Don’t Ignite It chapter 77

Difficult to Escape Blame – Xu Zhan x Ruan Sen (6)

The sweetness of the ice cream melted on their tongues as Xu Zhan gazed at Ruan Sen with a somewhat complex expression. His rational side told him that this might just be a required skill for escorts – to be able to read people’s expressions and moods at any moment to win the patron’s care. But he couldn’t help but smile for a moment.

When Ruan Sen said those words, it seemed so natural, as if he had always been attentive, capable of sensing even the slightest emotional fluctuations. However, Xu Zhan didn’t want to dwell on it and just smiled to brush it off.

But Ruan Sen didn’t let it go. He grasped Xu Zhan’s chin with one hand, forcing him to look at him. Ruan Sen’s dark eyes were fixed on him as he asked, “Are you really unhappy? I haven’t asked you yet. Who was that person sitting in the car just now, and did he say anything to you?”

For some reason, when Xu Zhan saw the Maserati President in front of him earlier, he had an instinctual feeling that it wasn’t one of Xu Zhan’s colleagues.

Xu Zhan pursed his lips, realizing that he couldn’t fully enjoy the ice cream anymore.

A few minutes later, sitting on a chair beside the ice cream shop, Xu Zhan casually recounted his failed high school crush. He rarely talked about this part of his past; not even his sister, Xu Ping, was well aware of it, only Xia Yu had heard some details.

But he could mention it to Ruan Sen calmly because Ruan Sen was so distant from his life, like an island he had passed by during his travels.

He said, “The person in the car just now was someone I had a crush on in high school, my first love, but he didn’t like me back.”

His story was quite cliché. In his first year of high school, he transferred to Chuan High School from another city. When he first arrived, no one knew him, and he was introverted and reserved. Despite having a face that could attract attention wherever he went, he wasn’t familiar with anyone.

The first person who would talk to him was Fang Xieyi.

“At that time, he was the sports committee member in the neighboring class, had a good reputation, but he was forgetful and often came to our class to borrow books or exam papers. I sat by the window, so he always came to me to borrow. Over time, we became friends,” Xu Zhan’s voice was soft, recalling his youthful experiences. He didn’t hold any resentment towards Fang Xieyi. Fang Xieyi had rejected him, and it had shaken his self-confidence for a long time, but at the beginning of their acquaintance, Fang Xieyi was indeed a good person. “He often brought snacks for me, saying thanks for lending him books, and even if I refused, he’d insist on giving them to me. Whenever he had time, he’d chat with me. By the time I realized it, I had started to like him.”

At that time, Fang Xieyi was nothing like he was now. He hadn’t transformed into the somber, aloof adult that he was today. He used to play pranks, like putting cold milk on his neck, and he would tap Xu Zhan’s forehead, saying he needed to smile more.

In his first year of transferring schools, Fang Xieyi’s unintentional presence made the ten minutes after class the most anticipated part of his day.

“If I hadn’t naively confessed my feelings later, maybe we could still be friends from our student days,” Xu Zhan smiled habitually. His gaze, however, looked melancholic, making it unclear whether he regretted that confession or not. “But I misunderstood his friendliness towards me, thinking he might have some feelings for me too. After the college entrance exams, I asked him out on the rooftop… and was rejected in a rather ugly manner.”

Even in today’s world, where same-sex marriage was accepted, homosexuality was still a minority, and during Xu Zhan’s high school years, although the overall atmosphere was accepting, some people still held prejudice. Fang Xieyi was one of them.

He recounted Fang Xieyi’s words in a soft voice, “He doesn’t like men, so my confession startled him. He said I made him nauseous, that I was boring, dull, as plain as water, and that he wouldn’t even like me if I were a girl because being with me was like knowing what the next fifty years would be like, utterly uninteresting.”

Years had passed, but Xu Zhan still clearly remembered every word Fang Xieyi had said, including the disdainful look in his eyes.

He had become an adult, no longer the teenager who had been rejected and nearly fallen down the stairs, but he still felt sad when recalling that scene. After all, Fang Xieyi was a person who had been a part of his high school days, someone whose name he had secretly written behind draft papers. But when he thought about it carefully, he couldn’t blame Fang Xieyi.

“Actually, looking back now, he was quite unfortunate too. Suddenly, his friend confessed to him when they had been friends for so long; anyone would get angry in such a situation,” Xu Zhan said. “I misunderstood his friendliness. I thought he might have some feelings for me too.”

Ruan Sen, who had one hand supporting his chin and had been listening to Xu Zhan’s youthful memories with a sour expression, couldn’t pinpoint what was making him feel uncomfortable. To be honest, if it were someone else beside him moping about a high school crush like this, he would have considered it whining, unwilling to give half a minute of patience. In this world, there were breakups every minute, estranged friends, and even insurmountable differences between people. Compared to these stories, a failed high school crush was inconsequential.

But he disliked seeing Xu Zhan wearing such a despondent expression.

Ruan Sen finished his cola he had ordered and tossed the empty can into the trash can with a swift, elegant curve. He stood up, bent over slightly, and ruffled Xu Zhan’s soft black hair. “At times like these, don’t act like a gentleman. What’s the point of saying he’s not at fault? He made you sad, so he’s a scumbag. If I were you, I wouldn’t politely greet him by the car. I’d punch him right in the face.”

He stared into Xu Zhan’s eyes. Though he hadn’t known this person for long, and their relationship was quite absurd, he knew deep down that Xu Zhan was a rare good person—gentle, upright, and considerate. However, in this world, people like him were often taken advantage of, mistreated, simply because bad people liked to target individuals like Xu Zhan, including himself.

Yet, despite his appreciation for Xu Zhan, he felt restless and wished he could punch Xu Zhan’s “first love” on his behalf.

Bending a bit more, he closed the distance between them and locked eyes with Xu Zhan. He spoke softly, “You’re also quite foolish, you know. You liked him just because he borrowed books from you and chatted with you. But you were already good-looking, had a nice personality, and were gentle. Who wouldn’t want to be with you? With your qualifications, you could have attracted seventeen or eighteen boyfriends in high school, making them fight for your attention. It’s just your stubbornness that made you fall for a moron.”

Xu Zhan was taken aback by this.

Upon closer examination, Ruan Sen’s logic, despite saying it with confidence, was quite flawed.

But he had to admit that Ruan Sen’s teasing made him want to laugh a little because Ruan Sen was defending him without any principles.

Ruan Sen chuckled as well. He pinched Xu Zhan’s chin and forced him to lift his head, then lightly kissed Xu Zhan’s lips.

This kiss, compared to their passionate moments in bed, was as pure as clear water.

“Forget about him,” Ruan Sen’s voice sounded gentle. “It’s his loss. You’re great, and you’ll meet someone who appreciates you in the future.”

Xu Zhan stared into Ruan Sen’s eyes.

Those eyes were truly beautiful, like a boat loaded with stars, gently gazing at whoever without the need for words, like an endless love poem.

For a moment, he wanted to ask Ruan Sen why he couldn’t be that person.

Why couldn’t you come and love me?

Don’t leave me alone again in a few months.

But he wasn’t eighteen anymore, and he wouldn’t recklessly ask such questions.

He raised his hand and touched Ruan Sen’s face.

Actually, Ruan Sen looked a bit like Fang Xieyi, especially in profile. When he smiled, he was lively, but when he didn’t, he had a cold, unfriendly demeanor.

Although he had decided to hire Ruan Sen for three months, unrelated to Fang Xieyi, it was hard to say what he was thinking when he first saw Ruan Sen in the bar.

He smiled and nodded.

“Well, thanks for comforting me.”

Ruan Sen gazed at Xu Zhan for a while, and Xu Zhan’s smile still seemed dimmer than usual.

But he couldn’t promise Xu Zhan anything. That “first love” was a scoundrel, and he wasn’t much better. They had agreed from the beginning that it was just a physical relationship, no emotions involved

He straightened up and extended his hand to Xu Zhan, “Let’s go, it’s getting late, you should rest.”

He smiled at Xu Zhan, his hair tousled from the helmet, and the light shone on his young face, making him still seem a bit childish.

Xu Zhan thought that Ruan Sen was roughly the same age as his students.

He reached out his hand, and with a gentle pull from Ruan Sen, he stood up from the chair.

As they rode back to the hotel on Ruan Sen’s motorcycle, Xu Zhan couldn’t help but think that it was fortunate that Ruan Sen wasn’t his student; otherwise, they would never have had any ambiguous relationship. But then again, Ruan Sen was so young; he should really find something meaningful to do instead of relying on a sponsor for his youth, which wouldn’t last forever.

However, when he returned to the hotel, Xu Zhan no longer felt that Ruan Sen was childish.

He was pushed onto the bed by Ruan Sen, and the soft silk sheets enveloped them, rising and falling like ocean waves. His voice was even trembling. Ruan Sen’s fingers slipped between Xu Zhan’s.

He lowered his head to gaze at Xu Zhan’s flushed face, moist eyes, as if he could do whatever he pleased.

He leaned down and lightly bit Xu Zhan’s throat. “Your first love really had no taste,” he said calmly, speaking vulgarly, “If I were your high school classmate, I would have had you in the first month.”

Xu Zhan couldn’t bear to hear these words, his body shuddered, his forehead damp with sweat as if he had just been pulled out of water. He mumbled, “Stop… shut up.”

But Ruan Sen didn’t listen to him; he continued speaking nonchalantly by Xu Zhan’s ear, “I would have hooked your hand under the desk, pressed you against the windowsill in an empty classroom, and taught you how to please me…”

He didn’t say the rest of the words.

Xu Zhan couldn’t take it anymore, he struggled to sit up, and he used his lips to silence Ruan Sen’s lewd and frivolous words.

He tilted his head back like a dying swan, trembling as he was kissed, one arm weakly encircling Ruan Sen’s neck.

Ruan Sen’s gaze darkened slightly. He lowered his eyes to watch Xu Zhan’s face. Xu Zhan’s eyes were tightly closed, a sacrificial posture, submissive to the point of pity, like a little green bird with wet wings.

He wasn’t lying; if he had met Xu Zhan a few years earlier, he might have lost his soul to him.

He wrapped one arm around Xu Zhan’s waist and kissed him even more deeply, and the two of them sank back into the soft bed.