Difficult to Complete chapter 18

Standing in front of the iron gate he had passed through countless times, Shen Qi felt a moment of disorientation. The last time he had been here was when Gu Yan had gotten drunk, and he brought him back home.

Back then, he had fully expected to be able to go inside for a glimpse, but Gu Yan mercilessly shut him out.

Although it hadn’t actually been that long ago, to Shen Qi, it felt like an eternity had passed. So much so that at this very moment, he felt a sense of homesickness. He raised his arm and then lowered it, over and over, but he couldn’t bring himself to knock on the door.

Even though he knew there was no one at home now, no matter how hard he knocked, Gu Yan wouldn’t know, wouldn’t come out to chase him away—he still didn’t dare.

His arm fell limply, and he leaned his suitcase against the wall, sitting down on the cold ground with his back against the iron gate. He hugged his knees and buried his head in them.

Then the memories of past New Years flooded back, overwhelming him in the darkness.

Gu Yan was from the neighboring city, and they would usually spend time together until two days before the Lunar New Year, before each going back to their respective homes, returning after the holiday. Only one year was an exception—two years ago.

At that time, they had both already bought plane tickets home. Shen Qi was dragging his suitcase out the door that morning when Gu Yan, like a big dog, clung to him, pulling him back inside, clinging and saying he didn’t want him to leave.

“This year, let’s not go back, okay? Let our parents go on a trip, and we’ll spend New Year’s together, just the two of us.”

Gu Yan pinned him down and kissed him, making Shen Qi’s legs go weak and his head spin. In the heat of the moment, he agreed.

So they held each other and kissed, and then one thing led to another, and they ended up in bed, a passionate mess well into the night.

The next morning, Gu Yan dragged a sore and battered Shen Qi out of bed to go grocery shopping at the market, buying couplets, good luck symbols, and various snacks and drinks at the supermarket.

After a simple lunch, Shen Qi sat on the couch, snacking and watching reruns of past New Year’s Eve shows, while Gu Yan busied himself alone in the kitchen.

Shen Qi actually wanted to help—since they were spending New Year’s together, he couldn’t just sit around and do nothing—but Gu Yan wouldn’t let him. He pinned Shen Qi down on the kitchen counter and had a “big meal” first, then carried him back to the couch, saying with a satisfied smile:

“You just sit tight. I eat you, and you eat the food I make. We’ve got a clear division of labor.”

Shen Qi’s face turned red with embarrassment, and he almost wanted to kick the shameless man out of the house.

That night, they ate New Year’s Eve dinner while watching the Spring Festival Gala, occasionally making a few snarky comments. Before they had time to clean up the dishes, Gu Yan had already coaxed Shen Qi back into bed for another round.

Moaning and groaning, they didn’t sleep a wink all night.

Back then, Shen Qi regretted it, deeply regretted it. He felt he shouldn’t have fallen for Gu Yan’s sweet words or been fooled by his pitiful look into staying for New Year’s, which almost cost him his life in bed.

Gu Yan usually liked it, but he was disciplined, never overindulging. So Shen Qi didn’t understand why he was so overly excited during those days, thinking about nothing but doing it all the time.

Later, when Shen Qi was so exhausted he couldn’t take it anymore, he jokingly asked Gu Yan if he had secretly taken something like an aphrodisiac to boost his energy.

At that time, Gu Yan was kissing him, his lips lingering over his eyebrows, eyes, and mouth, and in a husky voice that came from being deeply moved, he whispered in his ear:

“Because I’m so happy, so happy that I just want to stick to you every moment, not think about anything else, just… you.”

In truth, Shen Qi was also very happy. That was their first New Year together, and at the time, he even joked with Gu Yan:

“What nonsense are you talking about? We’ll have many more New Year’s together in the future. Do you plan to spend every one of them in bed?”

Gu Yan, shameless as ever, replied, “What’s wrong with that? I like being in bed with you…”

Back then, Shen Qi truly believed they would have many more chances to spend New Year’s together, but what happened? In the end, there were no more chances.

That New Year became the only one in memory.

Suddenly, Shen Xi felt a twinge of regret. If he had known it would turn out this way, he would have at least put up those couplets. That way, he wouldn’t have been left staring at the empty shopping bag later, suddenly remembering them.

Afterward, Gu Yan put those couplets away in a drawer, saying, “We’ll put them up next year.”

Year after year, until today, Shen Qi had completely forgotten that they had once bought a pair of couplets. Gu Yan had probably forgotten too.

So did Gu Yan throw away those couplets as well, along with their photos?

Shen Qi suddenly remembered that it had snowed heavily on New Year’s Eve. When they woke up the next morning, everything outside was covered in a blanket of white—cars, flower beds, streetlights, rooftops… Everything as far as the eye could see was draped in thick snow.

For City A, where it rarely snowed, this was a rare sight. Every household’s children seemed to have run outside, playing in the snow, having the time of their lives.

The two of them joined in the fun, taking the largest copper basin from home downstairs to the flower bed, filling it with snow, and building a small snowman on the balcony.

Gu Yan used grapes and a carrot to give the snowman facial features, and even found a small Santa hat from their Christmas shopping to put on the snowman’s head.

The snowman looked adorably clumsy, and Shen Qi liked it so much that he took many photos of it.

But the following days were sunny, and the snowman didn’t last long before it melted away.

Shen Qi had felt a bit down about this, but Gu Yan, who had somehow found a wine jar, began scooping the snow water from the basin into the jar, one bowl at a time. Shen Qi was puzzled and asked him what he was planning to do.

Gu Yan had raised his eyebrows, looking pleased, and said, “In novels, when nobles and royals want to show off their status and wealth, they say they only use water without roots to brew tea. What’s the big deal? I’m preserving this little snowman. When spring comes, we’ll make tea with it too.”

Gu Yan was usually quite composed, but now and then he would come up with some unreliable and whimsical ideas that often left Shen Qi feeling both amused and exasperated.

“Are you crazy? At least they use freshly fallen snow, but yours has been sitting in the basin for days. And with the pollution so severe now, are you sure it’s drinkable?”

Gu Yan grinned at him, saying, “If it’s not dirty, it won’t make you sick.”

Shen Qi shot him a skeptical look, “If you want to drink it, you can go ahead. I’m not going to join you in your madness. At least I can help call an ambulance if something goes wrong.”

And then… Shen Qi paid the price for that remark, grumbling as Gu Yan massaged his back all night.

As the night grew deeper and the temperature dropped further, Shen Qi tightened his sweater and felt even more miserable.

Running away from home had been a spur-of-the-moment decision. At that time, he was so focused on escaping that he didn’t even realize he had only worn a sweater when he left.

Later, in his dazed state, he hadn’t felt cold. It wasn’t until he stood outside the familiar iron gate, feeling the cold wind cutting through, that he realized he no longer had the right to open the gate and return to his warm, cozy home, or hear that person’s joyful voice saying, “You’re back.”

At that moment, he felt as if he had fallen into an ice cave, with a chill spreading from his heart.

Time passed second by second, and reason told Shen Qi that he should leave. Staying there would only freeze him to death and wouldn’t change anything.

But he was reluctant.

Because he knew, once Gu Yan returned, he wouldn’t even have the chance to sit at the door like this again.

Mr. Zhang from upstairs was walking his dog, Huan Huan, and when he saw Shen Qi squatting at the door, he came over and greeted him.

“Hey, Xiao Shen, Happy New Year! Did you forget your keys?”

Shen Qi opened his mouth to respond but found himself unable to speak, only managing to make some broken, mumbling sounds.

“You caught a cold, didn’t you? With just a sweater in this cold weather, how could you not catch a cold? Young people need to take care of themselves too!” Mr. Zhang said with concern.

“Why don’t you come up to my place for a while? My wife is home. I’ll finish walking Huan Huan and then head up. My wife is making sweet cakes, so when Gu Yan comes back, we can all have some together!”

Huan Huan was a three-and-a-half-year-old Border Collie, very well-behaved and clever. Shen Qi and Gu Yan often ran into Mr. Zhang and Huan Huan playing with a frisbee after dinner, so they had become familiar with each other.

“Thank you, but that’s not necessary.” Shen Qi finally found his voice, sniffled, and lied, “My cousin… he’ll be back soon.”

When Mr. Zhang and his wife had asked about their relationship, Gu Yan had been open about it, but Shen Qi felt it was something private and didn’t want to make it too public. Fearing it might alarm the elderly, he had told them that he and Gu Yan were cousins working together, living together to take care of each other and save on rent.

The old couple believed it, and they hadn’t doubted it for years.

“Alright, then I’ll head down now.” Mr. Zhang didn’t insist, and after saying that, he took Huan Huan downstairs.

Mr. Zhang didn’t like taking the elevator and always used the stairs, which kept him quite fit.

Shen Qi also stood up. After sitting for so long, his legs were numb and sore, and he had to lean on the iron gate for a while to get back to normal.

“I should go too. Happy New Year, Gu Yan,” he said softly to the iron gate.

At that moment, the gate creaked open, and Gu Yan, half his body hidden behind the door, looked surprised at first. But as he recognized the person, his surprise quickly turned to suspicion.

He frowned and asked Shen Qi, “What are you doing here?”