Blinded by Lust chapter 39

Wu Bie was fully awake now. He shook off Huo Zhanyan’s hand and coldly said, “Get lost.”

Huo Zhanyan knew staying wasn’t going to be easy. His wet, pleading eyes looked at Wu Bie, appearing utterly pitiful.

“So, what should I do? I can’t leave on my own. Either help me call an ambulance or call the police.”

By now, Huo Zhanyan had figured it out. Wu Bie was terrified of the neighbors finding out about their entanglement. An ambulance or police would cause too much commotion, and Wu Bie definitely wouldn’t agree to that.

“In your dreams. Crawl out by yourself.” Wu Bie sneered, “Didn’t you say you only had three hours?”

Huo Zhanyan sniffled, his breath hot. “I told the nurses I was going home. You know full well I can’t leave now. My motorcycle is still at your neighborhood gate. What will happen to it if I leave?” 

Wu Bie was both tipsy and a little tired. He could only process Huo Zhanyan’s current words. “I don’t care. If you’re going to die, do it somewhere else.”

Huo Zhanyan lowered his eyes, casting long shadows beneath his lashes. “Am I really so unforgivable, just because I like you?”

His pitiful words momentarily stunned Wu Bie, who had a heart of stone and was deeply homophobic. He was caught off guard by Huo Zhanyan’s question.

Seeing that Wu Bie wasn’t speaking, Huo Zhanyan continued playing the pity card. “I know I shouldn’t have lied to you, but if I didn’t, I’d have no chance of getting close to you.”

At this, Wu Bie’s alcohol-clouded mind finally started working again. He crouched down in front of Huo Zhanyan, grabbing his collar. “So you pretended to be a woman to fool me? I messaged you all the time like an idiot, trying to make you happy. You must’ve felt proud of yourself, huh? You think you won, didn’t you?”

“I never thought I won. Every day, I walked on eggshells. I wanted you to come back, but I was afraid of when you would. I truly like you. When you were caught in the typhoon, I was worried about you every day. Wu Bie, tell me, if I hadn’t pretended to be a woman, would you have responded if a man confessed his feelings for you?”

This was an unsolvable problem, as Huo Zhanyan had pointed out. If he hadn’t posed as a woman, Wu Bie never would’ve been in frequent contact with him. Wu Bie could never be flirtatious with a man, but Huo Zhanyan had exploited that loophole by pretending to be a woman, making Wu Bie develop feelings for him first.

Feelings, once invested, can’t simply be taken back. So every time Wu Bie saw the person who had deceived him, his heart filled with complicated emotions—he both hated Huo Zhanyan and couldn’t let go.

“What do I have to do for you to forgive me? I’m sincere, Wu Bie.”

Wu Bie didn’t know how to answer that. What had happened between him and Huo Zhanyan wasn’t about forgiveness. Even if he forgave Huo Zhanyan, could Huo Zhanyan give him back his “Zhanyan”?

“Wu Bie…”

Huo Zhanyan’s gaze was no different from when they’d video-chatted. Wu Bie stared into those familiar eyes, lost in thought, as if “Zhanyan” were the one pleading with him.

Huo Zhanyan knew he was being despicable, but he could sense Wu Bie’s wavering. He couldn’t afford to give up now.

“Wu Bie, tell me, what should I do? I only like you.”

Huo Zhanyan’s warm hand touched Wu Bie’s ankle again, the real sensation of body heat made Wu Bie lose his focus. He almost fell into Huo Zhanyan’s gaze. Without thinking, he muttered, “You’re not even a woman. What’s the point of saying this? Can you give me a girlfriend?”

Huo Zhanyan froze, and Wu Bie slipped away just like that. He watched Wu Bie walk into the bedroom, wondering if he truly had no chance.

But the next moment, Wu Bie came back out with a tracksuit.

“Go take a hot shower. The towels are in the bathroom cabinet. Then change into these clothes.” Wu Bie threw the clothes at Huo Zhanyan’s feet with a cold expression and placed some cold medicine and bottled water on the coffee table. “You can stay in the living room for the night. But if you try anything, I’ll throw you out the window. And you better be gone by dawn tomorrow.”

After he finished speaking, Wu Bie walked straight into the bedroom without looking back. He locked the door, took a shower in the bathroom, and finally regained his composure from his earlier lightheadedness.

Wu Bie turned off the shower and stood in front of the sink. Through the hazy mist, he saw his blurred reflection in the mirror. He shouldn’t have let Huo Zhanyan stay.

But what was said couldn’t be taken back, like spilled water. He couldn’t turn around and kick him out now.

Fine, just this once. Never again.

A knock on the door interrupted Wu Bie’s thoughts. He frowned instinctively. Apart from Huo Zhanyan, no one else could be knocking. He grabbed a towel to dry himself off, wrapped it around his waist, and walked to the door, stopping just before opening it to address Huo Zhanyan from behind the door.

“What do you want?”

After the hot shower and the medicine Wu Bie had given him, Huo Zhanyan was finally feeling better. He stood in front of Wu Bie’s tightly closed door. He knew Wu Bie wouldn’t come out again tonight.

But he had so much he wanted to say to Wu Bie. The opportunity to be alone like this was rare, and who knew if there would be another chance? He didn’t want to miss it. Summoning his courage, he knocked on the door again.

“What do you want?”

Wu Bie’s impatience was expected. Huo Zhanyan didn’t feel embarrassed, and instead, a strange feeling of intimacy arose from how well he understood Wu Bie.

“Are you asleep?”

“Are you an idiot? It’s the middle of the night. If I’m not sleeping, what do you think I’m doing?”

“I want to talk to you for a bit.”

“Talk my ass. Don’t push your luck.”

Huo Zhanyan sat cross-legged on the floor. Though he was feeling better, the fever hadn’t fully subsided, and sitting down made it easier to talk.

“I know you don’t want to open the door. We can talk through the door.”

There was no response from inside. After all, Wu Bie wouldn’t open the door, and he couldn’t physically stop Huo Zhanyan from talking.

Taking a deep breath, Huo Zhanyan started to speak. “From the first time I saw your video, I was attracted to you. But it wasn’t just lust, Wu Bie, do you understand? There are many good-looking people in the world, but you felt different to me—so full of life, energy, and strength. Especially after getting to know you, you proved me right. Every time I talked to you, I couldn’t help but feel happy. My chest would tighten, and my blood would race. I’ve wanted to tell you many times that I’m a man, but I knew what would happen if I told you, so I didn’t dare. I kept waiting for the right moment, hoping you’d accept it better if I did it at the right time. But you came back so suddenly, and I wasn’t prepared at all. It’s true I pretended to be a woman, but my feelings for you were real.”

The room was silent, as if Huo Zhanyan were talking to the door itself. He didn’t know if Wu Bie was still listening, but he continued anyway. “You blocked me. You stopped posting on your video account. You cut off all the ways I could contact you. I had no choice but to come find you. I know it looks desperate and clingy, but I can’t just give up.”

Huo Zhanyan glanced at the tightly shut door, which felt as closed off as Wu Bie’s heart. He let out a bitter laugh. “You probably won’t believe me, but you’re really my first love.”

As time passed, Huo Zhanyan realized Wu Bie wouldn’t respond. He stood up with a forced lightness. “That’s all I wanted to say. I’m going to sleep now. Goodnight.”

Outside, Huo Zhanyan’s footsteps grew fainter until they disappeared. Wu Bie let out a slow breath, pulled off the towel around his waist, and turned to his wardrobe to find some pajamas.

He hadn’t said a word, but he had heard everything Huo Zhanyan had said. What troubled him was that his feelings were real, and Huo Zhanyan’s feelings were real too. Every day they spent on video calls was real, but the deception was also real.

Saying he was his first love? Ridiculous. What, was Wu Bie supposed to take responsibility for this virgin? And who would take responsibility for him? Who would take responsibility for the feelings he had invested?

Wu Bie put on his pajamas and rolled into bed with a heavy heart. In the darkness, he opened his hand, grasping at the air. Huo Zhanyan had said he genuinely liked him. But didn’t Wu Bie also genuinely like “Zhanyan”?

That night, Wu Bie didn’t sleep well. Perhaps it was because something was on his mind. He woke up early and checked his phone—7 a.m.

Who knows if Huo Zhanyan had left yet. Wu Bie got up quickly, opened the door, and happened to run into Huo Zhanyan, who had just finished washing up in the bathroom.

First thing in the morning, Wu Bie, still half-asleep and disheveled, exchanged a glance with Huo Zhanyan—a bit of an awkward moment.

“You’re awake, Ge.”

Huo Zhanyan’s hair was still dripping wet, and with his pitiful look, he resembled a wet puppy. Wu Bie quickly looked away, pretending not to notice.

Wu Bie didn’t say anything, and Huo Zhanyan didn’t feel awkward. He took the initiative. “My fever’s gone, thanks to your medicine.”

“Then get lost.”

Such a temper first thing in the morning. The veins on Wu Bie’s forehead were starting to pop. Huo Zhanyan wanted to reach out and touch them, but he didn’t dare. Wu Bie looked like he had morning grumpiness, and if Huo Zhanyan dared to touch him, he might end up with broken limbs.

“Are you going to work? I can give you a ride on my motorcycle.”

Wu Bie sneered. “It’s the weekend. Take your crappy motorcycle and leave.”

Crappy? His motorcycle was the latest model.

“If you don’t want to add me on WeChat, that’s fine. But can you at least start updating your video account again?”

There was nothing for Wu Bie to film now that he was off the ship, but he didn’t feel like explaining that to Huo Zhanyan. “Are you done? You can leave now.”

“What about the clothes?”

“Leave them. Take your own ragged clothes with you.”

So heartless. Huo Zhanyan had thought he could use the excuse of returning clothes to see Wu Bie again.

“I’m leaving, then.” Huo Zhanyan didn’t close the door and kept glancing back as he waited for the elevator.

Just as the elevator arrived, and before Huo Zhanyan could close the door, Chen Xian’s door suddenly opened. But it wasn’t Chen Xian who came out—it was a young, handsome stranger.