Don’t Ignite It chapter 34
Mirage
Vacation time passed in the blink of an eye. At 10 AM on the 8th, Xia Yu and Lu Zhao boarded a plane back to Chuan City.
The weather was beautiful that day, with lovely clouds outside. Since they were on a private plane, Lu Zhao continued discussing work with his secretary on the plane, while Xia Yu watched a movie by himself.
He was watching “Coco.”
When this animated film was released, Xia Yu had watched it with Lu Zhao. He had cried his heart out while Lu Zhao remained expressionless, seemingly untouched by it. However, seeing him cry so pitifully, Lu Zhao had handed him a tissue.
Xia Yu still remembered that he had taken the tissue and, while walking on the stone steps with Lu Zhao, asked him somewhat foolishly, “Do you think there’s really another world of spirits after people die?”
He hoped there was.
Because his grandmother was no longer with him, he knew this thought was naive, but he preferred to believe that his grandmother was living well in another world.
Considering Lu Zhao’s personality, he should have ridiculed his whimsical thinking and scoffed at his sentimentality.
But on that day, as they walked together in the snowy landscape, Lu Zhao’s voice carried a hint of gentleness, “Maybe.”
And now, Xia Yu, wearing headphones, glanced at Lu Zhao, who was discussing work with his secretary. He thought back to that scene.
At that time, he would never have imagined that several years would pass, and Lu Zhao’s mother would also be resting in a cemetery.
Back then, to avoid meeting Lu Zhao, he hadn’t attended her funeral, even though he had limited contact with the strict Mrs. Lu, who resembled Lu Zhao in appearance and had a strong personality. In their rare interactions, she had always been friendly towards him.
When he got married, she had also come and looked at him with a guilty expression. She seemed to want to say something but eventually didn’t. Instead, she gave him a hug.
Xia Yu vaguely remembered that Mrs. Lu’s memorial day would be coming up in a while. He didn’t remember the specific date, only that it was in winter.
Halfway through the movie, Lu Zhao finished his brief meeting and returned to Xia Yu’s side.
“What are you watching?” Lu Zhao, annoyingly, took one of Xia Yu’s earphones and put it on his own ear. He stared at the screen. “Haven’t you seen this before?”
The sofa was so large, but he insisted on squeezing next to Xia Yu, shoulder to shoulder, making it impossible for Xia Yu to enjoy his snacks properly.
Xia Yu glanced at Lu Zhao’s several staff members, who were following him and were his trusted aides. They were all very professional and didn’t even glance in their direction, quickly taking seats in the front rows to keep their distance.
“I want to watch it again,” Xia Yu said, “I just like watching it.”
He had a bag of grape-flavored gummies in his hand and casually put one in Lu Zhao’s mouth.
The gummy was slightly sour, and Lu Zhao frowned from the sourness. Xia Yu grinned as if his little prank had succeeded.
However, Lu Zhao still swallowed the gummy.
He hugged Xia Yu and watched the old movie they had both seen before.
Because the plot was so familiar, they didn’t need to pay full attention, and Xia Yu took the opportunity to chat.
“We’ve only been away for a few days, but I’ve accumulated so much work. The studio is pushing me, and my brother wants me to come back for a while. He said the Chi family is getting married soon and wants me to attend,” Xia Yu unbuttoned one of Lu Zhao’s shirt buttons and sought solace in him. “But you should be busier, right?”
“Mm.”
Both of them fell silent for a while.
Listening to the songs in the movie, Xia Yu suddenly turned to look at Lu Zhao beside him. “Why do you seem unhappy?”
Since they left the hotel this morning, he had sensed that Lu Zhao’s mood wasn’t good.
Lu Zhao always hid his feelings well, making it difficult for anyone, even those close to him, to discern his true emotions. However, Xia Yu was too familiar with him, and he could detect even the slightest changes in Lu Zhao.
Lu Zhao didn’t conceal it and responded with another “Mm.”
Xia Yu speculated, “Is something bothering you at work?”
The only thing that could shake Lu Zhao, the workaholic, should be his career.
But Lu Zhao shook his head.
“No.”
He held Xia Yu’s hand and rubbed his fingertips. He still had no expression on his face, but there was a heavy fog enveloping him.
“I just suddenly don’t want to go back,” Lu Zhao said. “I’ve been very happy during these days in Cloud City. When I walked with you on the streets, I always had this illusion that we’ve never been apart, that this is just an ordinary vacation. I even thought that if I hadn’t left you back then, this might have been our life after marriage.”
Lu Zhao looked at Xia Yu somewhat apologetically.
If he hadn’t lost Xia Yu, he probably would have brought Xia Yu on his business trips frequently, walked with him through the streets, held hands openly, and been praised by café owners for being a perfect couple. Xia Yu would have sipped hot cocoa while planting kisses on his face.
…
This was the future he and Xia Yu should have been able to reach together, but he had lost Xia Yu with his own hands.
Once they returned to Chuan City, Xia Yu would still be Xia Yu, but he would no longer be his; he would be the legally recognized partner of someone else.
Xia Yu understood what Lu Zhao meant.
With grape-flavored gummies in his mouth, he bit down on one too many, and his teeth began to ache. He didn’t know what to say, and he had no obligation to console Lu Zhao.
From the moment Lu Zhao had agreed to become his lover, he had said that this feeling wouldn’t be easy to endure.
But seeing Lu Zhao’s expressionless face with a glint of desolation in his eyes, his heart couldn’t help but ache.
He lowered his head, attempting to hide his feelings by opening another snack package to find something sweeter to eat.
But when he opened it and wanted to give one to Lu Zhao, he found Lu Zhao staring at him.
Lu Zhao, in his memory, had always been strong, whether it was three years ago or three years later.
But now, as Lu Zhao looked into his eyes, it was like the misty weather in Jiangnan, with clinging raindrops, and the moisture was so heavy that it made it hard to breathe.
However, Lu Zhao didn’t say anything else.
It was as if he had finally realized something about himself, that Xia Yu wouldn’t easily relent, so he didn’t seek Xia Yu’s pity anymore.
Lu Zhao didn’t want the snack from Xia Yu.
For the next half hour, the cabin was exceptionally quiet.
Xia Yu ate cookies, and the crumbs fell into a paper bag. Sweets usually improved his mood, but he found himself getting restless, as if he had been infected by Lu Zhao’s mood for no reason.
Lu Zhao remained silent the entire time.
His mood was far worse than Xia Yu could have imagined.
The night before, he had a dream that left him bewildered for a long time after waking up.
In the dream, it was New Year’s Day many years ago when he was still young. He was having a meal with his parents, but soon, a phone call came to their house. It was from the small mansion.
Living in the small mansion was not just anyone; it was his father’s mistress. They had been childhood sweethearts, but due to his father’s arranged marriage with his mother, the daughter of the steward could only fade into the background, residing in the small mansion his father had specially chosen, waiting for occasional visits.
Most likely out of frustration, she would always find excuses to call on holidays, wanting his father to spend time with her. And more often than not, his father would comply.
Back then, he was too young to understand the complexities between adults. All he knew was that it was the woman from the small mansion, and her eyes showed annoyance and impatience.
But his mother wasn’t angry. Instead, she said to him, “Don’t be like this; she’s very pitiful.”
She’s very pitiful.
As he grew older, Lu Zhao finally understood the meaning of those words, but that was the extent of it.
He lacked deep empathy, especially for someone who held no value to him.
Yet, last night, the dream took a different turn. He had become that woman from the small mansion, and on a particular night, he made a call to Xia Yu.
A complete reversal of roles.
From being the high and mighty heir of the Lu family, he had turned into an unknown mistress of the small mansion, waiting for Xia Yu’s summons.
But unlike his father, Xia Yu didn’t come.
His calls went unanswered, and he heard only the busy signal, no one ever picked up.
This dream left him with an icy feeling upon waking up.
When he woke up he glanced at the bedside beside him, he saw Xia Yu still sleeping, leaning obediently against his arm, peaceful and adorable.
However, as he watched Xia Yu in this state, his chest felt heavy, as if he couldn’t breathe.
He stared at the ceiling for a long time.
If not for this dream, he would have already forgotten the face of that woman from the small mansion.
He didn’t have any hatred or sympathy for her, just a cold indifference, someone kept on the outside, with whom he had no connection, even after being with his father for thirty years.
But now, he suddenly realized that he had fallen into a situation similar to that steward’s daughter, and perhaps even worse.
Because Xia Yu didn’t love him anymore.
No matter what kind of holiday it was, Xia Yu would only be by Xu Zhan’s side.
These past few days in Cloud City were the most comfortable days he had had in years.
He briefly forgot about Xia Yu’s legal marriage, pretending that they had never been separated. Xia Yu still loved him wholeheartedly, waking up in his arms every day.
But such days were stolen.
Once the plane took off, everything would turn into an illusion with the end of the vacation.
He would become a negligible supporting character in Xia Yu’s life.
During the closing credits of the movie, Lu Zhao glanced at Xia Yu from the corner of his eye.
Xia Yu was eating snacks like a hamster, his cheeks puffed up, casually watching the movie.
Sitting by the window, Xia Yu looked so close, so warm, so attainable. But the moment he reached out, it felt like a blade cutting him.
He wasn’t a good person.
He was extremely proud, arrogant, and had his own set of standards.
His extramarital affair with Xia Yu, becoming the third party in a marriage, undoubtedly shattered his composure and arrogance, making him loathe himself.
But as he quietly watched Xia Yu, watching him suck on his fingertips and smile at him, the defenses in his heart crumbled, defeated by his yearning for Xia Yu.