Blue Cocktail chapter 27
Room 302.
First, the living room light flickered on and off, followed by the sound of dishes being washed in the kitchen. Finally, Cheng Shuo finished his washing in the bathroom, and the door to the bedroom was pushed shut with a bang.
Separating the bedroom from the balcony were two glass panels, the edges of the floor-to-ceiling curtains overlapping to block out any attempt of escaping light, creating an absolutely closed-off space, hidden and secure.
From his time staying in dormitories in middle school to high school and then to university, his roommates’ evaluations of him were consistent: he did everything very quickly, and this kind of speed was consistent throughout the years. He never procrastinated due to negative emotions, behaving as though nothing had ever happened.
But only Cheng Shuo knew that when he was quick, he couldn’t think of anything else. Being quick required concentrated attention, allowing him to momentarily forget about his low moods. But forgetting was not resolving, much like painkillers; it was only temporarily effective and would soon return.
So he lay down on the bed, slowing down once again.
His line of sight fell on the blank ceiling, absent-mindedly out of focus.
He thought, Lu Huaiqian had been marked on his list of dangerous people right from the start. The subtle confrontation in the afternoon was something he had anticipated. He should be happy; he should feel relieved.
Though he didn’t have many friends, Lu Huaiqian was one of them. Lu Huaiqian’s vision, knowledge, and experience far surpassed his own. With an unequal age gap, it was unsuitable to develop an intimate relationship, lest he be left with nothing.
Lu Huaiqian, a bar owner with dual qualities, was far more scheming than he imagined. Otherwise, he wouldn’t have seen through him so easily — “The red envelope you sent equals the price of a beer; I can probably guess your intentions.”
Then that sentence — “You seem like you’re not in a good mood right now.”
He deceived Lu Huaiqian, but he couldn’t deceive his own heart. In fact, even before receiving the letter from He Yin, from the moment Lu Huaiqian agreed to cooperate with He Yin, he was already dissatisfied. However, reason told him Lu Huaiqian had done nothing wrong. Lu Huaiqian didn’t know about his past with He Yin; his choice to cooperate was justifiable.
If it was merely a one-time deal, just an exchange of money for goods, the discomfort in his heart might have been endured — tolerate it; the deal would be over soon. However, the two percent ownership was different. If Lu Huaiqian wanted, by holding onto those shares, he could team up with other major shareholders and even play a crucial role in internal resolutions.
In other words, Lu Huaiqian might participate in the company’s management decisions in the future, helping He Yin’s amusement park with suggestions. This had crossed Cheng Shuo’s bottom line.
He couldn’t accept it because he would never forgive He Yin, nor would he forgive that day at the amusement park.
Or maybe he could be honest with Lu Huaiqian and let Lu Huaiqian make a choice between friendship and the two percent ownership.
However, the answer was obvious.
As a sophisticated egoist, a smart businessman, Lu Huaiqian knew what to choose. Perhaps because Cheng Shuo had been the abandoned and discarded one since childhood, and the time he spent with Lu Huaiqian wouldn’t add up to more than two months. He knew exactly what weight he carried in the minds of others.
So there was no need to ask; since the result was already guessed.
Life could have many business partners because the core of cooperation is an exchange of interests, just like him and the major benefactor. They both clearly knew what they could gain from each other, so their relationship was stable.
But friends were different. For example, around him in college, there were so-called friends who fought fervently, blushing with anger over scholarship and bursary selection standards and regulations. There were those so-called friends who, in order to secure recommendations for graduate school, used every trick to grab hold of a handle to report.
In the face of interests, friendships were much weaker compared to cooperative relationships.
Saying that he didn’t want to get drunk and embarrass himself in the bar wasn’t the only reason. After returning home, he sent an ambiguous red envelope, wanting to draw a line. Waking up the next day, he felt a bit regretful. So when Lu Huaiqian invited him to the bar, he still went; perhaps compensatory psychology was at play.
—”The red envelope I sent you yesterday, you can consider accepting it.”
The implicit meaning was: The more you get to know me, the more you’ll find me indifferent and suspicious. The more you regret having a connection with me because I see everyone as having ulterior motives, and I can’t let go of my guard. You can consider severing this relationship by accepting my red envelope; I will understand your intention.
Cheng Shuo turned over.
For some reason, he suddenly remembered his deskmate from junior high school — the friend he thought he had a good relationship with.
At that time, he was relatively naive and would tell his friend some unhappy things. One day he told his deskmate that Cheng Yu, his father had cheated, and He Yin caught him red-handed.
After hearing this, his deskmate patted his back. While his facial expression seemed sad, the tone was somewhat condescending and full of pity, “You’re really pitiful.”
Cheng Shuo felt somewhat uncomfortable hearing this, thinking that he might be too sensitive.
It wasn’t until the next morning on his way to school that he encountered three classmates walking together, gossiping quietly, their heads huddled close. His deskmate was among them. Cheng Shuo was about to greet them.
“Oh, cheated, how pitiful.”
Cheng Shuo’s figure suddenly stiffened; it seemed they were talking about him.
“Seems like he comes from a single-parent family, right?”
“Yes, his parents divorced a long time ago.”
“Really?”
“Really, they split up when he was in primary school. He told me himself.” His deskmate asserted, lowering his voice and adding color. “I guess that ‘other woman’ should be very beautiful because I’ve seen Cheng Shuo’s mom; she’s very pretty. The ‘other woman’ must be even more beautiful; otherwise, why would his dad cheat?”
“I’ve never seen what his mom looks like!”
“Do you have a photo? Can you show me?”
“I do; he sent me photos. Let me see if I can find them, and I’ll send them to you.”
“Also send it to me!”
“Right, I promised Cheng Shuo to keep it a secret for him. I only told you because we’re good friends. You must keep it a secret; no one can say anything.”
“Okay, understood.”
And then a week passed; the entire class knew about Cheng Yu’s affair. Everyone tacitly acted as though they knew nothing while they gossiped behind the scenes.
Reflecting on the deskmate sharing the secret, the scornful, laughing expression on his face, and the full-face of pity and sympathy he had, they were like two completely different people when facing him.
So, he finally understood that no one would genuinely pity him. If he waited for someone else to rescue him, his life would have been over long ago.
Since then, Cheng Shuo would never confide his true pain to anyone. He always kept his conversations either shallow or partly deep.
Cheng Shuo pondered a lot; his thoughts were in disarray, and whatever he thought of was used to justify that he hadn’t done anything wrong.
It should be right.
It should be, right?
He repeatedly contemplated and confirmed his choice within his mind. His thoughts seemed to form an airtight loop, making him ponder repeatedly and incessantly. Cheng Shuo inexplicably felt very tired and, in a daze, slipped into a light sleep.
It was another long, familiar nightmare. Storms raged within the dream; thunder boomed. He was jolted awake by the thunder, drenched in cold sweat, staring at the ceiling for a while before sluggishly turning his head. Through the curtain’s crack, a few rays of sunshine filtered in — it was evidently good weather.
It was already the next day, Monday morning without any classes.
His head felt heavy, like it was filled with lead. Due to the lack of sleep and the potent impact of the nightmare, he felt a bit disoriented. Slowly, he sat up, reaching for his phone on the bedside table; there was a new message.
Staring at the screen for a while, yesterday’s memories flooded in a rush and gradually became clearer.
Lu Huaiqian rejected it.
He believed Lu Huaiqian had understood the depth in his words, but he rejected it.
Cheng Shuo lowered his gaze, his eyelashes trembling, and silently gripped the phone tighter.