Blinded by Lust chapter 9

In just half a month, when Wu Bie heard Zhanyan’s voice again, he felt inexplicably guilty. Zhanyan must have been waiting for his messages all this time.

Zhanyan’s voice sounded muffled. Even though he woke her up so late, she still answered the call, not holding a grudge.

“It’s so late. You must be asleep, right?” Wu Bie rubbed his face, racking his brain to start a conversation.

It was hard to tell if it was his illusion or if Zhanyan hadn’t fully woken up, but Wu Bie felt her attitude was somewhat cold, with a simple “mm.”

“I just… arrived. There was no internet at sea…” Wu Bie was extremely anxious, remembering that he had told Zhanyan before departure that there would be no signal at sea. She should understand, right?

The other end of the line was eerily silent. Occasionally, Wu Bie could hear Zhanyan turning over, but after she moved, there was a deep silence again.

“Mm.”

Wu Bie couldn’t handle this. He was straightforward by nature, and if Zhanyan had been crying or making a fuss, he could still explain himself. But Zhanyan’s indifferent tone made him feel even more guilty.

“Are you angry?” he hurriedly tried to make excuses, “Our ship really just docked. If you don’t believe me, I’ll send you the navigation log tomorrow morning. I told you before, there’s no signal at sea. It’s true.”

The voice on the other end remained silent. Wu Bie held his breath, listening carefully to Zhanyan’s movements. He could hear her faint breathing.

“Zhanyan…”

After a long time, Wu Bie couldn’t hold back any longer and called out Zhanyan’s name again. This time, he clearly heard Zhanyan take a deep breath.

“You really don’t want to talk to me.” Zhanyan’s tone was certain, as if she had seen it with her own eyes. “It’s true that there’s no signal at sea, and it’s true that you told me in advance. But it’s also true that you’re deliberately avoiding me.”

Huo Zhanyan certainly knew that there was no signal at sea. Wu Bie couldn’t reply to his messages like before, but how much satellite data could a text message use? Even if it wasn’t enough, replying to him with a single sentence wouldn’t cost him much. Or perhaps, in Wu Bie’s mind, ‘Zhanyan’ wasn’t worth the expense.

Wu Bie was pricked by his own heartache, standing with his mouth open in embarrassment. It turned out that Zhanyan knew everything. In this day and age, if one truly wanted to make contact, there would always be a way. But he himself was… was…

He really did want to avoid Zhanyan. He thought that over time, Zhanyan would forget him. He didn’t want to hurt the young girl’s feelings, so he could only hope that she would distance herself from him.

But he had miscalculated. The moment he saw Zhanyan’s message, his empty heart seemed to be filled with something.

Zhanyan talked about trivial matters, but no detail was too small. Even though they were separated by mountains and rivers, Wu Bie felt as though she was close at hand.

Having someone wait for you, yearning for you, really felt good. For a moment, Wu Bie even thought of throwing away the constraints of morality and not worrying about how old Zhanyan was.

“I… I didn’t…” Wu Bie tried to make excuses.

“Coward,” Zhanyan scolded angrily. “I thought you were someone who acted boldly, but it turns out you’re a coward. You always use my age as an excuse. You neither completely distance yourself from me nor are you willing to stick to your so-called moral bottom line. You want me to take the initiative in everything, and you don’t have any responsibility. You’re such a good person, and I’m the shameless one who keeps pestering you.”

Wu Bie was stunned by the scolding. It wasn’t that Zhanyan’s words were harsh, but she was absolutely right. He felt too guilty to refute her. Indeed, he was weak. He had always despised people who hesitated and couldn’t make decisions, who spoke of lofty responsibilities while thinking of shameful things.

“Zhanyan…”

“Are you so afraid of me because you lack confidence in yourself? Aren’t you very determined? If you’re so determined, why are you so hesitant? Shouldn’t nothing shake your inner resolve?”

Wu Bie was being confronted by a young girl for the first time, left speechless. He muttered, “Sorry.”

“Do you admit that you’ve been avoiding me?”

Now that it had come to this, Wu Bie couldn’t continue to deny it. “I’m avoiding you because I lack confidence.”

He was afraid that Zhanyan would see through his hypocritical nature, that his outwardly grandiose words hid a sordid heart.

Zhanyan, who had been like a firecracker, suddenly lost her aggressive demeanor. She spoke less fluently, “This… let’s leave it for now. Next time! Next time, if you do this again!”

Wu Bie perked up his ears, wanting to hear more, but Zhanyan seemed unsure of what to say next.

Wu Bie didn’t realize that it wasn’t him who should be feeling guilty but Huo Zhanyan himself. He liked Wu Bie, actively approached him, and pretended to be a woman in front of him. If it weren’t for this fabricated female identity, Wu Bie’s straight male temper would have driven him away long ago.

Huo Zhanyan didn’t dare to be truly harsh with Wu Bie. During these days without receiving any messages from him, he was anxious, unable to get angry, only worried and scared. He feared Wu Bie might sense something was wrong or that he really wanted to cut ties with him. He had imagined all sorts of possibilities.

He couldn’t bear to be ignored by Wu Bie, so he kept sending him messages. He hadn’t figured out what to do next, but at this moment, he just wanted to hear Wu Bie’s voice.

“Alright, alright, don’t be angry.” Wu Bie rarely spoke softly like this. He thought that comforting a young girl should be done this way. “I took a lot of videos and photos. I’ll send them to you.”

During the past half month, although Wu Bie had struggled internally and had even resolved not to contact Zhanyan, he still kept his promise and took many videos and photos. While thinking that they shouldn’t contact each other, he still looked forward to sharing them when he reached the shore.

Many of the photos were taken from the cockpit, with a broad view and spectacular scenery. Huo Zhanyan flipped through them one by one and asked, “What do you do on the boat?”

He wanted to understand Wu Bie, learn about every aspect of his life, from work to daily life, and about Wu Bie as a person.

“Me? Since I resigned from my previous job, I started a business with friends. We have hired staff on the boat. I don’t have a fixed position now.”

Zhanyan casually asked, “Are you the boss?”

“Kind of.” Wu Bie shyly tugged at his slightly scratchy hair. “I used to be the ship’s safety officer. Now I don’t have anything to do, so I help the current ship’s safety officer with work. Besides being responsible for the ship’s fire safety, I also rotate shifts with others.”

“The boss still has to work.”

Wu Bie chuckled, “I’m not really a big boss. Plus, being idle on the boat isn’t any better. It’s better to do some work to pass the time.”

Like Chen Xian, Wu Bie didn’t have any airs and could easily get along with the crew. People like them, who came from working-class backgrounds, didn’t see working as a loss. There’s work to do, and they get to eat.

“I started as a sailor too. There used to be a lot of work. After unloading the cargo, sailors had to sweep the deck. Now, this little bit of work doesn’t even count.”

Huo Zhanyan enjoyed hearing Wu Bie talk about these things; it helped him understand him better. Having flipped through all the photos, which were all of the scenery, he couldn’t help but ask, “Is that all?”

“Yeah, I’ve sent you everything. Is that not enough?”

It wasn’t that there weren’t enough photos, but out of all the videos and photos, there wasn’t a single one with Wu Bie in it. He had previously liked to take selfies.

“You didn’t send any short videos?”

Wu Bie answered proudly, “I’ll send them to you as soon as I reach the shore. There’s no time to upload videos.”

“But you used to be in a lot of the videos and photos. None of these have you in them.”

Wu Bie finally understood. “You want to see my photos?”

He didn’t expect the young girl to be so straightforward, not hiding her thoughts at all.

Wu Bie rummaged through his album. He hadn’t taken any recent selfies, and the ones he had previously taken were all sent.

“What to do? I really haven’t taken any recently.” At this moment, Wu Bie was lying on the bed, propped up on his arm. After turning off the phone, he saw his handsome face on the dark screen. He was confident about his appearance, so with a sudden thought, he said, “There aren’t any new ones. How about I video call you?” 

After speaking, Wu Bie didn’t hear Zhanyan’s response, and his heart sank. Originally laid-back, he got out of bed and kept replaying his tone of voice from earlier in his mind, wondering if he might have scared Zhanyan with his lewdness.

“Zhanyan? I was just teasing you.” Wu Bie was looking for any excuse to move on, but before he could, Zhanyan spoke up slowly.

“I’ve told you before, I’m not good-looking, and lying here in a hospital bed makes me look even worse. I’m afraid you’ll be disappointed.”

Wu Bie couldn’t stand hearing Zhanyan’s self-deprecation. “Why are you saying this again? Am I such a shallow person that I only care about looks? No matter what, you’re always beautiful.”

It seemed like his compliment reached Zhanyan, as Wu Bie heard her light laughter. But then she suddenly spoke again.

“But all your likes on your video account are for big-chested women doing suggestive dances.”

Wu Bie was taken aback and hurriedly checked his video app. Sure enough, his “likes” were all of beautiful women.

Damn, Wu Bie regretted it internally; he shouldn’t have liked them.

“This… this is just, well, everyone admires handsome men and beautiful women. It’s just appreciation, nothing more. I haven’t privately sought out these female streamers for contact information.” Wu Bie felt that as a single man, looking was harmless so he figured it was okay to look.

“Handsome men and beautiful women?” Zhanyan’s focus was always a bit strange. “Then why don’t you like any men?”

He wasn’t like Chen Xian and didn’t like men, so why would he like men’s content?

Wu Bie blurted out, “Why would I like men’s posts? I don’t like men.”