Don’t Ignite It chapter 51

Absurdity

“Why are you here?” Xia Yu couldn’t help but mutter.

Lu Zhao didn’t immediately respond. Instead, he unbuttoned his coat and wrapped it around Xia Yu.

“Just passing by,” he said. “I just finished working overtime and was driving by when I saw you. I thought I might have been mistaken.”

It was already late at night, and the square was empty, with only Xia Yu sitting by the fountain, all alone.

Initially, he had thought he was simply missing Xia Yu so much that even a stranger looked similar because how could Xia Yu possibly be here in the middle of the night, looking so lonely and desolate?

But he still stopped the car and came to take a look.

Turns out, it really was Xia Yu.

“What’s wrong? Why are you crying?” Lu Zhao noticed the tears on Xia Yu’s face and felt a sharp pang in his heart. He gently held Xia Yu’s hand and found it icy cold, realizing that this was not the right place for a conversation. “Let’s get in the car first. It’s too cold out here.”

This time, Xia Yu didn’t resist and let Lu Zhao pull him away.

He looked at his hand held by Lu Zhao. Just an hour ago, the one holding his hand was Xu Zhan, but now Xu Zhan had been taken away by someone else, and he was being held by Lu Zhao.

Sometimes, fate played tricks on you.

Lu Zhao brought Xia Yu to his car, turned on the air conditioning, and heated the seats. Xia Yu’s hands were freezing, and he didn’t know how long he had been sitting outside in the cold.

Inside the car, the lights illuminated Xia Yu’s face, making him look even paler, and the tear streaks on his face more pronounced.

“What happened? Why were you here alone?” Lu Zhao asked again.

He suspected he might have done something to upset Xia Yu again.

But deep down, he also felt that he probably didn’t have the right to make Xia Yu feel this way anymore. Xia Yu wouldn’t be so affected by him.

In a low voice, he asked, “Is it because of something I did, or… did Xu Zhan do something to you?”

Xia Yu shook his head. “It’s neither.”

He was tired and didn’t want to explain anything. “Don’t ask. I don’t want to talk about it, and it has nothing to do with you.”

He looked at Lu Zhao. “You have two choices now: either ignore me and take me home, or you can take me to your place.”

Tonight, he didn’t really want to be alone.

Lu Zhao’s appearance was untimely but fitting.

At this moment, he didn’t feel like rejecting Lu Zhao.

Lu Zhao wanted to continue asking, but Xia Yu looked impatient. He fell silent for a few seconds and then made a choice through his actions.

After they arrived at Lu Zhao’s home, he carried Xia Yu out of the car. Perhaps the cold wind and rain had affected him, as Xia Yu seemed a bit dazed.

Lu Zhao helped him take a shower, soaking him in warm water to help him recover.

Xia Yu didn’t say a word and let Lu Zhao take care of him, cleaning him up thoroughly and then putting him in bed.

He thought Lu Zhao might want to make love to him, given that he was so defenseless and clearly would allow Lu Zhao to do anything. They also hadn’t seen each other in a long time.

But Lu Zhao didn’t do anything. Instead, he wrapped Xia Yu in the blanket and sat by the bed, holding his hand, like a silent guardian.

“You don’t want me to ask what happened, so I won’t,” Lu Zhao said calmly. “But your mood is obviously not good, and I’m worried. I just want to stay with you until you fall asleep.”

His tone was very even, and although the words were filled with tenderness, it sounded almost like a business report.

Xia Yu couldn’t help but laugh softly.

He looked at Lu Zhao indifferently. “Don’t you want to be intimate with me?” His fingers slipped from Lu Zhao’s hand, grabbing Lu Zhao’s collar and slowly tracing up to Lu Zhao’s throat. “We haven’t seen each other in so long, and you really just want to sleep next to me?”

“Yeah,” Lu Zhao confirmed.

He touched Xia Yu’s forehead.

Of course, he also wanted to get close to Xia Yu, and every day he yearned to bring Xia Yu back to his own nest, to hide him away where no one could see.

But today, Xia Yu looked so lost, and he only wanted to be by his side.

He said, “These days without you, I’ve missed you every day, but I know you don’t want to do anything right now. You just need someone to be with you, whether it’s me or anyone else.”

He bent down and kissed Xia Yu on the forehead, whispering softly, “I won’t leave. I’ll stay here with you.”

Xia Yu was a little afraid of the dark. He had always been like a child, especially when he was sad and upset. He hated being left alone in a dark space.

Lu Zhao had always known that during the three years they were together, he had often worked while guarding Xia Yu as he slept.

Xia Yu hid the casual expression on his face. He curled up under the blanket and looked at Lu Zhao. He had slept in Lu Zhao’s bedroom many times, but it was rare for nothing to happen like this.

But Lu Zhao was right.

He didn’t really want to make love. He just wanted Lu Zhao to hold him.

Now, with Lu Zhao holding one of his hands, it might not be as close as an embrace, but the warmth from Lu Zhao’s palm seeped through his skin, making him feel safe.

He lay there for a while, then suddenly asked Lu Zhao, “You really don’t plan to ask why I was sitting there alone earlier?”

Lu Zhao’s eyelashes fluttered.

“I don’t know if i should,” he admitted, “when I saw you crying just now, my heart almost stopped. My first reaction was that I might have caused you trouble again, but you said it had nothing to do with me.”

He glanced at Xia Yu and, probably due to the intuition one had when facing a loved one, he could tell that Xia Yu wasn’t upset about work or family matters.

He asked in a low voice, “Did you cry because of Xu Zhan? Did he go see that lover of his again?”

Xia Yu didn’t say anything, which was as good as confirming it.

He thought of Xu Zhan and felt a bit sad, sniffing under the blanket.

But he also remembered Lu Zhao’s history and warned him, “Don’t think about confronting him. This is between Xu Zhan and me. Xu Zhan is good to me and he’s also important to me.”

Lu Zhao couldn’t quite describe the feeling in his heart.

What good was a husband who made Xia Yu cry?

He used to stubbornly believe that Xia Yu couldn’t truly love Xu Zhan, that he had hastily found a marriage partner to cope with his broken heart.

But after they reunited, Xia Yu defended Xu Zhan in every way, even if Xu Zhan had another lover. Xia Yu would sit by the fountain, crying his heart out, yet he couldn’t let go.

He had to admit that perhaps his place in Xia Yu’s heart had already been replaced.

Once upon a time, Xia Yu had loved him with such intensity and without reservation, even though he had hurt him so deeply.

But now, Xia Yu had given that deep affection to someone else.

Although Xia Yu hadn’t given him an answer to his proposal, Lu Zhao had a vague feeling that he had already lost.

He held Xia Yu’s hand, remained silent for a long time, and then said slowly, “If you want Xu Zhan’s lover to disappear, I can help you with that.”

Xia Yu didn’t understand for a moment, staring at Lu Zhao with wide eyes.

Lu Zhao, on the other hand, was serious, and his profile in the dim light was cold and unfeeling.

He said, “There are many ways to make someone disappear. Xu Zhan’s lover is not irreplaceable. If his lover disappears, would you stop feeling sad?”

Xia Yu was left dumbfounded.

He looked at Lu Zhao in disbelief, finding his words utterly absurd.

“Then what about you? Didn’t you just propose to me?” Xia Yu chuckled lightly, mocking Lu Zhao. “If Xu Zhan’s lover leaves him, then that lowers my chances of me divorcing him”

Lu Zhao didn’t deny it.

For years, he had wished for Xia Yu to divorce Xu Zhan.

But people were contradictory. Seeing Xia Yu so heartbroken, sitting by the fountain alone in the middle of the night, feeling lost as if he couldn’t find his way home, it made Lu Zhao’s heart ache as if it were about to split in two.

He didn’t know what to do for Xia Yu.

He wanted Xia Yu to get a divorce, but he didn’t want to see Xia Yu in so much pain.

“As I’ve said before, no matter what choice you make in the end, I will accept it,” he said. “Whether you choose me or Xu Zhan, I won’t leave you.”

He caressed Xia Yu’s hand. “If you’re willing to marry me, I promise to be very good to you and never leave you again. But if you choose Xu Zhan in the end… I will make sure he can only stay by your side for the rest of his life.”

In front of Xia Yu, he probably no longer had any boundaries.

He no longer cared about morality, marriage, or loyalty.

He only wanted Xia Yu to be happy.

Xu Zhan was a person who cared about face, and he came from a family with a strong sense of righteousness. Such people had their weaknesses.

He wiped away Xia Yu’s tears, and the heavy sound of his heartbeat echoed in his chest, making his entire body ache.

He said, “As long as you’re happy, I can do anything for you.”

Including dealing with Xu Zhan’s lover.

Xia Yu was left stunned.

He laughed and shook his head, finding Lu Zhao’s words utterly absurd.

Three years ago, he would never have believed that Lu Zhao could say such things.

“Do you think I’ll take that seriously?” He raised a hand to cover his eyes, feeling warm liquid wetting the back of his hand. “But if I never divorce Xu Zhan and he’s my husband forever, will you really be my secret lover for the rest of your life?”

The room fell silent for a long time.

This time, Xia Yu didn’t hear Lu Zhao’s response.

After a long pause, Xia Yu looked at Lu Zhao with a perplexed expression and moved his hand away from his face to look at Lu Zhao.

Lu Zhao was still gazing at him.

The painful look in his gray-blue eyes was clear, even though Lu Zhao’s expression remained calm.

“I don’t want to imagine such a thing,” Lu Zhao said.

It was too difficult for him.

He wasn’t one to avoid things, but this was the one thing he couldn’t even imagine.

Xia Yu stared at Lu Zhao for a long time before he raised a hand and wiped his face absentmindedly.

“You’re really foolish, Lu Zhao,” he said.

He slowly sat up from under the blanket. He didn’t want to sleep anymore, so he just looked at Lu Zhao like this.

“Why did you break up with me before?” he asked. “If we hadn’t broken up, tomorrow would have been our third wedding anniversary.”

This was the first time he had talked about their breakup calmly and rationally. Before this, he had always felt that he and Lu Zhao were just parting ways, and there was no need for overly serious words.

He stared at the hand that Lu Zhao was holding, thinking about the night three years ago when he had flown to the United States to find Lu Zhao. He had fainted and been taken to the hospital, and Lu Zhao hadn’t come to see him.

But in his hazy consciousness, he had always felt that someone had been holding his hand all night long.

He had initially thought it was his older brother, Xia Jin.

However, Xia Jin had said that he had only arrived at the hospital the next morning.

If it wasn’t a dream, then who had been with him all that time?

He said to Lu Zhao, “I suddenly remembered, I have a question I want to ask you. If you answer it well, I’ll exchange a secret with you.”

Lu Zhao didn’t quite understand; Xia Yu’s thoughts seemed to have jumped to another topic.

“You can ask.”

Xia Yu fixed his gaze on Lu Zhao’s eyes. “When I first flew overseas to find you and ended up fainting in the hospital, did you actually come to see me?”

That pure white hospital room, with the sunlight streaming in beautifully. The evergreen trees outside were lush in early spring. That was the place where he had completely lost hope in Lu Zhao.

Now, three years had passed, and he counted the moments they had shared together. He realized that this day was what he resented the most.

So, he needed an answer.

Lu Zhao hadn’t expected Xia Yu to ask this.

He had told too many lies, and strangely enough, when it was time to tell the truth, it felt difficult.

“Yes,” he said softly. “I was the one who took you to the hospital. Before Xia Jin arrived, I stayed by your bedside the whole night. I only left after Xia Jin got there.”

He tightly held Xia Yu’s hand, and before him, that entire white wall appeared again. The wind seeped in through the cracks in the window, gently moving the thin curtains.

And Xia Yu lay on the snowy white bed, like a lifeless doll.

That was the first time he realized that in the three years they had been together, Xia Yu had slowly been drained of his vitality and liveliness, like a flower planted in the wrong soil, withering away even in the perfect springtime.

“I shouldn’t have left,” he finally uttered the apology that was three years overdue. “I should have stayed by your side all along, so that when you woke up, you could see me.”

Indeed.

Xia Yu thought that the person holding his hand was Lu Zhao.

The one who kissed his forehead was also Lu Zhao.

He thought that Lu Zhao was truly foolish.

Finally, he had a tiny bit of belief that Lu Zhao might have truly loved him during those three years, but Lu Zhao himself didn’t know it.

And falling in love with such a Lu Zhao, he was just as foolish.

“You’re quite the bastard,” he pinched Lu Zhao’s arm forcefully. “Everything you’re going through now is what you deserve. You asked for it when you left.”

Lu Zhao accepted it all.

He pulled Xia Yu into his embrace, kissed Xia Yu’s ears and cheeks.

“You’re right.”

He truly was a bastard, but even if he was a bad person, he hoped to be forgiven by the one he loved.