Don’t Ignite It chapter 95
Difficult to Escape Blame: Xu Zhan × Ruan Sen(24)
After Xu Zhan entered, Qin Sheng stood outside alone for a long time. In fact, he could have gone in. Xu Zhan had given him the access card, and he could come and go freely. But he stood outside, unable to take a single step.
What difference would it make if he went in? Xu Zhan didn’t want him anymore, and no matter how hard he tried to cling, he would just be a rejected dog.
Moonlight descended slowly, casting a frosty layer on the ground. He took a few steps back, leaned against his car door. The summer night wasn’t particularly cold, the night breeze carried a hint of warmth, but when it touched him, it felt as cold as eternal mountain snow.
He remembered the recent event when he attended an event with Aurora. Aurora had a cigarette in hand and asked him on the terrace, “Don’t you think you should have a talk with your Chinese lover? Maybe he has his reasons.” At that time, he was still immersed in a gloomy mood. The name Xu Zhan was like a taboo, the most embarrassing page in his life. “Don’t mention him again,” he warned Aurora, “even if it’s you, I’ll turn hostile.”
Aurora had raised an eyebrow at him, her long hair slightly disheveled by the wind. She chuckled and extinguished her cigarette on the balcony railing, her expression turning cold. “Suit yourself,” she said coldly, “I just picture your lover as fragile as Chinese porcelain. If you don’t take good care of it, it will break one day, and you’ll regret it.” After saying this, she left, clicking her heels and gracefully disappeared into the world of fame and fortune, smiling at everyone.
As it turned out, Aurora was right. Qin Sheng regretted it in less than three months. He flew all the way back to China, searching for his delicate, fragile lover like fine white porcelain. But once porcelain breaks, it leaves scars, and no matter how you repair it, it can never return to what it used to be. What good would it do to lower his head now? Xu Zhan didn’t want him anymore.
He remembered Xu Zhan’s tearful eyes just now, breaking his heart, just like when they broke up three months ago.
Xu Zhan said that his marriage with the person named Xia Yu was just as fake as the engagement he had with Aurora. Xu Zhan also said that he had been preparing for a divorce long before Qin Sheng confessed to him. No matter what kind of unbearable lies they had experienced, Xu Zhan’s feelings for him were genuine. Qin Sheng was stunned, subconsciously touching his right wrist, where there used to be a string of emerald bracelets.
………………..
The entire night, Xu Zhan didn’t sleep well. Every time he closed his eyes, he saw Qin Sheng’s face. The next day, he got up as usual and went to work, but as soon as he opened the door, he noticed something outside. He took a step forward, then stopped, and bent down to pick up what was left at his doorstep. It was a small gift box, and inside was a figurine of a little mermaid. It was grayish and bronze in color, with the little mermaid sitting on a rock, her head hanging down, her long hair flowing like waves, with a sorrowful expression as if she would never smile again.
Xu Zhan furrowed his brow lightly. What was this supposed to be? A breakup gift for him? But apart from this figurine, there was nothing else left in the gift box. He couldn’t figure out what Qin Sheng meant by this. In the end, he could only put the little mermaid in his pocket, pick up his briefcase, and hastily go to work.
For several days in a row, Xu Zhan didn’t see Qin Sheng again. Thinking about it, it made sense. He had spoken his piece, and while Qin Sheng claimed to love him, he wasn’t so unreasonable that they couldn’t part ways with a bit of dignity.
Only the little mermaid figurine remained on his desk, and he didn’t know for what reason he hadn’t locked it away in some dark cabinet. It sat on the desk in plain view whenever he looked up. Deep down, he vaguely understood why Qin Sheng had left this behind. On a certain day before their breakup, they had gone to see a musical together, and the performance was “The Little Mermaid.”
He had enjoyed it, but Qin Sheng seemed disinterested. “Don’t you like it?” he had asked Qin Sheng softly after leaving the theater. “Is it too childish?” Qin Sheng shook his head. He handed over the bubble tea they had just bought, inserting a straw and placing it against Xu Zhan’s face. The bubble tea was hot, and it made Xu Zhan involuntarily retract his neck. “I just don’t like ‘The Little Mermaid,'” Qin Sheng said. “It’s too foolish, giving up everything for someone you’ve only seen once and then losing your life, all for love. Everyone, of course, loves ‘The Little Mermaid’ in hopes for someone to love them like that, naive, easily deceived, single-minded, and crying might even bring pearls. But who wants to be ‘The Little Mermaid’?” Everyone just wanted to be the one surrounded by love. But stingy with giving their true hearts.
Xu Zhan pursed his lips. “What you say makes sense.” He sipped the bubble tea that Qin Sheng had bought him, walked hand in hand with Qin Sheng on the snow-covered streets, just like any ordinary couple. But after walking for a while, he whispered to Qin Sheng, “But I quite like ‘The Little Mermaid.'” Qin Sheng stopped in his tracks and turned to look at him. Xu Zhan felt a bit embarrassed, a man almost thirty years old discussing fairy tales. “It might be a bit foolish, but precisely because everyone wants to be the prince, ‘The Little Mermaid’ becomes precious,” he smiled at Qin Sheng. “There’s always someone willing to be the first to give their love.” When the little mermaid swam up, she probably knew the ending, but she still reached the shore. She could have chosen to stab the prince’s heart, but she chose to discard the dagger. Foolish, naive, easily deceived, but if she had truly pierced the prince’s heart, she wouldn’t have been the little mermaid anymore. Qin Sheng looked at Xu Zhan with a strange expression. “Fool,” he suddenly whispered, giving Xu Zhan’s head a gentle tap and then pulling him into an embrace.
Xu Zhan gazed at the little mermaid figurine, lost in thought. Did Qin Sheng go to Northern Europe alone? Did he go to see the sculpture of the little mermaid? For hundreds of years, the little mermaid had gazed across the sea, how many couples had come to see her, said enduring words of love, and eventually parted ways.
It was time for class, and Xu Zhan packed up his teaching materials and books, heading to the lecture hall. However, when he entered the classroom and looked up, he froze. The course he was teaching was Ancient Chinese Literature History, one of the mandatory courses in the college. The room was packed with students, and attendance was usually very high.
But, through the numerous familiar and unfamiliar faces, he saw Qin Sheng sitting in the middle of the front row. It was like a daydream he had once considered impossible.
Qin Sheng was dressed in an oversized white T-shirt with a lighter hanging from a chain around his neck, looking like an ordinary but excessively handsome college student sitting in his classroom. However, he appeared different from the group of youthful students. Even though he had suppressed his arrogance, the air of the business world he had come from still lingered, making him seem out of place in the college campus.
Xu Zhan almost broke his pen in his hand. He had a moment of panic, and the class attendance sheet almost slipped from his hand. He didn’t know how Qin Sheng had managed to get in, and he almost forgot his duty as a teacher. All the students had turned into a vague, ghostly presence, with only one young man sitting in the middle, gazing steadily at him with an indifferent expression.
Xu Zhan remained stunned for a while, only snapping out of it when the bell rang to start the class. He had come to teach, and with all the students looking at him, no matter what personal history he had with someone, he couldn’t disrupt his work.
This turned out to be one of the most challenging classes Xu Zhan had ever taught. It was May, and the birds outside were chirping louder, and the trees were sprouting fresh green branches. The magnolia flowers had already bloomed and were beginning to fall, with only a few remaining on the branches.
The class content was something Xu Zhan knew like the back of his hand, and he was intimately familiar with the course materials. However, he still almost made mistakes. Unlike the usual lectures where students often dozed off, many students were paying attention this time. Besides the fact that the students were diligent by nature, Xu Zhan was also one of the most popular teachers in the Literature department.
Qin Sheng noticed the female student in front of him, turned off the sound and flash on his phone, and secretly took several photos of Xu Zhan during the class.
The elegant and refined teacher, wearing lightly prescribed glasses with clear, watery eyes, a perfectly pressed white shirt, and a hint of delicate wrist showing from his cuffs. He didn’t smile much, but his voice was gentle and soothing.
Qin Sheng could understand the restlessness in the hearts of these students, but it was difficult not to feel a pang of jealousy. This person was clearly his, so what were these kids doing here?
Qin Sheng twirled the pen in his hand uncomfortably. He had endured these months without Xu Zhan. Suddenly seeing Xu Zhan, his fair face took on a hint of blush.
He wasn’t there to attend class; he hadn’t taken any notes. His gaze remained fixed on Xu Zhan throughout the class.
During the few days he had been away, Qin Sheng had traveled abroad for some company business. In just a few short days without seeing Xu Zhan, he felt an intense longing for him. However, sitting in the middle of a classroom like this was quite attention-grabbing.
The girl next to him, thinking he hadn’t brought his book, kindly pushed one over to him. “You should take notes, Professor Xu is quite strict with his final exams.”
Qin Sheng glanced at her and said, “Thank you,” but he didn’t move. He continued to sit there, not taking any notes. However, he noticed that the open book in front of him had a few lines of ancient poetry at the bottom.
While he wasn’t well-versed in Chinese ancient literature, he recognized those lines. They were:
有匪君子，如切如磋，如琢如磨，瑟兮僴兮，赫兮咺兮。 有匪君子，终不可谖兮。
Unable to help himself, Qin Sheng lowered his eyes and pondered these lines of poetry, then looked back up at Xu Zhan on the podium. The ancients were quite right.
He had seen Xu Zhan as such a gentleman, so how could he forget him, how could he let go?
Finally, after enduring the class, Xu Zhan packed up his things and almost seemed to run out of the classroom, leaving behind a bustling crowd of students in the corridor. It was nearly noon, and the hallway was unusually crowded.
Xu Zhan was accidentally bumped into by a student who was walking too fast. The student didn’t notice, and the books in his hands scattered all over the floor, and even his glasses were skewed.
Xu Zhan crouched down to pick them up, but a slender and fair hand reached out and picked them up before him. He raised his head to see Qin Sheng’s expressionless face.
In the bustling hallway of the teaching building, students walked and chatted, making a lot of noise. Qin Sheng, tall and slim, stood in front of him like a barrier, separating him from the noisy crowd.
The books returned to his hands, and Qin Sheng extended his fingers, adjusting Xu Zhan’s glasses.
“Professor Xu.”
He heard Qin Sheng call him, just like in countless dreams over the past three months.
It wasn’t until the nearby students cast puzzled glances at them that Xu Zhan finally snapped back to reality. He continued walking without looking back, and Qin Sheng followed him silently.
It wasn’t until they reached a tree-lined path that Xu Zhan stopped in his tracks. He turned to look at Qin Sheng with a serious tone, “Why are you here?”
Qin Sheng seemed to have anticipated this and showed his student’s ID. “I’m here to join your class.”
It was absurd. Xu Zhan was utterly bewildered. Qin Sheng, a graduate from a prestigious Ivy League university, majoring in Communication and Media Studies, what could he possibly learn by joining his class? He was underestimating himself.
“Did I not make it clear last time?” Xu Zhan’s tone grew impatient. “We’ve broken up, and I don’t want to dwell on who was right or wrong. I just want…”
But before he could finish his sentence, Qin Sheng interrupted him.
“I understand.”
Qin Sheng looked at him, his face showing a trace of pain, but it quickly disappeared. “You made yourself clear. You don’t want me, you don’t want to go to Northern Europe with me, and you don’t want to marry me.”
He said these words sadly; these were all promises that Xu Zhan had once given him, but now Xu Zhan had taken them all back. But then he lifted his gaze and looked earnestly at Xu Zhan. “But I’m not ready to give up. I want to pursue you one more time, Xu Zhan. Can you give me a chance? Can I be the one who doesn’t stab you, like the one who gave up the dagger? Foolish, naive, and easy to deceive, because if she really stabbed the prince’s heart, she wouldn’t be the Little Mermaid anymore.”
Xu Zhan looked at Qin Sheng, his eyes sincere, and for the first time in twenty-two years, Qin Sheng learned humility.
In truth, Qin Sheng didn’t know how to pursue someone; he had never done it before. But he was a self-taught expert in flirting.
Some friends had speculated that if Xia Yu and Xu Zhan ever got together, there would be no place for Lu Zhao and Ruan Sen.
That wasn’t true.
Because Xu Zhan liked the flirty type little wolf pups, wild and sexy.
As for Xia Yu, he preferred the mature, scummy, and suave type
So even if they got together, their aesthetic tastes wouldn’t align.
After he had spoken, Qin Sheng stared at Xu Zhan, his expression earnest. “I know you might not be used to it, but can I try?”
He would be the one who discarded the dagger, even if it meant disappearing as the sun turned into bubbles. He was ready to love just this once, and he didn’t mind getting hurt. It was better than not trying at all.