Disobedience To Control chapter 68

Walking Out of Your Time

The two stayed in the hotel room until the evening of the next day.

Only when the front desk called for the third time to ask if they needed to check out did they put on their clothes again and leave.

The autumnal crimson glow bathed every inch of land in Jiangcheng.

The hotel was only five hundred meters away from a municipal park. Song Siheng walked ahead, with Yang Xiaobei following behind him.

There was no one in the park on a weekday, only the sound of their footsteps on the path.

“My upcoming training might be intense,” Yang Xiaobei spoke first. “The National Cup is only two months away.”

“Okay.”

“A few days ago, when I finished the competition, the coach told me I need to reduce body fat and build muscle. Only then will it be possible to improve my performance. It’s best if I can restore the physique I had when I was fifteen.”

Song Siheng looked back at him. “Do you find it difficult?”

“Yeah.” Yang Xiaobei nodded, then looked at the setting sun, which was half-hidden behind the treetops. “But there’s no other way.”

Song Siheng stopped and found a bench to sit down on. “Before I went abroad to study, I was also surrounded by talented young people.”

Yang Xiaobei sat down beside him. “What do you mean?”

Song Siheng didn’t explain but continued, “There are always many geniuses, more than we can imagine. Jin Shuming, whom you saw at the last press conference, almost won all the competition gold medals during high school.”

“Most of the geniuses around me took different paths later on. Some, like Jin Shuming, continued to delve into cutting-edge technology, some chose to become educators at universities, some like me went out to start businesses. Many others might have settled in a city, gotten married, and lived an ordinary life.” Song Siheng tilted his head slightly, exposing the line of his neck, then turned to look at Yang Xiaobei.

“Are you trying to tell me that there are many ways to win?” Yang Xiaobei turned to him.

“No,” Song Siheng shook his head. “I mean, geniuses don’t necessarily have to win.”

The pink and purple sunset reflected in Yang Xiaobei’s pupils, and he remained silent for a while.

“Oh, by the way,” Song Siheng suddenly remembered something, chuckled, then turned to ask him, “Why did you take a picture of me?”

“What?!” Yang Xiaobei was taken aback. “Don’t spread rumors!”

“If—” Song Siheng smiled, reminding him.

For the first time in a long time, Yang Xiaobei blushed.

“Why are you like this? You rummaged through my things in the dorm!”

“If what?” Song Siheng pressed, “Why did you write that word on the photo?”

Yang Xiaobei leaned back in his chair, the faint redness still lingering in his ears. He took several deep breaths before speaking softly, “I just felt that, if I were still that swimming genius, maybe I could have been with you openly and honestly.”

Song Siheng laughed twice at his words. “Open and honest? Can I actually hear this term from your mouth, you rascal?!”

“Stop making fun of me!” Yang Xiaobei scratched his head, avoiding his gaze.

“But now isn’t so bad, is it?” Song Siheng stopped laughing and continued to look at him.

“I just feel that if I still had that talent, I could at least catch up with you a little earlier.” Yang Xiaobei was unusually serious.

“The world is round.” Song Siheng reached out and touched his earlobe. “Whether you come early or late, as long as I keep walking towards you, we will eventually meet.”

The sunset had completely sunk below the horizon, and the park was silent.

“Let’s go.” Song Siheng got up from the bench. “It’s getting late, and I have to go to the company tomorrow.”

The two walked out of the park side by side. Song Siheng found his parked car and turned to walk towards it.

But Yang Xiaobei suddenly called out to him from behind, “Song Siheng.”

“What’s up?” Song Siheng leaned out of the car door to look at him.

“Let’s go to the swimming pool on the weekend! I still owe you a lesson!” Yang Xiaobei said.

“Okay.”

The Double Ninth Festival had passed, and soon it was Frost’s Descent. In early October, Jiangcheng was occasionally hot, but by the end of the month, the autumn chill swept in mightily.

Because of Yang Xiaobei’s surgery, Fu Xuehua had been keeping in touch with Song Siheng.

This time, she rarely made a phone call, saying she wanted to invite Song Siheng home for dinner. When Song Siheng asked who else was invited, she mentioned Li Ke.

Li Ke didn’t mention this during the day at the company. It wasn’t until the two of them entered the garden villa together that Li Ke nodded to him. “Actually, I didn’t plan to come.”

Song Siheng responded with an “okay” and patted him on the back. “Let’s go in.”

The spacious garden villa was now only inhabited by Fu Xuehua and Aunt Qiu, appearing much emptier and quieter.

The chandelier in the living room was on, casting warm yellow light over the dining table.

Aunt Qiu had prepared five or six dishes, and a fish soup was stewing in the pot. She smiled when she saw Li Ke and Song Siheng come in. “It’s rare to have so many people at home. Please sit down.”

Hearing the voices, Fu Xuehua slowly descended the stairs from the second floor. Song Siheng looked up and saw her draped in a cashmere shawl.

“It’s getting colder. We should turn on the heater earlier.” Song Siheng suggested.

“It’s only the end of October. If we turn on the heater too early, how can we endure the winter ahead?” Fu Xuehua shook her head and took a seat.

Sensing that the atmosphere was somewhat subdued, she got up and turned on two more lights. The living room became brighter.

The three of them sat down separately.

Seeing that the dishes were ready, Fu Xuehua invited them to start eating.

“Actually, the reason I called you back today is to discuss two things.” Fu Xuehua took off the woolen shawl and hung it on the back of the chair.

Both of them looked up. “What’s the matter?”

“The first thing is that Song Ping has been dismissed.”

“How could…” Li Ke was a little bewildered.

“Song Qin couldn’t overthrow him, but I could.” Fu Xuehua didn’t explain much, took a sip of soup, and continued, “The second thing is, in two months, I’m going to Europe.”

“To Europe?” Song Siheng asked.

“Yes. There’s an overseas exchange program in the hospital, and I volunteered.” Fu Xuehua glanced at the empty staircase. “It’s a bit cold living here. I want to change the environment.”

“Okay.” Song Siheng responded decisively. “If you don’t have enough money, just tell me.”

“Your mother still has some savings after all these years.” Fu Xuehua smiled. “Alright, let’s eat.”

After finishing the meal, the trees in the yard were blown by the wind, and a few leaves fell with the wind.

The three of them looked at each other in silence. Suddenly, Li Ke stood up from his chair and picked up his briefcase placed beside him.

“Auntie.” He held a stack of things in his hand. “I’ve been thinking for a long time… and I think these things should be returned to the old mansion.”

Fu Xuehua suddenly looked up at him. “This is?”

Li Ke took a deep breath before answering, “Song Qin’s belongings.”

A box of glasses, and two diaries. The bottom greenish-blue notebook had frayed edges, as if it had been flipped through many times.

Fu Xuehua took the paper box, silent for a moment. When Song Qin passed away, she knew he had left this box behind, and she knew it was stored with Li Ke. But she hadn’t asked for it back.

Now Li Ke took the initiative to return the items. She was somewhat surprised.

“Why did you suddenly bring these here?” Fu Xuehua’s fingers lightly touched the cover of the diary.

“Just felt like they shouldn’t stay with me anymore,” Li Ke said, quickly turning his head. “Thank you for your hospitality. My business is done, so I won’t disturb you further.”

He nodded slightly to Fu Xuehua and turned to leave.

Song Siheng hurried to catch up, mouthing to Fu Xuehua, “I’ll see him off.”

The two walked out, and a gust of autumn wind blew. Li Ke stood in the wind, and the door of the old mansion closed behind him.

“It’s windy. Do you need a ride?” Song Siheng asked.

“No need.” Li Ke stood still, looking back at the gate of the old mansion.

The windows of the first-floor living room still emitted a faint light. As time passed, the light went out. Shortly after, the light in the master bedroom on the second floor slowly came on.

The two stood under the tree in front of the door, the shadows of the trees swaying.

“Why did you return the diaries?” Song Siheng asked first.

Leaning against the tree trunk, Li Ke remained silent for half a minute.

“I never figured it out, Siheng,” he began.

“What?” Song Siheng was surprised.

“I knew I should move on, but I didn’t,” Li Ke’s voice was faint, carrying a chill with the breeze, “I thought I could.”

Song Siheng recalled something and turned his head to ask, “So you went to find Xu Pei because…”

“At first, I just occasionally daydreamed, thinking of how he used to be. I don’t know when, but he always suddenly appeared in front of me. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t shake off his shadow. My breathing became uncontrollable everytime, and I even dreamt about him.”

At his words, Song Siheng sighed softly.

“I always see him reaching out to me in the heavy snow,” Li Ke shook his head, “I know it’s not real, but I still see it.”

“Later, I realized I was having hallucinations,” his voice gradually became hoarse, “My reflexes were no longer under my control. When I remembered you gave me Xu Pei’s phone number, I went to him for help.”

“But I kept thinking, if I hadn’t gone to Ming’an Hospital that day, if I hadn’t asked him that question, maybe his ending wouldn’t have been like this.” Li Ke turned his head away, not letting Song Siheng see his expression.

“I even thought, if I could have found clues to what happened with Yang Xiaobei earlier, if he had been imprisoned, would he have ended up like this?”

“I flip through the diary he left every day. I’ve thought of countless possibilities, as if I’ve taken every wrong step.”

“I hate my weakness, I hate my incompetence,” Li Ke’s voice trembled as he spoke.

As soon as he realized his tone was getting out of control, he apologized, “I shouldn’t have told you these things.”

Shaking his head, Song Siheng said, “His death has nothing to do with you.”

“Yes, rationally I also tell myself that. So I went to Xu Pei’s clinic.” Li Ke’s Adam’s apple bobbed before he continued speaking.

“He told me to start with the first step and try not to think about him at night. It would give me a bad psychological suggestion. Once this person enters my dreams, it’s even harder to forget.”

“How do you feel now?” Song Siheng asked.

“Perhaps a little better, perhaps not. I don’t know,” Li Ke lowered his head, “At least when I’m working, I can briefly escape from this. But…”

“But what?”

“But that diary was like my allergen. I couldn’t control myself from flipping through it, but every time I did, I dreamt of him,” Li Ke struggled to maintain his composure.

“Xu Pei said the best way to alleviate the symptoms is to stay away from the allergen.”

Two leaves fell from the tree behind them, half-green, half-yellow, and landed at Li Ke’s feet, swaying.

“I think I should save myself once,” Li Ke said.

“Perhaps I will continue to suffer, but today… I want to return his diary,” he added.

Song Siheng stood beside him, silent for a long time, until the third leaf fell to the ground. The crisp sound seemed to mark the end of a sentence.

“Shall we go?” Song Siheng asked.

“Let’s go,” Li Ke replied.