Don’t Ignite It chapter 47
Proposal
“Indeed, you never said it,” Lu Zhao whispered, “It’s me who wants to propose to you.”
He took out the little red velvet box from his pocket and, amidst the falling snow, slowly knelt down on one knee.
It was a very standard proposal scene.
It was New Year’s Eve, snow was falling, the dim yellow lights, the tranquil mountain woods, snow weighed down the pine branches, and there was even a chubby snowman on the railing.
Lu Zhao opened the box, revealing a dazzling sapphire ring.
He knew he was fighting an uphill battle.
But he still gazed into Xia Yu’s eyes and said, “I know I’m not a good lover. I’m proud, arrogant, and biased. I can’t see my own feelings clearly. I’ve hurt you, given you painful memories, and pushed you to the point of marrying someone else. I know your family won’t easily accept me, I know you haven’t forgiven me, and I know I’m not qualified to say all this. But I still want to ask you…”
Lu Zhao paused for a long time.
He looked up at Xia Yu, the lover he had missed.
Xia Yu was twenty-six years old this year, and when they first met, he was only eighteen, as green as a slightly sour fruit on a branch, smiling at him in the perfect sunlight by the window.
Time had flown by, and now it had been nearly eight years since they first met in the library.
Lu Zhao took the sapphire ring out of the velvet box but didn’t put it on Xia Yu’s ring finger.
He was waiting for Xia Yu’s answer.
He smiled at Xia Yu, his features handsome and three-dimensional, his gray-blue eyes filled with all the regrets of the past.
In a low voice, he asked, “Will you marry me, Xia Yu?”
Finally, Xia Yu understood why Lu Zhao had asked for some good luck.
Indeed, proposing was something that required luck. It wasn’t just a bit of luck; it required a lot of luck.
Because he himself had once thought about proposing, made many preparations, but ended up failing miserably.
So he knew how difficult this was.
The mountain wind howled.
The cake on the table was missing a slice, in a sweet pink color, and the candles had only burned down a bit, showing the number 26.
Xia Yu watched Lu Zhao quietly, his gaze falling on Lu Zhao’s face and then on the blue sapphire ring.
It was a beautiful ring, a clear and pure blue, like a small stone that had solidified a sea of cornflowers.
“Why do you want to marry me?” Xia Yu asked softly. “Didn’t we agree to just be lovers?”
From the beginning of their relationship, he had established three rules with Lu Zhao. As they spent more time together, Lu Zhao occasionally crossed the line, and he would turn a blind eye, but that didn’t mean Lu Zhao could tear up the contract.
He looked at Lu Zhao, intending to say something colder, but when he opened his mouth, no words came out.
He had once truly and wholeheartedly loved Lu Zhao; otherwise, he wouldn’t have thought about proposing to him.
Once, Lu Zhao had been the brightest star in his world, and everything seemed to revolve around Lu Zhao.
He had fantasized about their married life, their wedding, and even the two of them growing old together with gray hair.
And now, Lu Zhao was actually kneeling in front of him, saying the words he had longed to hear from the age of 18 to 22.
But he turned his head away, not wanting Lu Zhao to see his reddened eyes.
“Lu Zhao, I told you before, you’re too late,” he said, just this sentence, neither heavy nor lightly, without any blame. He was just stating a fact. “I don’t want to marry you anymore.”
Too late.
These two words had appeared repeatedly since they reunited.
It was a light phrase, floating in the mountain valley, but it seemed to trigger an avalanche.
Lu Zhao looked at Xia Yu.
How could he not know that he was too late? When he was in the United States, he should have rushed back to Xia Yu’s side.
When Xia Yu came to find him with a suitcase, he should have carried Xia Yu back home.
Even earlier, when they first met in the library, he should have asked for Xia Yu’s phone number and asked if he could go on a date with him.
“I know I’m too late,” Lu Zhao said, “but I still want to try.”
Xia Yu’s face was still turned away, and he bit his lip silently, preventing the tears from falling.
He felt Lu Zhao holding his hand.
“I know I don’t stand a chance. You don’t love me anymore, and you’ve married Xu Zhan. Your family, your friends, no one will accept me. And you, you don’t want to marry me either. The prenuptial agreement I gave you wasn’t because I thought money could sway you, it’s because besides these, I have nothing else to give you.”
Xia Yu’s eyelashes trembled, and a tear rolled down his cheek.
His voice was dry as he said, “If you know there’s no chance, then why propose?”
Why bother?
Being rejected in a proposal was embarrassing.
But Lu Zhao stroked Xia Yu’s fingers, feeling more at peace than ever.
He said, “Because if I don’t propose again, you’ll truly go and adopt a child with Xu Zhan, build a family, and never separate for the rest of your life. What will I be then? I can only make a last-ditch effort.”
A child?
There was a momentary blank look in Xia Yu’s eyes, but he quickly remembered. Yes, a child. He had deceived Lu Zhao, saying that he and Xu Zhan were going to adopt a child named Xu Shaoshao.
He heard Lu Zhao say, “I don’t want to be just your secret lover for the rest of my life. I want to hold your hand openly. If you want a child, I can do that too. I’ll go with you to adopt, and I’ll be a good husband and father. I’ll love you, and I’ll also love her.”
Xia Yu remained silent.
The valley was cold now, so cold that he felt it in his bones. Even though this corridor was indoors and not particularly chilly, he still couldn’t feel any warmth.
Tears welled up in his eyes, and with each blink, a few drops fell onto the back of his hand, which was entwined with Lu Zhao’s.
He looked past Lu Zhao at the snowman he had made himself, sitting awkwardly on the railing.
Originally, he had wanted to make a pair of snowmen, but in the end, he had only made one, sitting alone.
If Lu Zhao had said those words three years ago, no, even just two years ago, he might have thrown caution to the wind and gone away with Lu Zhao.
But now he was twenty-six.
Even the most foolish person couldn’t keep stepping into the same pit.
Even though Lu Zhao looked so good now, so in love with him.
He smiled at Lu Zhao, but because of his teary eyes, the tears were caught by the wind and clung to his face, making him look messed up.
He asked Lu Zhao, “What will you do if I say no? Will you break up with me, end this extramarital affair?”
He thought Lu Zhao would say yes.
Lu Zhao was that kind of person, skilled at calculating, adept at using every chip in his hand.
Lu Zhao wasn’t a fool, and after spending several months together, deeply entangled in emotions, how could he not see that Xia Yu had never let him go?
But this time, he didn’t want to be threatened by Lu Zhao.
Maybe their relationship should really come to an end. They had agreed from the beginning that it was just a temporary extramarital affair, meant to vanish with the dawn.
But just a few seconds later, he heard Lu Zhao say, “No.”
Xia Yu was stunned.
In front of him, Lu Zhao still had a face as calm as ever, profound and three-dimensional, not like the handsome prince in a fairy tale, but more like a cold and distant antagonist.
But the look in Lu Zhao’s eyes as he gazed at him seemed like a surrender, allowing Xia Yu to decide.
Lu Zhao said, “Yu Yu, as I’ve said before, as long as you haven’t given up on me, I’ll never leave you again.”
Whether as lovers or secret lovers.
Through pain or happiness.
He would accept it all.
Because losing Xia Yu was a despair worse than death.
Lu Zhao placed the sapphire ring in Xia Yu’s palm, a ring he had designed himself, as blue as a teardrop.
He looked at Xia Yu and said, “I know I may never have you again, but I have to try. I don’t want to be like my mother, holding onto the piano teacher’s ring until death without ever putting it on. I also don’t want to be like my father, keeping my childhood sweetheart as a lover, nameless for decades.”
“Please, don’t reject me too quickly. Consider it a probation for me, think about it, Xia Yu.”
Xia Yu clenched his fist, feeling the pain in his palm from the bright and dazzling ring.
He didn’t say yes, and he didn’t say no. He just put the ring in his pocket, wiped his face, and said, “Let’s go back inside; it’s too cold.”
Once inside the house, Xia Yu was unusually silent. He only muttered softly, “I’m going to take a shower first.”
The bathroom in this vacation home was unusually spacious, and soaking in it felt like being in a hot spring. Through the floor-to-ceiling window, you could see the snowy mountains outside.
He rested his chin on his arm, his face flushed from the steam, but his eyes were still confused.
Twenty minutes later, Xia Yu came out wrapped in a bathrobe. As soon as he came out, he saw Lu Zhao sitting on the sofa outside.
Xia Yu’s eyes were still red, and he didn’t bother to hide it. He prepared to lie down on the bed, but Lu Zhao walked over and handed him a small bowl. “Drink the ginger soup before sleeping; you’ve been outside for too long.”
The ginger taste was strong.
Xia Yu didn’t particularly like it, but he accepted it.
After he finished, he handed the bowl to Lu Zhao. Seeing that Lu Zhao didn’t leave, he looked up but was unexpectedly kissed by Lu Zhao.
Xia Yu had initially intended to push Lu Zhao away subconsciously.
But in just a few seconds, his arms went limp.
When he finally separated from Lu Zhao, his cheeks were flushed, and his skin was snow-white, as if he had been thoroughly bullied.
Both of them looked at each other, neither saying a word.
Although they had kissed a thousand times before, the kiss just now seemed more bitter than any before.
Lu Zhao reached out and touched Xia Yu’s head.
“Sorry,” he apologized in a low voice. “I ruined your birthday again. But what I said earlier is true. You can make any choice, no matter what you choose, I will accept it.”
Although he had heard Lu Zhao say it once before, Xia Yu was still somewhat surprised.
This really didn’t seem like Lu Zhao.
But Lu Zhao was serious.
When he came back from abroad, his mind was clouded by Xu Zhan’s betrayal of their marriage. He had thought he held all the cards and believed he still had a chance to spend the rest of his life with Xia Yu. However, now he no longer felt that way.
He was just one of Xia Yu’s choices in life.
In the months they had spent together, Xia Yu seemed to be quite happy, but also not very happy.
Xia Yu would still be sad and confused, and the look in his eyes, like a wounded deer with a broken leg, would try to get close but would remember the past pain.
So he had thought for a long time, thinking about the pain he had caused Xia Yu in the past.
These three years had indeed changed him a lot. Before his mother passed away, he had taken her for a walk and she had mentioned the piano teacher again, saying that if she hadn’t pursued him, she might have been happy in this lifetime.
He thought Xia Yu might be the same.
Xu Zhan couldn’t give Xia Yu happiness, but maybe he wasn’t the person who made Xia Yu laugh heartily every day.
So he gave Xia Yu the right to choose.
“It’s late now; you should sleep. I won’t disturb you tonight; I’ll sleep in the guest room,” Lu Zhao said softly.
Xia Yu opened his mouth but didn’t stop him.
After Lu Zhao left, this already spacious room seemed even emptier.
He leaned against the edge of the bed, lost in thought. The bitterness of the ginger soup still lingered on his tongue, but Lu Zhao had added some sugar, so in the end, there was a hint of sweetness.