Lack of love chapter 2
Apathy
Zhong Qiran left.
Yan Hao stared at Zhong Qiran’s name on the contract, his face expressionless.
Since the moment he regained consciousness, he felt that he had lost a lot of things.
During his time in the hospital, the doctor initially intended to avoid discussing his condition with him and his parents, but Yan Hao insisted on having the conversation.
The doctor said that his amnesia didn’t seem severe, and he might gradually regain his memories in a few days. However, due to the blood clot compressing the brain nerves for a prolonged period, even though it had been surgically removed, it still caused some irreversible damage to the brain, which might result in residual effects.
Yan Hao didn’t react, but his parents anxiously asked, “What kind of residual effects might there be? “The doctor shook his head and said, “Further observation is needed.” After saying this, he looked at Yan Hao and asked, “Have you felt any discomfort in your body these past few days?”
“No,” Yan Hao replied, and added, “I don’t feel anything.”
Yan Hao’s parents hadn’t understood yet, but the doctor’s expression suddenly changed. He asked, “What do you mean?”
Yan Hao repeated again, “I don’t feel anything towards anything.”
Upon hearing this, the doctor immediately arranged tests and brought in a psychologist. The results of the examination revealed that Yan Hao had significantly reduced emotional sensitivity compared to the average person, to a dangerous extent. He was the first documented case in the sector of “Emotional Apathy Syndrome” caused by a severe head injury.
Yan Hao’s parents were stunned and speechless upon hearing this news. They realized that it was indeed the irreversible damage the doctor had mentioned.
Yan Hao’s mother teary asked, “Xiao Hao, do you still recognize Mom?”
Yan Hao looked at her and nodded, but without any expression.
Since waking up, Yan Hao had been indifferent to everything, and although he wasn’t an overly passionate person before, he had never been this apathetic.
Yan Hao’s mother asked again, “And… What about Zhong Qiran?”
This time, Yan Hao remained silent for a longer moment, with a bewildered look in his eyes. “Who is he?”
In his fragmented memory, there were glimpses of Zhong Qiran’s face, moments with Zhong Qiran by his side, but he couldn’t recall their relationship.
Yan Hao’s father and mother exchanged a glance, and his mother tentatively said, “He is your lover.”
Yan Hao reacted more strongly when he heard those words. He frowned, as if he didn’t quite agree.
Yan’s mother couldn’t describe her exact feelings, but she felt a vague sense of relief. “You can’t remember?” she asked.
“Mm.”
“Then… shall we not tell him about this?” Yan’s mother looked at her son and continued, “I… I’m afraid he would be heartbroken. You should focus on recovering from your illness first. Maybe…”
She couldn’t bring herself to finish the sentence.
If it were the previous Yan Hao, he would never agree to such words. No matter what happened, he would never leave Zhong Qiran. But now, when flashes of unpleasant memories between Zhong Qiran and his parents crossed his mind, he felt nothing. So he said, “It doesn’t matter.”
Yan Hao may lack emotions, but he isn’t foolish. He realized that his mother didn’t want them to be together, hence the suggestion. Although his memory was incomplete, he still remembered some things. He remembered doing many things for Zhong Qiran, wanting to make him happy, enjoying his laughter, wanting to give him the best things in the world, and making love to him all night long. Although he knew they had a loving past, he couldn’t empathize with it at this moment. It felt like observing someone else’s story.
That’s why, during the initial days after waking up, he felt extremely uncomfortable with Zhong Qiran’s kisses.
Throughout their four years of love, Yan Hao had never refused Zhong Qiran’s requests for intimacy.
So when he saw Zhong Qiran freeze and noticed his fingertips trembling slightly, he didn’t care. He didn’t even know what expression he should have when hurting the person he thought he loved the most.
However, it couldn’t be denied that perhaps he was trying to regain some feeling, which led him to treat his person with such an attitude.
After that incident, Zhong Qiran started to visit him less frequently.
During the third week at the hospital, he followed his parents’ arrangement and went home to recuperate. He had no intention of contacting Zhong Qiran proactively. He realized he had a strange mindset, wanting to understand the importance of the emotions he lacked through the reactions of others. Since he couldn’t feel it himself, he wanted others to express it to him. This is probably something that every patient goes through in the early stages, and Yan Hao was no exception.
Among everyone, Zhong Qiran’s reactions were the most indifferent. However, his concealed emotions couldn’t hide in his eyes, especially when he looked at him.
Yan Hao couldn’t understand and never attempted to understand.
He sat by the window, disappointed each time Zhong Qiran visited and left without any progress.
He looked at Zhong Qiran’s figure and thought indifferently, “This is his lover.” If he couldn’t even feel the deepest emotions , what reason did they have to hold onto each other?
So when his mother tentatively suggested separating from Zhong Qiran, he agreed.
And now, after Zhong Qiran signed the papers, he left.
He couldn’t feel anything in his heart, no sadness, no loss.
──
Zhong Qiran returned to their shared home. Starting today, the house was under his name.
He sat dazed in the living room for a while, but when he regained his senses, he noticed everything was blurry. He wiped away his tears and sniffled, but the tears didn’t stop. He saw a photo frame on the coffee table with a picture of them together, and couldn’t take it anymore. He rushed into the bedroom and cried while holding onto a blanket. He truly didn’t understand why, and he didn’t know what he did wrong. But asking would only be more embarrassing.
In the past month, he constantly told himself to hold on, to persevere, but each disappointment hit him hard.
After meeting Yan Hao’s cold gaze once again, he finally couldn’t deceive himself anymore. That person truly didn’t love him anymore.
He cried for a long time, cried until he fell asleep, and continued crying when he woke up. It was a repetitive cycle that lasted until dawn.
The next day, he started packing Yan Hao’s belongings.
Every item in the house held meaning to him, representing their four years of memories. As he packed, he cried again, but this time he didn’t break down as much. He didn’t throw things or vent his frustration. He let the tears quietly stream down his face as he carefully packed Yan Hao’s things into boxes, contacting the butler of Yan’s family to have them collected.
He thought Yan Hao was just saying it casually, but a few days later, someone was actually sent to pick up the boxes.
Zhong Qiran stood expressionless at the door, watching the servants of Yan’s family carefully carry the boxes out. He didn’t dare hold on to any illusions, he only hoped that these things wouldn’t be discarded where he could see them.
In the following days, he continued to go to work as usual. He even felt somewhat lucky that he didn’t listen to Yan Hao’s urging to work at their company. He studied statistics and was responsible for market analysis at a small company. This industry allowed him to venture into various fields. However, he still had a particular interest in research. He had initially planned to work and save money before going abroad for graduate studies, but he gave up on further education because of his marriage to Yan Hao.
Now that he didn’t have to be accountable to anyone, he remembered this again but remained hesitant and just searched for information online before closing the webpage.
Three months passed quickly, during which Yan Hao didn’t contact him, and he didn’t actively reach out either.
Zhong Qiran was still looking at research institute information overseas, unable to make a decision. However, he had prepared all the necessary documents, with only the application left to submit.
Six months later, Zhong Qiran was stuck on the final deadline to submit his applications to the three M-country universities he had in mind.
It was around this time that the television media started exposing Yan Hao’s scandal. Reporters captured photos of him having dinner with the daughter of a wealthy businessman. The report was written in an extremely sensational manner, even comparing their backgrounds and concluding with a compatibility index of 87%.
Zhong Qiran glanced at it briefly but didn’t pay it much attention. He looked at the next news story with an expressionless face.
During the second half of the year, after receiving an acceptance letter from a certain university, he returned to his hometown to visit his parents, resigned from his job, and planned a few weeks of travel to relax. He had saved enough money over the years to cover his tuition and living expenses for studying abroad, although it might not be sufficient. He planned to work part-time while studying. He hadn’t touched the money Yan Hao gave him, and he had no intention of using it.
On the night before leaving for M-country, he opened his phone contacts and looked at Yan Hao’s name.
It had been a year, and he had given Yan Hao a year’s time. If the other person’s memory had partially recovered, even if it was just a phone call or a message, Zhong Qiran would be willing to give him another chance. But there was nothing at all; Yan Hao remained indifferent to him.
Now he finally understood that he was destined to be disappointed.
Some people experience temporary amnesia, while for others, it lasts a lifetime. But if love is gone, whether they remember or not seems to be inconsequential.