Decayed Vulgarian chapter 19
Not Sober
“Are these his exact words?”
“Yes.”
“Then I think you have a chance!”
“Really?”
They were having a video call on WeChat, and Liang Yan immediately responded, “Definitely.”
He playfully repeated the words in question, “And I’ve never had a girlfriend, and I won’t have one in the future…”
He burst into a brilliant smile.
Shen Xun, observing the carefree demeanor of the other person, became skeptical. So he said seriously, “I’m serious; I’m not joking. I genuinely want you to help me analyze the meaning behind this statement. Do you really think when he says he won’t have a girlfriend in the future, it means he likes guys?”
Liang Yan’s voice rose an octave, “I’m serious too!”
He sounded so excited that he might jump out of the screen at any moment. “Isn’t it obvious? I think he’s hinting at you! So, what do you think, Xiao Shen? Isn’t it clear enough?”
Shen Xun hesitated, “I just feel that we can’t rule out the possibility that… he’s asexual or someone who prefers being single.”
Liang Yan: “…”
Shen Xun continued, “Just starting from this sentence, saying he won’t have a girlfriend in the future doesn’t necessarily mean he will have a boyfriend. At least logically, the inference that he likes guys doesn’t hold.”
Liang Yan was somewhat speechless, “I work in computer science, so I should understand logical language better than you. But life isn’t like probability theory. In my eyes, this kind of low-probability event is impossible. Yet he seems to be hinting at you, so you might as well hint back or even try to ask him directly. Anything is better than us sitting here guessing. Anyway, you must figure out his sexual orientation.”
Shen Xun remained non-committal and furrowed his brows slightly, “Isn’t asking directly too offensive?”
Liang Yan retorted, “Who told you to ask directly?”
He expressed his frustration, “Isn’t there some secret code among gay people that only they can understand? Or you can check his phone and see if he’s registered on any same-sex dating sites? Or you can pretend to be caught looking at gay porn, ‘accidentally’ discovered by him?”
Shen Xun listened, his mind boggled and enlightened at the same time, “Wow.”
He couldn’t help but exclaim, “You’re right. You’re really insightful.”
After the call ended, Shen Xun wrote down Liang Yan’s three methods in his notes. He began analyzing them one by one, and based on feasibility, the second method seemed the most promising. He immediately opened his phone and computer to search through various dating websites and apps in the LGBTQ+ community. Unfortunately, he didn’t find a single account.
Regarding LGBTQ+ slang, Shen Xun knew quite a bit, but most of it was either too explicit or promiscuous. Sending such terms would not only make him appear frivolous but would also lack the respect the subject deserved.
Only the last method remained, and although it was the most challenging, he thought to himself, it might be worth a try someday, even though that day might be distant.
In reality, Shen Xun’s attempt came sooner than he anticipated. That Friday evening, the movies he had downloaded earlier would come in handy. But instead of using them on someone else, he ended up using them on himself.
After a busy week, he welcomed a rare double weekend. He initially opened his computer with the intention of searching for academic materials but got distracted. His attention inadvertently landed on the movie icons on his desktop, and the next moment, his mouse had moved on its own, and he had clicked on one of them.
As the movie began loading, Shen Xun knew what lay ahead. He knew himself well enough to predict that tonight was likely going to be a lost cause.
For some reason, his computer was running a bit slowly, and while waiting, Shen Xun’s mind involuntarily drifted back to an uninteresting episode from his past. It was the time when he had just started working as a forensic expert at the Yuhai Sub-Bureau —
Due to high work pressure, in the late night hours, even when he was exhausted, he was hesitant to sleep. Instead, he’d grab his computer, turn on the night lamp, and curl up under the covers to watch movies to unwind.
The reason Shen Xun watched was not to fulfill desires. He simply wanted to use sensory stimulation as a way to counterbalance life’s pressures. However, he quickly realized that the pleasure from the movies was diluted and dissipated by the anxiety and loneliness he felt, making it an unfulfilling experience.
After the “Clean Internet Campaign,” similar erotic movies were largely eradicated, and he was too lazy to spend energy and time searching for alternatives. So, he kept these two movies and would rewatch them until they became bland, tasteless, and dull.
These were Shen Xun’s own experiences, which now seemed like a distant past. Until the movie began with two characters embracing affectionately, memory triggered a reaction that reminded him of the positions and actions that would follow.
This time, the viewing experience felt different from before. In the past, he could easily watch as a detached, observant viewer, analyzing everything in the movie from a removed and critical standpoint.
Shen Xun lowered his head, and his gaze followed the raised black trousers to the floor.
After a moment of stiffness, he suddenly “clapped” his laptop shut, exhaled slowly, and then sat silently in front of his desk for a long time.
He had always believed he was content with being alone, but it seemed less pure. So, on this night, intermittent emotions struck him like a sudden downpour. He wanted to betray his solitude, and he wanted to go to Meng Yuan Cen and share unspeakable, private experiences. Regardless of whether the other person had the moral character to keep secrets, he instinctively felt that the person he wanted to confide in tonight should be Meng Yuan Cen.
He opened WeChat, typed some messages, without hesitation.
“Hey?”
“Do you have time to chat with me right now?”
He was a bit unclear at the moment. Shen Xun thought, perhaps during the late night hours, people were more prone to become emotional and sentimental.
So, every time he realized he was giving in to his unusual and strong desire to express himself, he would try to regain his composure as quickly as possible.
Unfortunately, today, he wasn’t entirely in control. Under the influence of impulse, he sent the messages, his mind heated, and let them go through the two-minute retraction period.
His phone remained silent for an extended period, and there was no response even after fifteen minutes.
Shen Xun began to calm down slowly. He started to feel grateful that he hadn’t waited for Meng Yuan Cen’s reply. The sudden rainstorm that had occurred seemed to end just as unexpectedly. He came to a belated realization and also felt a little worried. He repeatedly confirmed that he hadn’t said anything strange or done anything peculiar, almost like applying the brakes at the edge of a cliff.
He tossed his phone onto the bed, and the receiver was buried among the cotton fluff. Shen Xun turned and retreated into the small closet, and the light from the desk lamp was blocked by his arched back, casting a shadow on his study desk. In the darkness, he grabbed a few changes of clothes, and then entered the bathroom to take a shower.
He hoped that the warmth of the water would keep his mind clear forever.
When Shen Xun came out of the bathroom, his phone in the bedroom had been vibrating endlessly.