Blazing fire is hard to extinguish chapter 25
Sense of Security
Lin Chi scratched his face, unsure how to explain to Li Tingyan.
Their makeshift family was truly complicated.
Talking about kindness, he indeed had some, but he didn’t just give it freely to anyone.
Lin Zhaofeng and he had long been estranged, the father-son bond worn away by years of quarrels and violence.
Yet just now, watching the person lying in the hospital bed, he remembered how vibrant Lin Zhaofeng had once been.
Back then, Lin Zhaofeng was still young, in his thirties, with a handsome and dignified face, walking with a straight posture, and would lift him up when he entered the house.
At that time, Lin Zhaofeng was a role model in the neighborhood, a stroke of “good fortune” brought to their family.
Lin Chi sighed, looking at Li Tingyan in the mirror, casually revealing his own origins.
“Lin Zhaofeng and I, we don’t actually share any blood relation, but before I was ten years old, he did take care of me with all his heart. So now that he’s at the end, I’m just here to see him off.”
But that’s all there was to it.
Rest in peace.
That’s the last bit of mercy he could offer Lin Zhaofeng.
At these words, Li Tingyan paused in wiping his face, turning to look at Lin Chi with surprise.
In the lamplight, Lin Chi’s face was shrouded in a hazy shadow, resembling a natural piece of art meticulously outlined.
Indeed, such a face was quite different from Lin Zhaofeng’s.
Lin Chi smiled at Li Tingyan and said, “Surprised, aren’t you? I’m actually his illegitimate child. My biological father passed away before I was born.”
After Li Tingyan finished washing up, they both lay down on Lin Chi’s uncomfortable, hard bed.
The room was simple, yet the furniture was large, easily accommodating two grown men on a single bed.
But Lin Chi’s room had no air conditioning, and it was winter, freezing cold enough for ice to form, so they had to rely on thick quilts to keep warm.
Lin Chi didn’t mind.
He had grown up in this rundown old house, accustomed to the glamorous yet superficial life of the fashion circle, but it hadn’t erased his inherent adaptability.
Li Tingyan, however, was different.
Lin Chi glanced at Li Tingyan’s noble and aloof face, thinking that this young master had probably never experienced such hardship.
He smirked and simply burrowed into Li Tingyan’s arms under the covers.
“Tonight, you’ll have to make do with me. Let’s squeeze together to keep warm.”
He nestled into Li Tingyan’s embrace, letting him hold him close.
Lin Chi had a faint scent of cheap soap on him, the kind sold in the nearby small supermarket, but the subtle jasmine fragrance on him made him seem fresh and gentle.
Li Tingyan held this person in his arms, feeling somewhat uneasy.
Lin Chi’s body was not large but tall, fitting perfectly in his arms.
His chin brushed against Lin Chi’s forehead; if he lowered his head slightly, he could kiss Lin Chi’s brows and eyes.
Normally, when the two were entangled in a hotel, he wouldn’t feel anything amiss. But here, in this remote town, in this dilapidated old house, in the bitter cold, they could only huddle together under thick quilts.
It felt…
Like a pair of distressed lovers.
This description flashed through Li Tingyan’s mind, seeming absurd, yet he couldn’t help but smile faintly.
He gently sniffed the jasmine scent from Lin Chi’s hair and asked softly, “You just mentioned that you’re… an illegitimate child. What’s the story behind that?”
Lin Chi was poking around for his phone from Li Tingyan’s embrace on the bed.
After retrieving his phone and snuggling back into Li Tingyan’s arms, he lifted his head, looking perfectly natural, as if Li Tingyan’s question was odd.
“Isn’t it obvious?” He said casually, smiling, “Lin Zhaofeng is actually my stepfather. He and my mom were once lovers, but they didn’t end up together. My biological father was a teacher who unfortunately passed away before I was born, leaving just my mom and me in her belly for two months.”
Lin Chi paused for a moment.
He had never met his biological father, but from old photos, he knew they had similar eyes.
His mother had often told him that his father was a gentle and reserved man.
Looking at Li Tingyan with eyes similar to his father’s, Lin Chi continued, “You see, Lin Zhaofeng and my mom initially had a romantic love story. It was tough for a pregnant widow in those days. Lin Zhaofeng wasn’t married yet, and despite great pressure, he married her, vowing to treat her child as his own, and never have another.”
“And he did exactly that.”
Lin Chi chuckled, finding it amusing. Who would have thought this would be the only promise Lin Zhaofeng kept.
Throughout his life, Lin Zhaofeng never had biological children, only Lin Chi in the family register.
So when he was young, the neighbors said his mom might have had a rough life, but she was blessed after all.
Lin Zhaofeng loved her, and loved his non-biological child, even persuading his own parents to treat the child as their grandchild.
Lin Chi remembered how Lin Zhaofeng used to come back from selling goods out of town, bringing back all sorts of beautiful toys and candies, making him the envy of the county.
His mother even scolded Lin Zhaofeng for spoiling him too much.
But people change quickly.
Good times don’t last long.
These days of happiness lasted only ten years. Lin Zhaofeng started gambling at some point, and a few years later, he fell into chaotic places and got addicted to drugs.
Thinking of this, Lin Chi lay down, suddenly feeling heavy in his stomach.
Sometimes people are just that complicated.
Lin Zhaofeng’s vices, brutality, and mistreatments were all real.
But his former sincerity and love were real too.
Lin Chi leaned against Li Tingyan’s chest, his back against Li Tingyan’s chest. Li Tingyan was tall and sturdy; he nestled inside, feeling Li Tingyan’s body warmth, feeling unexpectedly calm.
He said to him, “You see, nothing in this world remains unchanged. Back then, everyone praised Lin Zhaofeng. But later he fell into gambling, drug addiction, and even domestic violence, completely changing beyond recognition.”
“When I was in junior high, I was naive, hoping he would change. But as I grew older, all I wanted was to take my mom away.”
“But in the end, I didn’t take her with me.”
The family he cared most about had already left him.
The “father” he both detested and once relied on was also gone now.
Ashes to ashes, dust to dust.
The world that belonged to him before seventeen seemed to collapse completely at this moment, kicking up a cloud of dust that hung like a mysterious fog, causing him, at the age of twenty-three, to still cough incessantly.
Lin Chi fell silent for a moment but couldn’t hold back. He withdrew from Li Tingyan’s embrace and fetched a cigarette from the bedside.
He held the cigarette in his mouth and apologized to Li Tingyan, “Sorry, I’m craving a smoke today. Don’t mind me.”
Li Tingyan didn’t care at all. He took the lighter from Lin Chi’s hand and clicked it, lighting the cigarette for him.
A faint smoke rose.
The menthol cigarette felt especially icy in the cold weather, but the flame from the lighter was so warm, reflecting off Lin Chi’s deep and handsome face.
He always spoke about himself in a calm manner.
He was only twenty-three years old.
Many people at this age were still hiding in ivory towers, but he seemed to have already been through it all, nothing could easily shake him.
But looking at his face, Li Tingyan felt that he was still very young.
At least, that’s how it seemed to him.
Lin Chi lifted his eyes, meeting Li Tingyan’s gaze. Li Tingyan held him a little tighter, his fingers tracing the inner side of Lin Chi’s wrist.
There was an old scar there, now faded to a light brown mark.
Li Tingyan asked softly, “Did Lin Zhaofeng hit you too?”
In fact, Lin Chi had several other scars on his body, but they were shallow and had been operated on, so they were barely visible.
But Li Tingyan was too familiar with him. He had kissed almost every inch of his skin.
Lin Chi took a drag on his cigarette and murmured, “Hmm.”
He said, “He completely changed later, became a gambler and an addict. How could he be rational? He even hit his own parents. My mom protected me at that time, so I didn’t get hit much.”
But his mom suffered a lot.
So at that time, he always hated himself for being too thin and weak to protect her.
Thinking of this, Lin Chi lowered his eyes, a corner of his heart still aching.
Li Tingyan unconsciously tightened his grip on Lin Chi’s wrist.
His fingers traced the scar on his wrist, eyes slightly lowered, his expression cold, his resentment and disgust towards Lin Zhaofeng reaching its peak.
If it were him, Lin Zhaofeng wouldn’t have an easy burial.
But Lin Chi seemed to know what he was thinking.
With a cigarette held delicately in his slender fingers, he leaned against Li Tingyan’s shoulder, exhaling smoke slowly.
He tilted his head back, his long neck fragile and beautiful like a swan’s.
This desolate old house, this remote and quiet Changyu County.
This makeshift “home” that had given him both pain and warmth.
It defined his first seventeen years of life, and even though he loathed it, he couldn’t escape it.
He told Li Tingyan, “Besides dealing with Lin Zhaofeng’s funeral this time, I also want to move my mom’s grave. I’ve been thinking about doing this for the past two years, but Lin Zhaofeng always prevented it, and I didn’t have the time to fight with him long-term. Now it’s resolved.”
Life is so unpredictable.
God is truly the most unexpected playwright.
Lin Chi stared at the bedroom rafters. “So I’ll still take care of Lin Zhaofeng’s affairs after his death. He’s not my biological father anyway, and he has no obligation or responsibility towards me, but he dutifully raised me for ten years, so I owe him that. I also supported him for a few years, so now that I’m sending him off, we’re even.”
People die like extinguishing lights.
Resentments are resolved.
He would take his mom away from here forever, never to return.
After saying all this, Lin Chi felt tired.
He had spent the night on a high-speed train and a bus, then several hours in the hospital, and he was already exhausted.
But he had gotten used to this fatigue, enduring it all without realizing.
Until Li Tingyan knocked on the door, he had been thinking about his mom’s grave and how to handle Lin Zhaofeng’s affairs tomorrow.
He suppressed a lot in his heart.
Entering this old residence, the shadows of the past descended like a drizzle, enveloping him and making him feel cold all over.
But he stubbornly insisted on staying in this old house, displaying a youthful recklessness and stubbornness unique to young people, determined to prove that he was fearless now.
Even though he was alone.
He wasn’t afraid to come back here.
But…
Lin Chi closed his eyes.
He had to admit that when he saw Li Tingyan outside the door just now, besides surprise, there was also an unexpected sense of relief.
His light, hollow, and confused heart suddenly sank back into his chest.
In the vast night, Li Tingyan was like the only ray of light.
Seeing Li Tingyan, he suddenly felt exhausted, as if he had finally found an oasis after a long journey.
He knew he could finally let go.
Even if he was tired, weak, and panicked, there was someone who had traveled a long way just to be there for him.