Hearing You Say Love chapter 80

Becoming His Hero

Su Ming loved Zou Beiyuan’s story and spent time redrawing the stick figures into a chibi-style comic, eventually having some copies printed to keep at home.  

He knew the story was Zou Beiyuan’s way of encouraging him to speak. Because of this, Su Ming became more cooperative and diligent during his speech therapy.  

After some time, Cheng Jianyun told him that he could start practicing sentence expression the following week.  

When Su Ming returned home at noon to share the news, Zou Beiyuan had just come back from training.  

During their video call, Su Ming signed: Why so late today? 

Zou Beiyuan replied, “I stayed back to eat with the team after practice.”  

He didn’t mention his wrist injury, which had just been treated by the doctor.  

To avoid raising suspicion, he followed up with a question:

“What’s sentence expression? Will Cheng Jianyun still assist you with it?”

Su Ming found it hard to explain through sign language, so he wrote in his notebook: It’s practicing speaking.

After pausing, he wrote again, looking frustrated: Not with Cheng Jianyun anymore. I’ll have to join a group of kids.

While he was happy about the progress, the idea of learning to speak with a group of children gave him significant anxiety. Memories of past speech practices weren’t pleasant.  

Zhou Beiyuan noticed Su Ming was feeling down and tried to cheer him up:  

“My little Su Ming is the best.” 

Su Ming drew an ugly crying face for him.  

The bright sunlight outside streamed onto Su Ming’s face, making his skin seem almost translucent. Remembering the time difference, Zhou Beiyuan asked, “Did you just come back from the therapy center? Have you eaten?” 

Su Ming wrote: Yes, at the cafeteria.

Zhou Beiyuan narrowed his eyes: “With Cheng Jianyun?”  

Su Ming stifled a laugh. He didn’t know why Zhou Beiyuan always got subtly jealous of Cheng Jianyun. He replied: Yes. 

“Unacceptable,” Zhou Beiyuan said. “Wait for me to take a shower. I’ll be right back.”

Su Ming asked: What for?

Zhou Beiyuan held up a pink remote control in front of the phone camera, shaking it menacingly: “Play with you!”

So, in the middle of the day, Su Ming also went to take a shower. Afterward, he came out wearing only a black sports jacket that Zhou Beiyuan had left behind. The zipper was half undone, exposing much of his chest, and nothing was worn underneath.  

The linen curtains in the living room weren’t thick enough to block out the light, casting a warm and ambiguous glow throughout the room.  

Su Ming sat on a single-seater sofa, set up his phone on a stand, applied lubricant to his toy, and rested his legs on the armrests, swinging them casually while waiting for his “Idol” to flip the switch on his body.  

The two had been in a “long-distance online relationship” for a while and had grown increasingly in sync, exploring many new features of their little toys.  

But the inability to hug or kiss still left Su Ming feeling lonely, especially after their video calls ended. He often clung to Zhou Beiyuan’s clothes and stared blankly for a long time.  

Sometimes, he would go to Zhou Beiyuan’s apartment across the hall to sleep, cleaning the place, airing out the room, and sunning Zhou Beiyuan’s bedding.  

The oil painting in the living room hadn’t been taken away. Zhou Beiyuan had once said that they’d buy a small house with a pond someday and hang the painting there.  

Someday. What a beautiful word.  

Even though the waiting was torturous, the thought of the future made it all feel worthwhile.  

….

The outline for Rabbit Conspiracy, Wolf Trail had been revised. The emotional storyline and plot grew sweeter, deviating far from its originally planned tragic ending.  

This did reduce the narrative tension, but Su Ming handled it naturally, so sharp-eyed long-time readers didn’t notice anything unusual.  

After every update, Zhou Beiyuan still tipped generously, though after being scolded by Su Ming, he didn’t dare send over a hundred coins at a time anymore. Instead, he sent a few hundred yuan, maintaining his top spot on the leaderboard.  

Another reader, “Shu Jun Yi Mo,” consistently sent five tips per update. Su Ming had tried reasoning with them, but they wouldn’t listen, so he gave up.  

….

On the surface, everything seemed fine, but Su Ming knew something was deeply wrong with him.  

By late December, the children in his speech therapy group had begun speaking in sentences, while he still struggled with single words.  

The therapist patiently guided him on how to imitate sounds, treating him gently as if he were a child.  

But Su Ming just couldn’t do it.  

Frustrated by his lack of progress, he became increasingly anxious. Recently, he had been experiencing tightness in his chest, insomnia, and a loss of appetite.  

During video calls with Zhou Beiyuan, he tried his best to hide his emotions and act natural.   

But whenever he had free time, he clung to Zhou Beiyuan, spending as much time as possible “playing” with him to find some semblance of calm.  

…

It was the second workday after the Lunar New Year holiday when Cheng Jianyun noticed something was wrong.  

That day, after Su Ming’s therapy session, they went to the cafeteria together. Su Ming, looking unwell, said he had no appetite.  

Concerned, Cheng Jianyun had the cafeteria prepare two small dishes just for him and encouraged him to eat a little. Su Ming, too embarrassed to refuse, took a few bites but soon vomited.  

Having barely eaten in days, he had nothing to throw up except bile.  

Alarmed, Cheng Jianyun immediately took him to see a doctor at the therapy center.  

After reviewing Su Ming’s recent treatment history, the doctor suggested that his symptoms might be related to a psychological disorder.  

….

Since graduating from university, Cheng Jianyun had worked in pediatric speech therapy training and encountered many children with psychological issues. However, he had never classified Su Ming as someone requiring psychological intervention.  

Adult speech therapy was uncharted territory for him, so he followed the doctor’s advice and accompanied Su Ming to the affiliated hospital of C University for a psychological consultation.  

The results were not encouraging.  

As they left the hospital, Su Ming was in a terrible mood and forgot to remind Cheng Jianyun not to tell Ling Shanshan. By evening, Zhou Beiyuan had already found out through their small group chat.  

…..

The psychologist diagnosed Su Ming with Complex PTSD caused by repressed childhood trauma.  

In therapy, Su Ming had begun to relive painful memories of being humiliated and subjected to silent abuse as a child, triggering emotional flashbacks and subsequent symptoms.  

The psychologist explained that Su Ming had unconsciously dissociated the trauma to protect himself, creating a part of his personality that suppressed his ability to speak.  

This part of him, buried deep in his psyche, couldn’t be accessed by his current self.  

From a medical perspective, it was theoretically impossible for an adult with a fully functioning vocal system and language comprehension to lose the ability to speak.  

The doctor concluded that Su Ming’s mutism was rooted in psychological barriers, making standard speech therapy ineffective.  

The process of psychological treatment would likely be even longer and more painful than speech therapy.  

….

Feeling guilty for not recognizing Su Ming’s psychological issues earlier, Cheng Jianyun offered to accompany him to phycological therapy sessions weekly.  

Su Ming was furious.  

He had worked hard to cooperate with his speech therapy, only to be told by an esteemed psychologist that none of it mattered because his condition was rooted in Complex PTSD.  

….

When Zhou Beiyuan heard about Su Ming’s severe trauma from Ling Shanshan, he became even more distressed than Su Ming. Without consulting his agency or coach, he immediately booked the earliest flight back to the country.  

When Su Ming saw the screenshot of the flight sent by Zou Beiyuan, he instantly exploded and sent him a message: [Zou Beiyuan, I don’t need you to come back and keep me company, take care of yourself and stop making trouble for me!]

Zou Beiyuan, while packing, sent a voice message back: “If I’m not by your side at a time like this, am I still your boyfriend?”

Even though Su Ming missed Zou Beiyuan, he didn’t want him to come back at such a time and for such a reason. His fingers trembled as he typed: [I can handle it myself, can’t you trust me?]

Zou Beiyuan’s tone was firm: “I trust you, but I still want to come back and be with you.”

Su Ming: [Then what about your competition?]

Zou Beiyuan: “I’ll come back and make sure you get better first.”

Su Ming angrily replied: [No, I don’t want to undergo treatment anymore!]

After sending the message, he threw his phone aside. A few minutes later, Zou Beiyuan called via video.

Su Ming pressed to accept the call and turned the phone screen toward the ceiling.

“Baby,” Zou Beiyuan said from the other end, “How can I focus on training if you’re like this?”

Su Ming didn’t want to show his troubled face to Zou Beiyuan. Instead, he wrote: You focus on training.

Zou Beiyuan’s expression wasn’t great either. He propped his head up with his hand while placing the phone on a low table. He seemed a bit frustrated.

Su Ming stared at the screen for a while before suddenly asking: What happened to your hand?

“Huh?” Zou Beiyuan was surprised, having forgotten that he had been training with an injury. His right wrist was noticeably swollen and red. He nervously hid his hand under the table, saying, “Nothing.”

Su Ming: Let me see.

Zou Beiyuan reluctantly held his left hand up to the camera.

Su Ming: Not that hand.

Zou Beiyuan raised his right hand and positioned it at an angle that wasn’t too obvious.

Su Ming adjusted the phone to face himself, then seriously signed: You’re injured.

Zou Beiyuan denied it: “No, it’s just a small problem.”

During his absence, Su Ming had studied a lot about boxing and watched all the match videos of Zou Beiyuan that he could find online, including videos of his opponent Harrison.

He wasn’t foolish enough to believe that an injury to a boxer’s wrist was a small problem.

In the boxing ring, any flaw can be fatal. And as Zou Beiyuan had mentioned before, Harrison was indeed a very strong opponent.

There were less than four months left until the competition. Su Ming’s heart tightened, his eyes full of concern: What exactly happened? Tell me.

Zou Beiyuan finally admitted, “Old injury flaring up, tendonitis, it’ll heal with rest.”

Su Ming sternly pointed at him and signed: You need to take care of your injury. I want you in the best condition on the competition day.

“Su Ming,” Zou Beiyuan said, “But I’m really worried about you.”

Su Ming urgently signed: I’m fine, do what you need to do. Don’t come back because of this!

Zou Beiyuan looked a bit sad: “Why, don’t you want me?”

Su Ming paused, then looked Zou Beiyuan in the eyes and seriously signed: Because, husband, you need to be my hero and win the competition.

This was the first time Su Ming used sign language to call him husband.

Zou Beiyuan suddenly felt that his wrist didn’t hurt anymore. He sighed lightly: “Baby…”

Su Ming smiled: Trust me.

After much coaxing, Su Ming finally convinced Zou Beiyuan to cancel his newly bought ticket and gave up on the idea of abandoning everything and rushing back to the country.

After hanging up, Su Ming searched online about the prognosis for tendonitis and confirmed that Zou Beiyuan hadn’t lied, so he felt relieved.

……

In the afternoon, Su Ming invited Cheng Jianyun out for dinner, thanking him for his help recently and telling him that he wouldn’t be going to the speech therapy center anymore.

“I’ll take you to psychological therapy every week,” Cheng Jianyun said, “It’s my mistake that I took so long with your therapy.”

Su Ming put down his chopsticks and shook his head: No need, you’ve taken care of me a lot.

They were sitting at a booth by the window in a restaurant, and outside the window, there were evergreen plants. As Su Ming looked outside, his beautiful facial features were reflected on the glass like a dream.

Cheng Jianyun was entranced, momentarily unable to tell dream from reality, and blurted out, “I can keep taking care of you.”

Su Ming turned his face, showing a slightly surprised expression, then shook his head and signed: Thank you, but my boyfriend will be upset.

“You’ve been doing psychological therapy alone, it might be hard, and it might bring up your pain or other physical symptoms. How can you manage without someone taking care of you?” Cheng Jianyun quickly tried to justify himself, speaking without thinking: “Your boyfriend can’t see it. If you don’t tell him I’m taking care of you, he won’t know.”

Both of them froze for a moment after he said that.

Cheng Jianyun cursed himself in his heart. How was this any different from taking advantage of someone’s vulnerability?

But it was said, and he could only hold his breath, waiting for Su Ming’s reaction.

Su Ming smiled and signed: It’s because he can’t see it, that’s why I can’t do anything that would make him upset. Trust between two people is built on these small details. He trusts me, and I can’t let that trust be flawed. So thank you, but it’s not convenient for us to meet again.

Cheng Jianyun inexplicably felt a sense of relief, as if subconsciously, he was waiting for Su Ming to reject him.

He slowly stirred the soup in front of him with a spoon, asking Su Ming: “So what are you planning to do next? You said you’d go to the U.S. to find him once you can speak. This psychological treatment will take a long time, right? Do you know how long it’ll take before you can speak?”

Su Ming smiled again, pointing at the commercial complex outside the window. Cheng Jianyun turned his head to follow his finger and saw many training center signs on the building.

Su Ming signed: It doesn’t matter. If I can’t speak, then I can’t. I plan to sign up for an English class there.

“Huh?” Cheng Jianyun immediately dismissed Su Ming’s idea from a professional perspective. “How can you learn if you can’t speak? Didn’t you leave your English exam blank in the college entrance exam?”

Su Ming appeared to be somewhat relaxed: The doctor said I’m not mute, I just have a psychological disorder, which means I have the ability to learn languages. I just need to focus on listening and writing. The way I learned Chinese, I can learn English the same way. As for the college entrance exam, I didn’t have the motivation. I calculated that I could still get into art school even with a blank English paper.

Cheng Jianyun was stunned for a moment, then sighed and said with some admiration, “…I can’t argue with that.”

Su Ming happily lowered his head to eat his dessert, feeling an odd excitement, as though his mental state had improved ever since the diagnosis of his psychological condition.

He felt there was no need to tell Cheng Jianyun that he was about to challenge something he had never dared to think about before, because he too wanted to be his boyfriend’s hero too.

Author’s note:

Regarding the description of Su Ming’s psychological condition, although I, as an outsider, looked up some psychological materials, I’m afraid my understanding isn’t quite accurate. If there’s any mistake, please be gentle, and just treat it as entertainment.