Don’t Ignite It chapter 20

Agreement

Although Lu Zhao briefly mentioned it, Xia Yu knew what happened in the third year.

Lu Zhao’s mother passed away.

This strong, aloof woman had a profound influence on Lu Zhao, so her death was a huge blow to him.

For a moment, it softened his heart, and he didn’t refuse Lu Zhao’s embrace.

Lu Zhao slowly tightened his hold on Xia Yu, burying his head in Xia Yu’s shoulder. It was a vulnerable posture, as if he had no one else to rely on and needed a brief respite on Xia Yu’s shoulder.

Xia Yu remained silent and didn’t push Lu Zhao away.

Outside, the fine drizzle continued to fall.

Autumn rain had a cool nature.

Yet, the osmanthus flowers in the courtyard were blooming, and their faintly sweet fragrance mixed with the scent of the vegetation, creating an indescribable blend of bitterness and sweetness.

For a moment, Xia Yu almost felt a bit damp on his shoulder.

Lu Zhao’s sorrow was so overwhelming that it covered the cold rain outside, permeating the room.

After a long while, Lu Zhao asked, “Why did you fall in love with Xu Zhan?”

They had only been apart for three months, and Xia Yu had married Xu Zhan surprisingly quickly. Lu Zhao even darkly speculated whether Xia Yu had been coerced into it.

However, one day after Xia Yu had married Xu Zhan, Lu Zhao returned to Chuan City. He sat in the car and saw Xia Yu and Xu Zhan coming out of a shopping mall together.

Xia Yu and Xu Zhan walked side by side under an umbrella. Xu Zhan held the umbrella, and Xia Yu had a bag in his hand, feeding Xu Zhan a snack.

In the bustling crowd, they were intimately close, no different from any other couple deeply in love.

Lu Zhao watched this scene from the car, feeling like an unimportant passerby in a silent drama, a villain who would ruin the protagonist’s happiness the moment he appeared.

Xia Yu remained silent for a long time.

How should he respond? He had never truly fallen in love with Xu Zhan. But agreeing to marry Xu Zhan had taken only a moment—a moment of desperation to escape everything related to Lu Zhao.

Xia Yu said, “Do you remember the year we separated? I went abroad to find you, waited for you downstairs at your house all night, but you never came back. You were at a colleague’s gathering and told me to go back to China.”

He chuckled lightly but felt a sudden bitterness in his nose.

“Later, I fainted because I wasn’t feeling well, and I called you from the hospital. You still didn’t want to come see me. You said our relationship had already ended, and I should take care of myself.”

He repeated the words Lu Zhao had said to him back then, one by one.

In fact, at this moment, he was starting to believe that Lu Zhao truly loved him. But this love was too shallow.

The shadows left by Lu Zhao were too painful.

He felt Lu Zhao’s arms around his waist tighten.

The cigarette lighter he had given Lu Zhao was still in his hand.

A cigarette lighter, now cherished by Lu Zhao, but once upon a time, both he and his feelings had been treated as dust by Lu Zhao. It was quite ironic.

Xia Yu smiled faintly and said, “Later, I returned to China with my brother. When we came out of the airport, it was Xu Zhan who came to pick me up. After that, my health wasn’t great, and every time I went to the hospital, Xu Zhan was there by my side.”

When Xia Yu saw Xu Zhan at the airport, he had been stunned for a long time. The person he had been waiting for didn’t come, but instead, the arranged fiancé he had barely met appeared.

Xu Zhan stood amidst the bustling airport, tall and elegant, smiling at him with great tenderness.

At that moment, Xia Yu even hated himself for not falling in love with someone like Xu Zhan. He thought that it would have been easier, even if they eventually separated, it would have been more dignified than the current situation.

Later, Xu Zhan accompanied him to the hospital, got his medicine, and helped him recover. Gradually, Xia Yu shared everything about him and Lu Zhao with Xu Zhan in the hospital corridor. One day, Xu Zhan asked if he minded having a fake marriage.

He was just too tired.

He didn’t want to wait for Lu Zhao anymore.

So he agreed.

Xia Yu released his hand, and the cigarette lighter fell onto the bed.

He looked up at Lu Zhao.

Lu Zhao, a person who had always been bound by the family’s restrictions, naturally composed and restrained, hardly showing his emotions, preferences, or desires, even Xia Yu had only started to understand him after being together for three years.

But now, anyone could see the sadness in Lu Zhao’s eyes.

The kind of pain that couldn’t be concealed, mixed with regret and self-hatred, was like a long-buried secret finally coming to light.

Xia Yu felt strangely calm.

Perhaps, over these three years, he had finally learned to hide his emotions.

He said to Lu Zhao, “Look, I don’t love Xu Zhan the way I loved you. My relationship with him happened because of you. In these years, he has taken care of me a lot. Before I married him, I always heard rumors about me and you, saying I was infatuated and shameless. After marrying him, those things became past romantic affairs. No one brings them up anymore.”

He smiled at Lu Zhao and continued, “I really don’t want to leave him. When I’m with Xu Zhan, everything feels calm.”

As he said this, Xia Yu finally saw tears welling up in Lu Zhao’s eyes.

Even in such a moment, Lu Zhao remained silent, like a rock covered in frost, clenching his teeth.

Xia Yu reached out and touched Lu Zhao’s face.

He sighed and said, “Lu Zhao, there’s really no possibility for us anymore. I admit that in the past half-month, I tried to avoid you, thinking that just sleeping with you a few times would be enough. But now, I’ve figured it out. I still have some lingering feelings for you, and we can maintain a stable and long-term relationship but only as lovers in a secret affair. When you get tired of it or want to get married, we can part ways. You, on the other hand, shouldn’t fantasize about me divorcing Xu Zhan, and don’t compete with him, making things difficult for him. Let’s keep it as an unspoken agreement, okay?”

He clearly still loved Lu Zhao.

After all the twists and turns, after seeing so many talented and handsome young men pass by him like flowing water, he still only felt moved by Lu Zhao.

So he gave up trying to alienate Lu Zhao, trying to set clear boundaries.

They would get back together.

But only as lovers.

Lu Zhao didn’t give an immediate answer.

He had heard many tragic stories with unhappy endings before, but they had always been about other people.

He had listened with indifference, not sparing a hint of pity. Back then, he never thought that the hardships of love could fall equally upon everyone’s shoulders.

Even for someone like him, Lu Zhao.

Before, he had been entangled with Xia Yu, harboring a faint hope that Xia Yu would eventually divorce Xu Zhan.

But now, after hearing Xia Yu’s confession, he truly felt disoriented, as if a sword hanging over his head had finally fallen.

Perhaps Xia Yu would never be his.

Being a step too late meant being late forever, and there was no way to make amends for it.

That year, when Xia Yu called him from the hospital, he had wavered. The one who had taken Xia Yu to the hospital was none other than himself. He had kept watch by Xia Yu’s side all night.

He looked at Xia Yu in the hospital bed, pale as fragile porcelain.

He had briefly considered letting Xia Yu marry him. It seemed like a good idea. After all, over these past three years, they had hung out together, made love and traveled together. Xia Yu had even taken care of him without any need for him to coax him. Xia Yu had done it all on his own.

But he was stubborn to the extreme, refusing to admit that it was love.

He always thought of Xia Yu as a precious, fragile flower that required delicate nurturing, and he didn’t possess that ability.

Without coming to a conclusion, he didn’t want to show up, unwilling to give Xia Yu unwarranted expectations.

So in just a few months, Xia Yu was taken away by Xu Zhan, entering another love and marriage.

Now, he was lying in bed with Xia Yu again.

But perhaps the best role he could ever have in his life was to be Xia Yu’s secret lover.

That was all he possessed.

Lu Zhao remained silent for a long time.

Xia Yu didn’t want to speak either, but he couldn’t fall asleep either, so he listlessly surveyed the cold-toned bedroom.

Xia Yu had lived here for a while during his summer break in his third year of college.

This villa of Lu Zhao’s was bought when he came to Chuan City for university, and it had stayed the same until he finished his Ph.D. and went to the U.S. branch. He had lived here for seven or eight years.

Xia Yu was originally from Chuan City, so even though he went to college elsewhere, he often came back, which made it convenient for him to pursue Lu Zhao.

During the summer break of his third year, when his relationship with Lu Zhao was still relatively good, he had begged and pestered Lu Zhao until he got his way. He had used every trick in the book to cajole and entice, finally convincing Lu Zhao to live together for one summer.

Now, it had been four or five years since his third year, but the furnishings in this room had not changed in the slightest.

There was a sunflower painting on the bedroom wall, and Xia Yu had chosen it. He had found this room too gloomy and insisted on adding some bright colors, pestering Lu Zhao to accompany him to an art gallery.

Lu Zhao had agreed.

Now, that sunflower painting was still here, radiant and passionate under the dim light.

Lu Zhao knew that Xia Yu hadn’t fallen asleep yet, so he turned around and embraced him.

In a low voice, he said, “In our relationship, except for Xu Zhan, except for me, don’t have anyone else.”

He said, “Don’t,” not “Can’t.”

Xia Yu opened his eyes and remained silent for a long time.

But in the end, he said, “Okay.”