I Only Want You chapter 42
Sub CP 4
Yang Xiaole tremblingly pressed the doorbell. The tears he had just managed to stop started flowing again, like a broken faucet. The flowing tears followed his face, dripping from his chin.
The overwhelming fear was about to crush him. He cried so much that he couldn’t even straighten his back properly, pitiful enough to make one’s heart ache.
After pressing the doorbell, there was no response for several minutes. Yang Xiaole, both puzzled and resisting the urge to turn around and run, tearfully pressed the doorbell again.
This time, after about a dozen seconds, a cold voice came from the visual doorbell, “You’ve got the wrong floor.”
Yang Xiaole sniffled, wiped away the tears from his face with his arm, his voice full of a thick sob, “No, I didn’t. You called me here.”
Bian Xianyang watched the figure on the doorbell screen with a lowered head, patience running out. His voice turned even colder, “You definitely got the wrong floor. I don’t know you.”
“I didn’t get it wrong. You asked me to come.”
Bian Xianyang, looking at the figure again, exhausted his patience. His voice became even colder, “I’ll say it again; I don’t know you. If you don’t leave now, I’ll call security.”
Yang Xiaole wanted to say that he was Nana, but the voice he heard in his ear was too cold. It was a coldness he had never experienced when he was Nana, devoid of any emotion and basic courtesy.
Although he felt he didn’t deserve to be treated courteously, the actual experience was different. He felt wronged and scared, wishing he could just stop breathing or simply kneel down and apologize to the person inside the door.
He knew he was wrong. He would sincerely repent and make amends. Whatever it took, as long as he could be forgiven, he was willing to do it, hoping not to be hated.
Bian Xianyang, separated by a door, coldly watched the figure on the small screen. Seeing the person outside still squatting with his head down and showing no intention of leaving, his initial thought of resolving the matter peacefully shattered. He was ready to hang up the video call and call security. Suddenly, he heard the stranger outside the door cry out.
“I’m Nana…”
Just these two words, and Bian Xianyang’s mind went blank for a moment. For a few seconds, he even struggled to remember who he was and where he was.
When he snapped back to reality, his eyes stared fixedly at the figure on the small screen. His fingers gripping the door turned white, as if he wanted to crush something.
“A prank?”
Yang Xiaole sniffed, “It’s not a prank. I-I’m Nana, Building A, 1501. You asked me to come for dinner, and you said you wanted to make steak for me…”
“Nana asked you to come?”
“I’m Nana…”
“Why did you say you’re Nana?”
Yang Xiaole was bewildered by the question, “Because I am Nana.”
“Nana is my girlfriend, and you’re a man.”
Bian Xianyang looked at the person on the screen, seemingly calm on the surface, but his brain was nearly unable to think.
He had invited Nana to his house for dinner, and now there was a strange man crying at his door, claiming to be Nana. Was this a prank? Was Nana playing with him? But why would she do that?
“I really am Nana.” Yang Xiaole wiped away tears, took off his backpack, and unzipped it, revealing a dress and a wig inside.
Bian Xianyang looked at the dress and long hair in the person’s hands on the screen. The dress was the vintage long-sleeved floral dress Nana wore during their last meeting, and even the wig looked familiar. A terrible fact almost laid itself out before him, whether he could accept it or not.
“I came to apologize. I’m sorry for lying to you. My name is Yang Xiaole. Nana is the name I use when cross-dressing. I’m a man. I’m really sorry for deceiving you.” Yang Xiaole spoke whatever came to his mind, his words in chaos. “Even though I’m a man, I am truly Nana. Deceiving you by cross-dressing was my mistake, but I didn’t play a prank on you. I also like you. I really like you…”
While Yang Xiaole rambled, the door was pulled open from inside. Bian Xianyang, wearing casual clothes, stood in the warmly lit entrance. He looked at Yang Xiaole with cold eyes.
“What did you say?”
Yang Xiaole, his voice trembling, put the wig and dress back into his backpack. “I-I kneel down and talk to you, I’m sorry…”
Yang Xiaole wasn’t holding back. As soon as he mentioned kneeling, he went down on both knees on the hard floor, tears streaming again. “I’m sorry; I like cross-dressing, makeup, and wearing dresses. I’m sorry for meeting you at the Casbin Hotel that day. I’m sorry for not confessing that I’m actually a man when we had countless chances to meet. I’m sorry for gathering the courage to tell you everything now. I know I was wrong. I’m sorry. You can be angry, scold me, or whatever…”
Bian Xianyang coldly watched the kneeling figure, his mind in turmoil, unable to speak for a long time.
Without saying a word, Yang Xiaole didn’t dare to get up. He just knelt there, tears covering his face. His eyes were so swollen that he could barely open them, and he continued apologizing.
“I know I’m despicable, but I’m not beyond redemption. I really like you, very much. I’m sorry for underestimating your feelings for Nana. I’m sorry for being this kind of person, giving you such a bad memory…”
Bian Xianyang ignored what he said, walked from the entrance to his side, grabbed his wrist, examined it carefully, and then let go, forcefully gripping Yang Xiaole’s chin, lifting his face. His voice was as cold as if it could drop ice chips, “You dressed as a woman to deceive me. No wonder when I said I wanted to date you with the intention of getting married, you reacted that way. No wonder something felt off when I hugged you. You’re a fraud, and I’m the one who got deceived. Do you still have the face to cry?”
Yang Xiaole looked at him through teary eyes, “I’m sorry; I was wrong…”
“Enough, shut up. Stand up, grab your things, and get out. I don’t want to see you again.”
After saying this, Bian Xianyang released the hand holding Yang Xiaole’s chin, turned around, and used force to close the door. He threw the beautifully packaged bouquet of roses and the black velvet jewelry box on the table into the trash can.
The loud closing of the door startled Yang Xiaole. He didn’t dare to speak anymore. Even if he said something, there was no one to listen. He could only sit on the flower bed under Building A, holding his phone and babbling to Momo without knowing what he was saying or remembering anything. He just kept crying.
As he cried, people from the neighborhood who were walking their dogs after dinner gathered.
“Whose child is crying on the roadside?”
“I don’t know, been crying for a while. I could hear him crying from my unit in Building B. Couldn’t understand a word he’s saying.”
“Maybe a breakup. That girl on the 12th floor of Building C also had a fight with her boyfriend before.”
Yang Xiaole sat on the edge of the flower bed, huddled, oblivious to the fact that several people with dogs on leashes had surrounded him, and someone even brought him a pack of tissues.
He didn’t know how long it had passed, but the onlookers dispersed one after another. Yang Xiaole, still sobbing, hung up the phone and saw tissues that had appeared beside him. He took one and wiped his tears.
Bian Xianyang, with a cold expression, walked out of the main gate of Building A in a black sportswear that complemented his tall and broad-shouldered figure. Under his black duckbill cap, most of his face was covered by the same color mask. He strode past the pitiful figure by the flower bed without a sidelong glance.
Yang Xiaole, catching a whiff of a familiar perfume, anxiously looked up and gazed at Bian Xianyang walking past him. “Bian Xianyang, I’m sorry…”
The person who had walked a few steps away didn’t stop. Yang Xiaole subconsciously picked up his bag and caught up. “Sorry, I know I was wrong, and I’ll sincerely make amends. Whatever you want me to do, I’ll do it.”
Bian Xianyang didn’t expect him to still be there, sitting and crying downstairs. Initially, he decided to treat him as if he were invisible and not say another word to him. However, when he heard Yang Xiaole’s words, he couldn’t hold back. He stopped, turned around without slowing down, and said, “Anything? Okay, give Nana back to me.”
Tears blurred Yang Xiaole’s eyes. He shakily opened his backpack and unzipped it. “If you want to see her, I need some time.”
“Enough! I don’t want to see her, and I don’t want to see you. The farther away you are with your damn dress and wig, the better!” The anger, played and deceived to this extent, made Bian Xianyang’s chest heave violently. Even his tone of speech became unusually fierce. Seeing Yang Xiaole’s face, ugly from crying, fueled the suppressed anger in his heart. “No more crying!”
Yang Xiaole trembled in fear, his voice shaking, “I’m not crying anymore.”
“I won’t forgive you. If you want to apologize, apologize; if you want to kneel, kneel. Liars always act hypocritically. I won’t believe a single word you say again. Get lost, and take Nana with you.”
“I will leave. I’ll leave after I’ve atoned for my sins.”
“It’s useless because no matter what you do afterward, it won’t change the fact that you’re a liar.”
“I know, but I still have to do something. I can’t just leave like this.” Yang Xiaole forcefully wiped his swollen eyes, “I know you’re angry. Do whatever you want to retaliate against me. You can expose my secrets, tell people at my school that I’m a weird liar who likes to wear dresses.”
Bian Xianyang couldn’t tolerate it any longer, “I didn’t say you’re weird, and I didn’t say there’s anything wrong with you liking to wear dresses. I just call you a liar. Do you dare to feel wronged? What are you if not a liar?”
Yang Xiaole lowered his head, “I’m a liar. I didn’t deny it, and I’m not feeling wronged.”
Bian Xianyang found this person in front of him utterly unreasonable, “Then why are you crying?”
“I’m afraid. I’m afraid that from now on, in your eyes, I’ll just be a liar. I’m also afraid that every time you think of me, you’ll only feel disgust and anger. I’m afraid you’ll hate me.”
“Don’t I have every reason to?”
“You do, that’s why I’m afraid.”
“After deceiving others’ feelings by cross-dressing, do you still have things to be afraid of?”
“… I didn’t really deceive your feelings. If I didn’t like you, I wouldn’t have gone to your concert. It’s because I like you that I feel scared. It’s also because I like you that I’m afraid and chose to be honest with you.”