Don’t Ignite It chapter 78

Difficult to Escape Blame – Xu Zhan × Ruan Sen (7)

Because they had to stay in Yinhe City for a few more days, after the forum conference ended and the other teachers had left, Xu Zhan canceled the hotel reservation they had made and rented a vacation home near the city center.

He wasn’t someone who was particularly fond of traveling; he just wanted to spend some quality time with Ruan Sen. Wherever Ruan Sen wanted to go, he would go along.

Ruan Sen took him indoor rock climbing, and as someone who spent most of his time in an office, Xu Zhan felt anxious when he saw the climbing wall.

But Ruan Sen had already put on his gear and was watching him with a half-smile, as if he was both making fun of him and waiting for him to beg for mercy. Xu Zhan clenched his teeth and reluctantly put on the gear as well.

He struggled as he climbed, but thankfully, Ruan Sen had chosen a beginner’s climbing area with low difficulty. Despite his trembling legs and hands, he managed to make it to the top.

Ruan Sen had already reached the top and was sitting on a small flat area, waiting for him.

Seeing his palms sweaty and slippery, struggling to grasp the last rock, a hand suddenly reached out. It was strong and firm, with a slightly rough palm, and it firmly caught him.

Xu Zhan, gasping for breath, looked up. The indoor lights were bright, shining down from above Ruan Sen’s head.

The indoor facility was deserted that day, but the climbing area was vast. Ruan Sen, backlit by the light, looked down at him with his dark, intense eyes, as if he were looking down from a height.

But soon, Ruan Sen pulled him up with force, and although Xu Zhan was an adult man, Ruan Sen effortlessly embraced him, just like holding a child.

“Good job, Professor Xu,” Ruan Sen kissed his sweaty hair, affectionate and tender, not at all like how a younger person would treat someone older. Instead, it felt like he was comforting a child in the palm of his hand. “You climbed up so diligently, you did great.”

Xu Zhan’s face and ears turned red, whether from exhaustion or embarrassment, he couldn’t tell.

He vaguely heard Ruan Sen mutter something in English, too soft and quick for him to catch everything, but he heard two blurry words, “cutie pie.”

He looked at Ruan Sen in confusion.

Although he couldn’t understand the content, Ruan Sen’s pronunciation was quite standard, much better than his students who had worked hard to prepare for their English exams.

But Ruan Sen looked back at him, completely unaware that anything was amiss.

“What’s wrong?” Ruan Sen kissed his eyelashes. “Why are you looking at me like that? Do you want to rest a bit before continuing?”

Xu Zhan rested against Ruan Sen’s chest, thinking that maybe Ruan Sen had learned English from someone else or that he had once been an excellent student before dropping out of school.

He awkwardly grabbed Ruan Sen’s sleeve. “Let’s rest for a while.”

Ruan Sen chuckled softly.

After finishing rock climbing, Xu Zhan rested for over an hour at a café outside before going grocery shopping with Ruan Sen.

The vacation home they were staying at had a kitchen, so they planned to cook dinner themselves. Ruan Sen couldn’t cook, so he would assist Xu Zhan. Xu Zhan was used to it, especially since when he was with Xia Yu, Xia Yu also just waited for the food to be served.

Thinking of Xia Yu, Xu Zhan’s mind briefly wandered, wondering how his recent dates were going. He had been in a business arrangement with Xia Yu for three years, and there were no emotions between them. Now, both he and Xia Yu had their own partners outside, but compared to his financial relationship with Ruan Sen, Xia Yu’s emotional relationship seemed to be taken more seriously.

He was lost in thought when his cheek was lightly touched. He turned to see Ruan Sen using a toothpick to offer him a piece of rice cake, asking if he liked it.

“Do you like it?” Ruan Sen asked. He remembered that Xu Zhan liked rice cakes and similar treats.

Xu Zhan swallowed and nodded.

Ruan Sen immediately added two packs of rice cakes to the shopping cart.

As they shopped and chatted, they found items that Xu Zhan liked and added them to the cart. They looked like an ordinary couple going shopping together on the weekend.

Ruan Sen was tall and effortlessly reached the top shelves. Xu Zhan had initially thought that Ruan Sen might not be a fan of grocery shopping, but it turned out to be the opposite. Ruan Sen was patient, remembering all of Xu Zhan’s preferences and even comparing ingredient lists on sauces.

Xu Zhan knew he shouldn’t, but he couldn’t help but smile. His heart felt like a balloon filled with warm air, and a gentle touch could make it burst into fireworks.

After dinner, Ruan Sen lay on Xu Zhan’s lap while watching TV. He didn’t pay any attention to what was on TV; he was unexpectedly enjoying the atmosphere of being close to Xu Zhan.

Xu Zhan then answered a phone call, and it was his sister on the other end. Xu Zhan seemed unusually nervous, so he raised a finger to hush Ruan Sen, signaling him not to speak. He couldn’t hear what was being said on the other end of the call, but he could see Xu Zhan responding with a good-natured tone. However, for some reason, he felt that Xu Zhan was uneasy. Several times, he thought about getting up from the couch but couldn’t because he was comfortably pressed against Xu Zhan’s legs.

In the end, Xu Zhan sighed and said, “I understand, sis.” He hung up the phone.

Ruan Sen gazed at Xu Zhan. He had cooperated just now, not making a sound until this moment when he playfully stroked Xu Zhan’s chin, like teasing a little cat.

He had heard Xu Zhan talk to his sister on the phone several times before. In the past, he had no interest in Xu Zhan’s family, but now he felt a bit curious.

“Do you have a good relationship with your sister?” he asked. “You always seem very obedient during those calls, and you laugh happily.”

“Yeah, we get along well,” Xu Zhan replied absentmindedly. “My sister is several years older than me. She has taken care of me since we were kids and even took over the family business when we grew up. She allowed me to pursue my own interests, study, and work, and she never pressured me.”

Xu Ping had always been the responsible one in their family, which is why their parents had identified her as the one to inherit the family business. They relaxed their expectations for Xu Zhan and just wanted him to be happy.

But sometimes, he couldn’t help feeling guilty, thinking that he couldn’t do much to help Xu Ping.

He looked down at Ruan Sen, and his guilt grew stronger. Xu Ping had just asked him to bring Xia Yu home for dinner this week, saying it had been a long time since they had all gathered.

He had agreed. If Xu Ping found out that he had a secret lover and was now cuddling intimately with him, she might flip the roof.

He shook his head, trying not to dwell on it, and casually changed the subject, asking Ruan Sen, “Do you have any siblings, or are you an only child?”

Ruan Sen didn’t like talking about his family, but when Xu Zhan asked, he remained silent for a moment before responding.

“I have both a brother and a sister, but our relationships aren’t that great,” he shrugged. “My brother is just like my dad, with a bad temper and an authoritarian, and my sister has a cold personality, so we don’t get along well.”

He paused for a moment. “Our family relationships aren’t great. My mom’s health was never good, and my brother and sister were raised by her, but I wasn’t. I was raised by my grandfather.”

That’s why he received the most love and care from his grandfather.

In reality, it wasn’t so bad. When he visited his mom in the hospital, he always pretended to be cheerful, like a carefree troublemaker.

His mom, despite her fragile health, was exceptionally gentle with him, even more so than with his brother and sister.

Xu Zhan listened, feeling a pang in his heart. His fingers gently ran through Ruan Sen’s hair.

He asked Ruan Sen, “Did you choose this profession because you had a bad relationship with your family?”

He asked cautiously, and Ruan Sen didn’t understand immediately. Then he remembered the half-truths and half-lies he had told Xu Zhan, like not studying properly, only knowing how to hang out with people, and having parents who didn’t get along.

He couldn’t help but laugh. He found Xu Zhan’s innocence easy to deceive.

But Xu Zhan was looking at him seriously, with no contempt in his eyes, only warmth and compassion, which made him inexplicably moved.

This kind of fluttering feeling was unfamiliar, like a feather tickling a certain spot in his heart, a bit itchy, a bit tingling, and yet comfortable, like soaking in warm water.

He heard Xu Zhan carefully say, “Actually, if you ever want to go back to studying or change your job, I can help you find a teacher…”

Unable to restrain himself, he took Xu Zhan’s hand and kissed it lightly.

He thought to himself. He wasn’t a good person by any means, but at least he didn’t have ulterior motives towards Xu Zhan. He wondered if, after he left, Xu Zhan might encounter even worse people who would deceive him, maybe worse than his trashy first love.

He even felt a bit worried.

“Don’t be silly,” he said with a smile to Xu Zhan. “Not everyone who does this kind of work has a pitiful background. You’re so easily deceived and soft-hearted. If you meet a real bad person, they’ll exploit you to the fullest,” he tapped Xu Zhan’s forehead. “They’ll deceive you for your money, deceive you for your body, and deceive you until you’re completely broken.”

“I just have a somewhat strained relationship with my family, but we haven’t become enemies. I actually attended university, and my grades were decent. But I don’t like a stable life, I don’t like marriage, I only like drifting around. I feel like I don’t have the ability to take responsibility for anyone, or provide a stable home for anyone, so it’s better not to give anyone hope from the beginning. It’s good the way it is now, drifting around with anyone for only two or three months.”

His eyes were fixed on Xu Zhan, and compared to his usual frivolous and carefree demeanor, he suddenly looked more serious.

He was sincerely speaking these words to Xu Zhan.

He was aware that Xu Zhan had feelings for him, but at first, he thought that this liking was no different from those who were infatuated with his appearance—shallow and blind, something that would be forgotten after a period of separation.

But now he realized that Xu Zhan was much more serious and sincere about it.

He found himself growing a bit of a conscience and didn’t want Xu Zhan to invest too much in him.

He gently asked Xu Zhan, “You want a family, right? You even want a child?”

Xu Zhan remained silent for a long time before nodding.

That’s what he wanted.

He was not naturally suited for drifting; he was like a tree, like a bamboo, suited to be planted in a sunny courtyard.

“So, we’re not compatible,” Ruan Sen said casually, squeezing Xu Zhan’s fingers.

But he added, “But it’s okay, you’ll find someone.”

Xu Zhan didn’t say anything, but he stared at a point in space and suddenly realized that three months were almost up.

Ruan Sen was about to leave him.