waiting in the living room. He quickly took off his apron and brought the dishes out.
“I’ll help you,” Li Qi said without showing any unusual behavior. He went to the kitchen and brought the soup, along with bowls and chopsticks.
Lian Sijiao caught a glimpse of him looking at his cabinet. It had been such a long time, so hopefully… he hadn’t noticed anything.
Since Lian Sijiao didn’t have a dining table at home, they sat in the living room to eat, chatting as usual. Since that time, Li Qi hadn’t touched him again, but the atmosphere between them was different when they were alone.
After the meal, Lian Sijiao brought out dessert, a small cake. He shared half of it with Li Qi and they began eating.
Lian Sijiao’s hobbies hadn’t changed much from the past . His way of life, eating and sleeping, was the same. Most people would find it quite boring, and Li Qi had also thought the same at some point. However, he no longer felt that way now. His heart had already made its decision, and he couldn’t help but find Lian Sijiao incredibly innocent and lovely.
Li Qi saw cream on the corner of Lian Sijiao’s mouth and used his fingers to wipe it away, then licked it off his own fingers.
Lian Sijiao blushed again as he watched Li Qi’s actions. He felt a bit uncomfortable and wanted to stand up, but accidentally knocked over the cake in his hand. Unfortunately, it landed on Li Qi’s shirt.
Panicked, Lian Sijiao immediately leaned over, picked up the cake, and grabbed some tissues to wipe off the cream stains on Li Qi’s clothes.
Li Qi’s attention was completely focused elsewhere; he saw Lian Sijiao’s long eyelashes drooping and his lips slightly parted. He still remembered the feeling of kissing those lips, soft and comfortable.
Whenever Lian Sijiao got close to him, Li Qi couldn’t help himself. His suppressed emotions suddenly erupted. He held Lian Sijiao’s chin and kissed him, slipping his tongue through his lips.
Lian Sijiao froze, forgetting about the dirty stains on their clothes. He pushed Li Qi away, wanting to retreat.
But Li Qi grabbed his hand and pressed him onto the sofa. His kiss was fierce and sudden, as if he wanted to devour Lian Sijiao.
Lian Sijiao hadn’t even made up his mind yet, and this kiss had thrown him off balance. He tilted his neck to endure Li Qi’s intense kiss, his teeth parting, and the warm tongue exploring his mouth. Their saliva exchanged continuously, with the scent of cream and the sweetness of the cake.
“Umm…” Li Qi not only disturbed his thoughts but continued to nibble on his tongue. Lian Sijiao couldn’t help but moan, becoming sensitive and trembling lightly.
Unable to bear it any longer, really unable to bear it…
Li Qi smelled the fragrance of his hair, the scent of detergent on his clothes, and the faint body scent emanating from his warm skin. Just catching a whiff of his smell made him hard. What else could this be if not love?
Lian Sijiao felt the pressure between his legs from Li Qi’s arousal and dared not struggle or move anymore. In the intervals of their kissing, he pleaded, “Don’t do this…”
Li Qi heard him and released his lips, only to kiss his face and ask, “Why? “
Such actions were too flirtatious, and Lian Sijiao couldn’t refuse: “You first…”
“Just say it.” Li Qi stood firm. “Do you dislike me?”
“No…”
“Do you like me?”
“…”
“If you don’t like me, why do you keep those things?”
Lian Sijiao turned his head away, refusing to answer, and Li Qi bit his ear: “Look at me and answer. If you didn’t have to go abroad, would you be with me?”
Lian Sijiao stared at him for a long time before finally answering, “Yes.”
Li Qi breathed a sigh of relief in his heart but didn’t show it on his face. “Lian Sijiao, what are you afraid of? I’m more afraid than you…”
Lian Sijiao was surprised that Li Qi mentioned fear. He had never seen this emotion from Li Qi before.
Li Qi confessed, “I’m afraid you’ll fall in love with someone else.”
There had indeed been some elements of impulsiveness when they broke up initially. But after going abroad, when he realized he couldn’t forget his old lover, it had already been half a year. He became afraid to inquire about Lian Sijiao’s whereabouts because he knew he would be scared to hear news of Lian Sijiao being with someone else while he remained so far away. He couldn’t imagine how he would react, and it was the first time in his life that he felt this kind of way. After returning to the country and making up his mind to try to win Lian Sijiao back, he couldn’t find him. It was by chance, because of Zhong Qiran, that they unexpectedly met again…
Li Qi continued, “It’s not just you who feels anxious about the future. Don’t you have any confidence in me?”
Lian Sijiao still seemed shocked and hadn’t fully recovered, but upon hearing the last sentence, he shook his head. “I don’t have confidence in myself. I’m actually very scared that I’ll end up like my parents… Instead of being fed up with you one day, it’s better for me to let go first…”
Because of the fear of losing, he wanted to preserve the most beautiful moment.
Li Qi finally dug out the truth from him. “You seem so clever, but you’re actually quite clueless.”
“I’m not…”
Li Qi kissed him, not allowing him to speak.
Lian Sijiao pushed him away, but this time he easily managed to do so. “Li Qi…”
“I want to hold you. I’ll even resort to force if necessary, but I still want to ask for your consent. Do you really not want it?”
How should one answer that?
“If you refuse, I won’t look for you again ,i won’t bother you and i’ll try to move on” It was a harsh statement, but it had to be said otherwise, Lian Sijiao would probably continue to be undecided. “But if you accept, even if you find me annoying and we argue fiercely, I won’t leave you again…”.
Li Qi gently kissed his lips and asked, “so what’s your answer?”
“I…,” Lian Sijiao couldn’t deceive himself. Even if he pushed Li Qi away many times, deep down, he still longed for his closeness. He knew it was contradictory, but he couldn’t control himself when it came to Li Qi.
Li Qi smiled and kissed him, his actions gentle but filled with urgency to undress him.
Lian Sijiao belatedly realized something and said, “I don’t have…”
Li Qi said, “I’m prepared.”
Lian Sijiao stared in astonishment as Li Qi took out lubricant from his pocket, as if he had planned it for a long time.
Li Qi didn’t explain much. Instead of wasting time talking, he preferred to act. He kissed Lian Sijiao’s neck and slowly unbuttoned his shirt.
“Mmm…” Lian Sijiao moved his body, and his exposed skin felt ticklish under Li Qi’s touch. It had been a long time since he had such intimate contact with someone, and every touch felt itchy.
“I missed you,” Li Qi murmured as he caressed Lian Sijiao’s waist. Then, he reached into his pants, touching him through the underwear.
“Ah, Li Qi…” Lian Sijiao trembled under his touch and was lifted up, his pants pulled down.
Li Qi glanced briefly and felt an instant hardness. He unbuttoned his pants and released the pent-up desire, rubbing against Lian Sijiao’s body. He pressed their crotch against each other, bringing even more intense pleasure.
Lian Sijiao nervously tightened his body. Li Qi propped himself up and took the opportunity to spread Lian Sijiao’s legs with his hands. He applied lubricant on his middle finger and tentatively probed his opening.
“Mmm…” It was uncomfortable as the neglected area was being penetrated. But when Lian Sijiao noticed that Li Qi kept staring at that spot, he couldn’t help but close his legs feeling somewhat embarrassed.
Unbeknownst to him, this action pushed Li Qi’s finger even more.
Li Qi wanted to enter his body , but couldn’t yet. Lian Sijiao’s first time was with him, but he had been too impulsive back then, forcefully taking him on the bed, leaving him sore and unable to attend classes for the next few days. They had come a long way since then, but the feeling was the same.
“That’s enough… I can’t take it anymore…” Lian Sijiao felt embarrassed being fingered like that and urged Li Qi to go into him
He withdrew his finger, allowing Lian Sijiao to relax. Then he took off his own clothes, lowered his head, and kissed his lips.
“Ah…” Lian Sijiao was firmly pinned down by Li Qi, his body completely exposed, consumed by a scorching desire that entered and exited relentlessly. Lubricant was pushed deep inside, then squeezed out, flowing from the gap between their legs onto the sofa, filled with explicit passion. Lian Sijiao couldn’t see it himself, but Li Qi could see everything clearly.
Li Qi lifted his slender ankle, forcing their point of connection to be exposed. Lian Sijiao couldn’t stop it at all and could only moan continuously, overwhelmed by intense pleasure.
When Li Qi was only halfway done, Lian Sijiao couldn’t hold back and came. He didn’t stop and continued to thrust frantically, almost causing Lian Sijiao’s rectal walls to spasm.
“No… don’t… mmm, ah…” Lian Sijiao was completely powerless to resist, his whole body weak and at his mercy.
Li Qi was not gentle at all. He lifted Lian Sijiao’s hands and wrapped them around his own neck, lifting him up and sitting on him.
“Ah, don’t…” Lian Sijiao’s legs trembled violently, unable to control himself as he took Li Qi’s deeper. With each thrust from Li Qi, his body sank even deeper. The depth was unbearable, and Lian Sijiao grabbed onto Li Qi’s shoulders tightly, clinging on like holding onto a floating log, begging, “It’s too deep…”
Li Qi enjoyed the sight of Lian Sijiao begging him like this, but he was completely consumed by desire, with the thought of completely devouring him. He kissed Lian Sijiao’s neck and used both hands, spreading the entrance a bit wider and pushing his desire even deeper.
He felt like he had completely lost control of his body, forced to release for the second time by Li Qi.
When Li Qi finally let him down, Lian Sijiao collapsed on the sofa, exhausted.
The next day, Lian Sijiao couldn’t get out of bed. Li Qi prepared breakfast for him and went to work.
Lian Sijiao lay on the bed, recalling the events of last night, not knowing how he had agreed to it. But since he had admitted it, he wouldn’t allow himself to back out.
Li Qi was willing to change for him, and he could also make an effort. He wanted to overcome the psychological shadow of love and start learning the right way to love.
At noon, Li Qi called and asked if he had eaten. He returned to Lian Sijiao’s house in the evening and brought dinner for him.
Seeing that he didn’t seem to have any intention of leaving, Lian Sijiao asked, “Aren’t you going back to the hotel?”
“I don’t want to” Li Qi honestly replied. “Can I accompany you for these last few days?”
How could Lian Sijiao refuse? They were about to separate soon, how could he not feel sad?
Li Qi said, “After I go there, I will call you every day.”
“Okay.”
“If I have free time, I’ll come to see you.”
“Okay.”
Li Qi asked, “Is there anything you want to say to me?”
Lian Sijiao had just decided not to be too strict with him, but when Li Qi asked like this, he didn’t know what to say again. It seemed like he always had trouble finding the right balance, unsure of how to treat him properly.
Li Qi said, “If you don’t have anything to say, then let me decide for you.”
“What do you mean?”
“After we get to the other side, you can’t get too close to other men, can’t stay alone under the same roof with them, can’t flirt with other men, and can’t fall in love with someone else…”
Lian Sijiao found his words increasingly absurd and hurriedly said, “I won’t.”
“And also, the most important thing is that on the days when we can’t meet, you have to say ‘I love you’ every day.”
“You…” Lian Sijiao could hardly believe that Li Qi would make such a request.
“We lacked communication before, so… we both overlooked each other’s feelings,” Li Qi looked at him seriously and asked again, “Can you trust me once more?”
Lian Sijiao looked at him and nodded.
“Lian Sijiao, I love you.”
Lian Sijiao blushed for a while and whispered, “I love you too.”
The last few days were spent happily, and the sadness of parting was diluted by the joy of being reunited. Li Qi used this as an excuse to initiate intimacy from Lian Sijiao several times.
Then, Li Qi personally went to see him off at the airport, watching Lian Sijiao leave.
Lian Sijiao thought life would be different, but apart from a change in environment, nothing was really different. Each day was filled with studying and internships, and many people were striving for their own futures. He made friends, and every day he would talk to Li Qi on the phone or video call. They would let each other know when they were busy, and there would no longer be that sense of uneasiness of suddenly not being able to find each other.
Now he understood that being separated from someone you like wasn’t as terrifying as he imagined. It was all in the mind.
Li Qi didn’t dispose of the things in the studio . He negotiated with the owner and bought the house at a high price. For him, this place was his second beginning. Even if he didn’t need it for the time being, it was already filled with many memories of him and Lian Sijiao.
When Lian Sijiao returned from his vacation abroad in the first year, he had no idea. In the second year, Li Qi brought him back there and proposed to him.
Li Qi proved that their love hadn’t changed because of the distance.
So Lian Sijiao agreed.
Love requires mutual effort. It’s not about being in the perfect state when you first meet, but about understanding and adapting to each other’s lives.
Everyone has experienced confusion and lost their way on the path of growth, and the same goes for relationships.
They missed an opportunity but learned from their mistakes. They could become better individuals for themselves and each other, learning and growing together.
He believed that this time they would have a good beginning and a happy ending.
─ Li Qi x Lian Sijiao, the end ─