Decayed Vulgarian chapter 64
Rejection
The night wind brushed against the window, a faint, rustling sound, and the moonlight flickered through the gaps in the two pieces of cloth.
Still, it was better than living in the Emerald Garden, where the thin curtains couldn’t block the light.
Shen Xun gradually adjusted to the dark environment. He opened his eyes and looked at the ceiling, then turned over, facing away from Meng Yuan Cen.
He couldn’t sleep.
Reflecting back, Meng Yuan Cen hadn’t actually used any accusing words towards him just now. Regarding the causes and consequences of this blind date, everything he wanted to explain and clarify, he had expressed openly to Meng Yuan Cen without holding back. He could understand why Meng Yuan Cen might feel tired—
Indeed, he had given Meng Yuan Cen too little sense of security. He had been stingy and sensitively turned a visible romance into a secret affair, then later found various grand excuses for himself, expecting Meng Yuan Cen to unconditionally believe him.
But was he worthy of trust? Did he deserve it?
In fact, that day, he could have simply told his mother he had someone, putting an end to everything once and for all. Why didn’t he?
Shen Xun knew his old habits had returned. He started uncontrollably and habitually judging himself, regretting his previous decisions, pondering why he was always weak, always avoiding, content with the status quo, unwilling to change, and perhaps being in a relationship with him would be tiresome—
Suddenly, an arm reached around him from behind. He heard Meng Yuan Cen’s voice, “Still not sleeping? It’s very late now.”
Shen Xun abruptly froze.
Meng Yuan Cen’s voice was hoarse, words slightly blurred, as if disturbed from a pleasant dream, his consciousness wavering at the brink of wakefulness. He shifted towards Shen Xun, murmuring softly, “Are you having insomnia again?”
Shen Xun’s heart skipped a beat. He lowered his voice, so soft it seemed to tremble, “…Did I wake you up?”
Meng Yuan Cen held him a little tighter, brushing his hand against Shen Xun’s hair with his chin. “I just felt you tossing and turning. It’s late, go to sleep.”
Shen Xun’s heart pricked with guilt, “Sorry…”
“What are you sorry for? I don’t need to get up early tomorrow,” he heard a faint chuckle by his ear. He was being coaxed like a child. “If you don’t sleep soon, I guarantee you’ll laze in bed tomorrow morning again. Come on, from now on, no one is allowed to speak.”
Shen Xun suddenly felt a pang in his nose. Why was it always like this?
He was repeatedly forgiven and accommodated, as if he had done nothing wrong.
So, Shen Xun stopped tossing and turning, lying still in bed, pretending to have sunk into slumber.
Over an hour later, just as he was slipping into a light sleep, he dreamt of his teenage years.
The stories that had genuinely taken place in the old house were vividly projected onto the screen of his dreams once again, and he was the sole audience of this spectacle, forced to empathize with the protagonist on the screen because he shared the same experiences—
The unpredictable violent father and the submissive introverted teenager, the scenes were bruised, dark, and blood-red.
He had thought that he only had an experience of being physically trapped in the old house, but now he found that a part of his soul seemed to have been gouged out by a sharp blade. Despite growing up and leaving the old house and the shadows cast when the light shone through the missing wooden boards behind, he couldn’t fix it. He couldn’t learn to be brave, to rely on others, to stop escaping, to regret his past but remain indifferent to it.
On the screen, Shen’s mother held the teenage boy in the bedroom, the door locked. The sound of the blade hitting the door, repeatedly.
At the moment the door was smashed, the stark white light from the living room leaked through the cracks and pierced the boy’s eyes—
Shen Xun woke up abruptly, unable to contain his panting, but he tried to control his breathing, not wanting to wake Meng Yuan Cen again, sweat drenched him, and amidst the lingering fear, he forced himself into a drowsy state again.
However, he fell into the same scene once more. The paused dream continued, but luckily, this time, Shen Taian was absent.
The room was dim and obscure, heavy shadows turned into thick black smoke, choking the boy nearly to suffocation. The dream began to distort; he saw the boy suddenly run towards the door as if gone mad. Strangely, even though the living room and the door were only about four to five meters apart, the boy just couldn’t reach it, so he looked at the unreachable light at the door, watching, yearning.
The next day, although it was Sunday, it was Shen Xun’s turn to be on duty.
During the lunch break, he idly chatted with Meng Yuan Cen through text. The messages from the other side were frequent, and their conversation seemed similar to usual—like nothing had happened last night. Meng Yuan Cen didn’t bring up the blind date.
The less concerned the other appeared, the guiltier Shen Xun felt. His previous promise to disclose within a month was not a delay tactic but a sincere commitment. However, he wanted to find the right moment to talk face-to-face with his mother — Shen Taian’s opinions were irrelevant.
From the moment he decided to confess within a month, he repeatedly mentally prepared himself. He knew he wouldn’t receive his parents’ support, and his openness was not to seek opinions.
This was just a notification.
He hoped he could do it because he had been chosen resolutely by Meng Yuan Cen too many times, and now it was his turn to act, to choose Meng Yuan Cen firmly.
Busy times always passed quickly, and in mid-January, Meng Yuan Cen began his winter vacation.
Shen Xun was still working, and police officers had to wait until the 30th day of the Lunar New Year to rest, or some couldn’t even take the New Year off. Each morning, when Shen Xun was awakened by the alarm clock, he cast envious glances towards Meng Yuan Cen, especially when he saw Meng Yuancen waking up early. It was painful and distressing, condemning the other for not cherishing the beautiful morning sleep.
But whenever Meng Yuan Cen was free, he would wake up early every morning to make breakfast for Shen Xun, and with the remaining time, he shuttled between their shared apartment and his parents’ house. The frequency of visits increased, and sometimes, Shen Xun really wanted to go with him to the Meng family, meet his parents, and quickly get through this process.
Considering that Shen Xun was usually busy and tired, and he didn’t come home every night, occasionally when he returned home after work, he just wanted to collapse at home without moving. So, Meng Yuan Cen had to temporarily set aside this idea, planning to discuss it after the New Year.
One particular night, Meng Yuan Cen suddenly received a call from his mother. He thought it might be some trivial matter about buying New Year goods, but it was related to Meng Yuan Ning, “Why is there no one answering Meng Yuan Ning’s call?”
Meng’s mother complained, “ I can never reach her whenever I try to find her.”
Meng Yuan Cen smiled, “I’ll make a few calls to her later to get in touch.”
Meng’s mother sighed, “I remember her saying she’d start her vacation tonight. I wanted to ask her when she would come home. If you manage to reach her, ask her to call me.”
“Okay.”
Meng Yuan Cen promised and said a few other things to his mother before hanging up the phone. He then called Meng Yuan Ning’s number. It connected, but no one answered. He tried to use WeChat to call her, but it was the same.
Thinking simplistically, Meng Yuan Ning might be sleeping or busy with her own affairs, so she hadn’t noticed the phone. However, if he contemplated more complex possibilities, there could be various reasons. Meng Yuan Cen was always cautious, so he didn’t dare to pass this carelessly. He asked Shen Xun, “Can you ask Liang Yan to contact Meng Yuan Ning?”
He thought Liang Yan was someone Meng Yuan Ning liked, and she might pay more attention.
Shen Xun picked up the phone and called Liang Yan. He straightforwardly said, “Liang Yan, can you contact Meng Yuan Ning? Both Meng Yuan Cen and I can’t reach her.”
“Has she gone missing…” Liang Yan was taken aback at first and then murmured, “In fact, I was in touch with her a few hours ago…”
Shen Xun: “Did she mention what she was doing tonight?”
Liang Yan was silent for a few seconds, “No.”
“Did she not disclose anything? She didn’t mention where she was going?”
“No, she didn’t say anything.”
However, Shen Xun persisted, “Go check your chat records; there might be clues you overlooked. Because we can’t reach her now, and Meng Yuan Cen is really worried.”
But the line stayed silent.
So Shen Xun called the person’s name, “Liang Yan?”
“I can’t see it anymore, because…” Liang Yan paused, “We’ve already unfriended each other.”
Shen Xun was suddenly taken aback, as if he sensed something. He questioned rapidly, “Why did you unfriend each other?”
“She confessed to me this afternoon, and then… I rejected her.”
After the call ended, Shen Xun relayed the last sentence from Liang Yan to Meng Yuan Cen.
Meng Yuan Cen frowned at the words, pursed his lips, and had a sudden realization. He opened WeChat.
He was typically someone who never looked at friend circles, especially not now, with no mind to do so. He directly found Meng Yuan Ning’s account and clicked on it. He noticed that an hour ago, Meng Yuan Ning had updated her latest friend circle post —
“And in case I don’t see you, good afternoon, good evening, and good night.”
No location tag, but the image showed blurry street lamps, pedestrians, and a reflection on the lake surface, seemingly a random photo.
Meng Yuan Cen enlarged the image and after a while, he finally spotted a prominent landmark — it seemed to be the Yuanti Lake at the end of Minjiang East Road.
Meng Yuan Cen grabbed his car keys and walked to the door. “I’m going out for a while.”
Shen Xun hastily said, “I’ll go with you.”
On the way, Shen Xun sat in the passenger seat. He wanted to say something but didn’t know what to say, repeatedly hesitating.
Meng Yuan Cen was oblivious to this. He kept his eyes fixed straight ahead, his brows tightly knitted.
After parking the car, they went, following the photo. There were surprisingly a lot of people gathered at the edge of the Yuanti Lake, and the lights from police cars and ambulances were parked, illuminating the area.
Meng Yuan Cen momentarily couldn’t push through the crowd, so he had to grab a nearby lady to inquire about the situation.
The lady sighed, ‘I heard that it was due to a failed love affair, an attempt to end one’s life. Ah, at such a young age, why would they think like this?’
Meng Yuan Cen lifted his head in panic , but his view was obstructed by the densely packed crowd, making it impossible to peer through. He could faintly see someone being carried up by the police. In a short while, the person who fell into the water was placed in the ambulance. Subsequently, the police started to disperse the crowd. Finally, Meng Yuan Cen was able to catch a glimpse of the person’s appearance and clothing. At just one glance, he could confirm that it wasn’t Meng Yuan Ning—because the person who fell into the water was male.
His concern stirred chaos within him, as he had forgotten to inquire about the gender of the person who fell.
But this coincidence was enough to leave him deeply unsettled for a long time.
It seemed that tonight, he had to meet Meng Yuan Ning in person no matter what; otherwise, he wouldn’t be able to rest assured.