Don’t Ignite It chapter 97
Difficult to Escape Blame: Xu Zhan × Ruan Sen(26)
Fang Xieyi drove for a while before politely asking, “Can I ask a question?”
Xu Zhan sat in the passenger seat, feeling more rigid than when he was in the classroom. It wasn’t intentional, but sitting in Fang Xieyi’s car, he unconsciously leaned towards the car door.
He also knew what Fang Xieyi wanted to ask, and his brow didn’t relax as he replied, “Go ahead.”
However, Fang Xieyi didn’t rush to ask. He drove around a corner and stopped at a traffic light before finally asking, “The person we saw at the school gate just now, the one who held onto you and seemed somewhat similar to me. It wasn’t my imagination, was it?”
“No.”
“Who is he? He’s not just a pursuer, right? Your ex-lover?”
Fang Xieyi asked tentatively, not expecting Xu Zhan to answer. But Xu Zhan simply responded with an “Hmm.”
Fang Xieyi subtly raised an eyebrow and glanced at Xu Zhan a few times. Xu Zhan also understood the meaning behind his gaze, but he didn’t care how Fang Xieyi perceived him. He spoke in a calm tone, “Xia Yu has always known that I have someone else outside. We were bound to break up sooner or later. As for Ruan Sen… the person you saw, he doesn’t know anything. He genuinely thinks I’m giving you another chance.”
In truth, it wasn’t a real relationship; it was just to make Qin Sheng give up. But Xu Zhan didn’t want to say more. He instinctively separated Qin Sheng from this situation, as if this young man was truly innocent and only a victim of his own mistakes.
Fang Xieyi’s gaze became even more ambiguous.
After a while, Fang Xieyi asked, “Allow me to be a bit conceited, and ask if you being with him has anything to do with me.”
He didn’t want to be narcissistic, but a faint flame of curiosity had ignited within him. As Xu Zhan’s “first love,” Ruan Sen, resembled him somewhat. He couldn’t help but feel suspicious.
However, Xu Zhan shook his head decisively. “It has nothing to do with you.”
Xu Zhan said it sincerely, not wanting to upset Fang Xieyi. He spoke the truth. He couldn’t use someone as a substitute for another person, and Ruan Sen was even less suitable for that role. He fell in love with the young man who had handed him a cigarette in the bar because his heart swayed, not because of anyone else. He continued, “If I still had any lingering feelings for you, I probably wouldn’t have been with him because it would have reminded me of you. I didn’t consider him as anyone else. From beginning to end, it’s him I liked.”
Fang Xieyi briefly tightened his grip on the steering wheel. “I see.”
He chuckled self-deprecatingly and didn’t ask any more questions. He continued driving Xu Zhan to the restaurant they had already reserved.
When Xu Zhan asked Fang Xieyi out for dinner, it really meant having dinner. He didn’t even order a cocktail with alcohol. The restaurant had a nice view, situated on the top floor with a glass dome. At this moment, it was getting dark, and the candles on the tables were lit. On a stage near the edge, a band was playing, and the violinist was a young man with a rather handsome and delicate appearance. Fang Xieyi couldn’t help but take a few more glances after sitting down.
Xu Zhan followed his gaze. “Is he your type?”
Fang Xieyi added ice cubes to his sparkling water. “He’s alright. I don’t mind dating someone like him.”
Xu Zhan smiled, temporarily diverting his attention from Qin Sheng. “Would you like to get his number?”
After being rejected by Xu Zhan, Fang Xieyi didn’t tie himself to one tree and actively started dating. However, at their age and with their circumstances, sincerely loving someone and being loved in return had become incredibly difficult.
Fang Xieyi also lacked enthusiasm. “Forget it. Dating a young brat isn’t that interesting.”
That young violinist looked quite young, with a baby face that exuded a particularly innocent charm, but he was probably also quite troublesome.
He asked Xu Zhan, “When you were dating that… Ruan guy, didn’t you find it troublesome? Younger guys might be nice, but they can be clingy, jealous, and nitpicky.”
Fang Xieyi wasn’t a gentle person either, although he had mellowed out somewhat over the years. He was inherently proud and couldn’t bring himself to lower his status to coax someone.
Xu Zhan hadn’t really thought about this question. His gaze drifted for a moment, thinking of something. A faint smile appeared in his eyes, but it quickly disappeared.
“Maybe because I really liked him, even if he got jealous, threw tantrums, or acted up a bit, I found it cute.”
Qin Sheng certainly had his flaws, and not just a few. However, when you truly loved someone, you could become a bit muddled, seeing them as perfect in every way. Just like now, even though he was sitting with Fang Xieyi having dinner, he still found his mind filled with Qin Sheng’s wounded expression from earlier, unable to shake it.
While they were halfway through their meal, it started to rain. Raindrops tapped on the glass dome, blending with the music, creating a unique atmosphere.
After dinner, Fang Xieyi drove Xu Zhan back home. This day was supposed to end this way, with Fang Xieyi helping Xu Zhan as a friend. However, as Fang Xieyi approached Xu Zhan’s apartment building, he noticed someone sitting across the street.
The windshield wipers cleared away a layer of mist. Fang Xieyi frowned and asked Xu Zhan, “Isn’t that Ruan…?”
Yes, it was.
Xu Zhan cracked the car window open a bit, gazing outside in disbelief. Across from his apartment, there was a swing for people to rest on. Although there was a protective cover over it, it was obviously useless in this rainy weather. Sitting on it was Qin Sheng, motionless, with a black t-shirt, slightly tousled hair, a pale complexion, and the rain that had trickled in had soaked him halfway. He appeared far from confident and composed, unlike the day when he came looking for Xu Zhan.
He looked lost in a wilderness, without a sense of belonging, waiting for someone to hold his hand in the pouring rain.
“What is he doing there…” Xu Zhan murmured unconsciously.
It was raining, and the temperature outside had dropped significantly. Xu Zhan’s first instinct was to think that Qin Sheng must be feeling very cold.
He was on the verge of getting out of the car directly, but as he reached for the door handle, he suddenly hesitated, as if something had pricked him, and he regained his composure.
He didn’t know why Qin Sheng was waiting outside his apartment.
In the evening, at the school gate, he had walked away with Fang Xieyi, making his attitude clear enough. He thought that someone as proud and resolute as Qin Sheng would give up on him after giving it some thought, turn around, and leave, just like he had done several months ago.
But now, he saw Qin Sheng standing outside his home.
He heard Fang Xieyi beside him say, “He probably wants to talk to you.”
Fang Xieyi also cracked the car window open a bit, took out a cigarette from his pocket, lit it, and the scent of nicotine faintly filled the air. He said softly, “Even after seeing you go out on a date with me, he still can’t let go. He must be waiting here for an outcome. He probably wants to ask you in person if you’re really not going back to him. Youth these days.”
Fang Xieyi thought that it was quite romantic.
He smoked and, out of the corner of his eye, saw Xu Zhan’s expression. It was hard to describe, but it looked as though he was calm on the surface, yet his fingers were tightly clenched, as if he was out there in the rain with the person outside.
“Do you want to talk to him, or should I take you inside?” Fang Xieyi asked. “I can make sure you get in your apartment and wait for a while. Don’t worry; I won’t go inside.”
Xu Zhan had been staring at the tall, desolate figure on the swing for some time before he finally understood what Fang Xieyi was saying. After a while, he turned to him in a daze and said, “Alright.”
Fang Xieyi glanced at him and drove a bit closer to the entrance. He took out an umbrella from the car and got out to shield Xu Zhan from the rain.
Before they could reach the apartment, Qin Sheng noticed them. He stood up from the swing, walked into the rain, and started moving toward Xu Zhan.
But halfway there, he stopped.
He saw Fang Xieyi standing beside Xu Zhan, holding a long-handled black umbrella. Water droplets slid down from the umbrella’s surface, and Xu Zhan was under it, leaning against Fang Xieyi like a bird seeking shelter under someone else’s wings.
In an instant, Qin Sheng understood that Xu Zhan wasn’t just going on a date with this person; they were going home together now.
Every drop of blood in his body seemed to freeze. If someone had pushed him at that moment, he might have shattered into pieces.
And Xu Zhan didn’t even look at him.
Qin Sheng called out, “Xu Zhan… look at me.”
Xu Zhan still didn’t turn back.
He called out a second time and his voice louder but trembling, “Xu Zhan.”
Xu Zhan’s shoulders trembled slightly, and under the umbrella, he turned his face to the side, unable to help but grab onto Fang Xieyi’s sleeve.
“Please, walk faster,” his voice was also trembling.
Fang Xieyi glanced at Qin Sheng, then quickened his pace. Xu Zhan swiped his access card, and the glass door slammed shut heavily, leaving Qin Sheng outside.
But this time, as they entered the apartment building, Xu Zhan couldn’t resist turning back.
They were too far apart, and he couldn’t see Qin Sheng’s expression, but he thought that Qin Sheng must be hating him right now.
This young man, who had never tasted failure since birth, was now standing in the rain, drenched from head to toe. Anyone who saw him would surely pity him.
Xu Zhan was pulled by Fang Xieyi’s arm and taken into the elevator. The elevator doors closed, and Xu Zhan pressed the button for the 17th floor. As the elevator ascended, the umbrella hung on the floor, forgotten, without its plastic cover, letting raindrops fall to the ground.
Xu Zhan watched the numbers on the elevator display change continuously, and when it was about to reach the 7th floor, he suddenly said, “It’s raining, is he cold?”
He didn’t mention the name, but Fang Xieyi immediately understood who he meant.
When Xu Zhan spoke those words, tears that had been welling up in his eyes suddenly fell. How could it not be cold when it was raining? He didn’t know how long Qin Sheng had been waiting for him and how much longer he would have to wait.
When they separated at the school gate, he had sat in Fang Xieyi’s car and couldn’t help but look back. He saw Qin Sheng left alone at the school gate, a tall and slender figure, all by himself. And now, he had left Qin Sheng behind for the second time.
Xu Zhan opened his mouth, wanting to say something, but no sound came out. Tears continued to fall, quickly blurring his face.
The elevator had already reached the 17th floor with a “ding,” but neither of them got out. Xu Zhan reached out, paused for a second or two in the air, and finally pressed the button for the 1st floor.
With another “ding,” the elevator doors closed again, and it descended, as if declaring his missed opportunity.
Fang Xieyi couldn’t help but look at him. “You…”
Xu Zhan knew he must have been quite embarrassing. He had asked Fang Xieyi to help, but he was the one who surrendered first. But he didn’t care. He was only thinking about how sad Qin Sheng must be left out in the rain.
He had always been a coward in matters of the heart. After experiencing one heartbreak, he didn’t want to expose his vulnerability again. He wanted to reject Qin Sheng not because he didn’t love him anymore, but because he loved him too much. Qin Sheng could hurt him with a few words, and he didn’t have the courage to withstand that pain. He wasn’t as brave as Xia Yu, and he was timid and weak. He didn’t want to go through that feeling again.
But he still wanted to surrender. Just like the Little Mermaid, he couldn’t bear to see the Prince drown in the deep sea. Qin Sheng was suffering in the rain, looking at him in agony as if the whole world had abandoned him, and Xu Zhan couldn’t help but want to extend a hand to him.
In the end, Fang Xieyi didn’t say anything. He blinked his eyelashes and thought that maybe Xu Zhan wasn’t unable to turn back, he just wouldn’t turn back for him.
Different people, different paths. Xu Zhan and Fang Xieyi were finally going their separate ways. Xu Zhan looked at Fang Xieyi walking away, stunned for a few seconds, before picking up the umbrella and pushing open the door.
Qin Sheng hadn’t left. He sat in the rain in front of the apartment and had never felt so ridiculous and miserable in his life. If he told this story to his friends, they would probably laugh at him for three months.
He deluded himself into thinking that Xu Zhan still loved him and couldn’t bear to let him go. But the reality proved that Xu Zhan might really be trying to forget him. His first love, similar to him, had come back, transformed, and around Xu Zhan’s age, mature and considerate. Xu Zhan could start a new life with him. What was he to Xu Zhan? He was just a repulsive ex-lover, immature, irrational, reckless, and he deserved to be left out in the rain, truly becoming a miserable wretch.
He buried his face in his hands and didn’t lift it for a long time. He was almost completely soaked through, his T-shirt clinging to his skin, and his skin had turned almost blue from the cold. But he still didn’t want to leave.
He didn’t know what he was waiting for. Clearly, that person wouldn’t come back. But after a while, he faintly sensed that something was amiss.
Qin Sheng lifted his head and the first thing he saw was a hand holding an umbrella, long and flawless as white jade. Looking up further, he saw a face that was so familiar it couldn’t be more familiar, warm and dignified.
Xu Zhan propped the umbrella over Qin Sheng’s head, but half of himself was still in the rain. The summer rain was hasty and impatient, with raindrops the size of beans that stung when they hit the skin.
Neither of them spoke.
Qin Sheng, with red eyes, stared at Xu Zhan without blinking, as if afraid that this person would disappear in the next second.
In the end, it was Xu Zhan who gave in first. “I didn’t make plans with anyone else, and I didn’t intend to bring anyone else home. I just wanted you to give up, but I failed.”
He reached out a hand, palm up, and said, “Don’t sit here anymore; it’s too cold in the rain. Come home with me.”
“Come home with me.”
As soon as the words fell, the umbrella in his hand was knocked to the ground.
In the pouring rain.
Qin Sheng kissed him as if he had been lost and found again, as if he hated him to the bone. It was a kiss filled with too much force, biting their lips until they bled, tasting a bitter hint of blood.
Author’s Note:
Upon careful consideration, this story could be seen as one about weakness and bravery. It’s about those who, when hurt, vow to never marry and lead a carefree life, But because they fell in love with each other, one learned to come out of their shell, while the other learned to make commitments and love.
They are both a bit ruthless yet not too much, and this time, once they come together, there’s no turning back.
After all, Professor Xu is the kind of person who can only hold out until the 17th floor before turning back and going after his lover in the rain… and Qin Sheng is not much better, flying away for three months and then flying back.
Thinking about it, one can’t help but mock them a bit.