Blazing fire is hard to extinguish chapter 43
Happy New Year
The fireworks had all gone out, leaving only the faint scent of plum blossoms mixed with a hint of smoke, lingering in the air.
Lin Chi looked at Li Tingyan with intense eyes.
He was the one confessing, yet his face showed no fear or hesitation, but rather, as if a deity had descended every time he walked the runway.
It seemed like he wasn’t seeking Li Tingyan’s approval, but merely declaring the matter.
He said, “I know you might find it strange, feeling that this confession is sudden. Because I can’t even explain why I fell for you; at first, I really wasn’t moved by you at all.”
Lin Chi laughed as he spoke.
To be honest, he missed that carefree self. He really didn’t care who Li Tingyan had in his heart or how ambiguous his gaze might be.
Li Tingyan was just a satisfactory casual partner for him.
Outside of their intimate moments, they were like two drifting leaves, easily separated by the flow of water.
But now, while Li Tingyan still maintained his boundaries, it felt as if countless branches had grown on him, constantly yearning to get closer to Li Tingyan.
It was a bit embarrassing.
Lin Chi continued, “The first time I realized I had feelings for you was when you rushed to Changyu County. The moment I opened the door and saw you.”
He still remembered the shock of that moment.
Li Tingyan looked at him, his eyes deep and dark, like the opening scene of a movie or the ending of a story that provokes thought.
“Actually, you shouldn’t have come.”
Lin Chi’s brows were lowered, but his lips were helplessly curved upwards.
“If you hadn’t come, if I hadn’t opened the door to the old house, with my dullness, I might never have realized that I love you.”
“But you came, and from that day, I suddenly realized that my feelings for you weren’t simple. I wanted to have you, possess you, make you my own. I developed a lot of greed for you.”
Li Tingyan listened in silence, only now moving slightly.
His gaze fell, noticing Lin Chi’s fingers, which were slightly reddened from the cold wind. If it were before, he would have held Lin Chi’s hand and led him back inside.
However, in this situation, it was clear he was not suited to do anything.
He looked back at Lin Chi.
The moonlight illuminated the shadows of the trees, rustling on the ground.
Lin Chi wore a soft, dark blue embroidered robe, highlighting his clean, jade-like skin, his tall figure, and his striking features. Standing in the lush winter garden, he seemed like the embodiment of a flower deity, causing ripples in anyone’s heart who met his gaze.
Li Tingyan was the same.
From the day they met, he had never escaped the allure of those eyes.
Lin Chi’s words about possessing him, owning him, were hard to tolerate given his character.
Yet, hearing Lin Chi say this, he remained silent, unable even to feel anger.
Lin Chi stared at the drooping chrysanthemum embroidery on the corridor pillar and said softly, “Actually, I thought about ending things with you, not even being friends with benefits. I didn’t really want to fall in love either. There’s nothing good about it, because another person can affect your emotions, fascinate you, control you. It’s a terrifying thing. So after we came back from Changyu County, I suggested moving out.”
“But you brought me back.”
Lin Chi looked away from the chrysanthemum embroidery on the corridor pillar and back at Li Tingyan.
He also felt quite helpless.
He said to Li Tingyan, “See, I told you, you shouldn’t have gone to the nightclub to find me at that time.”
His entanglement with Li Tingyan had many “shouldn’t haves.”
Li Tingyan shouldn’t care about him so much, shouldn’t be so gentle with him.
Shouldn’t have watched his play, shouldn’t have celebrated his birthday with him.
Shouldn’t have helped him deal with family matters, shouldn’t have personally taken care of him.
…
Most of all, he shouldn’t have appeared outside his room quietly on New Year’s Eve, just to spend the night crossing into the new year with him.
Li Tingyan did everything he shouldn’t have.
So now, there was no way to end it.
Lin Chi looked at Li Tingyan, the moonlight and the shadows of the trees fell on Li Tingyan’s face, casting an unclear expression, his eyes caught the moonlight, seemingly affectionate, but his face hidden in the shadows appeared indifferent.
He said, “Now I can’t turn back. When I was clueless, it was fine, happily being friends with benefits, taking what we needed from each other. But once I became aware, every day by your side, I was swayed, trying to find evidence that maybe you liked me too. This is too tormenting. So, even if the timing is wrong, even if you might not like me back, I still want to tell you, I like you.”
This was also his way of cutting off his own retreat.
Dragging it out was really pointless.
He always made real decisions quickly; when he was eighteen, it took him only twenty minutes to pack his bags and head off to an unfamiliar city, leaving everything in Changyu County behind.
When Huo Yuning discovered him on the street and decided to sign with her, it took only an hour.
And now, he didn’t want to wait either.
He didn’t want to be indecisive, interpreting every look Li Tingyan cast his way. It was too agonizing, too humiliating; he was never a hesitant person.
So regardless, acceptance or rejection.
He needed a clear answer.
But now he was very patient, quietly waiting for Li Tingyan’s response.
….
Li Tingyan, however, did not answer for a long time. His shadow on the ground was drawn out, lonely and long.
To say he hadn’t noticed Lin Chi’s feelings at all, he wasn’t that oblivious.
But before Lin Chi explicitly said it, he always suspected it might just be his own arrogance and presumption.
After all, this was Lin Chi.
This was the Lin Chi who had been through countless experiences, never tainted by any of them.
From the day they met, he had been witnessing Lin Chi’s charm, Lin Chi’s casualness, and even the wanderlust in Lin Chi’s nature.
He never thought Lin Chi would actually stop for him.
But now, Lin Chi clearly told him, he liked him.
Li Tingyan’s eyelashes fluttered slightly; he had never felt so conflicted.
He didn’t have much experience with love, his only experience was a failed crush.
But even so, it took him over a year to barely confirm that he had feelings for Xu Mu.
And that low-key crush, not only did it not take root, it silently withered away. Xu Mu had spent many solitary years by his side, but he never thought of confessing.
By nature, he wasn’t a passionate person.
His emotions and fluctuations were like water, cold and quiet, flowing by without a sound.
Compared to momentary pleasure and passion, long-term consequences and pros and cons were what he cared about.
He didn’t think confessing to Xu Mu would yield any good results, so he preferred to let time pass him by in vain.
So now, with Lin Chi standing in front of him, clearly saying he liked him.
He really couldn’t respond.
Did he like Lin Chi?
Li Tingyan asked himself.
He didn’t know.
He hadn’t even thought about the question. He liked Lin Chi living in his villa, like a beautiful gem perfectly placed on the most beautiful crown, and he could see it whenever he came home.
He also liked Lin Chi’s enthusiasm, liveliness, even his casualness, liked that Lin Chi never followed rules, always carefree and easygoing.
The endless vitality, confidence, and flamboyance in Lin Chi were enough to attract everyone.
So he truly admired him.
Even if they didn’t have that intimate relationship, just as individuals, he would admire Lin Chi.
He was willing to protect him under his wing, willing to stay by his side and see him shine.
But was that love?
Was this enough to support him in making promises to Lin Chi, to reciprocate Lin Chi’s passionate and sincere feelings?
He couldn’t say.
The garden fell into a dead silence.
Li Tingyan’s long silence was already like another kind of answer to Lin Chi.
He couldn’t help rubbing his arm, even though he didn’t seem to feel cold.
His nails dug into his palm, and he forced a smile, his voice a little hoarse, “If you don’t know how to answer me…”
Then forget it.
But before he could say this, Li Tingyan interrupted him.
“I am indeed very surprised that you would confess to me.”
Li Tingyan said softly.
He looked up, staring straight at Lin Chi, his eyes serious and intense.
He was still very gentle and dignified, probably the kind of gentle senior who would be surrounded and adored during school days, always giving people respect.
“I can’t give you an answer right away. I need to think seriously for a few days, is that okay?”
Lin Chi’s heart sank slowly, but meeting Li Tingyan’s gaze, he slowly smiled.
He thought, this was indeed a Li Tingyan-style answer.
Thoughtful, always leaving room, love seemed to be there, but coldness was mixed in.
He wasn’t surprised at all, even though deep down, there was still a faint sense of disappointment.
“Okay,” Lin Chi replied crisply and decisively, “Take your time to consider, no rush.”
They walked back to the room from the garden covered in flowers and trees, taking the side stairs that led directly to Lin Chi’s balcony. The stairs were a bit slippery, and Li Tingyan instinctively reached out his hand to Lin Chi.
But Lin Chi just smiled at him, sidestepped him, and walked up the steps himself.
Back inside, he shook off the snow and wind from his body and poured a cup of hot tea for himself and Li Tingyan.
From start to finish, he remained very calm, without a trace of nervousness that a confessor might show.
Those unaware might even think he was the one with the power to judge.
Around five in the morning, Li Tingyan had to take the car back. There were a bunch of matters waiting for him at the Li family’s old mansion.
Lin Chi came out to see him off.
The snow was still falling.
Li Tingyan’s driver was already in position. Li Tingyan sat in the back seat, lowered the window, and met Lin Chi’s eyes.
Lin Chi stood outside the window with his arms crossed.
He looked at Li Tingyan, seeing him unusually silent, even somewhat troubled, as if not knowing what to say to him.
Lin Chi smiled.
Just like many times before.
Ignoring the presence of others.
He leaned down, placed his fingers on the car window, leaned in, and kissed Li Tingyan on the side of his face.
“Happy New Year.”
He said it gracefully.