Don’t Ignite It chapter 5

Are you insane?

Outside the window was pitch black.

This office building was relatively quiet, and before 9 PM, it was already sparsely populated.

Only the streetlights by the road silently illuminated this corner.

They locked eyes.

Xia Yu tugged at the corner of his mouth, and after speaking, he felt a bit regretful.

He shouldn’t have been so impulsive.

He shouldn’t have exposed the grudge in his heart.

But as he looked at Lu Zhao, the wound that had finally healed in his heart seemed to be torn open again, oozing blood, making him want to curl up into a ball to shield himself from the outside world’s harm.

Lu Zhao was also feeling uneasy.

From the moment they met, Xia Yu had remained calm and composed, even when facing his husband’s affair.

The young man from back then, who would lean on him and act flirty, sit on his lap and kiss him, and ask to be held by him, seemed to have disappeared.

He wasn’t oblivious to his own shortcomings though.

He knew what kind of shadow he had cast on Xia Yu, how much pain and despair he had caused him.

So, he didn’t deserve to appear before Xia Yu with a righteous facade, asking for another chance.

Xia Yu had drawn a clear line between them, and he could only play along.

But now, Xia Yu’s words seemed to finally tear apart the polite pretense they had maintained since their reunion.

Lu Zhao thought that he might indeed not be entirely sane.

Because he unexpectedly found a twisted sense of comfort in this sentence.

Xia Yu wasn’t completely indifferent to him; at least, he cared about their past.

“You’re right,” Lu Zhao softly affirmed Xia Yu’s words.

Indeed, there was no one who could devalue Xia Yu’s sincerity more than he had. From the age of nineteen to twenty-two, he had hurt Xia Yu thoroughly.

Xia Yu felt a bit emotional without knowing why.

He blinked, hiding the tears that welled up, feeling utterly pathetic.

He had thought he had made progress over the past three years, but seeing Lu Zhao again, he still felt a sense of embarrassment and heartache.

He had a hunch about why Lu Zhao was so concerned about Xu Zhan’s affair.

Although Lu Zhao had been heartless towards him in the past, there were moments when Lu Zhao could be considered a gentleman. Xia Yu had been relentless in pursuing him back then, and it was only because of his persistence that Lu Zhao had become so ruthless. Now, after Lu Zhao came back to his senses and seeing how miserable Xia Yu’s life had become, a sense of guilt and pity had taken root in him.

That was the kind of person Lu Zhao was

Clearly, he didn’t love Xia Yu, and he had been pestered by Xia Yu to the point of no return. He had originally agreed to only be friends with benefits, but he had spent three years without getting involved with anyone else and only had Xia Yu by his side.

Such a person would naturally be infuriated when he saw Xia Yu entangled with an “unfaithful” husband.

Xia Yu self-mockingly smiled.

He had liked these aspects of Lu Zhao back then.

Now, after experiencing so much pain, he still felt that Lu Zhao had some redeeming qualities.

With half-truths and half-lies, he belittled himself without much concern. “Just consider it me being unable to let go. Xu Zhan did have an affair, but he won’t divorce me, and I can’t leave him, so let’s leave it at that.”

He looked at Lu Zhao. “Please forget about this.”

He smiled, feeling that he really had no advantage when facing Lu Zhao. Yesterday, when he saw Lu Zhao, they had met suddenly, and his heart had been blocked and he had been unable to speak. But now that he had calmed down, his thoughts had lightened, and his speech had become more peaceful.

“People can change. I have my own life, and although you might not understand it, I’m doing well. When I go home every day and see Xu Zhan watering the plants, feeding the fish, and waiting for me to have dinner, I think it’s not so bad. Living life a bit foolishly can also be good.”

He said it sincerely.

This was also the truth. Although he and Xu Zhan clearly didn’t have love, they had made it this far because of their companionship, which was even more precious than passionate love.

He thought that after this frank discussion, Lu Zhao probably wouldn’t bother him anymore.

There was no benefit to Lu Zhao in revealing Xu Zhan’s affair.

He patiently waited for Lu Zhao’s response.

But Lu Zhao remained silent, not speaking for a long time.

He had considered many possible responses from Xia Yu, but he hadn’t expected this one.

Xia Yu loved Xu Zhan.

Simply because Xu Zhan treated him well, he was willing to tolerate even infidelity.

He didn’t know if this meant that Xia Yu truly loved Xu Zhan blindly, surpassing the love he had for him back then.

He stared at Xia Yu for a long time without saying a word, his gray-blue eyes usually so cold now resembling a deep lake with countless shards of glass beneath the surface.

He softly asked, “If you just need someone to treat you well, then why not me?”

Xia Yu subconsciously said, “Huh?”

He had heard clearly, but he didn’t understand what Lu Zhao meant.

Lu Zhao really wanted to light a cigarette.

His insides were burning now, and he was in indescribable pain.

This pain had been burning since he had seen Xia Yu with his own eyes.

And now, as he faced Xia Yu in person, and heard Xia Yu admit his love for Xu Zhan, it had reached its peak.

He looked at Xia Yu, calmer than he had ever been. “I mean, if you need someone to be good to you, why can’t it be me? I can love you, take care of you, and I can do it better than Xu Zhan. I won’t hurt you again. I’ll do everything you’ve ever asked of me.”

His voice remained as calm as possible, but beneath the facade of composure, his fingers trembled slightly.

These are the words he has wanted to say to Xia Yu all along. All the talk of Xu Zhan and infidelity didn’t really matter to him. He just wanted to be with Xia Yu again.

He knew he had no right to ask for that. Xia Yu was happy now, he had found someone good, and he shouldn’t interfere.

But at this moment, with the cracks appearing in Xia Yu’s seemingly perfect marriage, he felt like a shark smelling blood in the water.

Xia Yu felt like he was losing his mind. Either that or he was in a dream. How else could he explain hearing such a confession from Lu Zhao? But even in his wildest dreams, he never imagined this.

And in the next moment, he realized it was not just a confession. Lu Zhao said very clearly, “I don’t care about Xu Zhan at all. I just want you to divorce him and be with me. I have few regrets in my life, but the one thing I regret is letting you marry Xu Zhan three years ago.”

Lu Zhao looked at Xia Yu, and it was as if he was seeing Xia Yu in his wedding attire all over again. He got that picture from his mother. Xia Yu looked thin in his white attire, but beautiful, like a withered rose. Lu Zhao always thought Xia Yu didn’t look happy in that photo, but he also felt like he was just being sentimental. Because leaving him should have been a relief for Xia Yu.

He said, “I’ve been thinking every day for the past three years, what if I had realized how I felt about you sooner and told you I loved you? Would you have married me instead?”

His last words are spoken so softly. For three years, he had been waiting for Xia Yu to divorce Xu Zhan. Waiting for Xia Yu to get hurt and for him to swoop in and save the day.

Xia Yu couldn’t believe what he was hearing. Besides thinking Lu Zhao had gone mad, he couldn’t come up with any other explanation. He leaned back against the car door, his strength drained from his body.

Everything that had happened tonight was beyond his imagination.

“Just consider me crazy,” Lu Zhao said calmly. “For the past three years, this is how I’ve been living. You have no idea how many times I’ve dreamt of you, of taking you away from your husband and marrying you myself. We’d be married now.”

He chuckled bitterly at the last few words. He had opportunities, but he messed them up himself. Perhaps those guests who congratulated Xia Yu and Xu Zhan on their wedding back then secretly wondered if it should have been him instead.

The weight of his words was almost unbearable. Xia Yu’s hand, which he had placed at his side, trembles slightly. This is absurd. Xia Yu thought to himself. His world has been turned upside down ever since Lu Zhao handed him that photo of Xu Zhan.

He looked at Lu Zhao, the man who drove him away with such cruelty back then, yet now, he could see tears welling up in Lu Zhao’s eyes, even though he didn’t say a word.

He didn’t know what to do, so he subconsciously tried to open the car door, but it wouldn’t budge.

Lu Zhao asked, “What do you want to do?”

“I want to go back.”

Xia Yu didn’t turn around. His mind was in turmoil, and he had no idea how to deal with Lu Zhao.

He instinctively wanted to go home.

Whether Xu Zhan was there or not, he needed a safe haven, a place untouched by Lu Zhao, a place Lu Zhao had never set foot in.

He said to Lu Zhao, “I don’t want to continue this conversation. Let me go right now.”

Lu Zhao fell silent for a few seconds.

In fact, he hadn’t intended to lose control like this and scare Xia Yu.

He looked at Xia Yu.

But Xia Yu leaned against the door, his face pale, like a startled bird.

Lu Zhao clenched his teeth, his jaw tightened, as if he were restraining himself from saying something.

After a while, he said to Xia Yu, “It’s raining outside, you’ll get wet. I’ll take you home.”

Lu Zhao started the car without taking his eyes off Xia Yu. As he drove into the pouring rain, he noticed Xia Yu’s distrustful gaze. He emphasized once more, “I won’t do anything to you. I promise.”

As he spoke, the car had already driven away, leaving behind a long trail in the pouring rain.