Decayed Vulgarian chapter 68
Coming Out
A few seconds later, Meng Yuan Cen’s proud voice came through, “that’s good.”
Shen Xun chuckled silently and pondered, then asked, “Is your game of Tractor finished?”
Meng Yuan Cen explained, “It’s not finished, but some people couldn’t hold out and wanted to sleep, so we took note of the current standings and plan to continue tomorrow.”
Shen Xun pursed his lips, resisted for a moment, and finally couldn’t hold back, “So, tomorrow, I still won’t find you available?”
The other side sounded even prouder, “Shen Xun, already missing me?”
Shen Xun fell silent for a few seconds, switching from voice to text: Mm.
This single word unexpectedly touched Meng Yuan Cen’s soft spot. He thought, if Shen Xun wasn’t miles away in his hometown, he’d love to grab him and kiss him, “I miss you too. We’ll meet in five days.”
Then, Meng Yuan Cen said goodnight and went offline, as he still had to attend to relatives in the morning.
Of course, it wasn’t just Meng Yuan Cen who needed to wake up early; Shen Xun did too. Obeying “Meng Yuan Cen’s” advice, Shen Xun lay on the bed, although his thoughts kept racing.
He thought that if it were five regular workdays, they’d be over in a flash. But ultimately, he felt time dragged on because he wasn’t fond of the Lunar New Year.
This year’s Spring Festival was early, with New Year’s Eve on January 28 in the Gregorian calendar. After New Year’s Day, it would be the 28th day, then the 29th on the following day, the 30th on the third day, and the 31st on the fourth day – the maximum number of days in a month, and no matter how he calculated, the day of coming out would fall before seeing Meng Yuan Cen.
So he both wished for time to pass more quickly and hoped it would slow down, a contradictory dilemma.
On the first day of the Lunar New Year, relatives visited; the second and third days, they visited relatives. He had to face it, whether it was pleasant or not. Shen Xun felt like he had completed his social interaction KPI for the whole year in just a few days. The only thing worth anticipating was the busy Meng Yuan Cen occasionally finding time to send a few messages during the day.
He suddenly understood how Meng Yuan Cen felt while waiting for his replies.
This year was a bit different; some relatives didn’t return, and thus the New Year’s celebrations finished early on the evening of the second day.
That evening, Shen Xun finally decided to approach his mother, who was preparing to sleep—however, for reasons unknown, Shen Xun recalled his own insomnia and didn’t want to talk about it now. He was good at finding various excuses that sounded like justifications.
On the third day of the Lunar New Year, he woke up at nine. The pot contained breakfast that his mother had prepared for him. After eating, he deliberately spent some time wandering around the kitchen.
Usually, his mother would bring up marriage and having children, but today she didn’t mention it at all.
Shen Xun couldn’t find an appropriate time to start the conversation. Eventually, feeling like he was running out of time, he decided to go straight to the point. He opened his mouth several times but hadn’t managed to speak a single syllable, only to be preempted by his mother asking him to get something from the fridge, boil water, or sweep the floor…
After lunch, his mother asked him what time he was leaving in the afternoon. He replied around two o’clock. Seeing the time wasn’t much past two, she went back to the kitchen to start packing various food items.
Every time, Shen Xun would say he didn’t need to take so much back, as he couldn’t possibly finish it all. But each time, it was in vain. This time was no different. He just followed her and packed things together, which made the process quicker.
While packing, his mother gave many reminders and pieces of advice, so Shen Xun found no space to intervene. So, he said nothing.
Finally, when everything was packed, she took a break and sat in the living room, Shen Xun following.
Coincidentally, Shen Taian had left for something and wasn’t at home.
The TV was replaying a sketch.
A young couple was arguing again for some reason, a realistic and annoying argument. His mother caught a bit of it and couldn’t help but complain, “Ah, this boyfriend is really hopeless. Doesn’t know how to talk.”
She turned to Shen Xun, “If you have a girlfriend in the future, please don’t be like him.”
Shen Xun was looking down at the floor tiles, thinking it’s almost two o’clock in the afternoon.
She continued, “You should be responsible, have a sense of duty, do practical things, communicate more. Don’t be like your dad, who can’t say a word. He doesn’t care about anything, and the moment he gets home, he just lies down.”
Shen Xun often heard her vent about Shen Taian, long and extensive. This time, the conversation seemed to be heading in a similar direction, on the verge of shifting from the “girlfriend” keyword and diverging from what he had to say. Then, it deviated entirely.
He couldn’t let the conversation run its course; after all, the clock striking two was really close.
“Your dad is truly worthless. Back in the day, your grandfather wanted to marry me off, but he took too long, and Shen Taian,….”
“Mom,” Shen Xun interrupted her.
She looked up, “What is it?”
Shen Xun unconsciously pursed his lips.
The first sentence had been rehearsed secretly thousands of times within this month – facing his reflection in the mirror, facing the empty living room, facing the late-night ceiling, facing the whistling cold wind, facing the faint stars, facing the extinguished cigarette.
But solely and exclusively, facing his mother.
His fingers involuntarily tightened, the fingertips pressing into the flesh of his palm. He took a deep breath, “I actually have a partner.”
His heart suddenly began to beat a little faster.
“Really?!” Then he heard her voice, expressing a mix of surprise and joy, “When did you start dating?”
“This autumn.”
“Why didn’t you tell me earlier?”
“I thought… Let’s date for a while first, and talk when the relationship is stable.”
“Where is she from, and what does she do?”
“A local from Huafeng and a college teacher.”
“When are you going to bring that girl home so I can meet her?”
“Mom,” Shen Xun lowered his head, his dry lips tight, “I have never said… that she is a girl.”
The sound of the heartbeat froze in an instant.
Then slowly it slowed down, returning to its usual rhythm.
Afterward, there was nothing in his ears, only the dead silence that could hear the drop of a pin.
In the silent stillness, it grew, spread.
So, for a moment, he felt as if there were a huge gravitational pull around him. Time and space seemed distorted, the pace of time passing slower and slower, verging on stopping, light unable to escape.
Until his mother’s voice sounded again, “Is it the person you’re sharing the place with?”
“Yes.”
Her gaze was fixed on Shen Xun, “Is it because I pressured you too much for blind dates, so you…”
She stopped speaking.
“No.”
She was silent for a while, “I think you might just not have met a girl you like. You should get married, have children, build a family and a career; that’s a normal life.”
A normal life.
Shen Xun had lost count of how many times this word had hurt him from childhood to the present, causing him to stay silent many times. He suddenly raised his head, “I like men. I have always liked men, I am very clear about it. I’m not curious or rebellious, I will never, ever have a girlfriend.”
“From childhood to now, I have never liked any girl. Mom, actually, you should be able to feel something about my sexual orientation.” Shen Xun’s Adam’s apple rolled as he continued, lowering his head with difficulty, “I thought we just… understood each other without speaking, neither of us had uncovered it.”
“If…” his mother’s voice trembled, “if you really insist on being with another man for the rest of your life, what will you do when you get old? You have no children, who will take care of you?”
“I can go to a nursing home.”
“Do you think nursing homes offer good care for the elderly? Let me tell you, there’s a world of difference in treatment between elderly people with children and those without.”
“I can save money, hire a caretaker, hire a maid.”
“They are just doing it for the money; to them, it’s just a job. Who goes to work without slacking off? Do you think they will care for you sincerely?”
“I can adopt a child.”
“Have you ever thought? In all future situations requiring a parent’s involvement, all occasions needing the registration of parental information, how will you explain your child having two fathers? Have you thought about how he will face discrimination because of this?”
“Moreover, the child you adopt isn’t your own. If one day, he says he wants to find his biological parents and abandons you, what will you do?”
“His biological parents have already abandoned him, and I will treat him well. So why would he want to find his biological parents?”
“But what if you adopted an ungrateful child who will leave you when he grows up because there is no blood relationship between you? Blood ties are an unbreakable connection…”
“Is blood relationship such a great thing?”
Shen Xun suddenly raised his head, pointing to the door of Shen Taian’s room, “It’s because blood ties are an unbreakable connection, so I can never ever leave Shen Taian. I want to run away, but I can’t. Yes, I will support him in the future, but I will never forgive him!”
His mother fell silent.
She remained silent for a long time, before sighing softly and saying, “I just feel that you should have your own child; otherwise, your old age will be very painful.”
“But I don’t like girls. Are you asking me to go against my nature, to deceive my way into marriage by any means? To make another girl the victim of this marriage, to endure her husband’s emotional abuse, all because you want me to have a child of my own.”
Shen Xun stared at his mother in disbelief, “Mom, your marriage is already very unhappy, do you still want to push another innocent girl into this emotionless marriage trap?”
Another long silence.
Shen Xun blinked, then his voice became hoarse and low.
“I remember when I was a child, every time I saw you quarreling, I used to think, why don’t you get divorced? Then one day you told me it was because Grandpa wouldn’t allow you to get divorced.”
Shen Xun swallowed, then exhaled a heavy breath, glaring at her with teary eyes, his voice trembling, “Now you’re doing the same thing as my grandpa, forcing me into marriage.”
“I will never go on another blind date again.”