I Only Want You chapter 41
Sub CP 3
Xie Yun Zhi’s direct flight to Hong Kong was scheduled for the next morning. While he boarded the plane, Yan Lan was having breakfast in the dormitory, preparing to go to class.
Yang Xiaole, who had been in a state of confusion for several days, seemed to regain some spirit when he saw Yan Lan replying to messages on WeChat. He remembered something Yan Lan mentioned last night after returning from the school gate.
“Your Yun Zhi is going on a business trip again?”
After finishing the reply on his phone, Yan Lan smiled and nodded.
“Where is our busy General Xie off to this time?”
Yan Lan picked up a pen and paper nearby, “Hong Kong, attending a jewelry auction, apparently for a diamond.”
Yang Xiaole’s eyes lit up, “A diamond! What kind of diamond?”
Yan Lan shook his head, indicating that he didn’t know.
Being a practical person, Yan Lan preferred things that were reasonably priced over expensive accessories or jewelry. Even though his boyfriend was a jeweler, he had not developed much interest in jewelry and diamonds.
It was different for Yang Xiaole; he was very interested. Hearing that Xie Yun Zhi was going to Hong Kong to participate in an auction to buy a diamond, he immediately took out his phone, which he had rarely used in the past few days, and started searching for related information. Soon, he found heaps of news articles and began scrolling through them quickly.
“Hong Kong Sotheby’s Autumn Auction, a 12.56-carat internally flawless vibrant pink diamond attracting collectors worldwide… Wow, it’s so dazzling. How much does it cost to buy something like this? Rich people are really crazy.”
Yan Lan nodded in agreement, “I feel the same way.”
“Is your Yun Zhi going to buy this one? Could it be that he wants to propose to you with it?”
Even as Yang Xiaole said this, he felt like he was indulging in wild fantasies.
Yan Lan shook his head even more. He hadn’t taken seriously what Xie Yun Zhi said about buying him diamonds yesterday. He calmly wrote down, “It’s related to his work, it has nothing to do with me.”
“Well, honestly, even though you and Yun Zhi have been busy, I never felt that he was a very distant person. However, when I see that he’s going to Hong Kong to buy this diamond, the feeling that he’s not from the same world as us becomes stronger. Extreme wealth and ordinary people really have a barrier.”
Yan Lan didn’t feel this way at all. Just a few minutes ago, Xie Yun Zhi had said good morning to him on WeChat, reported what he had for breakfast (bacon and vegetable roll), and even complained that Tiantian didn’t practice calligraphy well last night.
Even though they couldn’t be together all the time and didn’t have a deep understanding of each other’s careers and studies, and hadn’t found a common language yet, the atmosphere of being fully integrated into the Xie family had made him feel neither unfamiliar nor distant. Moreover, Xie Yun Zhi was quite attached to him, often sharing trivial details of his life with him.
So, at the moment, what concerned and worried Yan Lan the most was the situation between Yang Xiaole and Bian Xianyang.
Yang Xiaole, a person who approached relationships with clarity and rationality, suddenly acted like a high-level expert when facing his own emotions.
This time, he was really in a predicament. People who pretended not to care most feared the genuinely tender and affectionate. That feeling was like a punch on cotton; he couldn’t even lift his hand. He could only be tormented day and night by panic and remorse. The dormitory became restless, and he achieved better weight loss results than any of his previous attempts at dieting.
Yan Lan knew he was afraid, but unfortunately, this was something he couldn’t help with. The only thing he could do was to accompany him, no matter when.
Morning classes ended at noon, and as soon as they left the classroom, Yang Xiaole’s phone rang. The caller ID showed it was Xianyang.
Yang Xiaole, rarely flustered, grabbed Yan Lan and took him to a secluded corner before answering the call, changing his voice to Nana’s.
Yan Lan stood by with his bag, waiting. When Yang Xiaole finished the call, he approached, seeing Yang Xiaole’s somewhat stiff expression. He took out his phone and typed: What’s wrong?
“…He wants to meet me for dinner.”
Yan Lan didn’t waste words, directly typed: Be honest?
“I dare not.”
Yan Lan: I’ll accompany you?
“I’m afraid even if you accompany me.”
Yan Lan: But eventually, you’ll have to take this step.
Yang Xiaole flattened his mouth, stepped forward, and hugged Yan Lan. His stature was petite, and when he hugged Yan Lan like this, he seemed to be nestled in his embrace from a distance.
“I don’t want him to hate me.”
Yan Lan could only pat his back, offering silent comfort.
Yang Xiaole had no other choice. Being honest was currently his only correct option. Any other choice would make him a coward who evaded responsibility, an irredeemable relationship liar.
“Maybe this is retribution for the ambiguous relationships and disappearing acts I had with those people before, playing games of love. It’s terrifying… He’s here to punish me.” The tone of Yang Xiaole’s words couldn’t hide his despair. He exited from Yan Lan’s embrace, looking tired. “I admit I’m terrible. But I didn’t expect to become someone beyond redemption. I will confess everything to him, no matter what he asks me to do. I will sincerely beg for his forgiveness.”
Yang Xiaole’s words were heavy, as if he had already nailed himself to a cross, preparing to accept judgment from Bian Xianyang.
In the evening, Yan Lan accompanied him to the school gate. With a bag on his back, Yang Xiaole seemed a bit collapsed. Before going to the address sent by Bian Xianyang, he took a taxi to a hotel, just like the last time he attended a concert, booking an hourly room. He tried to do his makeup while crying, but the freshly applied foundation was smudged by tears, and the eye shadow looked like a mess.
Eventually, he had to give up on makeup and just cry for a while.
He had never told Yan Lan why he liked to wear dresses and why he enjoyed dressing up as a girl. Why he, who didn’t like those men approaching him at the bar, was willing to have ambiguous relationships with them.
Why he had a home but didn’t go back, had family but felt like he had none, living like an orphan with nowhere to go.
When he was very young, he lost his mother, and his father, a playboy who was only responsible for providing money without any care, changed his bed partner more frequently than his clothes.
Every time he returned home after evening self-study, the most disgusting thing to him was the appearance of high heels in the hallway and clothes scattered on the living room floor. The well-insulated walls didn’t let him hear the sounds from the master bedroom clearly, but the faint noises were enough to make him nauseous and itchy, as if he was hallucinating that someone was breathing heavily by his ear.
This torment continued for a considerable period during his adolescence, and it planted a seed of wild revenge deep in his heart.
His most extreme method was to wait for his father to come home on the day he received the admission notice from the art college. He dressed up in a dress, waiting at home for his father’s return.
A sweet “Dad” earned him a slap that nearly deafened his ears. Although it hurt a lot, he was overjoyed.
His father, in a state of rage and despair, roared at him to leave. He refused to return until his little brother was born, seemingly pushing open the door with a winner’s attitude only when his younger brother arrived. He finally saw his stepmother, a woman who looked like she had just graduated from college.
Before leaving home, he said his first and last words to that woman, “Aren’t you afraid of catching diseases?”
From then on, he never went back again. The timely arrival of tuition and living expenses in his bank account seemed like the last trace of father-son sentiment. However, Yang Xiaole was well aware that his father was afraid that not giving money would trigger his cross-dressing episodes at the company.
That was also when he started to realize that he had developed an addiction.
There were times when he suddenly went crazy, wanting to apply lipstick and eyeshadow, and put on the sexiest dress.
When this desire became uncontrollable, he would take advantage of the time when Yan Lan was working at the school cafeteria, not eating anything, and run back to the dormitory. He would quickly close the curtains and lock the door, pick up his makeup products, and draw his eyebrows in front of the mirror. If time allowed, he would even find the lace nightgown he had hidden away.
The more beautiful “she” looked in the mirror, the happier he felt.
To freely apply makeup and wear dresses, he spent a long time observing and understanding Yan Lan. Unconsciously, they went from being ordinary roommates to becoming good friends who could talk about anything.
Yan Lan was a reliable person. You could safely share all your secrets with him, things that couldn’t be known by others. He wouldn’t look down on you or ask questions. He would only praise you when you were happy to make you even happier.
He knew that Yang Xiaole felt worried and confused about going on dates with men, but he still respected him. Anytime, anywhere, as soon as he ran into trouble, Yan Lan would rush to help him. When he was drunk and almost unconscious, only aware enough to take a taxi, Yan Lan would run to the school gate wearing pajamas to pick him up.
Yan Lan was his best friend, and no one else could be better than him. He couldn’t let his only good friend be embarrassed.
Bian Xianyang, who wanted to cherish Nana, was also a good person. Yang Xiaole shouldn’t deceive him. He deserved a better girl, a real girl.
Having cried for more than half an hour in the hourly hotel room, Yang Xiaole finally didn’t finish his makeup. After crying, he washed his face, cleaning away the smeared foundation and eyeshadow caused by tears. He packed up the makeup and wig, neatly placing them in the bag he brought, and then checked out. He took a taxi to the address Bian Xianyang had sent.
After getting out of the car outside the residential gate, looking at the brightly lit high-rises in the darkening sky, he couldn’t help but find a corner to squat down and cry again. Tears and snot flowed uncontrollably, and the tissues he brought were all used up.
His movement attracted the attention of the residential security guard. The sobbing sound was really hard to ignore. When he came out to check, he saw a thin figure squatting at the edge of the flower bed, crying bitterly.
The security guard couldn’t just stand by and handed him some tissues, offering a few comforting words.
“Did you not do well in an exam and dare not go home?”
Yang Xiaole took the tissues and wiped his tears, sniffling, “I’m already a graduate student, and my grades are excellent.”
“If you’re so great, why are you crying?”
“Sob sob, I cry because I have deep sins, sob sob, may thunder strike me.”
“Oh, what serious mistake have you made?”
“I lied in a relationship, sob sob sob. He really likes me.”
“If he likes you, why don’t you like him back?”
“I like him, how can I not like him? We even kissed. Sob sob sob, he looks so good, sings well, has a good temper, treats me well, and even said he wants to cherish me. I’ve done something wrong, and I am unforgivable.”
The security guard was confused, helped him up from the ground, and said, “If you’ve done something wrong, just apologize and admit your mistake. Couples in love don’t hold grudges overnight. If you make someone angry, apologize sincerely and ask for forgiveness. Come on, Uncle will open the door for you. In which building does your partner live?”
“Building A, 1501.”
“Do you want to ring the doorbell or call first?”
“I came secretly.”
“Alright, stop crying. Go quickly.”
“Thank you, Uncle.”
Yang Xiaole turned and left with his bag, his face stained with tears. He found Building A in the residential area, followed someone else in through the entrance and took the elevator to the fifteenth floor. He rang the doorbell when he reached the door.