I can still salvage it chapter 30
Fallen
When Shen Mian was released from the embrace, he was still in a daze. His nose was red from sobbing, and his lips were also red, with a small cut from the intense kiss. He looked a bit pitiful.
Pei Zhiyi didn’t seem as calm either. He gazed at Shen Mian with a deep gaze, gently rubbing the corner of his eye with his fingertip, as if trying to calm the fire in his heart with this gesture.
Neither of them spoke.
The room was filled with silence, but it was different from the desperate silence before. This silence was ambiguous and gentle, like a small warm pot on a winter night fireplace, with bubbles rising and making a popping sound under the lid, yet no one knew what was hidden beneath the cover.
When Shen Mian kissed him just now, he subconsciously grabbed onto the corner of Pei Zhiyi’s clothes and still hadn’t let go.
He clenched that small wrinkled fabric as if it could give him some courage.
In his mind, he encouraged himself before asking Pei Zhiyi in a low voice, “Why did you… kiss me?”
That kiss couldn’t be dismissed as an impulsive act.
It was clearly a kiss between lovers, tinged with a hint of bloodiness that caused both pain and surrender.
Shen Mian quickly glanced at Pei Zhiyi and discovered that there was indeed blood in the middle of Pei Zhiyi’s lips, staining his usually pale lips a deep red, adding a touch of seductiveness to his restrained face.
Shen Mian couldn’t help but feel his heart beat faster.
His head was spinning, suspecting that Pei Zhiyi might have cast a spell on him. Why else would his affection for Pei Zhiyi intensify with just a single glance?
Pei Zhiyi didn’t immediately answer his question.
His fingers slid down from the corner of Shen Mian’s eye, gliding over the tender skin with hardened fingertips until they reached his collarbone.
He retrieved the jade pendant that he had given to Shen Mian.
The jade Guanyin had lowered her brows and closed her eyes, appearing gentle and compassionate under the dim light.
Pei Zhiyi played with the jade pendant and asked in a low voice, “Mian Mian, do you know what my grandmother said when she gave me this pair of jade pendants?”
Shen Mian shook his head, not understanding why Pei Zhiyi suddenly brought it up.
Pei Zhiyi paused for a moment, then leaned forward and gently kissed Shen Mian’s forehead.
Unlike the previous passionate and possessive kiss, that kiss was gentle and calm, like the still surface of water after a storm.
He looked into Shen Mian’s eyes and completed his previous statement with clear enunciation.
“Grandmother told me that if I meet someone I like, I should give them this jade pendant. It symbolizes being together in pairs, a good omen.”
And since he received that jade pendant, he never thought of giving that Guanyin to anyone other than Shen Mian.
Shen Mian was shocked by the implications of those words. He looked up at Pei Zhiyi, his expression dazed, pitiful, and adorable.
But Pei Zhiyi wasn’t finished yet. He added the final blow.
He placed Shen Mian’s hand against his own chest, separated by a thin layer of pajamas and flesh. His heart was beating fiercely, betraying his true emotions.
He tightly grasped Shen Mian’s hand, pressing it against his burning skin.
“Mian Mian, now that you’ve accepted my jade pendant, you can’t go back on your word. You have to give yourself to me.”
Pei Zhiyi spoke words that brooked no refusal, yet his gaze towards Shen Mian was full of tenderness.
That person was the one he had yearned for and longed for in his heart, the only vulnerability he had.
He had always been a proactive and controlling person, effortlessly navigating his own life and future.
Except when it came to Shen Mian…
Especially when it was Shen Mian, the one who had grown up with him since childhood. A single glance from Shen Mian was enough to make him lower his guard, render him defenseless, and leave him unsure how to respond.
During the most difficult times, he had considered that Shen Mian might never accept him, no matter how hard he tried or how outstanding and mature he became. Shen Mian might reject him solely based on their gender.
But things were different now.
Shen Mian sat right in front of him, with teary eyes, and his heart and eyes were filled with only Pei Zhiyi.
…
The room grew even quieter.
Shen Mian was stunned by that unexpected stroke of luck.
He looked at Pei Zhiyi in bewilderment and even started to worry if Pei Zhiyi had a fever and was not thinking clearly.
He wasn’t doubting whether Pei Zhiyi was lying, but who would believe such good fortune? He had fallen in love with his childhood friend and mustered up the courage to confess, and now that stable and outstanding friend of his actually liked him back?
It was too good to be true.
Anxiously, he asked, “Is what you’re saying true, or are you just saying it to avoid hurting me…”
When he mentioned the word “lie,” he felt a bit sad, even though he was the one who brought it up. But soon, he saw Pei Zhiyi smile, not a mocking smile, but one that found his question adorable.
Pei Zhiyi gently caressed Shen Mian’s fingertips, wearing a somewhat helpless expression.
“Mian Mian, do you know when I started liking you?”
Shen Mian didn’t know.
He honestly shook his head.
Pei Zhiyi’s eyes revealed a nostalgic look.
“To be honest, I don’t remember the exact time either. I only remember when you were around fourteen or fifteen, lying in my arms taking a nap, and I secretly kissed your cheek. Since that day, every single day, I’ve been thinking about how to make you mine.”
“I felt jealous of anyone who got close to you, jealous of those girls who could boldly confess their feelings to you and even if rejected, they could just return to how things were before. Sometimes, I even hated our relationship. Why did I have to be your childhood friend, the one you trust and rely on, making it so difficult for me to shatter everything.”
Everyone had the right to pursue Shen Mian, except him as he was trapped by Shen Mian’s trust.
While others could go back to how things were if rejected, he was different. Once rejected, he would have nothing.
Pei Zhiyi paused and chuckled self-mockingly at Shen Mian, “You know… I even fantasized about being more reckless, not caring about the future, and confronting you forcefully. I wanted to use your reliance on me, to use our feelings as a threat, leaving you with no choice but to accept my love.”
He truly had such thoughts, using Shen Mian’s dependency on him, using their emotions as leverage, pushing Shen Mian into a corner where he had no option but to accept his love.
But in the end, he didn’t do it.
Even if each day he spent by Shen Mian’s side felt like an endless prison sentence, perhaps one day he would be set free, or perhaps he would never find redemption.
Yet, he couldn’t bear to let go.
He asked Shen Mian, “Now, do you still doubt whether I truly love you?”