Don’t Ignite It chapter 94
Difficult to Escape Blame: Xu Zhan × Ruan Sen(23)
Qin Sheng seemed suddenly deprived of his voice. There was a momentary blank expression on his face, and he instinctively didn’t believe it. In fact, before flying over to find Xu Zhan, he searched through everything he could find online about Xia Yu and Xu Zhan like a man possessed.
Xia Yu managed his own art gallery and had private Twitter and Instagram accounts. However, Xia Yu was very cautious, mainly posting about the gallery, occasionally sharing photos he had taken or selfies, and rarely featuring Xu Zhan. Despite being outgoing and sociable, Xia Yu had created a thick fog, preventing anyone from glimpsing even a bit of his personal life.
But Qin Sheng knew Xu Zhan too well. After being his lover for several months, he could recognize everything about Xu Zhan. In the few videos that Xia Yu occasionally posted, he heard Xu Zhan’s voice. Xu Zhan treated his legitimate partner with tenderness, asking in a low, soothing voice if he wanted jam on his bread and expressing concern about Xia Yu’s recent work.
Xia Yu would respond cheerfully, leaning against Xu Zhan’s shoulder like a child, but the camera only captured his face without Xu Zhan. Qin Shen despised Xia Yu’s face, which was radiant, free of any shadows, and appeared to have never faced any storms or difficulties in life. Marrying Xu Zhan had been smooth sailing, and Xia Yu had shamelessly sought Xu Zhan’s affection.
Qin Sheng watched those videos over and over again, listened to Xu Zhan’s voice repeatedly, but still couldn’t stop himself from flying back and seeking Xu Zhan’s forgiveness.
Qin Sheng’s brows furrowed lightly, and he felt a bit overwhelmed by frustration. “But I watched the video of you marrying Xia Yu. You seemed to have a good relationship with him. You exchanged rings, received congratulations from everyone, and even kissed his forehead.” Qin Sheng stopped there; his cheek muscles twitched slightly. “You and him looked like you had a good relationship. Why didn’t you tell me three months ago you had divorced him?”
Xu Zhan looked at Qin Sheng and chuckled softly. “At that time in your eyes, whatever I would have said would be a lie, right?”
Before we got married, Xia Yu was going through a confusing period in his life, and our families being compatible, thought our union would benefit both families. I proposed to him, and he agreed, but for the three years after our marriage, we lived under the same roof but remained friends. He didn’t love me romantically, and neither did I. We tried to develop feelings for each other, truly be a couple, but it didn’t work out.”
Unfortunately. Now he understood Xia Yu’s words. A few months after their marriage, Xia Yu had said that it would be better if he could fall in love with him; things would be much easier. “I told you I was single because, at the time, we had a sponsor relationship. I didn’t want to explain too much. I had some feelings for you, but I didn’t expect you to stay, and Xia Yu knew about your existence from the beginning. Before giving you that emerald bracelet and confessing to you, I had already prepared a divorce agreement.”
“Qin Sheng.” Xu Zhan called this name solemnly for the first time. In truth, he didn’t like this name very much. Perhaps anyone would prefer the young master of the wealthy and prestigious Qin family standing before him. Who wouldn’t like the heir of a wealthy family, so young and handsome, willing to come back a long way for a reconciliation?
But he didn’t like it. He would rather this person really be Ruan Sen, a down-and-out young man he had recklessly picked up, not ruthless, not worldly-wise, but who held his hand on rainy days and sang off-key songs for him.
“Although it’s too late, I liked you at the time, and I was serious about it. I didn’t let anyone down, including you. It was just a series of unfortunate events that prevented me from explaining to you, and you were the same.” Xu Zhan took a deep breath. The night had deepened, and the air had become a bit cold. Even though they had broken up, he believed Qin Sheng’s words. He believed that Qin Sheng had once truly loved him, and it wasn’t a case of him deceiving someone while having a fiancée on the side.
But that breakup had been too painful. Their start had been too disastrous as well. He didn’t know how they could start over with a relationship built entirely on lies.
He said, “I believe that you genuinely liked me at some point. Thank you for that. I also know that we both made mistakes, and it’s not just your responsibility; it’s mine too. But we’ve broken up, and I don’t want to look back. I always feel that the person I was in a relationship with is Ruan Sen, not Qin Sheng. We’re separated now, and you can love as many people as you want, but I want to rest for now.”
As for whether Qin Sheng was good or not, he didn’t know. He didn’t know what kind of story they could create if they tried again. But he was tired. He couldn’t easily forget the words Qin Sheng had said to him; they had been too embarrassing and hurtful, like knives carving into his heart. But Ruan Sen would never speak to him like that.
Xu Zhan pushed open the door and swiped his access card to enter. The glass door closed heavily, leaving Qin Sheng outside. This time, Qin Sheng didn’t stop him. Xu Zhan continued walking without stopping even once, not looking back until he swiped his card to enter the elevator and pressed the floor button.
They were only separated by a few dozen meters. Qin Sheng was still standing outside the glass door, motionless, like a sculpture shattered by the cold winter night. But in the next second, the elevator doors closed, and Qin Sheng’s face disappeared. Xu Zhan felt as though he had released a heavy burden and took two steps back, leaning against the elevator wall. Suddenly, he remembered a few days ago when Xia Yu had come to see him. Xia Yu had helped him organize his messy study, and as he was tidying up, he had come across the black gift box that Qin Sheng had left behind when he left. Inside it was an antique book from the 16th century Europe, carefully encased in a glass box with dried roses wedged into the edges, and a partition to ensure the book wouldn’t be damaged.
Now, three months had passed, and the roses had become even more dried and withered. The book resembled a sleeping princess, never awakened by anyone. Xia Yu had asked him where the book came from, and he hesitated for a long time before answering truthfully. He didn’t know what expression he had worn at that moment, but Xia Yu had stared at him for a long, long time.
After a while, Xia Yu suddenly asked him, “What if, I mean, what if Qin Sheng suddenly came back to you? Would you still be with him?”
He had remained silent for quite some time at that moment, ultimately not answering the question. He had avoided the issue, saying, “He won’t come back.”
Now, Qin Sheng had indeed returned. Xu Zhan lowered his head. He thought he should be able to answer Xia Yu’s question now, and the answer was no. However, only he knew how fast his heart had been beating when he saw Qin Sheng downstairs just a moment ago.
He walked past Qin Sheng and entered the elevator, covering a short distance of just a few dozen steps and a few minutes, yet it felt like he had traversed a century. He turned back from the elevator and saw Qin Sheng. For a moment, he almost gave in.
Maybe he should take him back.
Forget about the deception, concealment, and the painful betrayal and hurtful words. He could open the door and let Qin Sheng in, as if nothing had happened.
But he couldn’t do it.