Don’t Ignite It chapter 87

Difficult to Escape Blame – Xu Zhan × Ruan Sen (16) 

Ruan Sen held Xu Zhan and felt like he had never loved him this much before. He was ashamed to talk about love; what was love anyway? It had a shorter shelf life than flowers, withering away in a matter of days. But when he saw Xu Zhan, that word was all he could think of.

They couldn’t wait to get back home. They started kissing in the car, and the windows fogged up, obscuring the view of what was happening inside. Ruan Sen held Xu Zhan in the back seat, starting from their lips and moving downward. The colorful scarf dropped onto the car seat. The car wasn’t cold, but it wasn’t exactly warm either. Ruan Sen’s lips landed on Xu Zhan’s delicate skin, and Xu Zhan couldn’t help but tremble.

They didn’t go all the way; after all, they were still outside. Even if Ruan Sen was at this point evidently aroused, he wouldn’t be so reckless, but Xu Zhan wanted him to be. Yet he couldn’t help but restrain himself. He kissed Xu Zhan’s trembling eyelashes, buried his face in Xu Zhan’s neck, and breathed in the faint scent of bamboo perfume on Xu Zhan’s body. It was like a patient in excruciating pain, finding relief only in Xu Zhan.

In the end, he helped Xu Zhan straighten his clothes. Xu Zhan’s face was red, clearly very uneasy, and a bit embarrassed, but he obediently allowed Ruan Sen to fix everything. Ruan Sen couldn’t resist giving him another kiss on the lips. “Why are you being so obedient?” He had a mischievous look and softly asked, “If you keep this up, I might not be able to control myself. Aren’t you afraid?”

But Xu Zhan leaned against him, gently shaking his head. “You won’t.” He said it gently and firmly, slowly and calmly, as if Ruan Sen were some naturally trustworthy gentleman. Ruan Sen was left somewhat stunned by his response.

However, he soon burst into laughter and used his long, fair fingers to fasten Xu Zhan’s shirt buttons. He might be a natural rogue, but he was willing to be a good person for Xu Zhan.

On the way back, Ruan Sen was driving, and his wrist bracelet slid down with his movements. Xu Zhan couldn’t help but glance at it. They waited until they were back at the seaside villa.

 They lay together on a soft blanket near the French windows. Xu Zhan held Ruan Sen’s hand and asked softly, “Can I understand that this time you having come back means you won’t easily leave in the future?” He asked in a subtle manner. At that moment, he was lying on Ruan Sen’s chest like a gentle giant cat, nestled against him. Ruan Sen had one hand gently rubbing his back, occasionally giving him a light pat. Hearing his question, Ruan Sen smiled, and the vibration from his chest was transmitted to Xu Zhan. 

“Professor Xu, be more straightforward, where did the courage you had when you confessed to me go?” He looked at Xu Zhan with a half-smile. “I’m not quite sure what you mean by asking like this.” 

Xu Zhan pursed his lips. He then chose the most straightforward words, “So… would you be willing to accept my grandmother’s bracelet and be my boyfriend?” 

The evening sun shone on his face, and his eyes, clean and passionate, still carried the warmth of youth. Ruan Sen raised his hand and touched his face. He slightly propped himself up and kissed Xu Zhan’s lips. “I accept.”

On the first night after their brief separation, and also their first day as an official couple, Xu Zhan felt like he was almost overwhelmed in bed. Ruan Sen had an extraordinary amount of energy that day. Xu Zhan had always thought of him as a wolf, but that wasn’t entirely accurate. He was more like a wolf cub pretending to be a domestic dog, occasionally revealing a docile and understanding side that made people overlook his inherent aggressiveness.

But now, Ruan Sen had completely shed that disguise. Throughout the night, he changed positions countless times, and eventually, Xu Zhan found himself leaning against the cold glass of the floor-to-ceiling window. Ruan Sen repeatedly asked him if he loved him.

Love.

Xu Zhan couldn’t recall how many times he had answered that question. It felt like he had used up a lifetime’s worth of love. In the days that followed, he often felt like he had overdrawn on his love and passion over the past few months, like a candle that had burned out prematurely, and now he had to pay it back with pain in the future.

Ruan Sen’s final question was, “Is it only me?”

He wasn’t asking it to pressure or doubt Xu Zhan. Instead, it carried a hint of sweetness. He resembled a true twenty-something who had fallen in love for the first time. He knew how important he was to his lover, but he was still immature enough to seek reassurance.

In reality, Ruan Sen was nothing like someone who would typically ask such a question. From the moment they met, he had always been confident and elusive, like a skilled predator in control of every situation. But now, his dark eyes were fixed on Xu Zhan, and he slightly lowered his head, like a little puppy soaked in the rain, nuzzling Xu Zhan’s chin with his forehead.

Xu Zhan was blushing and excited. He wanted to say something, but before he could answer Ruan Sen’s question, he suddenly noticed the calendar on a small table nearby. It was December 30th, and tomorrow would be the last day of the year. He had to go pick up Xia Yu, his legal partner.

Three years ago, he had entered into a marriage with Xia Yu, even though they were only in it for a business alliance. They didn’t love each other romantically, and they had agreed to stay friends. However, they had registered their marriage, exchanged vows in front of family and friends, and exchanged rings.

Xu Zhan’s heart skipped a beat, and the warmth in his body suddenly turned cold. He was filled with fear and couldn’t bring himself to answer Ruan Sen.

He wasn’t good at lying, and he had managed to keep his marriage a secret from Ruan Sen earlier because they weren’t in love. But now, it was becoming increasingly difficult to continue the lie. A marriage without love was very different from being single.

He remained silent, and Ruan Sen became displeased. He furrowed his brow, and his gaze grew sharper. “Why aren’t you saying anything?” Xu Zhan finally snapped out of his thoughts.

He stared into Ruan Sen’s eyes and, with no other choice, told a lie. “It’s only you,” his voice inexplicably sounded a bit hoarse, as if he needed to prove something. He added, “I only like you.”

This answer pleased Ruan Sen. His expression softened, and he leaned in for a kiss. “I only like you too.”

After a passionate night, Xu Zhan had to leave the next day to pick up Xia Yu. January 1st was Xia Yu’s birthday, and he was going to Xia’s family to celebrate with his relatives.

Xu Zhan didn’t dare to tell Ruan Sen the truth. Instead, he made up an excuse, saying that he had to go home for a family dinner. Ruan Sen didn’t seem to suspect anything.

Ruan Sen had specifically come back before New Year’s Day to spend it with Xu Zhan. However, he had been scolded by his grandfather for leaving home for less than five days and rushing back for no apparent reason. Fortunately, there were no strict rules in his family regarding New Year’s Day. He sweet-talked his way through it, promising to return for the Lunar New Year’s Eve, and finally got permission.

But he had forgotten that Xu Zhan wasn’t entirely free either. Xu Zhan’s family had no knowledge of his existence.

Ruan Sen leaned against the headboard, not too pleased, watching Xu Zhan getting dressed in front of the mirror. The bedsheets still seemed to hold the warmth of Xu Zhan’s presence. He looked at it and suddenly had a very strange feeling, as if he were really a kept lover, a mere ornament for someone else to enjoy for a night, unable to accompany the master back home but only able to watch him go to work.

This feeling was too absurd, and Ruan Sen couldn’t help but show a disgusted expression, he then began acting spoiled.

 He coaxed Xu Zhan back into bed, held him tightly, and forced him to promise that he would come back to meet him after spending time with his family.

Ruan Sen was used to getting his way. His upbringing had granted him many privileges, and he always got what he wanted in the end. He played with Xu Zhan’s fingers, lightly kissed his lips, and his black eyes were filled with the sluggishness of just waking up, yet they were also full of temptation. “I don’t care how you do it, but after accompanying your family, you better slip away to meet me. Otherwise, I’ll make a scene at your door, saying you’re heartless and you are not taking responsibility for our nights together.”

In reality, he didn’t even know where Xu Zhan’s family lived.

Xu Zhan couldn’t help but laugh and agreed.

However, as he left the villa and headed to the airport to pick up Xia Yu, his smile gradually faded. It wasn’t until he saw Xia Yu that he managed to adjust his mood and return to his usual gentle and considerate self.

He went back to Xia’s family with Xia Yu, and as soon as they entered this lush and distant house, he became Xia Yu’s impeccable partner. Xia’s family welcomed him warmly, with everyone greeting him with smiles, even Xia Yu’s little niece, who darted into his arms like a small bird.

Xu Zhan smiled and kissed Xia Mil’s cheek affectionately, but inside, he felt suffocated. He had been to Xia’s house many times before, but never had it been so difficult to endure. Everything about Xia’s family seemed to remind him that he wasn’t a loving husband; he had a lover outside his marriage.

In reality, apart from him, Xia Yu also had a lover outside. Although Xu Zhan didn’t know who it was, Xia Yu seemed quite satisfied with that person. They were both in love with other people, but when they stood together, they appeared deeply in love to outsiders, which was ironic.

However, how deep was their love really? When the clock struck twelve, the lights in the living room went out, and candles were lit. Everyone gathered together to sing “Happy Birthday” to Xia Yu. Xu Zhan also joined in singing.

He genuinely loved Xia Yu, like he loved his own family. He hoped that Xia Yu would have a good future, and whenever Xia Yu needed help, Xu Zhan would be there to lend a hand. But as he looked at Xia Yu’s beautiful and innocent face in the candlelight, he thought that he needed to find a time to talk to Xia Yu about divorce.

From the moment he decided to confess his feelings to Ruan Sen, he had prepared a divorce agreement. He didn’t want his lover to be someone’s second choice.

Author’s Note

I’ll try to keep the later part about the divorce brief since you’ve already read the main text. However, I need to think about how to portray Professor Xu’s emotional turmoil.