Decayed Vulgarian chapter 6
Pervert
The rundown old bookstore tucked away at the end of the street alley was young Shen Xun’s favorite place from his childhood. He loved to read.
The cement roads in the small town were as unstable as shoddy workmanship, constantly needing repair, and Shen Xun, with his black sneakers, a middle school logo on his chest, finally stopped at the street corner.
He took two wrinkled bills from his pocket and began aimlessly searching for a book in the store. His aim was to find a book whose cover and title could spark his interest in reading. Shen Xun enjoyed this process and never grew tired of it.
After a while, Shen Xun’s gaze stopped, and he silently read the Chinese characters on the book’s spine, “Atlas of Forensic Medicine.”
Back when he was very young, his dream was to become a superhero, saving the world. Later, he realized there were no real superheroes in the world, so he thought he might as well become a doctor and save lives. Although he couldn’t save the world, saving people was a noble endeavor.
With his slender, fair hands, young Shen Xun pulled out the “Atlas of Forensic Medicine.” Since forensic and medical professions both shared the character “medical,” he naturally assumed that they were somewhat similar.
He paid for the book and returned home. The desk lamp on his study desk lit up quietly, and the new book’s plastic cover was removed. The images in the color atlas were laid bare, exposing a world of graphic and uncensored content. The mosaic world seen online was unveiled, revealing the lifeless bodies that silently invaded Shen Xun’s consciousness.
So Shen Xun turned to the internet to search and found that forensic medicine was different from being a doctor.
In Shen Xun’s subconscious, he believed his parents would never approve of this profession.
Originally, Shen Xun had hidden the book in the innermost part of his bedroom bookshelf, covering it with the spines of many other books. But his mischievous brother Shen He unexpectedly discovered the book and tore the cover, folding it into a paper airplane. Shen Xun was both heartbroken and horrified.
He was afraid that Shen He would tell their parents if he saw the book’s content. So Shen Xun believed that Shen He hadn’t opened it.
The paper airplane disappeared, and the cover was lost. Shen Xun then started carrying the book with him in his backpack every day.
One day during a break, a small group of students were playing and running around the classroom, much to the frustration of the class teacher. Shen Xun had just returned to his seat when he witnessed the leader of the group squeezing past his desk. His backpack fell to the ground, and the book tumbled out, inevitably falling victim to this incident.
One page was thus revealed, leaving the scarlet images exposed in the stagnant air.
“Ah,” a girl inadvertently saw the images and exclaimed before covering her eyes and running away.
The boy who had knocked Shen Xun’s backpack initially paid no attention to its contents. At most, he cast a casual glance as the backpack fell to the floor and dust flew into the air. However, now, because of the girl’s scream, he started to grow curious. He acted boldly, picked up the book, flipped through it a few times, and then suddenly slammed it shut. He used his thumb and index finger to pinch the corner of the book, trying to appear composed, and asked, “What is this?”
“It’s forensic medicine,” Shen Xun explained, thinking that since there was no cover, he should clarify.
“Aren’t you afraid?” The girl from behind leaned over, looking at him through her fingers. Shen Xun remembered her name – Xia Fushan.
After thinking for a moment, Shen Xun admitted that he had been a little scared the first time, but it soon turned into an exploration of forensic medicine and became a learning attitude. So he shook his head and said, “No.”
“You’re amazing,” Xia Fushan said.
Xia Fushan was the secret crush of the boy who had knocked Shen Xun’s backpack. Shen Xun had heard a bit about it.
Seeing that Shen Xun was unshaken, the boy suddenly thought he had been looked down upon by this “weird” boy. It was as if he had lost to Shen Xun in front of everyone. He was eager to save face and finally “found” something to use against Shen Xun. He asked urgently, “Shen Xun, you’re such a freak! You actually treasure this book. It’s all about corpses. So, you like looking at corpses? Do you enjoy gruesome scenes?”
Shen Xun merely replied, “Do you know what forensic medicine is? This is a textbook on forensic medicine.”
But some of the people around them believed the boy’s words. They didn’t understand forensic medicine, but they were persuaded by the boy’s speech. The way they looked at Shen Xun started to become judgmental, as though they were observing a monster. Every pair of eyes seemed to say, “You’re not scared at all? Does that mean you like it? How can you enjoy looking at this?”
This illogical way of reasoning was either this or that, with no middle ground.
The boy was somewhat smug, thinking he had not only salvaged his image but also won back some ground. So he continued to question Shen Xun.
Shen Xun couldn’t be bothered to engage with him and returned to his seat, acting as if he hadn’t heard a thing.
This one-sided confrontation ultimately ended when the school bell rang.
Shen Xun, a high-achieving and good-looking student, was now left with a “stain.” Those who were unhappy with him stepped forward to insult him, claiming that he was a “pervert” who enjoyed gruesome images of crime scenes.
Paradoxically, it was Xia Fushan, who had seen it all, that offered her sympathy. “I know about forensic medicine. I have relatives who are forensic experts. Forensic experts are truly amazing and courageous. The reason they’re talking about you is because they’re jealous of how outstanding you are. Don’t pay any attention to them; they just don’t understand.”
She asked, “Are you interested in this? Do you want to become a forensic expert in the future?”
Shen Xun replied, “Thank you.”
This was heartfelt.
“I don’t know.”
This was a lie.
Shen Xun wanted to become a forensic expert. His answer had already become clear but he dared not form close relationships with the girls in his class.
In reality, Shen Xun lacked friends. After the final exams of the second semester of the eighth grade, his only close friend, Liang Yan, had transferred to another school.
On the day before his departure, Liang Yan had come to visit Shen Xun and wished him a successful and joyful ninth grade, hoping he would make more friends.
Ninth grade meant the pressure of the high school entrance exam weighing on his shoulders, with the countdown relentlessly ticking away. It seemed unlikely that Shen Xun would have a happy time. Furthermore, he knew that he wouldn’t make many more friends because “the interpersonal relationships in the class had already solidified.”
Upon hearing this, Liang Yan thought that Shen Xun was being too realistic and tried to comfort him. “It’s not your fault; it’s because you’re too excellent. Standing beside you is like being a supporting role, do you understand?”
“People always like to be friends with those who aren’t as excellent. No one wants to be someone else’s supporting role. You perform well in both your studies and appearance. Many girls secretly admire you, and being friends with you comes with its own pressures and comparisons.”
He jokingly said some words to lighten the mood. “It’s only excellent people like me who dare to be close friends with you.”
Shen Xun lowered his gaze and said quietly, “You don’t need to comfort me. It’s my personality; I’m too introverted.”
However, this conversation made Shen Xun realize that even if he did nothing, his excellence alone could make others hostile toward him. He knew that many girls in his class had extended olive branches of friendship to him, but some of them had ulterior motives, seeking a romantic relationship that their parents wouldn’t approve of.
Shen Xun didn’t want to start dating at a young age, and he also found it hard to distinguish which girls genuinely wanted to be friends with him. Though he believed that true friendships could exist between boys and girls, he chose to maintain a distance from all the girls in his class, including Xia Fushan, who had tried to console him.
Shen Xun had also heard some rumors behind Liang Yan’s back, such as being a player or a flirt, which might have arisen because many girls in the class were close to him. Shen Xun said, “I don’t want people to talk behind my back just because I spoke to a girl a few more times.”
“They say all kinds of things about me, but I don’t mind. Why should you care about what others say? You’ve got your friends,” Liang Yan replied.
Shen Xun pursed his lips and said, “I can’t do it, and I think I’m getting used to being alone.”
However, his lack of friends combined with his isolated and solitary personality, plus the additional label of “pervert,” made it even more challenging.
Shen Xun had originally thought that being criticized for a few days would be the extent of it, and that everyone would eventually forget. But three days later, the headteacher called him into the office about that book.
Emotions often run high in the third year of junior high school, and thoughts of self-harm become all too common. The headteacher asked him nervously, “Have you been under too much pressure recently?”
Shen Xun was puzzled by the question and shook his head, saying, “No.”
The headteacher then said, “I heard that you have a ‘Color Atlas of Forensic Medicine’ that you really like to read, is that true?”
Shen Xun looked up and met the headteacher’s eyes. The way the headteacher looked at him seemed to suggest that he was looking at an outsider.
Perhaps the idea of a third-year junior high student being interested in forensic science was difficult to understand. Shen Xun felt the rebellious nerve buried deep within him starting to twitch, urging him to say, “I really enjoy reading it.”
The headteacher’s expression gradually turned puzzled, with his eyebrows furrowed. “Why would you like to read this?”
Shen Xun replied, “I want to become a forensic doctor in the future.”
For a moment, the headteacher remained silent, and his expression seemed to indicate that he didn’t believe it. This might have been because he had seen many third-year students enthusiastically talking about their dreams and then completely disregarding them after the day of the high school entrance exam. The headteacher then changed the subject and asked, “Is the book in your bag now?”
Shen Xun hesitated for a moment but decided not to lie, saying, “It’s in my bag.”
The headteacher asked, “Could you show it to me?”
It was essentially a request for Shen Xun to hand it over, and Shen Xun was clever enough to understand that.
Back in the classroom, he took out the Color Atlas of Forensic Medicine from his bag and then went to the office. Some students noticed the commotion from the corner of their eyes. Although he couldn’t hear the whispers going on behind his back, it was unlikely that they were speaking kindly. Shen Xun’s main concern now was whether he would ever get the book back.
The headteacher took the book from Shen Xun, placed it in the drawer, and then closed the drawer. He spoke earnestly, “I’m not saying you can’t read it, but you’re in the third year now. The most important thing is to prepare for the high school entrance exam. Read fewer books for leisure, especially those with overly graphic and violent images. They’re not suitable for sharing in the class. In any case, I’ll keep it for you for now, and you can ask for it back after the high school entrance exam.”
Shen Xun nodded in agreement. He suddenly thought of something and asked, “Teacher, can we not tell my parents about this for now?”