Blue Cocktail chapter 65
At a critical moment, the more hesitation, the more it seems like being guilty—even if he hadn’t done anything to betray Lu Huaiqian.
Cheng Shuo quickly grasped the key point and explained in one breath, “Just now, I had a voice call with a colleague who is also an artist. We are collaborating on a comic, and the plot has progressed to intimate scenes. We were discussing how to illustrate those scenes.”
Should he have clarified things now?
Cheng Shuo reviewed the situation in his mind, suddenly remembering something—wait a minute, didn’t Cang Ming mention his Weibo username just now? Could he be exposed—calming down for a moment, he realized that he hadn’t taken off his Bluetooth earphones yet. It was a false alarm; fortunately, he didn’t have the habit of playing audio out loud.
However, how did Lu Huaiqian know it was a man? Did the Bluetooth earphones not connect?
Cheng Shuo hurriedly checked, and they were indeed connected. He asked Lu Huaiqian, “How did you know it was a man?”
“I guessed,” Lu Huaiqian paused, his expression complex. “Don’t tell me you also discuss intimate matters with girls?”
“How could that be!” Cheng Shuo quickly denied, emphasizing his innocence.
Lu Huaiqian shrugged, as if saying, “See, I was right.”
However, after some thought, he still felt uneasy. “I noticed you seemed quite happy chatting with him, and you even smiled. You’ve never smiled that much when chatting with me.”
As if he always wore a grim face when talking to Lu Huaiqian, Cheng Shuo rubbed his temples and said helplessly, “That was a forced smile, forced. You understand?”
He sighed, and his tone became more profound. “Lu Huaiqian, you’ve lived for so many years; you must have had plenty of collaboration experiences. Can you really enjoy working with your colleagues or partners on a project? I see a message from that artist, and I get annoyed. Sometimes I even think about killing him in my heart. Without tearing our faces apart, I curse him silently. Do you know? Just now, while chatting with him, we were almost pointing fingers and cursing each other. How can I handle the commercial draft when he draws such a ridiculous style?”
“So, there’s really no need to be jealous over this. Colleagues can never develop good feelings for each other, let alone romance. In my case, it’s impossible.”
It made sense and was reasonable, leaving Lu Huaiqian momentarily unable to retort. He then tried to find a new perspective, saying, “But that man knows your Weibo account, and I don’t.”
It was the umpteenth time Lu Huaiqian had mentioned his Weibo account. Cheng Shuo’s temples throbbed slightly. “That man hasn’t even seen what I look like in real life yet, but you have. Not only have you seen me, but we’ve also slept together.”
“Alright.” Lu Huaiqian thought for a moment and continued, “So, why won’t you tell me your Weibo account?”
“Every time I think about it, many men in your circle know your Weibo account, and I don’t. It makes me feel unbalanced.”
“Are you a vinegar spirit?” Cheng Shuo was helpless. “Your perspective on jealousy is really unique.”
“I am,” Lu Huaiqian admitted openly.
Cheng Shuo suddenly remembered that he hadn’t completely explained this matter to Lu Huaiqian. Taking advantage of the opportunity today, he clarified, “Do you think there should be secrets between a couple?”
“I think there should be, but your Weibo account shouldn’t be one of them. I don’t think this is something to hide. I would be proud of it. I would feel like my boyfriend is so cool.”
“Or think from my perspective. This account is the gateway for me to understand the artist’s circle. I also want to have more common topics with you. Every time you chat with artist colleagues in your list, I feel like an outsider. What I mean is not that I want to join your conversation but that I know nothing about part of your life. Drawing is part of your life.”
“But as I say all this, I’m not asking you to do as I say. I’m just telling you my thoughts. If I don’t say it, you might not understand why I’m so persistent about your Weibo account.”
Cheng Shuo slowly lowered his head, covering the emotions in his pupils with his eyelashes. “Before, I told you that I wanted to completely separate the two-dimensional and three-dimensional worlds. So, I hope you don’t know anything about my life in the artist’s circle. Do you think this reason is convincing?”
“To be honest, when I heard it, my immediate thought was that people can never fully understand each other.”
Cheng Shuo looked at Lu Huaiqian for a moment, then quickly lowered his head again. “Do you really want to know why?”
“Yes.”
Cheng Shuo’s throat rolled, and he licked his dry lips. “Actually, I—”
His voice grew softer, “I’m just afraid.”
Without waiting for Lu Huaiqian to ask, he continued on his own, “Earlier, I knew an artist, very talented and famous in the circle. Later, he got a boyfriend, and when they were together, they were open about everything. At that time, I genuinely wished them well, thinking they would be together forever. But later, they broke up.”
If it was a peaceful breakup, it wouldn’t be a big deal. However, their breakup seemed to be very unpleasant. His boyfriend was quite crazy, and to retaliate against him, he publicly shared some chat records, photos, videos, etc., claiming to expose the unknown side of a certain well-known artist. Leaving aside its authenticity, he then experienced a small-scale online attack. Our last conversation was when he told me he wanted to leave the circle.”
“My Weibo account has many followers, so I’m a public figure. It’s easy to ruin a public figure because nobody is perfect, and I will make mistakes. The closest people are the ones most likely to collect evidence of my mistakes. Even if they can’t find any, they can fabricate it. If one day my Weibo account is criticized to the point where I have to leave the circle, I can only create a new account and start over because I still need to make a living by drawing.”
Cheng Shuo didn’t continue.
“So, are you afraid that in the future, we might break up, and I’ll harbor resentment, using the internet to retaliate against you?” Lu Huaiqian calmly asked, “Because I’m a person who seeks revenge for the smallest grievance?”
“No,” Cheng Shuo pursed his lips, eyebrows furrowed, “I don’t know how to say it. I should trust you, but I feel like it’s not enough. The time we’ve spent together is not sufficient. I need more time. I know that doing this makes me seem like I don’t trust you, but it’s not that I don’t trust you. I just— I just—”
He exhaled heavily, ran his hand through his hair in frustration, “I don’t know how to say it. Maybe in your eyes, it seems like I don’t trust you.”