Don’t Ignite It chapter 83

Difficult to Escape Blame – Xu Zhan x Ruan Sen (12)

How could Ruan Sen not know who Xu Zhan liked? Besides him, who else could it be? Despite his self-assured and arrogant demeanor, even though his heartbeat was becoming somewhat noisy, Ruan Sen calmly assessed Xu Zhan.

After Xu Zhan had spoken those words, he lay there motionless, like a toy that had run out of batteries. However, his cheeks were slightly flushed, and his lips were moist, exuding a subtle allure.

Ruan Sen had always found him strange. Although he was almost thirty years old, his behavior and actions were not childish, yet he was as pure as water. This was exceptionally rare in his life and had gradually led him from his initial casual attitude toward Xu Zhan to a sense of pity.

It was like pitying a bird that had flown in during a rainy day. Its feathers were snow-white, its beak red, fluttering its wings trustingly in his palm, nestling in the warmth of his hand. He could spread his hand wide open, and the bird wouldn’t fly away.

Ruan Sen thought he shouldn’t have asked, shouldn’t have broken the rules. Three months of “support” had turned into six months, and if he asked again, what would happen to this relationship? But he couldn’t resist himself. He undid the ribbon covering Xu Zhan’s face and gazed at Xu Zhan, a bit flustered and damp-eyed, and asked softly, “Who have you fallen in love with?”

Xu Zhan’s chest rose and fell. He didn’t want to say it, as he wasn’t the type of person who wanted to trouble others. He also didn’t want to be the one who broke the rules. It was evident that Ruan Sen hadn’t fallen in love with him yet. He was just one of Ruan Sen’s sponsors. Confessing like this would only make things awkward for Ruan Sen, leaving him unsure how to respond. But the words were already out, and there was no taking them back. His breathing grew heavier, and he finally whispered, “You.”

It sounded like a playful jest, like awkward flirting, but it carried a genuine feeling.

For a moment, Ruan Sen felt like the world was noisy, but the next second, everything around him seemed quiet. Everything turned blank and bewildering, except for Xu Zhan beneath him, warm and vibrant, with bright eyes that seemed to pierce through his soul.

He recalled the fairy tales his mother used to tell him when he was a child. The water nymph in the lake fell in love with a human boy. She gave him everything he asked for, and she remained in the lake, gentle and devout. Even when the boy broke his promise and didn’t return one morning, the water nymph still loved him. Decades later, the boy had become an old man with white hair, but the water nymph would still kiss his cheek.

He had always thought the water nymph was foolish from his childhood, easily deceived by humans and oblivious to her own feelings. But now, he felt that Xu Zhan was like that water nymph—innocent and pure, willing to give everything for love, like a tranquil lake, allowing any passerby to find refuge.

Ruan Sen sighed inwardly and smiled at Xu Zhan, turning the page in his heart. “I’m honored to have your affection,” he said, leaning down to kiss Xu Zhan on the cheek. He lifted Xu Zhan up. Just moments ago, he had been furious like a mad lion when he learned about Xu Zhan’s past with his first love. Now, Xu Zhan’s sudden confession had cleared his racing mind. He swiftly changed his demeanor, returning to his usual carefree self and affectionately teasing Xu Zhan, “I think I’m much easier to deal with than your first love, right? At least I’m obedient and fun, aren’t I?”

Xu Zhan felt a hollowness in his heart. He wasn’t naive; he could sense that Ruan Sen was downplaying the recent confession, treating it as a regular expression of affection during intimate moments. It made him a little sad, and he buried his face in Ruan Sen’s shoulder, unwilling to speak.

Ruan Sen also felt some regret. Why had he asked? Without asking, there would always be a layer of ambiguity between him and Xu Zhan. But he couldn’t help but ask, unwilling to leave it unspoken.

Now that he had asked, the transparency was gone, but he couldn’t respond to Xu Zhan either. It weighed on his conscience, especially when Xu Zhan buried his face in his shoulder, the delicate body warm, and the faint scent of his hair making his heart soften.

Troublesome. He caressed Xu Zhan’s hair and, for the first time, felt truly conflicted, unsure of how to handle this precious person.

He simply came to China for a year-long holiday, a gap year. If he hadn’t met Xu Zhan, he might have returned home by now. Perhaps he would have encountered a few enthusiastic and outgoing beauties in China who wouldn’t be as restrained as Xu Zhan, and they would have gathered and dispersed amicably, like morning dew on a blade of grass. But they wouldn’t love him like Xu Zhan did.

Ruan Sen kissed Xu Zhan’s cheek, his voice somewhat muffled as he called him, “Baby, why are you ignoring me? Was I too harsh earlier? I’m sorry.” He said it without much remorse, using it as a way to console Xu Zhan. “I won’t do it again.”

Xu Zhan still didn’t want to talk. He thought that his love life was indeed not going well. Regardless of Fang Xieyi or Ruan Sen, they had all been fleeting guests in his life.

However, leaning on Ruan Sen’s shoulder for a while, he eventually raised his head and smiled at Ruan Sen. “It’s okay.” His smile was faint, but it was even more heartbreaking than not smiling at all.

Ruan Sen felt a twist in his heart because of this confession that seemed ambiguous. He became exceptionally attentive to Xu Zhan for a while, driven by subtle guilt. He stopped going out without a reason and waited in the villa whenever Xu Zhan needed him. He even declined his brother’s invitation to a gathering in Hong Kong.

Zach heard the reason for his refusal and stared at him with an enigmatic expression through the video call.

“What crazy reason is this, Qin?” Zach shook his head. “There’s a saying in China, something like when you walk by the water, you will get wet. You’re not afraid you’ve gotten wet, are you?”

Ruan Sen rolled his eyes. “That’s ‘walk by the water’s edge, you’ll get your shoes wet.’ You ignorant foreigner, don’t talk nonsense.”

However, he didn’t argue with Zach’s words. He replied lazily, “Hang up, don’t bother me. I have to accompany my sugar daddy to a concert tonight.”

Zach thought he was joking, but his phone screen went black the next second.

Zach: “…”

Unbelievable. Zach thought in utter disbelief. He had never seen his best friend like this in his life. This obedient and compliant attitude was as if a fierce dog had been leashed.

As Christmas and New Year’s were approaching, Ruan Sen had to go home for a family gathering. His father and brother had called him, insisting that he join the family reunion. His mother also wanted to see him, so he had to be a good son.

He vaguely mentioned his family to Xu Zhan and explained the situation.

Xu Zhan agreed, stroking his hair gently. He remembered that Ruan Sen had a strained relationship with his family, so he hesitated before saying, “But if you’re not happy at home, you can come over anytime.”

Ruan Sen smiled and agreed.

Ruan Sen was driven to the airport by Xu Zhan, but he didn’t allow Xu Zhan to come inside and see him off. He insisted on being dropped off outside.

Xu Zhan found it strange but agreed nonetheless.

On the way to the airport, the snowstorm was fierce, the sky was dark despite the early hour, and the car’s interior was warm with the heater turned up high. Xu Zhan wore a pale purple sweater, a rare and challenging color to pull off, but it looked just right on him, complementing his skin like jade.

After sending off Ruan Sen, Xu Zhan was supposed to meet up with Xia Yu shortly. Xia Yu’s birthday was approaching, as well as New Year’s, so he needed to pick up a gift for the birthday boy.

This made him feel a bit heavy in the stomach, especially when he spoke to Ruan Sen. He always had a faint sense of guilt.

As they neared the airport, Xu Zhan parked the car in the underground parking lot instead of dropping Ruan Sen off at the entrance.

Ruan Sen approached Xu Zhan for a goodbye kiss on the lips and said, “Wait for me to come back.”

However, when he tried to leave, Xu Zhan grabbed him.

Ruan Sen didn’t understand and turned back, puzzled.

The underground parking lot was dimly lit, with only the car’s interior providing illumination. It was shrouded in mist. Xu Zhan stood bathed in light, like a statue carved from creamy jade. Yet, he appeared uneasy, as if struggling to find the right words.

Ruan Sen instinctively felt that Xu Zhan had something important to say. He withdrew his hand from the car door handle, gazing at Xu Zhan with a gentler tone, “What’s wrong?”

Xu Zhan’s breathing quickened. He was actually afraid of Ruan Sen’s departure. He feared that Ruan Sen would leave and never return. That was when he realized how little he knew about Ruan Sen.

Apart from his name, age, and his family, friends, and background, he didn’t know anything else about Ruan Sen. Ruan Sen had mentioned returning home, but he didn’t reveal where his home was located, which city it was in. He booked flights secretly, without a word to Xu Zhan.

Once Ruan Sen boarded the plane and left, their connection would be reduced to a mere thread, one that Ruan Sen could easily sever with a tug.

So, he wanted to do something…

Xu Zhan was feeling strangely restless. He looked at Ruan Sen with a dry throat. He thought he might be going mad. He was over eighteen years old, and Ruan Sen had already rejected his confession once. Ruan Sen had downplayed his sincerity, making it seem as if it were just a casual expression of affection. But still, he wanted to try again.

He hesitated, slowly pulling out a velvet box from his pocket.

Ruan Sen’s heart skipped a beat, but he was relieved when he saw that it wasn’t a ring inside the box. Instead, it was a string of jade beads, each one round and green, clearly of high quality and value.

Xu Zhan grabbed Ruan Sen’s hand, and with unusual determination, he placed the string of jade beads on Ruan Sen’s wrist. The young and handsome man, full of vitality, surprisingly complemented the warm and serene green color.

Xu Zhan spoke softly, “This was left to me by my grandmother, she said it’s for my future wife. My sister has one too.”

As he said this, he looked at Ruan Sen with tenderness in his eyes. His gaze seemed to hold a river of spring water, on the verge of overflowing.

This string of jade beads was originally meant for Xia Yu, and Xu Zhan had tried to give it to him. However, Xia Yu refused, saying that they weren’t real lovers, and he couldn’t accept such a valuable and heartfelt gift.

Back then, Xu Zhan would never have imagined that he would willingly give this string of beads to someone else.

Xu Zhan continued, “Don’t be afraid. I’m not forcing you to do anything, but you should understand what I mean.”

He looked gently into Ruan Sen’s eyes. “I just want to give it another try. Last time when I said I loved you, you didn’t seem to take it seriously. You didn’t think I was sincere. But now that you’re leaving, I’m afraid you won’t come back, so I want to be more serious about it.”

Ruan Sen’s breath also grew heavier, and he understood Xu Zhan’s meaning. The icy jade beads hung from his wrist, heavy as a thousand pounds, yet he didn’t want to take them off. He stared at Xu Zhan, simultaneously afraid of what Xu Zhan was about to say and afraid that he wouldn’t say it.

Xu Zhan held Ruan Sen’s hand and gently played with the green, translucent beads. He softly said, “Ruan Sen, I hope you can seriously consider our relationship. I am sincerely inviting you to end our sugar daddy arrangement and become my boyfriend. You can accept or reject me.”

He gazed at Ruan Sen, smiled gently, displaying an unprecedented composure and determination. “But regardless of your choice, I will be here waiting for you. If you don’t want to keep this string of beads, then come back and return it to me. We can part amicably.”