I Only Want You chapter 36

Liuxian Lake Park was very large, and it was named so because it was very close to Liuxian Lake, almost as if it was situated on the lake shore.

The two found an open-air coffee shop in the park. Xie Yun Zhi placed the bouquet carefully on a rattan chair, even meticulously adjusting the outer wrapping paper to avoid any creases. He cherished and stored the card that said “Xie Yun Zhi, go on a date with me.”

Yan Lan propped his chin on his hand, staring at him for a while. “Do you like these flowers?”

“I like them very much,” Xie Yun Zhi replied.

Yan Lan could tell that Xie Yun Zhi was in a very good mood, a mood that even surprised him.

“I originally thought you would come with your roommate and that junior… This is the first time I’ve been lied to and felt so happy.” Xie Yun Zhi lifted the coffee cup in front of him, his eyes and brows relaxed and warm.

Hearing this, Yan Lan leaned back slightly. He looked at Xie Yun Zhi’s attire and couldn’t help but comment, “I wondered why you dressed so nicely today.”

Xie Yun Zhi put down the coffee cup and showed him his watch. “I did put some thought into going out today. Even my watch is changed to my favorite.”

Yan Lan couldn’t help but smile. “Just because you thought my junior was coming?”

“Also because I was coming to see you.” After saying this, Xie Yun Zhi looked around curiously and asked, “Was this open-air coffee shop where we first met five years ago?”

Yan Lan shook his head slowly. “It was by the lakeside.”

Xie Yun Zhi thought carefully for a moment. “The memories I have about Liuxian Lake are mostly from when I was a child, very young.”

Yan Lan added, “The first time I encountered you, I was still a high school student. I didn’t know when you noticed me, or when you sat in the seat next to mine. I also didn’t know how long you observed me before stopping me when I was about to do something foolish.”

“Something foolish?”

Yan Lan found it amusing himself. “At that time, I was under a lot of pressure, feeling anxious, and I wanted to calm down by the lake. You thought I was giving up on life and about to jump into the lake, so you stopped me and started comforting me.”

Xie Yun Zhi hadn’t expected the story to be like this. “So you consider that a favor?”

Yan Lan shook his head. “The favor is a different matter. I’m an orphan; you should know that, right?”

After a moment of hesitation, Xie Yun Zhi nodded. This information was already on Yan Lan’s resume, which Secretary Lin had shown him during Yan Lan’s job interview.

Yan Lan continued, “I grew up in an orphanage since I was a child. The old director told me that she found me at the entrance of the orphanage.”

Yan Lan finished signing before pointing to his throat. “I was born unable to speak due to vocal cord problems. Because of this, my biological parents abandoned me. I had no one to rely on. From childhood to adulthood, I relied on myself. I loved drawing, so I became an art student in high school. I wanted to go to college to study more advanced painting, so I aimed to enter an art institute. However, I had no money. I had no money for tuition or living expenses. This simple yet difficult problem troubled me a lot and made me feel desperate at the time.”

Xie Yun Zhi didn’t interrupt him but quietly watched him.

Yan Lan continued, “You told me to draw for money, to set up a stall by the lake, selling sketches and drawings I made myself. You even told me to play the victim, saying that sympathy could help earn more money. I followed your advice without giving up, even fantasizing that one day, you would suddenly sit on that bench and ask me to draw something for you. Although I knew it was impossible, just thinking about it made me happy. It gave me hope in life. I thought I had to get into the art institute, and when I saw you again, I could tell you that I followed your advice, and I was grateful for your support in pursuing my dreams. If I hadn’t met you that day, I wouldn’t be the person I am today.”

This was a long series of sign language, long enough to attract the attention of other customers sitting nearby. Yan Lan didn’t mind, and he just looked at Xie Yun Zhi with eyes that seemed to cherish him as the most precious person in the world.

Yan Lan added, “I keep you in my heart, recalling the scene when I first met you every day. I’m afraid I’ll forget. Even forgetting a single word is not allowed. You are my benefactor, and my life is different because of you.”

After this, Xie Yun Zhi fell into a long silence, and Yan Lan started to find it a bit strange.

After who knows how long, Xie Yun Zhi suddenly let out a sigh. “I’ve been trying hard to remember, but I can’t recall any of what you said.”

Yan Lan reached out, holding his wrists and tucking his right hand into his embrace, silently expressing that he didn’t blame him.

Xie Yun Zhi’s heart instantly softened. He looked at Yan Lan steadily. “Now I have a very subtle feeling, as if I’m jealous.”

Yan Lan raised an eyebrow in confusion.

“I can’t recall encouraging you that time, and it feels like it wasn’t me, but another personality hidden in my body took advantage of my inattention and occupied my body. You fell in love with him.”

A frown appeared between Yan Lan’s eyebrows.

Xie Yun Zhi showed a faint smile towards him, somewhat powerless. “This is a question that neither you nor I can avoid. Let alone the five years that have passed, the memories I lost due to injuries, do you think the current me and the me from back then are the same person?”

Yan Lan stared at him directly, nodding after a while.

Xie Yun Zhi raised his hand to gently stroke his delicate and fair face. “You hesitated; you also feel that it’s different.”

Yan Lan grabbed the hand that was touching his face and brought it to his lips, giving it a light kiss before letting it go. “The current me and the me from five years ago are not the same person. What matters is you, and I don’t believe the present you is inferior to the past you. You gave up your dream of being a director for Tiantian, coming back to support the company and not avoiding the responsibilities you had to bear. You have done well.”

Xie Yun Zhi shook his head. “No, I’m not as good as you think.”

Yan Lan replied, “You are good. In my eyes, no one is better than you.”

“But I didn’t protect you well. I’m the one who caused you to be in your current predicament, making you bear the pressure of public opinion and all kinds of external gazes. Even so, I still hope you will always like me and be with me forever.” Xie Yun Zhi spoke while reaching out to hold Yan Lan’s hand, gripping it tightly as if afraid he would run away.

“I’m jealous of the me from five years ago, and I’m afraid that one day you’ll be snatched away by someone else. I want to be better for you, take care of you, but so far, everything I’ve done has been a mess. I don’t know what you like to eat or dislike, what colors you like or dislike. I haven’t considered your feelings and thoughts for you. I only see what’s in front of me and forget to think about others who like me. I assumed you understood everything. But I forgot that a sense of security should have come from me.”

At this moment, Xie Yun Zhi had clearly fallen into an emotional whirlpool, feeling uneasy and self-repugnant due to his inability to handle the relationship since the incident. He was in a state of confusion, regret, and self-loathing.

His beloved was so beautiful, like a flower, gentle and warm like a flower. Yet, he felt like an inexperienced gardener, who, no matter how much he loved and wanted to care for it, with one misstep, it seemed like everything had gone wrong.

“Yan…” Xie Yun Zhi called out to him repeatedly, holding his hand and pulling him into his arms, hugging him tightly. “I know I haven’t done well, but I will do better in the future. I will definitely take good care of you and protect you. I will prioritize you in my heart…”

Xie Yun Zhi, holding him, continued to chatter on, and Yan Lan rested his chin on his shoulder, quietly listening. The hand embracing Xie Yun Zhi’s waist occasionally patted his back.

This man, he had placed him at the center of his heart when he was seventeen. He was his first love and also his benefactor.

In the five years, not a day went by without him thinking about him, not a day without looking forward to meeting him again. He was as stubborn as a donkey that wouldn’t turn back until it hit a wall. He persistently guarded, insisting that only he would do.

He was a rational person, but he also had a childlike side. He wanted a Xie Yun Zhi who occupied every corner of his heart. He wouldn’t be content with just being his boyfriend. What he wanted was a lifetime. What Yan Lan had in his hands was his, and no one else should think about it. Xie Yun Zhi could only be his from head to toe.

Yan Lan tightened his arm, leaned over, and kissed Xie Yun Zhi’s cheek. Standing up from the chair, he pulled Xie Yun Zhi up too, indicating with a raise of his chin for him to carry the bouquet. Holding his hand, they walked out of the open-air café.

“Where are we going?” 

Yan Lan pointed to Liuxian Lake in the distance.

Xie Yun Zhi found that looking at Liuxian Lake now gave him a subtle feeling. Perhaps this feeling would only disappear when he remembered the events of five years ago. But right now, he didn’t really want to go there.

However, Yan Lan was insistent. He believed revisiting familiar places would aid memory recovery. He dragged Xie Yun Zhi to the lakeside, where they had sat on a stone bench for an entire afternoon. Even when they got hungry, they didn’t leave. Yan Lan ordered food delivery on his phone.

They sat there until the sun was about to set. When the scenes engraved in Yan Lan’s mind resurfaced, he suddenly smiled. Tilting his head, he embraced Xie Yun Zhi’s neck, raised his face, and kissed his lips.

Regardless of the countless people passing by their seats, he kissed Xie Yun Zhi as if there was no one else around.

He had wanted to do this for a long time. This place held extraordinary significance for him. The pleasure and satisfaction of kissing Xie Yun Zhi here were almost comparable to life’s four great joys.

After the kiss, Xie Yun Zhi bit his lip. “I now feel like that subtle feeling has dissipated a bit. It seems that we should come here for dates more often in the future.”

Yan Lan turned to look at him, his clear eyes reflecting Xie Yun Zhi’s profile.

Xie Yun Zhi tilted his head and met his gaze. “I love you.”

Yan Lan raised his hand, patting his chest, then patting his own chest.

“My heart is the same as yours.”