Disobedience To Control chapter 45
Because I Refuse to Accept
After leaving the team, Ling Xiaobei didn’t fare well. He returned to the damp city of Jiangcheng, where the hot and humid summer air made the scar on his chest ache and itch.
What was even crueler was that it seemed like all the talent he possessed in the past fifteen years was suddenly taken away by fate. Despite returning to the swimming pool and undergoing countless training sessions, he could never reach his previous level again. He couldn’t afford to hire more professional coaches, and no team was willing to accept a swimmer who had just undergone heart surgery.
During this time, he revisited North City, but he couldn’t reach Coach Yu Hai. After much inquiry, he learned that Yu Hai had been dismissed by the team, accused of abusing authority and disobeying team management.
Ling Xiaobei had no choice but to approach other coaches from the team, but as soon as they heard his name, they all avoided him as if he were a plague.
Meanwhile, many of the swimmers who had participated in the Star River Cup with him had already gone for training in Australia, rapidly improving their skills. He, however, was left behind, spinning in circles, unable to find a way out.
The path back to the professional team in North City was blocked, forcing him to seek alternative routes.
Ling Xiaobei returned to Jiangcheng and moved back into Yang Qing’s small dormitory. But Yang Qing’s health was deteriorating. Despite being in her early fifties, she was plagued with various ailments.
Initially, to raise money for his surgery, Yang Qing had spent sleepless nights, but at some point, she developed unexplained headaches. Her legs were already not agile, and to earn money, she could only do simple manual labor in a textile factory. Now, with this strange illness, she was forced to resign and stay home to recuperate.
As a result, on a cold winter night, her new and old ailments flared up together, and her heart stopped beating within a few minutes.
By the time Ling Xiaobei noticed something was wrong, she had already breathed her last.
Ling Xiaobei held Yang Qing’s cold body and wailed bitterly in the late night. That night in Jiangcheng was cold and difficult to endure.
At the age of eighteen, Ling Xiaobei changed his name and adopted his aunt’s surname. He had a selfish motive: he didn’t want to recall those dark days sinking into the depths of the water. He wanted to be the dawn, breaking through once again to reclaim what belonged to him in the north.
Yang Xiaobei returned to the kind of life he had lived before. He trained and studied hard during the day, and worked at night to earn money for his living expenses. There was no place in Jiangcheng for him to train anymore, so he went to the old swimming pool of the city team to practice on his own. Even the security guard at the back door of the swimming pool recognized him and pretended not to see him when he came, simply opening the door for him.
Years of rehabilitation and training finally brought a glimmer of hope. In the year of his high school entrance examination at the age of eighteen, Yang Xiaobei entered the Jiangcheng swimming team as a special talent.
He had lost his natural talent, so he had to rely on relentless training day after day to regain his sense of the water.
But what he didn’t expect was that the surgery he had at fifteen did not completely eliminate the risk to his heart. There was still a ticking time bomb buried inside him.
It wasn’t until last autumn, during his intense training, that his old illness recurred. It started with occasional pain and shortness of breath, and then he had to use medication to control it. When he went for another check-up, Yang Xiaobei learned that he would need surgery again.
How many years of progress would he lose this time? Yang Xiaobei didn’t dare to think about it.
In the chaotic darkness, he saw a glimmer of light before him. The huge rock that had been pressing down on him seemed to shatter with a bang.
Yang Xiaobei finally breathed in fresh air after his choked throat, struggling to open his eyes. At first, everything was blurry and vague, but his vision gradually focused, and he found himself in a completely unfamiliar environment.
The snow-white walls reflected the daylight outside the window, and a voice suddenly sounded beside him.
“Are you awake?”
He turned his head to look at the person, still the familiar handsome face, but no longer as spirited as before, with red eyes and stubble on his chin.
Yang Xiaobei took a moment to understand his situation. Smiling through the oxygen mask, he teased, “You look ugly.” He gestured with his hand to compare with Song Siheng’s chin.
Song Siheng, rare for him, didn’t argue with him. He just sat beside the bed, staring at his face without blinking.
With dry lips, Yang Xiaobei could only mouth the words to him, “What are you looking at?”
Song Siheng turned his head after taking two deep breaths, then turned back to him and said, “To see if you’re still alive.”
Song Siheng softly spoke, “Yang Xiaobei, why didn’t you tell me? Why didn’t you tell me earlier?”
Yang Xiaobei tucked away the corners of his smile and shook his head, “Sorry, I lied to you.”
Song Siheng couldn’t find words for a moment, his eyes stinging with tears.
“If you die on my bed one day, do I have to collect your body? You liar, you lied to me.” Song Siheng avoided his gaze and said, “You go die, go die…”
Yang Xiaobei laughed again as he listened, tears forming at the corners of his eyes unexpectedly. “Alright, alright, I’ll die.”
But he still couldn’t breathe properly. After taking a breath, he continued, “After I die, you can find someone younger and healthier.”
Song Siheng looked back at him, “You’re talking nonsense. If you dare to die, I’ll kill you.”
Yang Xiaobei raised his somewhat stiff right hand and gently touched Song Siheng’s cheek. “So fierce…”
Song Siheng clenched his hand tightly, then turned and wiped his eyes with the back of his hand.
After only two or three days in the hospital, Yang Xiaobei visibly lost weight. His once plump arms had slimmed down, and even his shoulder blades protruded more.
Song Siheng turned away from him, asking softly, “Song Qin went to see you, why didn’t you tell me?”
Yang Xiaobei coughed and then twisted his lips into an ugly curve, “You are all wealthy and influential people, I am just a waste. You could easily crush me with just two fingers. He has influence at Jiangcheng, and could have me removed from participating in competitions at any time…”
Yang Xiaobei stopped there, not continuing.
Song Siheng turned abruptly and looked into his eyes. “I’m not the same as him.”
Yang Xiaobei smiled faintly, “Oh really?”
Song Siheng wanted to explain how he was different, but didn’t know where to start.
There was silence between the two for half a minute.
Suddenly, Song Siheng remembered something and hurriedly asked while he was still sober, “Was it him who caused the gas leak and came to your house that day? Was it Song Qin?”
Yang Xiaobei raised his left hand to rub his temples, frowned, and then shook his head, “… No. That person looked very unfamiliar. All I remember is that he seemed very tall and was wearing a mask, so I couldn’t see his face clearly.”
Song Siheng’s tightly clenched fingers slowly loosened, and the clue was broken again.
If Song Qin had planned it in advance, specifically finding someone in the black market to do his dirty work, who knew when this case would be closed. The first round of investigation had already passed 48 hours, and if there was no valid evidence and Song Qin himself didn’t confess, he would soon be released.
Thinking of this, Song Siheng felt a tightness in his chest again.
But Yang Xiaobei looked indifferent, “Forget it, I’ve already regained my life.”
Looking around the spacious hospital room, he joked in a forced tone, “Why did you save me? Why spend this unjust money? We’ve already said goodbye, we have no relationship anymore, right?”
Song Siheng’s Adam’s apple slid twice, hesitating for a few seconds before speaking, “…He did this to retaliate against me. The incident was because of me, so of course I have to take responsibility.”
Song Siheng had many questions in his mind, each one stuck in his heart, but he didn’t have the right position to ask, nor did he know where to start.
Just as his emotions hadn’t settled, the door to the ward was pushed open. The attending doctor walked in and hurried to the bedside when he saw Yang Xiaobei awake. “Awake?”
Yang Xiaobei nodded, surprisingly obedient.
The doctor continued, “Good, the consent form for the surgery is ready. Sign it later. Tomorrow morning, the nurse will come to draw blood for a preoperative check-up. If everything’s fine, we’ll schedule the surgery.”
But Yang Xiaobei suddenly froze. “What surgery?” he asked.
The doctor turned to look at Song Siheng. “You didn’t tell him?”
With a sigh, Song Siheng replied, “He just woke up.”
Then he turned his gaze to Yang Xiaobei. “Open-heart surgery, I’ve already arranged it with the doctor for you.”
Yang Xiaobei’s hand, originally resting on the bedside, suddenly trembled. After a moment, he shook his head. “Is there no other way? I don’t want to have open-heart surgery.”
Thinking he was afraid of pain, Song Siheng tried to reassure him, “Don’t worry, it won’t hurt. I’ve found the best anesthetist for you.”
“No, it’s not that,” Yang Xiaobei shook his head directly.
Seeing his uneasy mood, Song Siheng had no choice but to ask the doctor to leave, giving them space to talk.
The doctor stood outside the door and reminded, “If you’re sure about the surgery, have him sign the consent form as soon as possible. We need to follow procedures here.”
Song Siheng nodded. “okay.”
When he returned to the ward, Yang Xiaobei’s gaze was fixed on the distant clouds outside the window. It was a cloudy day, with drifting clouds obscuring the sun in the distance, leaving only a bit of residual light.
“Why?” Song Siheng asked, “Why don’t you want the surgery?”
Yang Xiaobei’s face showed rare bitterness. He took two deep breaths, then pressed his eyes with the back of his hand for a few seconds before letting go and looking at Song Siheng.
“Do you know what open-heart surgery means to me?” he asked.
Song Siheng paused for a moment before shaking his head.
“It means, it means they have to saw open my sternum, cut open my heart, the surgery may last for several hours or even a whole day. Then they have to reattach my sternum, close up my chest cavity, and then reseal my skin. For this surgery, I’ll have to undergo a recovery period of over half a year before I can get back into the water. After getting back in the water, whether I can swim again is uncertain.”
After hearing his words, Song Siheng frowned. “Half a year, what’s wrong with half a year? If you don’t have the surgery, your daily life will be affected! Yang Xiaobei, can’t you understand the importance?”
Unexpectedly, a few seconds later, Yang Xiaobei burst into tears.
His voice hoarse and trembling, he cried out, “Because this year, at the end of the year, is my last chance to participate in the Galaxy Cup selection! Do you understand?!”
Song Siheng tried to digest his words and then shook his head incredulously. “For a competition, you’re willing to risk your life? What if you really die in the pool?!”
“You don’t understand. You don’t understand,” Yang Xiaobei’s eyes were dry, he turned his head away, no longer looking at Song Siheng.
“I don’t understand? Why, when you clearly want to live, are you still forcing yourself like this? Didn’t you want to find Fu Xuehua? I found her for you! She can help you with the surgery anytime, why don’t you do it?!”
When Yang Xiaobei heard Fu Xuehua’s name, he froze. “How do you know…”
Seeing Yang Xiaobei’s chest heaving rapidly again, Song Siheng tried to suppress his voice. “I talked with your teammate, I went to your dorm.”
The heart monitor emitted a sharp alarm sound, Yang Xiaobei bit his lip, and it was a long time before he spoke again, the alarm sound gradually disappeared.
His hand trembled slightly, his eyelashes gently resting on his lower eyelids.
“Yang Xiaobei, stop joking with your life.” Song Siheng gently lifted his palm and stroked his cheek.
But Yang Xiaobei avoided his touch. “I really don’t want to miss this competition. I’ll be twenty next year, do you understand? After next year, I won’t have a chance to return to North City..”
Song Siheng withdrew his hand, standing still unable to move, only murmuring softly, “Why, is swimming really that important? Is it more important than living well?”
Song Siheng did not expect that a few seconds later, Yang Xiaobei would burst into tears again.
His voice was hoarse and trembling: “Because I refuse to accept it, I just refuse… Why? I am a genius, why should I be changed like this?! The coach said I would regret it for a lifetime if I don’t practice swimming. Heaven clearly made me a genius, so why does it keep taking away my talent time and time again?!”
He couldn’t hold back the tears flowing down, two tear marks slid from the corners of his eyes to his jaw.
“I refuse… Siheng, I really refuse…”
Yang Xiaobei covered his chest with severe pain, and the oxygen mask was fogged up.