I can still salvage it chapter 21

Don’t go

When Shen Mian arrived at Luhe, Pei Zhiyi was already in the private room.

Outside, it was completely dark. Pei Zhiyi sat by the floor-to-ceiling window, unaware that Shen Mian had entered. He remained motionless like a statue, with his black turtleneck highlighting his pale skin. The lines from his forehead to his chin were flawless, making him handsome like a piece of art, yet also distant, devoid of any worldly warmth.

Shen Mian glanced at him and knew immediately that things were about to get heated.

He had a special talent from childhood; with just one glance, he could tell how good or bad Pei Zhiyi’s mood was. If there was a test at school called “Pei Zhiyi Studies,” he would undoubtedly score full marks.

Shen Mian’s coat had already been taken by the waiter, leaving him in a soft knitted sweater over his shirt, making him appear even more gentle and refined.

He gave a brief instruction to the waiter, telling them not to serve any dishes for now, and then walked over to Pei Zhiyi’s side.

Pei Zhiyi turned his head to look at him, and upon seeing him, his expression finally eased a bit, though he remained silent.

Shen Mian whispered to Pei Zhiyi, “What’s wrong? Didn’t you promise me not to argue with your dad? What did he do to upset you this time?”

Pei Zhiyi had various reasons to argue with his father. The father and son had somewhat similar personalities, which made it even harder for them to tolerate each other.

However, Shen Mian subconsciously felt that it was just little matter that could easily be resolved, and Pei Zhiyi’s anger might have been caused by Pei An’s forceful way of speaking, resulting in a backlash.

For a moment, Pei Zhiyi remained silent.

He contemplated for a moment before speaking softly, “My father arranged for me to go abroad. He decided on his own and didn’t even think to ask me”

Shen Mian widened his eyes, never imagining that that would be the reason.

In fact, many students from their high school transferred overseas every year, but Shen Mian had never thought that Pei Zhiyi would be among them.

“Why would your dad be so…” Shen Mian held back his impolite words, replacing them with a vague and neutral phrase. “Hasty, perhaps?”

A touch of sarcasm appeared in Pei Zhiyi’s eyes.

In essence Pei Zhiyi had a better relationship with his mother, and his father, considering himself less than perfect as a father, believed it would be better for Pei Zhiyi to be closer to his mother and that was the reason he was planning for Pei Zhiyi to go abroad.

He let out a cold laugh and added, “He wants me to also transfer to a high school abroad. The school is near my mother’s house. He believes we can enjoy some mother-son reunion time.”

He asked Shen Mian, “Do you think I should agree to it?”

Shen Mian couldn’t find the words to respond.

Of course, he didn’t want Pei Zhiyi to leave. Even in the instant he heard that Pei Zhiyi would be leaving, he wanted to rush out and argue with Pei An. ‘What was this? Has all sense of reason been lost? Is going abroad to transfer schools something that can be done so easily? Could he take responsibility if Pei Zhiyi failed to adapt?’

But as he looked at Pei Zhiyi’s face, cold and weary, and then at the jade Guanyin hanging around his neck, the words he wanted to say got stuck in his throat.

The jade Guanyin was given to Pei Zhiyi by his mother who had been around since Pei Zhiyi was seven years old.

Unlike the strained relationship between Pei An and his father, Pei Zhiyi had a much more harmonious relationship with his mother. Although Yu Lian had a strong personality, she never interfered with her son’s life. She always had a cheerful and great communication with Pei Zhiyi, more like friends than mother and son.

So Shen Mian couldn’t really tell if Pei Zhiyi also wanted to be with his mother.

But he knew that Aunt Yu Lian loved Pei Zhiyi very much.

So he avoided Pei Zhiyi’s eyes and said softly, “You’re asking me, but I don’t know. You are the only one who can decide, and I can’t…”

I can’t interfere.

Shen Mian didn’t say the latter half of the sentence. He felt a bit sad, as if his heart had been grasped by a hand, feeling sour and swollen.

He didn’t even want to go to a different city from Pei Zhiyi for university, so how could he bear to be separated from Pei Zhiyi in two different countries?

Just the thought of it made him panic, not knowing what to do, like the person who had been guiding him suddenly let go of his hand and abandoned him on the road.

But he didn’t want to answer that question as Pei Zhiyi seemed to have made up his mind already.

After thinking for two seconds, PeI Zhiyi finally said, “Going abroad is indeed a good thing for me. It’s easier to apply to prestigious schools. It’s been a long time since I saw my mom, and I kind of miss her. But if I decide, I’ll have to leave soon, and I probably won’t attend classes anymore. I’ll have to study languages and prepare documents. You’ll have to take care of yourself at school.”

Shen Mian was stunned. He thought Pei Zhiyi was hesitating and didn’t know whether to agree or not, but little did he know that Pei Zhiyi had already made a decision in his heart.

He tried to find a trace of hesitation on Pei Zhiyi’s face.

But Pei Zhiyi was calm and didn’t show any sign of confusion.

The two of them silently locked eyes for a while, and Shen Mian lowered his head dejectedly.

He felt that Pei Zhiyi was really good at deceiving people. Just yesterday he vowed to take him to take the university entrance exam, and now he was ready to leave him behind and go abroad. He had even planned ahead for the future.

He really felt somewhat angry and frustrated with Pei Zhiyi.

But Pei Zhiyi sat there calmly, looking at him.

Even the vows between lovers could be easily broken, let alone a promise between childhood friends.

It seemed going to the same city for university was just one of Pei Zhiyi’s choices, not an unbreakable contract written in a legal document.

He knew he should be understanding to Pei Zhiyi like a sincere friend, saying, “I support you.”

But he couldn’t bring himself to do it.

He just looked at Pei Zhiyi blankly, imagining that soon he would disappear from his sight and his heart would become a wilderness with shattered glass inside, making tinkling sounds.

Neither of them spoke.

Only the fragrance that had been lit long ago, wisps of it, blending in the air. That fragrance contained sea salt and mint, mingling in that tense and dim room like a handful of thin snow.

They didn’t know how long they remained silent.

Pei Zhiyi reached out and pulled Shen Mian into his embrace.

He was much taller than Shen Mian and effortlessly placed him on his lap, their bodies fitting together perfectly.

“Are you angry?” Pei Zhiyi asked him gently.

Shen Mian didn’t answer. Of course, he was angry. He didn’t want to ruin Pei Zhiyi’s plan for the future, but how could Pei Zhiyi make such a decisive decision without any hesitation?

He couldn’t believe that Pei Zhiyi was so willing to leave him behind when he cherished Pei Zhiyi so much.

Shen Mian felt like he was going crazy, and even a simple hug from Pei Zhiyi made his nose feel sour.

However, a moment later, he heard Pei Zhiyi ask him again, “Mian Mian, do you want me to go abroad?”

This time Shen Mian answered, with a hint of defiance in his tone, “If I don’t want you to go, will you not go?”

If he could influence Pei Zhiyi with just a few words, would Pei Zhiyi still decide to leave so easily?

The more he thought about it, the more wronged he felt. He buried his head in Pei Zhiyi’s shoulder and mumbled, “Can’t you stop playing these mind games with me? How could I bear to let you go…”

That was not someone else; it was Pei Zhiyi, who had grown up with him since childhood, the person who had always been waiting for him at the crossroads, holding his hand.

He must be crazy to allow him to go abroad that easily.

Pei Zhiyi got the answer he wanted and gently caressed the back of Shen Mian’s neck.

He felt like he really wasn’t a decent person. He knew full well that Shen Mian couldn’t live without him, couldn’t bear to be apart from him, yet he still forced Shen Mian to say it again and again.

He wanted Shen Mian to have his name constantly pricking his heart, something he couldn’t escape from in this lifetime.

“In that case, I won’t go,” he whispered into Shen Mian’s ear, “If I’m not by your side, who will take care of you?”

His words were light, like a feather tickling Shen Mian’s ear, and they fell into his heart.

He raised his head abruptly, his eyes still a little moist, looking at Pei Zhiyi in disbelief. He asked, “What do you mean?”

Pei Zhiyi explained calmly, “I had an argument with my dad because I said I won’t go. I told him if he forced me, I wouldn’t go out, not now, not even to university. And that I’ll tear up my passport. Even if he sends me away, I’ll buy a plane ticket and come back immediately. If he provoked me, I wouldn’t even take the college entrance examination.”

Shen Mian hammered Pei Zhiyi on the chest, saying, “Then why did you lie to me? You even told me to take care of myself. I was scared to death, another two seconds and I would’ve cried because of you!”

 He felt so wronged that he could almost sing a sad song, but he restrained himself from howling and clung to Pei Zhiyi.

Fortunately, he didn’t, Shen Mian thought fearfully; it would have been so embarrassing if he did.

Pei Zhiyi touched the back of Shen Mian’s neck. “I was just teasing you earlier.”

Of course, that was a lie. What he really wanted to say was…..

‘I just wanted to confirm my place in your heart once again.

So that one day when I confess to you, you won’t be able to deny me. Even if you’re scared, you’ll have to stay by my side.

Because you can’t bear the thought of loosing me’.

Pei Zhiyi mocked himself greedily in his heart, but he didn’t show a trace of it on his face. He continued to sooth Shen Mian gently, “Are you silly? What will you do with your accumulated points if I leave? Will you still do tasks by yourself?”

Shen Mian: “……!”

Right, he completely forgot about that.

Pei Zhiyi leaving meant not only losing his best friend but also the possibility of losing his life.

Shen Mian touched his chest and couldn’t help but feel a little scared. He felt that if he could only live to 99, it would definitely be partly because of Pei Zhiyi, that bastard.

He solemnly held onto Pei Zhiyi’s shoulder and said seriously, “You can’t play this kind of trick on me again next time. I admit that I’m stupid, and I’ll believe anything you say. So when you said you were going abroad, I didn’t even doubt it. If you deceive me like this again…”

Shen Mian wanted to threaten Pei Zhiyi, preferably by saying something that would make him tremble.

But after thinking for a while, he couldn’t come up with anything.

Fortunately, Pei Zhiyi smoothly gave him a way out, saying, “Alright, I won’t deceive you. From now on, if you tell me to go east, I won’t go west.”

Shen Mian was satisfied and nodded happily. It was just that he was still sitting on Pei Zhiyi’s lap, so his imposing manner was scattered like a crabapple tree after a heavy rain, scattered all over the place.

…

Having set aside their worries, Shen Mian leaned on Pei Zhiyi again, as if he had no bones, the room was warm and cozy, and even wearing a shirt felt too hot. They didn’t speak anymore, but the atmosphere was completely different from a moment ago.

Pei Zhiyi lightly touched Shen Mian’s hand, as if playing the piano, sliding from his fingertips all the way up. Pei Zhiyi had practiced calligraphy, so his fingertips were slightly rough, and when they slid over the skin, it caused a slight shiver.

Shen Mian was like a cat being petted, lying on Pei Zhiyi’s shoulder, feeling so comfortable that he wanted to purr.

They had always been close, and he never thought there was anything wrong with that before.

But when Pei Zhiyi’s fingers reached his wrist, his heart trembled slightly, and he suddenly had a flash of the alley that night, under the dim streetlight, Xu Yuanfan kissing another man.

It was also intimate and uninhibited, blurring the boundaries, difficult to explain with just friendship.

…

Suddenly, he couldn’t sit still anymore. He pushed Pei Zhiyi away as if his butt was on fire and quickly ran back to his seat, pressing the service button.

“I’m so hungry, let’s eat first.” Shen Mian pretended to be casual, and Pei Zhiyi smiled at him. But under the table, he secretly rubbed his hand on his pants.

As if that would wipe away the lingering itchiness on his hand.

Pei Zhiyi felt a little displeased when suddenly Shen Mian stood from his embrace, but he remained calm on the surface and smiled at Shen Mian. “Okay, let’s eat first.”