Don’t Ignite It chapter 90

Difficult to Escape Blame: Xu Zhan × Ruan Sen (19)

When landing at the airport in Chuan city again, Qin Sheng felt quite different. Last time, when he landed, Xu Zhan was waiting for him outside the airport. He still remembered what Xu Zhan was wearing, and his hair had just been trimmed slightly shorter than usual, revealing a beautiful and clean neck with a bite mark that hadn’t faded for a long time.

However, he had no right to say anything. In front of Xu Zhan, his name was Ruan Sen. But when he got off the plane, the people who were there to assist him all called him Mr. Qin. He didn’t let Xu Zhan send him off before to hide these traces. Xu Zhan was very obedient. He drew the line there, and he obediently stayed behind it. Qin Sheng thought that he used to believe it was love, that Xu Zhan loved him so deeply that he did as asked. But looking back now, it was probably just the composure of someone having an affair. Perhaps Xu Zhan didn’t care where his plane was ultimately heading; he just hoped that Qin Sheng wouldn’t return suddenly and disturb his family.

The car stopped below Xu Zhan’s apartment building, but Qin Sheng sat there for a while without going up. The driver in the front seat remained quiet and reserved, minding his own business. If not for the sound of breathing, he would have almost seemed non-existent.

Qin Sheng hadn’t slept at all during the more than ten hours on the plane, and even now, his eyes still had a hint of dark indigo. With deep-set eyes, thick, long, and dark eyelashes, he sat there quietly without speaking, appearing both casual and gloomy, like a painting.

Xu Zhan arrived at the building and saw this scene. He didn’t know exactly what time Qin Sheng would be coming back; Qin Sheng had only given him a rough estimate. He had just been outside delivering some documents to the school’s teachers. When he returned, he saw a black Maybach.

As he walked around to the side and was about to enter the building, he saw Qin Sheng’s face through the open car window. Qin Sheng also saw him, his face pale, his eyes cold, reserved, and proud. He was no longer the young and wild lover who used to be kept at a hotel villa.

Sitting in front of him now was the youngest son of the Qin family, high and mighty, looking down on everything. In their final transpacific phone call a week ago, Xu Zhan had said he wanted to talk, and at the end of the call, he had used Qin Sheng’s real name.

One name was enough to clarify everything. Qin Sheng was a smart person and couldn’t be bothered to continue pretending.

Xu Zhan’s gaze lowered slightly as he noticed the wrist of Qin Sheng, which was leaning on the car window, casually wearing a wristwatch from Richard Mille. Suddenly, he felt like laughing. He had paid this young master a million for five months, but in the end, it was him who had taken advantage.

He looked at Qin Sheng, and even though it had only been a week, the same face had become unfamiliar. They both remained silent, and it was the quietest they had ever been. When they used to come home, Ruan Sen would always be restless. In the elevator, he would hold onto Xu Zhan’s fingers, teasing his wrist with his little finger. Xu Zhan would helplessly look over, and Ruan Sen would raise the corner of his lips, looking proud and casual. But now, only the solemn silence remained.

Xu Zhan thought about the name Ruan Sen and still felt a pang in his chest. In the past few days, when he couldn’t sleep at night, he would even feel dizzy at times. Did Ruan Sen really exist? Was it just a mirage that began when they met in the bar? Now, it seemed like he had woken up from that dream. However, when he slightly turned his head and saw the person next to him, he saw the same face as Ruan Sen.

Seeing that face made his heart pound, and even breathing became uncomfortable.

The elevator reached the seventeenth floor, leading to an exclusive apartment. Xu Zhan entered the code and politely said to Qin Sheng, “Please come in.” Qin Sheng didn’t hold back and gave a mocking smile. However, he didn’t say anything. He put on a pair of slippers and walked in. The apartment was no different from when he left. There were spacious floor-to-ceiling windows, a comfortable gray sofa in the living room, Xu Zhan’s book collection on the shelf, and the silver coffee cup he had picked up, which was now too numerous to fit on the shelf and temporarily placed there. But Qin Sheng glanced around and noticed a black coat hanging on a chair near the window. It didn’t belong to Xu Zhan, and it wasn’t his either. Whose could it be? Who would enter this apartment, be so intimate that they left behind a coat?

His palm couldn’t help but tighten, and the muscles on his face twitched slightly.

Xu Zhan was still busy boiling water to make tea. Qin Sheng looked at his back, and a sudden sense of irritation surged within him. He coldly said, “You wanted to talk, right? So what’s there to talk about?” Xu Zhan’s fingers were slightly burnt by the cup. He turned around and looked at Qin Sheng. It was him who wanted to talk, but it was also something he wanted to avoid.

He slowly approached, took a wet tissue, and applied it to his reddened, scalded fingers. He lowered his gaze, avoiding eye contact with Qin Sheng, and whispered, “So let’s start with why you fabricated an identity called Ruan Sen. Why did you lie and deceive me?”

He wrapped the wet tissue around his fingers a bit tighter, but they still hurt, almost making him want to cry. However, when he lifted his head to look at Qin Sheng, there were no tears in his eyes. They remained clear, with a stark contrast between black and white, as calm as if he were conducting an academic conference.

“Is this entertaining to you?” he asked, his voice trembling slightly, almost imperceptibly. “You already have a fiancée, and you’re involved with me. Isn’t that inappropriate?”

He didn’t mention the term “lover.” Perhaps in Qin Sheng’s mind, he didn’t even deserve that title.

Qin Sheng remained silent. He looked down at Xu Zhan from a superior position. He had once appreciated Xu Zhan’s calm and composed demeanor, but now he resented Xu Zhan’s composure.

He smiled, a disdainful curve forming at the corner of his mouth. “What’s wrong with it? I’ve had numerous lovers, and not everyone knows my true identity.”

He sat down on the sofa and tilted his head slightly to look at Xu Zhan. Even though he was seated and Xu Zhan was standing, he projected an aura of superiority.

“We agreed from the beginning that this would be a short-term relationship, lasting only a few months,” he said, his voice neither light nor heavy, carrying a chilling undertone. He fixed his gaze on Xu Zhan, and his pitch-black eyes were still as misty and mesmerizing as when they first met, beautiful enough to send shivers down one’s spine. However, the words he spoke were like little knives piercing the heart. “I don’t like trouble, and I detest lovers who cling to me.”

His thoughts were not far from what Xu Zhan had in mind. Why would an heir of a prestigious family change his name and identity? It certainly couldn’t be for undercover work.

In the end, it wasn’t about whether he was worthy. Qin Sheng was indeed engaged, which had dealt him a significant blow, but it wasn’t a fatal one. He had his own marriage, and he came from an upper-class background. He had witnessed many engagements where the hearts and minds of the individuals involved didn’t align, and not every marriage meant there was love involved. But how could he use a fake name? A name was like a symbol. After countless nights of passion and intimacy, he had affectionately called that name, but it was just a false name. Even the most naive person should realize that the other party had never intended to be serious when they heard a false name. And now, Qin Sheng, with a contemptuous look, confirmed his suspicions, even displaying a touch of refinement.

Suddenly, Xu Zhan felt overwhelmed and had to steady himself by holding onto the nearby chair’s back to remain upright. He wanted to ask Qin Sheng, “How do you feel about me? When you accepted my emerald bracelet and rushed to me at the airport, what were you feeling? Do you treat every lover this way, making false promises and then leaving?” However, it was too embarrassing, and he couldn’t bring himself to ask.

Qin Sheng had been closely observing Xu Zhan’s expressions, not missing any subtle changes. He clearly saw the sadness on Xu Zhan’s face, which made his heart ache in turn. However, he also noticed the black coat hanging by the window and remembered Xu Zhan’s lawful husband.

Three years of marriage. Not three days, not three months. He was married and even at the wedding, he had gazed at his husband with both pity and love, and now they were a celebrated couple, known for their loving relationship. They even wanted to adopt children.

While Qin Sheng was dating Xu Zhan, Xu Zhan was busy trying to adopt a child with his husband. Absurd.

Qin Sheng suddenly burst into laughter, recalling his friend’s voice on the phone, taunting him about how he had fallen into a big pit, falling in love with a married man who was happily planning to become a father with another man. He acted as though he had found true love, but the other person was preparing to be a dad.

He was indeed a fool. He raised his head and asked Xu Zhan, “Have you questioned me enough? Isn’t it time for you to answer some questions as well? I may not be a good person, but at least I’m not married. My fiancée and I have clear rules – we don’t interfere with each other before marriage, and I’m free to do as I please. But what about you, Xu Zhan? You’ve been married for three years and cheated on your husband. Don’t you feel ashamed?”

He spoke fluent Chinese without any foreign accent. His words were sharp when he intended to hurt.

He remembered the gifts he had selected for Xu Zhan and thought, “What should I bring back as a souvenir for Xu Zhan?” It was indeed despicable.

“Don’t you find yourself disgusting, Professor Xu? Do you not feel guilty for teaching and educating others while having an affair behind your husband’s back?” he asked, light but malicious. “You’ve been married for three years and yet you open your legs for another man. Are you enjoying this?”

Xu Zhan’s face turned pale, and he looked at Qin Sheng in disbelief. In the five months they had been together, he had never been subjected to such insults. He had always been disciplined and had never used foul language in his life. He was polite and courteous when dealing with others, and he had never been insulted like this before. Especially when the insults came from the person he loved.

Qin Sheng didn’t stop there; he slowly stood up from the sofa and approached Xu Zhan step by step. Every step Xu Zhan took back, Qin Sheng took one forward. On the plane, he had also consumed some alcohol, but he wasn’t drunk. However, it seemed like the alcohol had seeped into his bloodstream, igniting his rationality like fuel.

He had appeared composed and unflustered in front of Xu Zhan, but it was all an act.

Ever since he first saw Xu Zhan, he had wanted to lock him up in a private underground chamber. He would make Xu Zhan lie there, helpless, completely naked, and shivering in fear.

He pushed Xu Zhan against the wall, trapping him between himself and the wall.

“Aren’t you disgusted with yourself?” Qin Sheng held Xu Zhan’s chin with one hand. “I feel utterly disgusted. Sleeping with someone like you is dirtier than sleeping with a prostitute. They take the money and part ways, but you pretend to love me. What do you love about me? Can someone who cheats on their spouse even talk about love?”

Xu Zhan’s body trembled.

He stared blankly at Qin Sheng, as if he had never truly known this person. And Qin Sheng, gazing at Xu Zhan, had an arm that trembled almost imperceptibly.

You can’t judge a book by its cover. His father had also been a well-known playboy who eventually drove his mother to madness and into a mental institution.

Now, this person, who looked at him with a pitiable expression, looked as gentle as ever, But who knew how many people Xu Zhan had deceived with this face? On one hand, he was discussing adopting a child with his legal partner, and on the other, he was showering affection and passion to his extra marital affair.

Such a person, deserving of being a father?

He suddenly thought of Xu Zhan’s first love. If he hadn’t appeared, would Xu Zhan have ended up with that person? Both of them were extramarital affairs, so how different was he from that person?

 ‘I lied, I’m a fraud, scum, and so are you. What right do you have to question me?’ Qin Sheng chuckled softly. ‘Just because you said you like me? But your affection was always cheap.’

A tear rolled down Xu Zhan’s face. Actually, until just now, when he saw Qin Sheng, when he saw that face identical to ‘Ruan Sen,’ he would still be uncontrollably attracted and tormented. He had thought about explaining to Qin Sheng, regardless of whether this person really loved him or used him for amusement. 

He wanted to say that he was divorced, that he had parted amicably with his ex-husband, that there had been no romantic love to begin with. At least, the love he had for Ruan Sen was pure. But now, he suddenly felt it was meaningless. Was being honest so important? To Qin Sheng, it didn’t matter. He didn’t love him, so his affection and promises meant nothing. Cheap and despicable. 

He pushed Qin Sheng away with force, and, looking at him, Xu Zhan’s eyes were moist, but he smiled faintly. ‘You’re right; it’s all a facade. I was with you for the excitement from the beginning, it was a sponsorship relationship. Who would reveal too much truth to their sponsored lover? Are you worthy?’ He asked Qin Sheng the same words but then said, ‘You’re young, attractive, and exciting to be with. You attracted me more than my marriage did. I even thought about breaking up with him because of you. But now, I realize I shouldn’t. I need to go back to my family; it’s just an extramarital affair. It can’t be taken seriously. 

I should grow old with my partner.’ He looked at Qin Sheng straightforwardly, as if he was genuinely despicable. ‘Though you may not care, I believe in parting amicably. I’m not stingy with my lovers; I’ll transfer the breakup fee to you immediately. Please return the gift I gave you. That emerald bead bracelet was actually intended for my partner. He extended his hand toward Qin Sheng. ‘Let’s end it here; you and I are done.’

 The emerald bead bracelet remained on Qin Sheng’s wrist. After wearing it for a while, it felt like it belonged to him. Perhaps no one had ever humiliated him in such a way, and Qin Sheng’s face turned extremely ugly. After all, he was a noble young master. How could he tolerate being treated like this? But Xu Zhan was tired; he didn’t want to entangle with this person anymore. He pushed forward a couple of steps and held Qin Sheng’s hand, wanting to remove that string of beads himself, just as he had put it on Qin Sheng himself. 

But the beads didn’t come off. As he was halfway through, his hand was reversed, held by Qin Sheng. He raised his head and met a pair of fierce and crazy eyes. ‘End it here? Breakup fee?’ Qin Sheng repeated Xu Zhan’s words, ‘You paid me a million to keep you for six months, and it hasn’t expired yet.’ He was furious and laughed sarcastically. 

He gripped Xu Zhan’s hands tighter, causing him pain. ‘Grow old with your partner? Isn’t it despicable for someone like you, who slept with another man behind your husband’s back to say this?’

The black overcoat hanging by the window was never mentioned by Qin Sheng, as if he never knew who Xu Zhan’s legal partner was. But ever since he entered this room, it felt like his heart was being scorched.

 He felt like his territory was being invaded, but sadly, he was the intruder. Even the emerald bead bracelet was a leftover from someone else, just like him, a plaything casually given by Xu Zhan. Xu Zhan stared at Qin Sheng, tears in his eyes, but he spoke calmly, as if he had detached from reality. ‘Sometimes life is shitty like that.’ He used foul language for the first time in his life.

Qin Sheng was taken aback. He didn’t like Xu Zhan talking like that or looking at him like that. He raised his hand and covered Xu Zhan’s eyes, and the emerald jade bead bracelet slid off. The central teardrop-shaped pendant landed right on Xu Zhan’s forehead, like a compassionate deity.

Qin Sheng left Xu Zhan’s place, he got into the car and went straight to the airport. Perhaps he would never return in his lifetime. On the way to the airport, he saw Aurora calling him. He didn’t want to answer and simply turned off his phone. It remained off until more than ten hours later, when he landed on the other side of the world. 

He didn’t go home but instead flew to Northern Europe for a vacation. His first love, the love that had just started to blossom, was buried in China. In the icy world of Northern Europe, he received a call from his childhood friend. Zach apologized slightly, saying, ‘Hey buddy, I forgot to tell you something about the investigation you asked me to do earlier.’ Qin Sheng took a sip of his drink, lacking enthusiasm. ‘What is it?’ ‘Hmm,’ Zach hesitated with his crossed fingers. ‘Your lover in China, it seems like he got divorced recently, just in recent times.’